ARES Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 I have been with my g/f for about 1 year and 3 months. I love her more then anything and nothing in my love life could of ever prepared me for this relationship. But lately things seem weird like the little things keep making me think until i drive myself crazy, i have nightmares and nothing i do is changing. I don't know how to deal i just wish i knew for sure. My g/f has had a past and was well i guess you could say a slut but since then she has grown into a beautiful person. We have always been friends with benifets and one day i just started to fall in love more and more. But lately i have noticed more and more things like she checks her phone more b/f she goes home somedays more then others, she wants to know when i go to work and when i'll be home, etc...(there is a few more things) the fact is i don't know if i can bare it any more. I have to know but how? I have never been the type of guy to worry about this i just didn't care. She wants me to get into therapy she says she can't handle me accusing her anymore (witch i can understand) but what if she really is and its just a way to make it easier for her? I don't know what to do. Anyone with experience with this please reply............thanks -Chris- Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 You just have to think, does the good outweigh the bad? If not, end it. Just end it. I doubt your feelings or worrying will go away any time soon, regardless of what you find out. Sounds like the past is really impeding on the present big time. She COULD be cheating on you, she could not be. So you're accusing her of cheating? Or what? Why don't you just have a serious talk about the relationship? If you don't think you can do it, make yourself do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARES Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 I have tried to have serious talks with her, but it fails she always gets mad and defensive.....I want to move forward with this relationship we always talk about our future. But i guess what i really want to know is...Is it possible to claim you love someone so much but still cheat on them, from my view point i think not under most circumstances but could a person be that cold hearted?...........thanks for the fast reply Kevin -Chris- Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 If you try to talk to her and she always gets defensive and the talk goes nowhere, dude, that's a really bad sign. Sadly. And you'd be surprised what some people are capable of. I don't want to say that this is what's happening, but it's sickening how easily someone can act one way with you, say certain things with you, and completely negate all that by cheating on you or what have you. When you talk to her, don't be so pushy or accusatory, but if she doesn't respond well, man, that's it. She's cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARES Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 Kevin thanks man thats a big help. But could she just be getting pissed b/c i keep bringing it up? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Yes, of course. How often DO you bring it up? And how? What do you say? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 ARES, I am married to a cheater that will NOT admit it. I know he is, because of all the weird things that have cropped up. If you are having this deeply disturbing FEELING that she is, then something she is doing along with the way she is acting is your proof. You keep confronting her about it over and over, and obviously what she is telling you isn't enough. It's her actions, and actions speak louder than words. If she's getting all defensive about discussing it, or wants to just "drop it" and brush it off quickly, it's because she's on the hot spot...no one wants to be there. Although I don't know you, the fact that she suggested that YOU have to go to therapy (why, because you are so "insecure"?) is wrong, wrong, wrong. IMO, if she were not running around on you, she would want BOTH of you to go to counselling, to work on this issue that is within your relationship. Instead, she's telling you something is wrong with you in order to get you, the monkey off her back. That speaks volumes. I would be suspicious too if I were with someone that had a bad reputation and was notorious for sleeping around. Not to mention, you said you two were friends with benefits...she was having casual sex, then. ALL of these things are big signs. Then, she's asking you more and more about your whereabouts, etc., and she's checking her phone more frequently. IF you end up in therapy, instead of sitting there telling a counsellor that you are insecure (or any of the other things this girl painted an image of on your behalf), tell them that you are with someone that you do not trust. That's really what it's all about. Hopefully you will find someone good that can help you with that issue. By no means am I suggesting this will repair this relationship, because I think this relationship is broken already. This therapist should help you be able to make better selections in people and know when to walk away from something that is only going to be detrimental to your self. GOOD luck! I know what you are going through...torture. Link to post Share on other sites
Fitmomof2 Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Ares, I think Kevin is right on.... If you try to talk to her and she always gets defensive and the talk goes nowhere, dude, that's a really bad sign. Sadly. And you'd be surprised what some people are capable of. I don't want to say that this is what's happening, but it's sickening how easily someone can act one way with you, say certain things with you, and completely negate all that by cheating on you or what have you. When you talk to her, don't be so pushy or accusatory, but if she doesn't respond well, man, that's it. She's cheating. And this advice from Fedup&givingup is great, too... I am going to use this in MY next therapy session b/c I feel I've been attacking this problem all wrong. IF you end up in therapy, instead of sitting there telling a counsellor that you are insecure (or any of the other things this girl painted an image of on your behalf), tell them that you are with someone that you do not trust. That's really what it's all about. Hopefully you will find someone good that can help you with that issue. By no means am I suggesting this will repair this relationship, because I think this relationship is broken already. This therapist should help you be able to make better selections in people and know when to walk away from something that is only going to be detrimental to your self. I went to the therapist with the attitude of help ME change, help ME get better so he won't want to cheat on me anymore. That's not right. We need help getting to a place where we can be with someone trustworthy. I thought about that today. I need to figure out WHY am I attracted to people who are so untrustworthy. That needs to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARES Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 she has offered to go to therapy with me. Trust is a big issue in my life i haven't been able to trust anyone my whole life not even my family......maybe thats why i am the way i am......i don't know i have been in love before but never like this i was with a girl for 3 years in the past... I don't know anymore honestly i wish i could just move far far away and start my life over again........but i honestly have never met anyone who knows me better i have never confided to anyone like this.........But if I do end this without knowing i don't want to look back in the future and regret this. I have cheated on girls, not in serious relationships and she says by me accusing her it makes me look guilty of something..........i have never even thought about cheating on her even now as i doubt her.......thanks for the advice everyone i have many things to think about and will take into consideration what you all have said.... But if this does end i don't know how i could ever go on. i'm sick of nightmares, worrying, crying, all i want is to know if she truly does love me as i love her........i know life isn't perfect but i hate the thought of loosing the one person that understands me. I look in her eyes and i love her so much i could cry...I don't know maybe this is a punishment of some kind.....or the hardest lesson i will ever have to learn... thanks again everyone please keep the comments coming i appreaite it more then you can know you all have been a big help.... Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 She should talk to you about this without getting angered because she should know how this hurts you, and try and make you feel better about your relatioship. It is very suspect. But you can't badger her about it either. Main thing, trust your instincts. Link to post Share on other sites
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