Hi from a 'happy OW'

[26pointblue]

I wonder if this wife knows jujitsu?

 

one can only hope

 

Wow really? Very mature. I'm glad you have nothing better to do than stalk & harrass my posts. I think you give a new meaning to the phrase 'get a life.' And you prove my point that people like you think anything-even violence-is fine while affairs are so horribly awful. Perfectly hyprocritical.

[26pointblue]

Well, anyway, everyone, just wanted to introduce myself, & I did that :-), and I look forward to talking more with most of you.

[Bouey]

Well, anyway, everyone, just wanted to introduce myself, & I did that :-), and I look forward to talking more with most of you.

 

Hello 26pointblue...

 

It's good to see you standing up for yourself here on this forum, and I'm glad that you are. I wouldn't waste my time responding to most of these negative people. Most of these people on here are just plain Jealous!!! They have no life to live of their own, so they choose to "throw stones" at someone who does have a life. Some people are not happy being in their own skin. You are happy being the OW and I definitely can relate to that. Jealous people tend to make things hard for you, because they are unhappy with themselves.

 

So thanks for introducing yourself here on this forum. It's very nice to meet you...

[BB07]

Hello 26pointblue...

 

It's good to see you standing up for yourself here on this forum, and I'm glad that you are. I wouldn't waste my time responding to most of these negative people. Most of these people on here are just plain Jealous!!! They have no life to live of their own, so they choose to "throw stones" at someone who does have a life. Some people are not happy being in their own skin. You are happy being the OW and I definitely can relate to that. Jealous people tend to make things hard for you, because they are unhappy with themselves.

 

So thanks for introducing yourself here on this forum. It's very nice to meet you...

 

 

Bouey.....I might not agree with 26pointblues or your choices but at least I can respect 26point as she isn't acting like a immature teenager by throwing out such silly nonsense as accusing people of being jealous. Good grief......do you realize how silly and stupid that sounds calling other posters jealous??? Most people in society don't envy or see the benefit of having 2 mm and believe me it has nothing to do with anyone else feeling jealousy. lol Actually most people find it repulsive, probably a lot of current OW are saying WTF.

Oh and saying that posters don't have a life of their own sounds even more childish than your claims of jealousy. Are you a child or a woman?

 

If you are a woman then put your big girl panties on and stop spouting out stuff like a 14 year old girl and........stop expecting people to like what you are doing. Own it.....if you are so proud of it. .

[whichwayisup]

Bouey.....I might not agree with 26pointblues or your choices but at least I can respect 26point as she isn't acting like a immature teenager by throwing out such silly nonsense as accusing people of being jealous. Good grief......do you realize how silly and stupid that sounds calling other posters jealous??? Most people in society don't envy or see the benefit of having 2 mm and believe me it has nothing to do with anyone else feeling jealousy. lol Actually most people find it repulsive, probably a lot of current OW are saying WTF.

Oh and saying that posters don't have a life of their own sounds even more childish than your claims of jealousy. Are you a child or a woman?

 

If you are a woman then put your big girl panties on and stop spouting out stuff like a 14 year old girl and........stop expecting people to like what you are doing. Own it.....if you are so proud of it. .

 

x2. Good post BB!

[26pointblue]

Bouey, it's nice to meet you too.

 

I don't think people are jealous. I'm sure some people have been really hurt by affairs & I understand that but this is where I am right now. What bothers me is the insinuation that I'm some horrible person because I'm involved in an affair. I don't agree with that at all. I think it reflects more about the person's stage in their own healing than in anything about me.

 

I thought this was a place for OWs but I guess it's not. I was originally referred here by a friend who said that OWs post here when they are struggling & need help because they have been hurt by being in an affair. Maybe that's what this forum is for? It seems that if an OW doesn't need help, she isn't welcome here?

 

Bouey I get that sense on your thread too even though I don't agree with you that people are jealous. I believe they have a right to their viewpoints but I don't understand the desire of someone to come to an OW support forum just to harrass OW. If someone doesn't have any understanding of my viewpoint or current stage at all, fine, but why come throw stones? I'm sure I'll be accused of 'crying' but I'm just saying I don't understand it. But I don't think they're jealous, I think they've been hurt, & that I can understand, it's just that i don't think it's going to help them or me very much to take their pain out on me. Some anonymous person on an Internet message board. Really what is the point.

 

Bouey I've read your thread & I think if you're happy with what you're doing, more power to you. I don't think you need to justify anything to anyone. I also don't see why OWs need to need 'help' in order to be here. Why can't we just talk with each other? Why can't we give advice to each other from where we are right now? I think we can. So I'm going to stick around & I hope you will too. I found your posts honest as to what you were doing & your feelings. IMHO it seems you love MM#1 & so maybe it is time to get rid of MM#2 if you don't want all of that unnecessary drama. But that's just me & I'm sure not going to pick on you if you don't do what I think you should do. I wish you well.

[26pointblue]

BB07: Ok this is about Bouey, not me. But we don't know how old she is. At least I don't. Maybe she is in fact quite young. Also I really don't get it-- an MM can have two women but an OW is shunned & ridiculed for having two MMs? I'm not saying that either is 'right.' I'm just saying that what's good for the goose should be good for the gander but you seem to be implying that there's something implicitly more morally 'wrong' with a single woman having two MM than an MM having a W & an OW. I know you weren't talking in those terms but your post seemed to say that what she is doing is so obviously morally reprehensible... which causes me to question, WHY? Unless you think the two actions are on par with each other, because I realize you haven't spoken to the issue of an MM having two women.

 

My issue with it is that she says she loves one MM. I can't understand deceiving him then by being with the other MM. Yeah some call me dishonest because I don't run & tell MM's W about our affair. But I am honest with my MM about everything, almost to a fault. I couldn't imagine hiding something so big from someone I love. That is what I find hard to understand about Bouey. But the fact that a woman is dating two MM, in general? Who cares? The MM by definition has two women. So it's fair play to me. But for me love is involved. That complicates things of course.

 

Sorry Bouey, don't mean to talk about you in the third person.

[26pointblue]

BB07: Ok this is about Bouey, not me. But we don't know how old she is. At least I don't. Maybe she is in fact quite young. Also I really don't get it-- an MM can have two women but an OW is shunned & ridiculed for having two MMs? I'm not saying that either is 'right.' I'm just saying that what's good for the goose should be good for the gander but you seem to be implying that there's something implicitly more morally 'wrong' with a single woman having two MM than an MM having a W & an OW. I know you weren't talking in those terms but your post seemed to say that what she is doing is so obviously morally reprehensible... which causes me to question, WHY? Unless you think the two actions are on par with each other, because I realize you haven't spoken to the issue of an MM having two women.

 

My issue with it is that she says she loves one MM. I can't understand deceiving him then by being with the other MM. Yeah some call me dishonest because I don't run & tell MM's W about our affair. But I am honest with my MM about everything, almost to a fault. I couldn't imagine hiding something so big from someone I love. That is what I find hard to understand about Bouey. But the fact that a woman is dating two MM, in general? Who cares? The MM by definition has two women. So it's fair play to me. But for me love is involved. That complicates things of course.

 

Sorry Bouey, don't mean to talk about you in the third person.

[Snowflower]

26point, I haven't read much of this thread but I just wanted to say welcome to LS and that you just seem to be such a nice poster!

 

I may not always agree with what you write but I just wanted let you know that I really noticed and appreciate your respectful style of posting.

 

I hope you will stick around and offer your viewpoint when you can!

[bentnotbroken]

x2. Good post BB!

 

 

Great post BB!

[donnamaybe]

Bouey.....I might not agree with 26pointblues or your choices but at least I can respect 26point as she isn't acting like a immature teenager by throwing out such silly nonsense as accusing people of being jealous. Good grief......do you realize how silly and stupid that sounds calling other posters jealous??? Most people in society don't envy or see the benefit of having 2 mm and believe me it has nothing to do with anyone else feeling jealousy. lol Actually most people find it repulsive, probably a lot of current OW are saying WTF.

