subtitled Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 is it possible to have a 'close friend' who is of the opposite sex, with whom you do boyfriendy/girlfriendy things, such as hold hands, cuddle, kiss hello/goodbye (on the lips, but no tongue).... but that you don't call your 'girlfriend/boyfriend'? or is that entering bf/gf territory and the use of 'close friend' signifies denial or hesitance? Link to post Share on other sites
Renny_H Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 I'm a guy, and I have this close female friend (who I don't see as breeding material), but if I was to hold her hand and kiss, I'd surely lead her on. I can't predict her thoughts, but she might actually develop feelings for me, grow really, really attached if I make a move, however innocent. I think two girls can hold hands as friends. I think a girl can hold a gay guy's hand without anything happening. But I'm skeptical about what you're saying, subtitled. Even if I was already seeing someone, getting physical with a female friend might stir up things (unless she was a very very old childhood friend. I'd say that'll be okay). Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by subtitled is it possible to have a 'close friend' who is of the opposite sex, with whom you do boyfriendy/girlfriendy things, such as hold hands, cuddle, kiss hello/goodbye (on the lips, but no tongue).... but that you don't call your 'girlfriend/boyfriend'? or is that entering bf/gf territory and the use of 'close friend' signifies denial or hesitance? ... tongue can change in a blink of an eye..or a flick of the tongue...It's too easy to become FWB...Here is a way to judge.. If you want to screw him/her, even in the very least, it may not be possible to remain. just friends. I have a friend who is male who is gay...No problem there...and one who I wouldn't want to sleep with...no chemistry...we don't hug or kiss or cuddle...just bitch to each other about everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 if you are close friends with someone, and it comes to this, is there a rule where you can sort of experiment for a while to see if you work out as more than friends, because i guess that's the gap i'm referring to.. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 it sounds like you do want this to go from friends to lovers, right? it sounds like it's going there already... so if i were u, i'd just keep it up, maybe be a bit more obvious abt the affection... and see what happens. good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 You've already crossed over into other territory. Just keep going because you can't just experiment. Maybe you guys need to talk about this and see if you are on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 One of my friends used to say that there were two different kinds of opposite sex friends. Those who have a brother-sister relationship, and those where at least one of the parties would like to be more than friends. Although I'm not sure that's completely true, it has been my experience that it's pretty close. Sounds like perhaps yours falls into the latter category?? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by Renny_H I'm a guy, and I have this close female friend (who I don't see as breeding material) She doesn't wear glasses, does she? I have plenty of female friends, and our discussions are friendly and personal, but the desire for affections usually reserved to romantic relationships are mutually nonexistent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 I've been friends with this guy for about 7/8 months now, and the whole time there has been some indication either/both of us wanted something more than 'friendship'... he made his move the other night when i was watching a dvd at his place, a reasonably innocent 'move', but a move nevertheless. He put his head on my shoulder and then we ended up cuddled up to eachother, holding hands and for the first time kissed eachother goodbye on the lips. For 8 months it's been a goodbye kiss on the cheek and only a hug hello and goodbye. here's the big complication - He's Christian. I've been going along to his church a bit, i'm actually interested in Christianity, that is, i would like to find some guidance in life. That's all fine, except i'm not sure what he considers sin to be. Is kissing me more than just a lip kiss a sin? Lust is a sin, adultery is a sin... but there are so many grey areas. The other day he referred to a girl as having been a "close friend"... and he motioned the inverted commas with his hands, which to me implied they had been more intimate than just friends. The same night he had referred to this girl in a photo as a 'close friend', was the night he made a move on me... so now i'm confused as to whether i'm also now a "close friend" which i read as: if he weren't Christian and had self-restraint he'd probably refer to me as his girlfriend. here's the other complication - we're both pretty shy.. and i saw him again last night, kissed on the lips hello, but then he didn't try to hold my hand when we were walking around, so finally i decided i would take his arm crossing the road, to which he responded by taking my hand. I drove him home, he kissed me goodbye and took my hands again, then got out of the car. it's just a strange thing for me to be kissing a guy but not doing the tongue thing and also having been friends with him for so long before.. it's confusing. I just wonder if he's regretting making a move, or if he's shy, or if it's in his beliefs to be restrained to this point... Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 ok, I can cut through the crap real quick: In terms of relationships, what is it that you are looking for now? Get rid of what you don't want and build the life with the things that you want in it! Whose life is it anyway? Sometimes what we call strife is holding on to what we don't need because we think we do and no getting what we deserve because we don't think we deserve it. You deserve love. Find out if she can provide that. If she is kissing you then that is in the lover status. Beware, if she is just playing like you suspect then you could get real hurt. Be the man, ask her what she thinks about the relationship. You know people do start off as friends and progress further to deeper things. If she is kissing you then make all the right moves and be bold and you will see if her heart is true. There is someone for you out there, why not find her as soon as you can so you can start focusing on other things. Playing the field is for dummies that don't want to get anywhere. If she is kissing you and doesn't consider you worthy of bf status than she is not worthy of even being your friend, because that is a rotten thing to do. My whole point here is: if you want a girlfriend in your life, get one!!! oh sorry your a girl, but the advice is the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 I think it may depend on the two people and what they are looking for. If they are looking for a particular relationship ending...then the touchy feely friendship thing doesn't seem to work. ONE of them are sure to develop feelings and now there is a problem. We've had many such posts on LS. Then again, it can be two people who aren't looking for anything, DO find the other person attractive and enjoy being intimate but not in a sexual way.....then it can be a great frienship. There is a guy I work with who puts his arm around me, kisses me on the head, we make silly talk in front of other people....to the point where people have even assumed me had something going. Truth is....we are just friends. We enjoy the flirt, the fun and being buddies. I can't even IMAGINE us ever having sex. So, if you and your friend are happy with the relationship you currently have.....enjoy it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 The kissing is kinda pushing it. Otherwise it isnt that borderline. Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by subtitled Is kissing me more than just a lip kiss a sin? Lust is a sin, adultery is a sin... but there are so many grey areas. Well, to some people in America, You could have a gang-bang while being tied up & video-taped in front of an audience of pot-smoking lesbian midgets and it wouldn't necessarly be a "sin". LOL My point is, Christian or not, everyone has their own set boundries, morals and code of ethics. As far as the line of friendship, it sounds as if you are dating and moving into the "more than friends" territory. Enjoy the fact that you are both shy, as you said, and just go with it naturally. There is something pure and simple about it that makes it more special. Many people rush into relationships and miss out on that "innocent' time. You gotta admit, the "butterflies in your stomach" feeling is great. Once the relationship progresses into a more physical and intimate relationship those "butterflies" disappear in time. But, are replaced with other wonderful feelings. Just enjoy how things are going. Trust me, questioning things can lead to disaster. One reason I lost a great guy because I felt the need to overanalize the "friendship/relationship". If I would have just went with the natural flow of things, they may be different now. That is the best advice I could offer you. Good luck! I hope it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted April 1, 2004 Author Share Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by dolphinsunshyn Just enjoy how things are going. Trust me, questioning things can lead to disaster. One reason I lost a great guy because I felt the need to overanalize the "friendship/relationship". If I would have just went with the natural flow of things, they may be different now. That is the best advice I could offer you. Good luck! I hope it works out. thankyou it's hard not to over analyse these things. If i could switch the part of my brain off that thinks about him like this i would... any strategies??? lol... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 Well, to some people in America, You could have a gang-bang while being tied up & video-taped in front of an audience of pot-smoking lesbian midgets and it wouldn't necessarly be a "sin". LOL Ohh.. Kinky.. Just my type. Subtitled, I think you should just talk to him & see where both of you want to go with this. Its called COMMUNICATION. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted April 1, 2004 Share Posted April 1, 2004 The Christian issue is so sticky. Expect someone who considers themselves even somewhat of a "hardcore" christian to have sex or some form of intimate relations with you before marriage and expect to suffer alot. I think its even used in modern times as an excuse, i.e. if a person doesn't want to have sex or intimate contact of any kind they will say it is because they are Christian. Conversely, however there are people who think that waiting is the right thing for them to do and the good thing for them to do and I can't judge them for that. I myself am probably alot more "Christian" than I like to fess up to along with half the people on the globe, but to tell you the truth I am not really sure about that. Its probably more like Christianity has locked me in a cage. Link to post Share on other sites
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