Hey Tony...and everybody else!

[Paulie]

Tony:

 

I took Your advice about the Buddhist Principle of the Eternal Now. I have since been reading the book "Wherever You Go, There you are," by Jon-Kabat-Zinn. Incredibly helpful. Talks about how things in life are constantly in flux, and we should listen to and pay attention to the present. More importantly, we can take charge of ourselves, but our feelings are out of our control. Like anything else, we should observe our feelings just like anything else in life, they are in flux, and will change as well. Whatever they are now, that is how they are. People also are constantly changing, and (my flaky ex especially is always changing) the experience I had with my ex was wonderful at the time, so the key was to enjoy that then. Now (in many ways) she is a totally different person. I CAN still look back in love on the person I once knew, but she no longer exists. Basically Tony, I have been feeling alot better, and wanna thank you. I've taken alot from this site, and want to try to contribute more often now. Just like you, people might not always agree with my postings, but at least they're there to consider. I highly recommend the aforementioned book to people who are experiencing any form of emotional pain. It was recommended to me by a therapist, and has been extremely helpful to me. Thanks for letting me share this.

[Help Me]

paulie-

 

Congrats. Most people never understand that in their entire life. I am happy for you.

[Tony T]

I'm very happy you caught on rather quickly to the concept of the eternal now. I read the book you mentioned several years ago and keep it in my library for reference. It is great.

 

I must take issue with one thing in your post..that our feelings are out of our control. They are for most people only because most people were never taught rational, sane responses to things. For instance, disappointment is a far more appropriate reponse than anger. Frustration is far more appropriate than depression. Concern is usually far more appropriate than fear. I do think we control our feeling and emotions to a large extent. For more on this, read "How to Practically Never Upset Yourself About Anything" by Albert Ellis.

 

There are exceptions. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to fall in love with someone do not wish to. However, I do think we can prevent ourselves from falling in love with someone we feel we are going into that direction with. I feel strongly that love is a decision and every single minute of every single day people decide to fall in or out of love with another person.

 

Man, as a whole, must evolve much more fully before most people will be able to get a handle on their emotions. Until then, we will have murders, assaults, thefts, etc. because of man's inability to control anger, jealousy, greed and other related emotions and feelings. It would be a good move for people to seek growth in areas where they can learn more appropriate reactions to events and people. We can be a lot happier when we get a grip on things.

 

Until that happens, we have the forum.

 

I am beaming with joy that I may have helped put you on a new path to seeing each experience as a current event to be relished, lived, and enjoyed to its maximum. If everyone did that, there would few problems. It seems to be a human trait to awfulize, to make things much worse than they are, and to anticipate the worst. In fact, most actual events aren't nearly as bad as the accompanying level of anticipatory anxiety beforehand.

 

Good luck on your trip. Lots of nice ladies, and beautiful ones, in New York City. If you see Salma Hayek on the street, please give her my regards and ask her if you can pass her phone number on to me. I would be grateful.

 

Wherever you go, there you are...and hopefully Salma, too!!!