Oh and saying that posters don't have a life of their own sounds even more childish than your claims of jealousy. Are you a child or a woman?

 

If you are a woman then put your big girl panties on and stop spouting out stuff like a 14 year old girl and........stop expecting people to like what you are doing. Own it.....if you are so proud of it. .

Completely agree with everything here. In my opinion, the one who needs to "get a life" would be the person who honestly, and sadly, believes that laying with two married guys is something anyone would be jealous of or something to be proud of. As if anyone couldn't get that.

[2sure]

The part I guess I don't understand is "why be the one giving anything up, why be the one not making out?" I do feel I'm making out or else I wouldn't stay in the affair. Again, it has its benefits to me right now, mainly, love, & the connection & chemistry I don't have with anyone else. So I don't know what I'm not making out on.

 

Having made my post using only the information you had posted up to that point...I was not aware that your affair with MM was so fulfulling in every aspect of your life. Glad to see you arent simply settling for a MM (or 2) but living a complete and satisfying life with them. Many OW are not taken on vacations or even out to dinner. They simply wait until MM can make it over to their place for a couple of hours.

[BB07]

BB07: Ok this is about Bouey, not me. But we don't know how old she is. At least I don't. Maybe she is in fact quite young. Also I really don't get it-- an MM can have two women but an OW is shunned & ridiculed for having two MMs? I'm not saying that either is 'right.' I'm just saying that what's good for the goose should be good for the gander but you seem to be implying that there's something implicitly more morally 'wrong' with a single woman having two MM than an MM having a W & an OW. I know you weren't talking in those terms but your post seemed to say that what she is doing is so obviously morally reprehensible... which causes me to question, WHY? Unless you think the two actions are on par with each other, because I realize you haven't spoken to the issue of an MM having two women.

 

My issue with it is that she says she loves one MM. I can't understand deceiving him then by being with the other MM. Yeah some call me dishonest because I don't run & tell MM's W about our affair. But I am honest with my MM about everything, almost to a fault. I couldn't imagine hiding something so big from someone I love. That is what I find hard to understand about Bouey. But the fact that a woman is dating two MM, in general? Who cares? The MM by definition has two women. So it's fair play to me. But for me love is involved. That complicates things of course.

 

Sorry Bouey, don't mean to talk about you in the third person.

 

26point......thanks for being respectful in the points you made. If Bouey had the maturity and grace you seem to have she wouldn't have been met with such disdain.

 

I admit that you did point out a double standard. I'll put some more thought into and reply sometime later.

[herenow]

Completely agree with everything here. In my opinion, the one who needs to "get a life" would be the person who honestly, and sadly, believes that laying with two married guys is something anyone would be jealous of or something to be proud of. As if anyone couldn't get that.

 

Right! If "get a life" means being involved in an affair, I'll keep my not a life just the way it is.

 

Having said that, I'm happy for anyone who can find what they are looking for in life. What would be better is if these OW who are happy would tell the betrayed the truth, so that they (the BS) could have a chance to be happy too. Why not spead the joy and give everyone a shot at true happiness?

[bentnotbroken]

Right! If "get a life" means being involved in an affair, I'll keep my not a life just the way it is.

 

Having said that, I'm happy for anyone who can find what they are looking for in life. What would be better is if these OW who are happy would tell the betrayed the truth, so that they (the BS) could have a chance to be happy too. Why not spead the joy and give everyone a shot at true happiness?

 

 

Too much cowardice involved to make that move.

[26pointblue]

For the record, I am not with two MM. I am with my one MM. That is Bouey & I believe some people have been confusing our situations.

 

Also for the record, again, my MM's wife knows about me.

 

Snowflower- thank you for the kind words. :-)

 

2Sure- thanks for the follow-up post. He does take me to dinner, on vacations, everything.

