Hi from a 'happy OW'

[TinaniT]

I consider myself a triathlete (Ironman) first, but running is my favorite as a solo discipline. Have done several marathons and an ultra. Boston has been my favorite though it darn near broke my wallet! Have you gone?

[donnamaybe]

well then with any luck, someday you will get married, and some "happy OW" will be riding your husband.

Doesn't this belong in the "karma" thread?

[BB07]

If you are happy......then I'm not here to tell you that you aren't but I'm on a journey myself and I'm learning...........

 

Happiness shouldn't come at someone's expense or heartbreak.

I shouldn't have to deceive someone else or myself trying to find happy.

Convincing myself that I'm OK with accepting less than is not the path to happiness either.

[26pointblue]

Great post, blue! This makes a lot of sense. I really agree with the last part about forcing NC before really being ready to break things off permanently. That can be a very personal process, and one that can take longer or shorter, depending on many things.

 

For all its worth, I'm with you, I feel you are approaching this in a good way.

 

And that's cool that you are dating. Does this create problems between you?

 

Regarding dating. He wasn't at all happy about it at first. He still isn't happy about it but he accepts it. He realizes I can't just sit around waiting on him when he's married. Thank you for the well wishes, I am happy to have 'met' you and I wish you well too! :-)

[26pointblue]

Hey 26,

 

that post comes across as so honest - I don't mean just honest with us, but it seems like you're really honest with yourself about what your MM can or can not give to you, and you recognize all that.

 

I say good for you. Good for you for doing things on YOUR time, good for you for keeping your options open and dating, good for you for being realistic about your MMs limitations.

 

If you're happy and at peace with it all - then I'm happy for you

 

Thanks, tigercub. I don't think I was always honest with myself during this relationship, but now that I am, it's much easier. Oh & I don't mind the threadjack if that's what you wanna call it. Talk away. I'm glad you're happy too! :-)

[26pointblue]

well then with any luck, someday you will get married, and some "happy OW" will be riding your husband.

 

Well I sure hope you feel better now that you got that off your chest?

 

And for the record I don't buy the 'logic' behind that statement. I'm sure there are lots of women whose husbands are 'riding' OWs who weren't previously OWs. Also I'm sure there are lots of prior OWs whose husbands aren't riding OWs. But thanks for the well wishes [ha ha]. I don't care to get into cat-fights. :-)

[26pointblue]

If you are happy......then I'm not here to tell you that you aren't but I'm on a journey myself and I'm learning...........

 

Happiness shouldn't come at someone's expense or heartbreak.

I shouldn't have to deceive someone else or myself trying to find happy.

Convincing myself that I'm OK with accepting less than is not the path to happiness either.

 

I'm happy that you learned that for yourself & I thank you for the advice. To the extent that you're implying that I'm deceiving myself or convincing myself that I'm ok with accepting less, I don't feel that I am at all. I was deceiving myself when I thought everything would work like instant soup & we'd suddenly be a real couple. As I've said, I am happier with things like this than when he left & there was a lot of back & forth. I know exactly what's going on & I'm ok with it for the time being. When I'm not ok with it anymore, or he isn't, we'll be done. Or maybe he'll be with me. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm happy for you that you're learning on your journey. :-)

[BB07]

I'm happy that you learned that for yourself & I thank you for the advice. To the extent that you're implying that I'm deceiving myself or convincing myself that I'm ok with accepting less, I don't feel that I am at all. I was deceiving myself when I thought everything would work like instant soup & we'd suddenly be a real couple. As I've said, I am happier with things like this than when he left & there was a lot of back & forth. I know exactly what's going on & I'm ok with it for the time being. When I'm not ok with it anymore, or he isn't, we'll be done. Or maybe he'll be with me. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm happy for you that you're learning on your journey. :-)

 

Thank you 26point! I guess it did seem that I was implying you were deceiving yourself and maybe I was a bit because one of your posts took me back to a time when I did deceive myself and I guess I was mirroring what you wrote. I apologize.

[26pointblue]

Thank you 26point! I guess it did seem that I was implying you were deceiving yourself and maybe I was a bit because one of your posts took me back to a time when I did deceive myself and I guess I was mirroring what you wrote. I apologize.

 

No problem. Just wanted to clarify. :-)

[Bouey]

Hello 26pointblue

 

I just wanted to say that I admire your honesty and your attitude towards your A with your MM. I feel that I can relate to everything that you've said in your posts.

 

Thanks for being so clear about how you feel. It just makes me feel even more comfortable in my A's. Yes A's.... I'm currently involved with 2 married men at the same time. No they don't know each other, but they know of each other. I'm just having my cake and eating it too. : )

[Carrot2000]

This man must have a big a$$ d*ck to have two women who are willing to accept whatever he dishes out!

[26pointblue]

I consider myself a triathlete (Ironman) first, but running is my favorite as a solo discipline. Have done several marathons and an ultra. Boston has been my favorite though it darn near broke my wallet! Have you gone?

 

I haven't been to Boston; I'm not fast enough! I've run about ten marathons all over the US though. I also run half marathons & actually like them better because I feel like I can 'conquer' them instead of just 'survive' them. But 13pointblue doesn't make any sense ha ha. (My eyes are blue, hence the play on words). I bet you had a blast in Boston!

[26pointblue]

Hello 26pointblue

 

I just wanted to say that I admire your honesty and your attitude towards your A with your MM. I feel that I can relate to everything that you've said in your posts.

 

Thanks for being so clear about how you feel. It just makes me feel even more comfortable in my A's. Yes A's.... I'm currently involved with 2 married men at the same time. No they don't know each other, but they know of each other. I'm just having my cake and eating it too. : )

 

Hi Bouey. Wow I couldn't even imagine being involved with two. I was at first going to say I don't think that's what I'm doing ['having my cake & eating it too'] but on second thought, maybe I am, because I have the benefits of the affair without having to deal with any of the drama.

 

On the other hand, I feel more prepared to deal with the fall-out if it does happen. MM came over last night & we were talking & he said he senses something different in me 'this time around.' That I feel feel confident in us for the first time ever. I can see why he said that. I feel that as I became more aware & honest with myself, I took more responsibility for my own part in this & my own actions. In the past, I wanted MM to just totally leave & come be with me, but not FOR me but because he was really done with his marriage, and I didn't want to feel responsible for his wife getting hurt, I didn't want guilt, I worried what people would say, I was afraid if we didn't work out I'd look foolish or he would resent me forever & on & on & on. I wanted him to handle everything & to just be magically in a real relationship with him. When trouble came I pretty much ran away. Now I realize that if we're going to work out, there is going to be big fall-out, and it is necessary to be together. Yes his wife will be hurt [but she is being hurt now, & both are partly due to me], yes people are going to talk about me, yes there's a chance we won't work out, but, now I see that love is a risk, & all of that is necessary to be together. I also realize that he may not be able to do it. So for now I'm having my cake & eating it too but if he decides to leave, I'm all in this time. I will not be having my cake & eating it too because there will be some serious repurcussions for me [whereas now, I have none at all]. It's stange, but it's kind of like, the more I accept the affair for what it is instead of wanting him to change it into something else, the more I realize I have to accept that if he does leave, we are going to go through a bunch of hell for awhile, & I have to be able to handle that. I think I am, & he senses it. No, I'm not deluding myself into thinking he's definitely going to leave. But I feel like we have a better chance of it actually working out now that I'm totally on board.

 

I know this probably wasn't the point your post was trying to make, but, just wanted to share where I'm at. Thanks for your input.

[26pointblue]

This man must have a big a$$ d*ck to have two women who are willing to accept whatever he dishes out!

 

Well, now that you mention it... he does.

 

And while I'm not saying that MM is a saint, he doesn't 'dish out' things for me to accept. Sure, in the past when I broke things off he would try everything in the book to get me back but the last time he accepted that I was going to move on & he couldn't have me because he was married. So now he is just grateful to have me back in his life, as I am grateful to have him back in my life, & he is a lot more understanding and accepting that I am single just as he is married. And he has always been very very sweet to me. So I don't feel that I'm accepting what he 'dishes out.' I think we are both just accepting the limitations of the relationship for now & knowing that if one of us wants out, it's over, but for now we are enjoying it & being good to each other. I think he is very good to me & treats me well.

[Carrot2000]

Hey, as long as he also treats his wife well, more power to him! Actually, more power to all of you; sounds like this is a situation that might work for everyone involved.

 

His wife is happy he's not leaving. You're okay with him not leaving. He gets all of his needs met. Not a bad deal all around.

[sugarbritches]

I told him that once, before the first time he moved out. I think he tried to choose me by moving out but he wasn't emotionally ready & I had a very demanding timetable. I don't think I can force his hand like that. I've come to see that if I want him in my life I have to be accepting of where he's at. This is not through what he's said. It's just the conclusion I came to when we were apart & I really missed him. I love him. That's all I can say. :-/

 

I hope that he is the man that you think he is, I hope he gives his wife the freedom she deserves so that she can find a man that really loves her. Then you two can also be happy. I don't agree with what you two are doing, but I now believe that life is to short to not be happy. If you aren't happy in your marriage, fix it or leave!

[26pointblue]

Hey, as long as he also treats his wife well, more power to him! Actually, more power to all of you; sounds like this is a situation that might work for everyone involved.

 

His wife is happy he's not leaving. You're okay with him not leaving. He gets all of his needs met. Not a bad deal all around.

 

You'd have to ask her about how he treats her when he's with her. I'm not his wife.

 

And yes right now I consider it a good deal for me. I wouldn't say it was a good deal for her but I guess she thinks it is too.

[26pointblue]

he's got game to be able to fool some woman into thinking a cheating jackass is a great catch.

 

he needs to write a book on how to find such women who can be easily played.

 

I'll have to recommend that to him!

 

Seriously, I don't know what it is you want me to say. I'm fine with the situation and that's that. If you're not fine with my situation, that's fine. That's why I'm me and you're you.

