Women & Sex..... Some will think a sexist rant....

[WorldIsYours]

I think if most of these women could be brutally honest with their men, it would boil down to the fact that the wives are no longer attracted to their husbands.

 

I am one of those women... I can't be brutally honest with my H because it's not within me... as much as I resent him (most of the time) and dislike him (sometimes), it is not within me to crush him with those words...

 

I have a sex drive.....I just don't have the desire to be with my husband.. I wish I did, but I don't.

 

Well divorce him. He doesn't need someone who will gaslight him, then resent him to the point of cheating on him.

[WorldIsYours]

That's the $1,000,000 question.... we have 2 small children and at least for now it's "easier" (I dislike using that word) to have the children under one roof with 2 parents than to split up their home and our resources.

 

We have recently hired a nanny to help with the children, cook and do light cleaning... but this seems to have given my H the idea that he's totally off the hook now...

 

The resentment has been building for 5 - 7 years now and I think the damage is permanent. I may be able to grow to like my husband again someday, but I doubt very much that I will ever feel passion for him again or look at him as being sexy....

 

I need to be in this for the long haul....I have children who are relying on me and I can't just think about my needs anymore. We can't always walk away from our "mistakes" (unhappy marriages)...

 

We do not have a lot of shouting or arguing going on in front of the children, so please no lectures on the damage being done to the children.... I suffer in silence for the most part...I do not want to make this the children's problem as well..

 

It's already the children's problem. They'll find out soon enough and then you won't be able to contain your "silence."

[WorldIsYours]

In no way do I condone cheating but in a situation like this I see nothing wrong with a man telling his wife that he will go elsewhere if he has tried everything. I said say the same thing for a woman as well. Nobody should be forced to live like a catholic priest.

 

In a situation like that, it's a call for separation/divorce, not attempting to guilt someone into having sex with you, and making them paranoid that you'll cheat. The threats causes nothing but more issues.

[sally4sara]

This again goes back to another of my threads where I hypothesized that as opposed to Viagra/Levira/Cialis a woman's pill for increased desire/ability/orgasms would be a much much much tougher sell and be denounced by some women.

 

I think the reason why such a pill would not be promoted half as much as the male versions is that our society doesn't really want married women wanting more sex. Instead it would get used as the new date rape drug.

I think quite a few husbands would enjoy the idea at first - and then immediately begin to worry about what happens if they are not around when she is hot to trot.

 

Ever notice how some insurance companies won't cover birth control but do cover viagra? At least that's how it has been with my last two carriers.

[Stung]

 

Ever notice how some insurance companies won't cover birth control but do cover viagra? At least that's how it has been with my last two carriers.

 

Yes, that pisses me off.

[sally4sara]

And viagra DOES work for women with physical impediments (not psychological) to enjoying sex yet it is STILL not covered by insurance companies for women. They can get it - online and out of pocket but only men can get it prescribed to them by a doctor and see it covered by insurance.

 

Yet the OP wants to pin the lack of interest in a female viagra on women?

 

Yes I now think this is a sexist thread. Could it be chalked up to the OP being male and not realizing how insurance companies and the field of medicine view female sexuality? Probably, but he sure isn't looking any further than women for someone to blame.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I can promise you as someone who works in the Insurance Industry not a single client or carrier I know covers Viagra (may be written in some very unique cases) and not a single carrier excludes birth control.....

 

As for a female viagra, I am 100% convinced that it would not be a resounding success and few males would worry their spouse would take it and turn into a raving sex addict....... That's very funny.....

[Moanin]

Most probably economic/social security.

It`s why most women continue to pretend.

They can`t make it on their own and know it.

 

Please know that I am the major bread winner by a significant amount.....I CAN make it on my own. Being a parent means having to be selfless.....I need to make selfless decisions for my children...

[mem11363]

Somewhere in the overlap of respect and fear and excitement - lies passion.

 

Somewhere in the overlap between love and aggression and outright dominance - lies passion.