 

I appreciate everyone's respectful comments as well. :-)

[26pointblue]

Right! If "get a life" means being involved in an affair, I'll keep my not a life just the way it is.

 

Having said that, I'm happy for anyone who can find what they are looking for in life. What would be better is if these OW who are happy would tell the betrayed the truth, so that they (the BS) could have a chance to be happy too. Why not spead the joy and give everyone a shot at true happiness?

 

Woah. I never told anyone to get into an affair! I said 'get a life' in terms of neveragain1's having so much time to come pick on all my posts. He/she has made their point that they disagree with what I'm doing & now he/she is just wasting time making snide remarks & rehashing the same thing over & over. Not very productive if you ask me. That's all I meant- not that someone needs to get into an affair to 'get a life.' Just wanted to clarify.

 

Also my MM's wife does know the truth but wants him to stay married to her.

[frenchiefun]

Hi 26pointblue - I see you got the typical judgemental response dished out to unrepentant OW's on this forum, which incidentally is supposed to be here to provide support....and you're right, unless an OW has "seen the light" and is remorseful and suffering and has come to confess her sins and promise like a good girl to never do it again then no, she's not welcome here.

 

There are plenty of posters here who can't wait to take out their own pain and hostility on some stranger who has nothing to do with their situation, and they are pretty pathetic if you ask me. Being happy in your situation is like waving a red rag at a bull for a lot of these sad cases, and they just can't help themselves, it seems. Though they seem to lose sight of the fact that people have the right to live their lives how they see fit, regardless of what some have decided is the only "right" way.

 

 

I am in a similar situation to your own. I am in a long term affair and the situation fufills my needs at this time. Best wishes to you, and I hope you stay around.

[26pointblue]

Hi 26pointblue - I see you got the typical judgemental response dished out to unrepentant OW's on this forum, which incidentally is supposed to be here to provide support....and you're right, unless an OW has "seen the light" and is remorseful and suffering and has come to confess her sins and promise like a good girl to never do it again then no, she's not welcome here.

 

There are plenty of posters here who can't wait to take out their own pain and hostility on some stranger who has nothing to do with their situation, and they are pretty pathetic if you ask me. Being happy in your situation is like waving a red rag at a bull for a lot of these sad cases, and they just can't help themselves, it seems. Though they seem to lose sight of the fact that people have the right to live their lives how they see fit, regardless of what some have decided is the only "right" way.

 

 

I am in a similar situation to your own. I am in a long term affair and the situation fufills my needs at this time. Best wishes to you, and I hope you stay around.

 

Hi frenchiefun. I agree with your assessment of some posters. I really don't see how doing this could help ease their pain. There seems to have to be a better outlet or method for recovery. I expected to get realistic responses such as 'don't be naïve & expect him to leave his wife etc. I am fine with that advice & have dealt with a lot of it on my own. I wasn't expecting the sentiment that only OWs who need help or who are no longer OWs should be here, or the blatant hostility & nastiness shown by some.

 

That being said, overall most of the people posting in my thread have been nice, & I'm glad to be here. :-) I'm also happy to meet another 'happy' OW.

[sugarbritches]

I for one would never be jealous of anybody in an affair, I can only imagine the pain that comes from being in love with somebody elses husband. I have been the BS, but I knew that I was worth more then that and I left. I gave them what they wanted, each other, it took about a month for her to realize she didn't want him either. I moved out and moved on. I have an amazing man now and am happier then I have ever been.

So I owe the woman that help give me back my life!

 

I do not agree with cheating, but I will not judge you because I am not in your shoes.

[26pointblue]

I for one would never be jealous of anybody in an affair, I can only imagine the pain that comes from being in love with somebody elses husband. I have been the BS, but I knew that I was worth more then that and I left. I gave them what they wanted, each other, it took about a month for her to realize she didn't want him either. I moved out and moved on. I have an amazing man now and am happier then I have ever been.

So I owe the woman that help give me back my life!

 

I do not agree with cheating, but I will not judge you because I am not in your shoes.

