How to end a live in relationship?

[Sunflower2179]

I need help.

 

Here is the situation: I live with my boyfriend. We have lived together for 1.5 years now. We been together for almost 4 and a half years now. It's been an okay relationship. He is not really what I want anymore. He is too quite, can't hear, basically, he doesn't take care of himself. The little things that he does are starting to really annoy me again. For example: when eating he chews loudly, like a cow; he doesn't pick his feet up when he walks; etc. I broke up with him before, but regretfully, took him back. The first time I broke up with him, I made him promise to not sleep with anyone. The reason for the promise was, I just wanted some space. Well he slept with two different girls, the first girl within 7 days of the break up. The second girl a week or two after that. But the second girl was for 3 - 4 months of sleeping together. When asked if he forgot about the promise, he said no, he just didn't have any respect for me. For the most part I have forgiven him for that since we weren't together. I did cheat on him once, and only once. It was a one time thing, and never did it again. I know it's a great relationship. All this happened before we moved in together.

 

Basically, I need help with ending the relationship. I'm very scared to end it, not because I'll be alone, but because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he thinks the relationship is great. The last big fight we had he told me to leave and I said okay, and starting calling my dad to get a Uhaul to get all my stuff out of the apartment. He told me to stop, he didn't want me to leave. So my courage is growing.

 

What I want is to end the relationship and move out of the apartment and not feel guilty because I ended the relationship. Plus, I don't want to make him hurt too much. So does anyone have any ideas on how I can do that? I know just being up-front and honest about it is probably the best way, but I'm a chicken because I don't want to hurt him. But in the end, I'm just being hurt too.

 

Thanks for your responses.

[Arabess]

The truth is....there is NO way to end a long serous relationship without hurting the other person.....and for that.....you'll feel guilty.

 

All you can do is be honest about your feelings and tell them. You are doing them more harm by NOT telling them because while they are with you....they don't have the chance to really find someone who does love them and wants to be with them.

 

Lonelines will come....but it's only a stepping stone to finding the right person for you. Staying with someone because you fear the unknown...is short changing both of you.

[amerikajin]

>>>When asked if he forgot about the promise, he said no, he just didn't have any respect for me.<<<

 

And you took him back?

 

>>>Basically, I need help with ending the relationship. I'm very scared to end it, not because I'll be alone, but because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he thinks the relationship is great. The last big fight we had he told me to leave and I said okay, and starting calling my dad to get a Uhaul to get all my stuff out of the apartment. He told me to stop, he didn't want me to leave. So my courage is growing. <<<

 

Just end it. The relationship has obviously run its course. There's no way to do this without hurting him and without feeling a little guilty about it. Just do it now before the pain becomes even worse. You don't need to do or say anything special. I'd just talk to him whenever you feel you're ready to do it (the sooner the better) and just tell him how you feel, that "He's a nice guy, yada yada, but the relationship between you two isn't going anywhere and that it's time to move on."