 

My W never liked flowers or jewelry or expensive clothing. But scare her or overpower her and - Wow. But scaring or overpowering her just the right way - without being mean - requires skill that comes from years of practice.

 

 

I think that some women use a man for security and don't really fancy him like that. It's funny though how in one case when a friend of mine threatened to find another woman all of a sudden his wife's libido magically came back.

[Moanin]

Well divorce him. He doesn't need someone who will gaslight him, then resent him to the point of cheating on him.

 

Please don't comment as if you know anything about my situation....it is apparent from your posts that you are a bitter person. I'm sorry for whoever wronged you, but you do not need to come here and spew your poison onto other people...

[Woggle]

If my marriage ever came to that point I would divorce her but it worked for my friend and they both seem very happy right now. No way in hell I would ever put myself through the slow torture many other men do when their wives turn on them. My wife would have a year to get back with the program or I am out of there. Life is to short to try and make a woman love you again when there are plenty of other women out there who would love for you to rock their world.

 

Also if women after 40 lose interest in sex how come they are willing to be a total freak for the OM when they cheat?

[Woggle]

Please don't comment as if you know anything about my situation....it is apparent from your posts that you are a bitter person. I'm sorry for whoever wronged you, but you do not need to come here and spew your poison onto other people...

 

He is right. If your husband is this bad that you are not even willing to try and improve the marriage then just divorce him and give him joint custody.

[xxoo]

Yes I absolutely desired sex with my XAP, but the actual sex ended up not being very good so ended those feelings. My XAP was filling an emotional need in me more so than the physical.

 

The desire for my H ended after having our first child and he was never around, not helping out. We had a lot of other life stresses caused by him that were not infidelity related that made me resent him deeply. He was also always threatening to end the M if I did not have more sex with him. This caused me to resent him more. I believe his infidelity was the cause of our lack of sex. Since his infidelity we have had more passionate sex, probably hysterical bonding.

 

Both of us were very bad at communicating. Today we are a totally different couple. I am beginning to desire him again. But that crazy insane desire to have sex I no longer have and I am not sure if it is because of everything that has gone on in our M, me, or maybe a combination of both.

 

Thanks for answering.

 

I think a lot of women who have low libido with the husbands would have a libido spike (for a while) with a new partner. That's why I think it is often about the relationship, and nothing that a pill can address.

[xxoo]

Somewhere in the overlap of respect and fear and excitement - lies passion.

 

Somewhere in the overlap between love and aggression and outright dominance - lies passion.

 

My W never liked flowers or jewelry or expensive clothing. But scare her or overpower her and - Wow. But scaring or overpowering her just the right way - without being mean - requires skill that comes from years of practice.

 

I don't doubt that you are right about the fear and dominance stuff with some women, but it isn't something that I recognize in myself, personally. So I don't believe it is true for all women.

 

I do like a little playful dominance in bed once in a while, but any insecurity or power play out of the bedroom makes me pull away.....

[Moanin]

He is right. If your husband is this bad that you are not even willing to try and improve the marriage then just divorce him and give him joint custody.

 

I guess we'll just agree to disagree.... I have a feeling that if I were posting about leaving my husband and my children.... you men would have something different to say....

 

I can turn it around and ask you..... why don't you leave your wife.....apparently she isn't all that attracted to you?

[Woggle]

I guess we'll just agree to disagree.... I have a feeling that if I were posting about leaving my husband and my children.... you men would have something different to say....

 

I can turn it around and ask you..... why don't you leave your wife.....apparently she isn't all that attracted to you?

 

If you were leaving your kids behind then yes but give him joint custody and be civil with him instead of being in a sham of a marriage. Either that or try and work on the issues in your marriage.

 

My current wife and I have a great sex life but in my first marriage I was called the worst love she ever had though she was the only woman who seemed to think that. There is no way I would ever put up with that torture again. I also know many men in sexless marriages and no matter what these men do it is never enough so why keep trying?