 

Thanks for the even-keeled response. I'm sorry to hear about your experience & I don't blame you for leaving.

 

At times in the past it was very painful & at other times I stopped being with him because he couldn't take decisive action & I started to wonder if I even wanted to be with him because of his flip-flopping & cheating & lying.

 

I'm certainly not free of conflict or pain now but things are easier because I accept them for what they are, for now. The plain truth is that I missed him when we were apart. What we have is special to me even though I don't want to remain in it forever. The last time I broke up with him was quite horrible & I feel that if we end it now, it will be on a much better note. I think I just needed that closure or peace of mind. Maybe he did too. At other times I actually think he is going to leave. I'm sure many will say I'm naive & I'm sure not getting my hopes up but he says he recognizes something different in me this time around & it's the first time he has felt true confidence in us, that we could make it. In some ways I feel that's selfish of him because in the past he's wanted me to give him all of me when he hadn't given me all of him, & I did hold back because I didn't want to get hurt. I think the difference is that I realized that didn't work. I DID get hurt, it hurt like hell, & I guess I'm at the point where it doesn't hurt anymore, I feel like what will be will be, & that I am in control of my own actions & decisions as he is in control of his. So yes for the first time I've let go & given in to my feelings & just enjoyed being with him instead of worrying about the outcome.

[Jane Deaux]

sup·port

vb (tr)1. to carry the weight of

2. to bear or withstand (pressure, weight, etc.)

3. to provide the necessities of life for (a family, person, etc.)

4. to tend to establish (a theory, statement, etc.) by providing new facts; substantiate

5. (Literature / Rhetoric) to speak in favour of (a motion)

6. to give aid or courage to

7. to give approval to (a cause, principle, etc.); subscribe to to support a political candidature

8. to endure with forbearance; I will no longer support bad behaviour

9. to give strength to; maintain to support a business

10. (Performing Arts / Theatre) (tr) (in a concert) to perform earlier than (the main attraction)

11. (Performing Arts) (Performing Arts / Theatre) Films Theatrea. to play a subordinate role to

b. to accompany (the feature) in a film programme

 

12. (Performing Arts / Theatre) to act or perform (a role or character)

 

n1. the act of supporting or the condition of being supported

2. a thing that bears the weight or part of the weight of a construction

3. a person who or thing that furnishes aid

4. the means of maintenance of a family, person, etc.

 

Going by the definition she may have been here to support others, and/or gain a network of support from others who are also in her situation. "For the necessities of life"

I rather think she was here to Support others though. Judging by the tone of the OP.

[Jane Deaux]

Sure, but this is a discussion on why she is here. On an OW support board. And the definition clearly says support can be just for the necessities in life. Nowhere in the definition does it say you HAVE to be unhappy to get support for yourself. So she is welcome here no matter what you think of affairs. This is what the forum was created for. Are you trying to say she has no business in this forum?

[Jane Deaux]

oh not at all, I'm well aware this is exactly the place for someone like her

 

I didn't realize you knew each other irl. My apologies.

 

However, this forum is for support AND discussion for those that find themselves in a relationship with a committed partner. I understand you are here simply to discuss, because you aren't in an affair right? So you are here also, not needing support, but just wanting to discuss. Albeit very nasty, narrow minded, and rudely, but hey, if that's how someone like you is, then we will just continue to watch you spew your bitterness and perhaps hope that you find healing for whatever has caused you to be so narrow minded against people that sin. Because I bet with the way you talk, you are perfect. Never do anything wrong do you. Including you nasty rude comments. The hate you hold somewhere in side you. All of it. All of that is fine. Not hypocritical. Someone who is as nasty and hateful as you are and hurt others with your words and bitterness is fine as long as you aren't having an affair. So us that aren't perfect, we will just disparage the person who hurt you, the perfect one, and hope for your healing.

[tami-chan]

oh not at all, I'm well aware this is exactly the place for someone like her

 

so what was your confusion? why did you ask what support did she need?