kellyguinn Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Hi all, I hate meating all of you this way but here is my story. I am married and have 2 children with my wife 4 yrs old and 16 monthsm we also have another 6 yr old but her previous relationship. We got married in August of last year. I work the second shift 3:30pm to 12:00am. When I got home from work last thusday, 25 Mar, a girl friend of hers called claiming that she was having marital prolblems and asked my wife to come help her. Well I was kinda in doubt so I checked her Yahoo Messanger and seen where she had just met this guy and read all the things he wanted to do to her. After 5 hours of messaging and 20 pages they came up with this elaborate plan to meet at a gas station and then go to lake for some "fun". After reading this I Contacted a baby sitter and sped to the gas station only to find her car in the parking lot. You can imagine my emotions at that time. It was about 1:20am, I waited until they came back at about 4:30 am, I drove and parked behind both of their cars and took a picture of her trying to dive back in his car. Then I left and went home because I was afraid of what I might do if I was there any longer. We have agreed to go to marriage counceling and started this monday. I believe that this will help in our previous problems but I am not sure About this most recent one. I have so many emotions going through my head that I am a personal wreck. I know for a fact that if it wasn't for the kids I would be getting a divorce. I still love her but i'm not sure I can trust her again. On top of that if we do get a divorce and I fight for custody of our children I have to prove that she is an unfit parent (which would not be too hard right now) but I have no chance of getting the eldest son since he is not mine and I have not adopted him. I was told that he would be put in a home and I would not want to do that to him. I am the only father he has known. Any advice on how I can get over this or at least cope with this will be greatly appreciated. Thanks listening It does help to vent Thanks again Kelly Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I feel really bad for you man, sorry you got caught up in all this. I must be blunt, your wife is a slut. I mean, you and she just had a baby and is meeting dudes on the internet for sexual flings? If my wife did this I could never trust her again; nor would I want to be with her. Yes your kids are the ones who will ultimately suffer, you won't be able to deal with this marriage forever, you will eventually crack. Good luck...you will need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fofinha Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Hmmm...if this had been a one time un-premeditated event as a one-night stand, I believe it could be worked out. What bothers me is that it was discussed, planned and even involves a third party to assist in the deceit. If she is now sorry for what she did and really commits herself to saving the marriage by gaining your trust back, then good. She has to be willing to be totally transparent and give you access to internet logs, cellular detail billing and accounts of her whereabouts. If she is not and you believe she will cheat again, I am sorry to say but you should walk away. Children do not deserve two parents together where there is no trust, lies, deceit and pain. They will sense that and it will ultimately do them more harm then if you were apart. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
me2 Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 I have a baby 11 months, and an 8 year old. I work full time, and spend most of my waking moments caring for other human beings. I am lucky to spend 45 minutes doing my hair and putting on my lipstick. I can resonate with this womans sex drive, especially, if you are boring, unattentive, uncreative or busy. What infuriates me is her absolute disregard for your feelings. There must have been some sign that she was on this type of track. Think back. Did you ignore anything? Have you set aside at least 10 hour per week to focus on her and address her sexual needs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellyguinn Posted April 5, 2004 Author Share Posted April 5, 2004 I want to thank all of you for your support. We are trying to work it out but I have serious doubts that it will. She told me that she will try not to do any thing like this in the future but that she can not promise anything. This alone is enough to make me indecisive about what will happen. Thanks again Kelly Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Whoa. She'll TRY not to do something like this again, but can't make any promises? If she's that certain that she might need another sex partner, your wife needs to be in a non-monogamous relationship, and you need to leave as peacefully as you can, get great legal advice, devote yourself to the kids, and, when you've recovered, find someone who can make the kind of commitment you really want. Completely sidestepping her selfish behavior the other night, there's a serious incompatibility between you and your wife. This is a terrible story. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
adrift Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 self-respect restaint dedication to marriage importance of fidelity Link to post Share on other sites
adrift Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 sorry, some how replied to wrong thread.... Link to post Share on other sites
figuringitout Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Sorry to hear about your situation. Focus on your kids and yourself. Then, you can work on the marriage. Am I understanding this correctly? She just met the guy the same day that she planned the meeting? Something is really strange about that. If someone can just pop into your wife's world via IM around dinner and be meeting for sex later, I'd be concerned about her thinking clearly. Is there something else happening in her life? Depression, anything else? Keep your self together. It sounds like your kids need one of you to be thinking soundly. FiO Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellyguinn Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 How do you cope with all the thoughts that go thru your head in times like these. Anger, wanting revenge on both party's sadness the thought just keep coming. This is getting ridiculous, I need to find some kind of outlet to block it all and get on with my life not just for me but for the kids as well. Do any of you have any ideas that you could share. Thanks Kelly Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 I'm sorry you're going through this. Your feelings of anger and betrayal are very new, though, and I don't think you should expect yourself to get over them right away. Keeping a journal is a great idea. You can be as obsessive or angry or self-pitying as you want. Seeing a therapist is another very good outlet. Write your wife letters that you will never send her. Get physically active. Half an hour of strenuous exercise every day will usually alter your brain chemistry a little, and make everything seem less hopeless (not to mention the obvious benefits to your health and appearance). I'd also recommend some kind of meditative practice, just something simple like deep breathing two or three times a day. You could get a book like The Power of Now, which talks about how to endure pain like this by really centering yourself and holding your thoughts to the moment. Hang in there. This won't last forever. Link to post Share on other sites
reachingskywards Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Hi Kelly, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. The only advice I can really give you is that when I was going through a really tough time with a breakup that I got a huge amount of support from the following forum. You might want to check it out. There are usually a lot of supportive people posting there all the time. http://members.boardhost.com/Tigress/ Hope this helps and best of luck. K Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Originally posted by kellyguinn How do you cope with all the thoughts that go thru your head in times like these. Anger, wanting revenge on both party's sadness the thought just keep coming. This is getting ridiculous, I need to find some kind of outlet to block it all and get on with my life not just for me but for the kids as well. I know what you mean, I have been there. Everyday is a whirlwind of emotions and you feel like you are going insane. Time is the only thing that heals the pain. Keep your head up and try to think positive, it's all uphill from here. Sure you may have a few setbacks but things will get better. I can remember not being able to sleep or eat for weeks and/or months after a woman turned my life upside down; I look back on it now and realize I am so much better off today. I know it's hard to see this now, but someday life will be good again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellyguinn Posted May 3, 2004 Author Share Posted May 3, 2004 I can't believe how tough this is. I am so glad that I have never put anyone through this. All of you have been a great help in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 >>>She told me that she will try not to do any thing like this in the future but that she can not promise anything. This alone is enough to make me indecisive about what will happen. <<< I don't mean this as an insult but she has more balls than most guys do. What nerve! Man, this shouldn't leave you indecisive about anything. It should stiffen your resolve. Dump her. You're only going to be more miserable in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
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