[Moanin]

Woogle, I tried to edit my original post and I owe you an apology....I do not want to play dirty and I really do not know anything about your situation.....so I tried to remove my comment and I do apologize.... some people on here are too quick to say "just divorce and leave"...I find that to be such a trite comment and it just makes me crazy..

[Woggle]

Woogle, I tried to edit my original post and I owe you an apology....I do not want to play dirty and I really do not know anything about your situation.....so I tried to remove my comment and I do apologize.... some people on here are too quick to say "just divorce and leave"...I find that to be such a trite comment and it just makes me crazy..

 

Apology accepted.

 

I know it is not as easy as just divorce and leave but if you are not willing to work to improve your marriage to him then just sitting there and stewing in resentment is not good for anybody in that house.

[dreamingoftigers]

I really don't get the female low libido thing, but then again I am a sexual addict married to a sexual addict.

[mem11363]

X,

Your post is completely consistent with everything you write.

 

Dominating a situation can be completely different than dominating/trying to control a person. And dominance and aggression have no implied link to insecurity. You and your H have an incredible level of natural chemistry.

 

 

 

I don't doubt that you are right about the fear and dominance stuff with some women, but it isn't something that I recognize in myself, personally. So I don't believe it is true for all women.

 

I do like a little playful dominance in bed once in a while, but any insecurity or power play out of the bedroom makes me pull away.....

[Woggle]

I really don't get the female low libido thing, but then again I am a sexual addict married to a sexual addict.

 

From what you say your husband is addicted to porn even though you are more than willing to be intimate with him. Men who would rather wack off to porn than have sex with a good woman who is willing are out of their mind. I enjoyed my nudie mags while I was single but now I no longer need them.

[Moanin]

stewing in resentment is not good for anybody in that house.

 

I agree with you .....I guess sometimes the "known" is less scary than the "unknown" and the thought of being a single mother with 2 young children scares the hell out of me...

 

Trust me, my husband is not complaining...he actually has it pretty nice here at home...

[Woggle]

What exactly does he do that is so bad?

[Moanin]

What exactly does he do that is so bad?

 

I'll give just a few examples; we have been married a little more than 10 years. I swear to you that I am not exaggerating....about 1 month ago he called me at work and asked me how to start our dishwasher....and it dawned on me that he had never used it before. He has also never used our washing machine or dryer...but yet, he complains if he's out of white t-shirts to wear under his dress-shirts.

 

He's very good at directing everyone while sitting on the sofa with remote in hand..

 

He has this fear of getting his hands dirty....I'm serious. He won't touch dirty dishes, change diapers (unless home alone with the kids for a long period of time), etc...

 

I manage all of the bills along with the timing of payments.....he has no idea where we are financially....he doesn't ask because he just doesn't have to think about it.

 

He is a good father and is very involved with our children and he is stable in his career....so there are some positives.

 

If he were not a good father, there would be no question about me leaving and that decision would be made easy for me......If I were to leave and split up our home, I would still be responsible for all of the stuff I listed above (there's much more I could have listed), I just wouldn't be doing it for him anymore..

 

When I got married I had hoped that we would be a team, instead I feel as if I have a 3rd child to care for.....and for me, that isn't very sexy...

[dreamingoftigers]

You are cheating on him because you don't have the sense to confront him and set proper boundaries about housework!?!?

 

Seriously get some conflict-resolution books. Try boundaries: where you and I begin.

 

Call divorcebusters or a marriage counselor or something. God, try not doing the dishes.

 

This is serious serious conflict avoidance. It will affect every facet of your life if you don't solve it!

 

I know that conflict-avoidance tend to be married to pushy people but he isn't responsible for you not being able to hold your own line.

 

Now unless you have the OM doing all of the dishes and laundry for you, so that you and your husband can have date night, you aren't subtracting fro

Your problems, you are adding to them BIG TIME. plus there is an amazingly good chance that by continuing this course if action that you WILL become that single mother that you so fear.

 

Conflict-avoidant! Google it!

 

I say this as nicely as possible and out of concern for the well-being of your children.