[26pointblue]

ya, but his wife will be the one to take half his s### if she decides to dump his butt.

 

it would be a win for her. get rid of a cheating jerk and hit him where it hurts and buy herself a new house.

 

Hey on this point we actually agree. Imagine that. Except I'm pretty sure she'd keep her current house.

[26pointblue]

you missed the point, which doesn't surprise me. Point was you only think about yourself. Maybe if you thought about the people you hurt, and help to hurt you might, and thats a big might, feel differently.

 

 

 

and what difference does it make if the OW in question was never one before? How does that change your fairly sociopathic attitude?

 

answer: it doesn't

 

 

 

if his wife finds out, you may not have a choice:cool:

 

His wife already knows.

 

I don't consider myself sociopathic just because I'm in love & I like what I have with him. If you do, so be it. If belittling me makes you feel better, go right ahead. But if you are here to try to change my mind, it's not gonna work. I just wanted to introduce myself on this support forum. Some support [ha ha]. Luckily I don't need any 'support' from an online forum. [Nor am I trying to downplay my gratefulness to the posters who were actually supportive to me. :-) I appreciate it.]

[26pointblue]

I hope that he is the man that you think he is, I hope he gives his wife the freedom she deserves so that she can find a man that really loves her. Then you two can also be happy. I don't agree with what you two are doing, but I now believe that life is to short to not be happy. If you aren't happy in your marriage, fix it or leave!

 

I agree. It says that my message is too short! So, I totally agree.

[26pointblue]

nothing, my comment wasn't a reply to you.

 

Okay so it was just a comment ABOUT me, in my thread, but you don't want me to say anything in response. Fair enough I suppose.

[26pointblue]

then you don't know the definition of a sociopath.

 

it hinges on someone who doesn't care who they hurt to get what they want. Not about your feelings of "love" or liking what you have.

 

 

 

 

I don't, but Merriam-Webster does

 

 

 

 

seriously, you are going to bed down someone's husband, help him cause devestation to another woman, but then cry about being "belittled"??

 

If pointing out the pain you are causing someone else is "belittling", then "so be it"

 

 

 

 

oh we know it isn't. so basically your existence at this site then is to sing praise to your affair and not care who you hurt. congrats.

 

 

 

 

yes, a support forum. doesn't look like you are looking for "support"

 

afterall, what kind of support would someone in your situation need? none. just happy to be hurting someone in real life is all.

 

 

 

 

again, support for what? the destruction or knife in the chest of this guy's wife?

 

I'm not crying about anything. Nor am I here to brag. I am here to share my experience, current situation & feelings about all of that. To talk to other OWs & any one else who cares to engage in conversation without assuming I'm the devil incarnate because I'm an OW. You are obviously here to cast judgment on OWs & throw stones. I don't take anything you say seriously because of your obvious bias. I am an OW on the OW forum, imagine that. :-) You can be concerned for his wife all you want, but I am not her, I am me, and if you don't care about my point of view, then I don't care for what you have to say to me. Plain and simple. Thanks anyway though and have a nice day. :-)

 

Edited, to say, I'm sorry for whatever happened to you to make you so rude & bitter. I hope you find healing. Seriously.

[2sure]

If you are single and they are married...you have more to offer than they do. Fun and games , attention, and affection are nice things to have...

But they have restrictions and you do not. They have wives they take on vacations and buy cars for and you fend for yourself.

 

To be fair, if you are comfortable with it all...why be the one giving anything up, why be the one not making out...after all - they are a dime a dozen, you are the commodity.

[26pointblue]

If you are single and they are married...you have more to offer than they do. Fun and games , attention, and affection are nice things to have...

But they have restrictions and you do not. They have wives they take on vacations and buy cars for and you fend for yourself.

 

To be fair, if you are comfortable with it all...why be the one giving anything up, why be the one not making out...after all - they are a dime a dozen, you are the commodity.

 

Hi 2sure. I'm trying to understand your post. I agree he has restrictions and I don't. I agree I have more to offer than he does. I don't agree that he leaves me to fend for myself. Maybe my situation is different than most in that way. [? Not sure. ?] He never leaves me feeling alone, he is always there for me. He does take me on vacation & buy me things. That is not why I'm with him but he doesn't hold back when it comes to me just because I'm the OW. He isn't ashamed of me, he takes me on dates and out in public and around his friends... he loves me, and I can tell. So in that respect I don't feel I'm losing out. He always listens to me, he remembers every little thing I say, he is caring & attentive in a way that no other guy has ever been. I feel his love for me, although I'm sure some would doubt that he loves me. I don't doubt that at all. I'm also sure some will say he does all of this to keep me. Well, if that is so, then it works [lol], but I feel he is genuinely crazy about me. To me I would rather be with him than anyone else right now. I'm sure that will change if he doesn't leave. But for now, I love what we have.

 

The part I guess I don't understand is "why be the one giving anything up, why be the one not making out?" I do feel I'm making out or else I wouldn't stay in the affair. Again, it has its benefits to me right now, mainly, love, & the connection & chemistry I don't have with anyone else. So I don't know what I'm not making out on.