SarahRose Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Last year our house was robbed. Just a fluke I had insurance on the contents. I'd taken out the policy and forgot a out it. My husband didn't know we had it. Anyway it took Avery long time for a settlement. In the mean time I had a nervous break down and lost my job. I had no income for 3 months. The settlement came and we replaced all the items. They cut us a check for 5k. The check came to me since the policy was in my name. I didn't tell my husband I got the money. The money was spent on the bills I was behind on like 900 month car payment, insurance, etc which my husband wasn't paying on. I think my husband found the receipt as he was asking about the money and if I was going to call them and find out where it was. So the question is how do I tell him I already got the money and it is gone? So the question is how do I tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
MissGoLightly Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Wouldn't your husband be happy that you paid off all your delinquent debts?? Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Last year our house was robbed. Just a fluke I had insurance on the contents. I'd taken out the policy and forgot a out it. My husband didn't know we had it. Anyway it took Avery long time for a settlement. In the mean time I had a nervous break down and lost my job. I had no income for 3 months. The settlement came and we replaced all the items. They cut us a check for 5k. The check came to me since the policy was in my name. I didn't tell my husband I got the money. The money was spent on the bills I was behind on like 900 month car payment, insurance, etc which my husband wasn't paying on. I think my husband found the receipt as he was asking about the money and if I was going to call them and find out where it was. So the question is how do I tell him I already got the money and it is gone? So the question is how do I tell him? Why were you hiding the money from your husband in the first place? It's not like you spent the money on drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 Wouldn't your husband be happy that you paid off all your delinquent debts?? Yes I would hope so! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SarahRose Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 Why were you hiding the money from your husband in the first place? It's not like you spent the money on drugs. I think I was ashamed of losing my job. I think I was also afraid he'd want to buy stuff with it. Link to post Share on other sites
MissGoLightly Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Just own it - it's not like you blew the money on something silly or went on a shopping spree. Maybe you shouldn't have lied, but I can't help but wonder if you didn't tell him because you didn't think he'd allow you take care of your debt for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Just tell him- "Honey we did receive the settlement, but I spent it all on bills and I feel silly for not telling you sooner." Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I think I was ashamed of losing my job. I think I was also afraid he'd want to buy stuff with it. I'm sorry, but that sounds really bad. Was he not supporting YOU after you lost your job. He should have at least been considered. Anyways, what's done is done. If you tell him about it and explain that it was used to pay off debts (and he actually can see records of that) and know that it wasn't just wasted, that can still be fixable. Honestly though, be very honest with him about where everything went, that if he decided to track it all and see - it adds up, because if there are things that are left out (that are just for you) and he finds out, I'm sure that would just add to the deceit = make things a lot worse. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 1) sit him down and make eye contact 2) take a deep breath, continue eye contact 3) open your mouth and form the words "honey I already received the check and spent it." 4) apologize for lying to him and keeping something a secret that would have pissed you off had he done the same thing to. 5) ask him how can you can learn to communicate better and seek professional help if you both want to make a new start. 6) no marriage can survive on lies that break the trust of one partner. You have brought that feeling into your marriage. Now is the time for you to correct the situation. That is good advice Bent, but honestly if my partner confessed to a big lie like that and right after that, busted out with #5 (the part in bold)- that would just add to my anger. My answer to that would be "Well, you can start by not lying" - oh asking that right after revealing such a big lie would piss me off so much!! - but maybe that's just me... Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 This. Don't make it a big, huge deal. Just be frank. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I think I was ashamed of losing my job. I think I was also afraid he'd want to buy stuff with it. That sounds like a good starting point if he wants an explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
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