bloppy Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 It has been about a year & 1/2 since D-day and I am still obsessing. I am so tired of it. It creeps in the minute I wake up. I try to ignore but it keeps returning. I can't seem to get away from it. There are reminders everywhere! It does not help that my H still works with the OW & the fact that the OW had a child with him. He says the only contact is about work or if the child has a doctors appointment which he has to pay half of the bill. I just want to know if it will get easier. I went through a period where I could "control" all of the thoughts and keep them at bay but lately it has been overwhelming. Please tell me it gets easier!! Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 It has been about a year & 1/2 since D-day and I am still obsessing. I am so tired of it. It creeps in the minute I wake up. I try to ignore but it keeps returning. I can't seem to get away from it. There are reminders everywhere! It does not help that my H still works with the OW & the fact that the OW had a child with him. He says the only contact is about work or if the child has a doctors appointment which he has to pay half of the bill. I just want to know if it will get easier. I went through a period where I could "control" all of the thoughts and keep them at bay but lately it has been overwhelming. Please tell me it gets easier!! Well, controlling feelings doesn't always work. They come back with a vengeance. And another child to deal with? I am so sorry you are going through this. Have you guys gone to MC or IC? You are not that far from DDAY. In fact, I remember growing really, really angry during the second year. You have a lot on your plate. What is your support system? Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Combining the fact that he works with the OM and he had a child with her must be absolutely maddening. Is there any chance that he could find another job? At least that would remove daily conctact with her. Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Hi Bloppy, One and a half years from D Day is not that long really, and added to that, the child and continued, even if it is necessary contact it is no wonder you are having a hard time. I don't know how to deal with all that you have to cope with and I wouldn't label it an obsession, I would call it an understandable feeling of anger, sadness, loss and all the other emotions that most of us BS experience after their WS have an A, so you are not alone in that. As for the child, do you anticipate that at some point your H will/should be a father in more than financial terms? Are you able/going to be involved in this? it might make it easier to deal with as the contact with the XOW will then be with you both. Don't know how I would handle it, I hope there are other XBS who have experience of this who will chip in and offer some constructive advicce and support. Like Spark said, it is early days still, it used to occupy my every waking thought, I would try stuffing them back into the 'don't go there' box, but they just spilled out. In the end I just needed to control how and when they escaped, so I pulled them all out, looked at what I could change, what I needed to put in place to help me to manage those thought. Spoke with my H so he and I could work together to deal with it and went from there. It got to a stage when I got so dammed sick of pulling the same things out that I ended up saying to myself, I have dealt with that bit, no need to go there anymore and so on. I hope you have support, someone to talk to, it is a shame that your H cannot move to another job. Take care Bloopy, keep posting here, there are some very helpful people here. Seren x Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloppy Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 We did MC for a while but we have been quite busy & it is hard to get to the meetings & find babysitters etc. I wish he could get a new job but he has been there for so long and there are not many job opps for his field in our area & I do not want to move because all of my family lives here. The OW had talked about finding a new but I think she was just trying to make him feel sorry for her. I pretty much believe him when he says they only have contact about work because the only emails are work related & she no longer texts him. I think she finally gave up trying to get him back. It has been about 6 months since the last email that was not about work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloppy Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 As far as my H having contact with the child I told him that the child could come to our house for visitation because I did not want my H to come back years from now and blame me for not seeing his child. I realise that it is not the childs fault that he was born into this situation. The OW wanted my H to go to her house to visit with the child but that will NEVER happen. She went on for about a year wanting to talk to my H about visitation. My H & I even agreed to have a meeting with her & her therapist about visitation. I don't know what her therapist would have to do with visitation but we agreed to go. For some reason she thought that my home would not be a safe place for her child. God only knows what my H told her about me. But anyway one day she sent an email and said not to worry about the meeting so that is the last we have heard of it. In my opinion the only reason she kept on about it was she wanted to get my H alone away from work and me. I believe that the only reason she had the child was to try to get my H to leave me. No grown woman who has been taking the pill for years all of the sudden starts not liking the way they make her feel and just quits taking it. Then not tell the person you are sleeping with that you quit. She was just asking to get knocked up. If you can't tell I still have a lot of angry towards her. I know I'm not supposed to blame her but she dove headfirst into that situation. I don't think I would blame her as much if she hadn't known he was married. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 WHY is your husband still working with her? Why is he not getting another job? How can you be 100% sure that is she keep on offer him sex, he will turn it down? How can you be sure that they don't do it during lunch once every two months when he can't resist and whe she offers it in the back of her car seat or at a local motel? Link to post Share on other sites
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