carissalime Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I've done it again- gotten myself into another situation. My husband and i have known each other since 2008- we got married in dec of 2010. He is so damn anal and picky about everything. Dirt on the floor drives him crazy. I am total laid back, i dont think im a slob, but he is over clean. My daughter and i had a dog we had to find a home for when we moved here because we arent allowed to have dogs..my husband now says he is through with having pets, and he doesnt want to have a dog even when we can. I love dogs! In april 2009, i had a medical abortion. Basically because he said he was too old to be a father..he said when the kid would be a teen, he would be old. He didnt want to bring a child into this world at this age and that i was too old. (39). I will never forgive myself for having the abortion. I wanted the child. He says he loves me, but how can that be true? He also drinks 2 bottles of wine every night and has hit me before. I need advice. Not the just get out type. I know..i should leave. I want to hear from someone who has been in this situation or something simliar. Please help. It seems if we do argue, its my out of control 15 year old teen who doesnt listen who starts the conversation. She talks back, and is failing school. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Just get out. Sorry it's not what you want to hear. But it's the best advice you'll get. Why on earth did you marry him in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Poor kid. Concentrate on her, not him. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I've done it again- gotten myself into another situation. My husband and i have known each other since 2008- we got married in dec of 2010. He is so damn anal and picky about everything. Dirt on the floor drives him crazy. I am total laid back, i dont think im a slob, but he is over clean. My daughter and i had a dog we had to find a home for when we moved here because we arent allowed to have dogs..my husband now says he is through with having pets, and he doesnt want to have a dog even when we can. I love dogs! In april 2009, i had a medical abortion. Basically because he said he was too old to be a father..he said when the kid would be a teen, he would be old. He didnt want to bring a child into this world at this age and that i was too old. (39). I will never forgive myself for having the abortion. I wanted the child. He says he loves me, but how can that be true? He also drinks 2 bottles of wine every night and has hit me before. I need advice. Not the just get out type. I know..i should leave. I want to hear from someone who has been in this situation or something simliar. Please help. It seems if we do argue, its my out of control 15 year old teen who doesnt listen who starts the conversation. She talks back, and is failing school. I was going to say you guys need some counseling until I read the part where he abused you. That is a big NO-NO. You need to leave him. Take your teen with you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Sorry, but there IS no other advice for you than "leave." Not to be harsh ... but what are you wanting to hear? Suggestions on how to make things better? I really am sincerely sorry, but there are not any viable ones. I realize that it is very difficult to "just leave" and reading that advice on a forum like this when you are in a bad situation might sound as realistic to you as "just hop on a plane and fly to your castle in Switzerland." You are probably going to need help and support to be able to leave. I think you have some self esteem issues or you would not have married this guy in the first place; clearly he had revealed his issues to you before your marriage. Your marriage is so new, too. Things are this bad now; they are going to get worse. As someone else already said, focus on your daughter. Do the right thing by HER. Perhaps you thought having a man in her life, a "father figure," some financial support would enhance her quality of life. It's not, in this situation - the opposite. Keeping her in it is going to set her up for so many kinds of failure, and maybe even danger. Please contact a local women's shelter NOW. Tell them that you need to get out. If you have no resources of your own, that will not be a new situation for them. They probably cannot "rescue" you, but I know they will be able to help you to JUST LEAVE. Do it. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Hi Carissalime I'm really sorry that you're in the situation you're in. I have a few questions for you: - How were you able to support yourself and your daughter before your H came into the picture? If you have a job and an income of your own, that would make it easier for you to be able to leave. - How did your daughter and your H get along before you got married? I know that teenagers have their own issues, etc, but did he ever treat her badly, or hit her? Again, I agree with everyone else, you need to get out - especially for your daughter's sake. Do you have family and friends anywhere close to you, that maybe you can stay with them and get support from them? I truly am sorry that you're in pain and don't know what to do, but I hope that you'll put your daughter first and do what's best for her. Edited March 16, 2011 by TigerCub Link to post Share on other sites
Linda9999 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Another 'you need to get OUT' advice giver here - sorry. ESPECIALLY since you have a 15yo daughter. No wonder she's out of control! You need to get out with her and deal with HER. She needs to be your priority right now. Your husband is a complete *******. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I know you have not asked for advice with your daughter but maybe you could go into more detail about her issues on the family section of the site? Plenty of us have teens and could maybe help out. Others may not have kids but generally have a lot of common sense and can be quite caring. Don't rely on him for support. He sounds like he needs a good kicking. My teen nearly broke my heart but is fine now. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
TakeMeasIam Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Sorry... wherever you see the words 'get out'....we mean from the marriage. Get a restraining order on him and get him to leave the home. You need shelter and stability for you and your daughter. He needs to be got rid of. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 With abuse all bets are OFF, so you need to leave, this can't be worked out. You owe your daughter an example of strength and character and tolerating abuse are not good models. Get out for yourself and for her. If you don't you are just setting yourself up for more of the same treatment and he'll do nothing but bring you down further. Your daughter will suffer more harm than you however. Keep both of you safe! Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 Come on OP, look at the writing on the wall. Put your child FIRST and do what is right for her. You will have plenty of time to have a man once she is grown and on her own. Then, you can find an actual MAN, not some ****tard. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts