Becksy17 Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend 2 years and he moved in to my flat last june. I found out he was an alcoholic 3 months ago it's the lies but also we never see his friends. Before he moved in he saw them regularly but he hasn't aseen them nearly as much. Why Does he not want me to meet them? Can anyone help? Link to post Share on other sites
managot1 Posted March 17, 2011 Share Posted March 17, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend 2 years and he moved in to my flat last june. I found out he was an alcoholic 3 months ago it's the lies but also we never see his friends. Before he moved in he saw them regularly but he hasn't aseen them nearly as much. Why Does he not want me to meet them? Can anyone help? First of all I'm a recovering addict from opiates. Why are you so worried about him not seeing his friends??? You should be MORE worried that he is an alcoholic!!! Get him help before he gets so far in his addiction and trust me it will affect you too!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Becksy17 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Share Posted March 17, 2011 I know - he has started to go to AA meetings. I just cant understand why he lies about little things all the time - going to the cinema when he goes to the pub etc And why he keeps me away from his friends? I mean i don trust him thats a big issue. Has anyone else excperienced this? B:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
managot1 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I know - he has started to go to AA meetings. I just cant understand why he lies about little things all the time - going to the cinema when he goes to the pub etc And why he keeps me away from his friends? I mean i don trust him thats a big issue. Has anyone else excperienced this? B:sick: Not trusting someone is a HUGE issue!! How many AA meetings do you know he is going too?? and how do you know he's not lieing if he lies about little things than that seems to be he lies about a lot.. thats the way i was i lied about everything it became my lifestlye. I lied about things that really didnt have to be lied about. I was just afraid for people to see who I was. I didnt have a definiton of who I was. I actually thought everything was fine when it really wasnt. I thought no one knew or had an idea i had a problem when they did all along.. Being in rehab or even IOP (Intensive Out Patient) makes a big change on your life because you can start to relate to peoples life stories. At first i thought everyone else was more ****ed up then I was. Then i realized I could relate to other peope. Thats what its all about is RELATING not COMPARING!!! When you compare to other people then you really don't know whno your are Link to post Share on other sites
melee1 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 he hasn't drank in nearly 3 months and he's been going through his ups and downs. and i've been along for the ride. last night he called and said he would be late...his meetings ended up at a local motel conference room, instead of local as originally planned. when he got...very standoffish. then all of sudden he says he saw the wind blow up a woman's dress over her head and he told her to go inside. i asked if she was a colleage...he said no. then way later...he says, her husband was upset with her for not wearing pants. anyway...the whole story didn't make sense. i got it into my head he ended up at a motel for some reason with a woman...and somebody saw him...and it was going to get back to me. so he was covering himself. he didn't smell like alcohol. but i just had a weird feeling. we argued before bed and i got the kids ready for school, went to work...meantime, he was quiet. i kissed him good bye and wished him a good day. i'm still worried over this. it seems like from one week to the next, its always something. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hi, OP, welcome to LS To me, the fact that you never met his friends in the 18 months prior to moving in together is a huge red flag. He's probably been lying about them too. IME, people who are alcoholics tend to compartmentalize thoughts, actions *and* friends while active in the disease. TBH, I would not be in an intimate relationship with an alcoholic who is not in active recovery. It's crazy-making. I've loved a few. Not pretty. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Becksy17 Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 heh thanks for your msg - sounds as if this is all in his imagination I wouldnt worry about it. Im now going to Al anon meetings to keep me sane... my boyfriend has been sober 3 wks (apparently) but the prob is the trust has already gone and I just cant see this being long term. Hes now on his best behaviour and suddenly booking me into hi smembership for this and that when teh relationships on teh rocks??! Im going to go to an open AA meeting to try and understand more. Take care becs he hasn't drank in nearly 3 months and he's been going through his ups and downs. and i've been along for the ride. last night he called and said he would be late...his meetings ended up at a local motel conference room, instead of local as originally planned. when he got...very standoffish. then all of sudden he says he saw the wind blow up a woman's dress over her head and he told her to go inside. i asked if she was a colleage...he said no. then way later...he says, her husband was upset with her for not wearing pants. anyway...the whole story didn't make sense. i got it into my head he ended up at a motel for some reason with a woman...and somebody saw him...and it was going to get back to me. so he was covering himself. he didn't smell like alcohol. but i just had a weird feeling. we argued before bed and i got the kids ready for school, went to work...meantime, he was quiet. i kissed him good bye and wished him a good day. i'm still worried over this. it seems like from one week to the next, its always something. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 One, he may not have the "friends" and has been lying about their existence. Two, alcoholic friends are an embarrassment to have because they can be all over the map in their looks and behavior. Three, he may not trust his friends to keep his secrets. Four, it may just be a couple of misfit guys leering at you. Alcoholics lie for a number of reasons not the least of which is that the little demon inside likes to be drunk and wants to keep everyone from shutting the party down. Truth is, it stopped being a "party" a long time ago and now it IS HIS LIFE. He may have a past where his life experiences while sober are small but his life of drunkness encompasses all his meaningful memories--in that case there's nothing to "recover" to. A person has to learn how to face life as if it's all new. Link to post Share on other sites
SxB Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend 2 years and he moved in to my flat last june. I found out he was an alcoholic 3 months ago it's the lies but also we never see his friends. Before he moved in he saw them regularly but he hasn't aseen them nearly as much. Why Does he not want me to meet them? Can anyone help? Ask him, he's the only one who knows that answer. Relationships rely on good communication, without that you can expect to have no real relationship with anyone-- not even yourself. About the alcohol part- He doesn't lie because he is an alcoholic, he lies because that's the way the guy is, and lying isn't always bad, only bad thing would be if you can't understanding and be compatible with the way he is. One type of lying to watch out for would be the kind where people are solely using deceitful behaviors against you to use you. Nonetheless, I would stop blaming his behaivor on other things and start focusing if whether or not he is just the right man for you or not, and never think it's your job to get him some help, that's up to him solely. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Becky, besides the lies with obvious reasons behind them, my feeling is their brains just get damaged, they're a bit crazy and don't always make sense. What I'm wondering is how you could have been with him and even lived with him so long and not known he was an alcoholic? Probably if you go to Alanon you will be able to make much more sense out of him and more importantly, why you are with him. If he sticks with his program he'll probably act more reasonable over time. Good luck. At first I took offense to your verbage of "THeir brains just get damaged", but you are correct. Luckily there is a healing that can happen. No one here can say why "HE" is lying, only he knows those reasons, however deranged they may sound to the average joe. I find it severely ironic that the dude is supposedly in recovery yet visits a pub?? Sorry that doesn't add up to an inch of recovery.... As suggested , get to Alanon meetings and separate yourself from the disease this man carries. As humans we lie for various reasons...whether alcoholic or not. Even the poster is probably lieing to herself on the severity of this matter, how easily we justify sometimes, or blow things out of range.....without the facts in hand. Link to post Share on other sites
maximus2305 Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Why do humans ****? I'm a recovering alcoholic and you are in way over your head. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 (edited) I lost contact with my friends when I was close to rock bottom, and lied about stupid things, and was trying to moderate my drinking / smoking / eating / spending. I was lost and confused. Lying is normally done because we fear the outcome of telling the truth. When we are very unwell, we become more fearful of more pain. If the pain is emotional in origin, we wish to avoid more emotional pain in particular. If we are mentally unwell, our judgment as to what may cause pain can be very impaired. You can only predict what he will do based on what he has done because what he says will be primarily to prevent emotional pain. His words and actions do not accord. Pay attention to your own feelings and work to honour them. Be clear and precise and non-judgmental about how you feel, what he does that makes you feel that way, and what you want him to change. Also let him know what you will do if he does not change as you want him to. For instance: I'm getting frustrated and upset because you tell me little lies so often. I want you to stop lying like that and just be honest with me. I'll do my best to not get angry with you so don't be afraid about telling the truth. If you don't, I will leave you. Also, make sure the rest of your life is good for you. Your hobbies, your social life, your work, your sleep, your diet, your happiness. Doing things that don't involve your partner will make you feel much better. Edited April 26, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 That's interesting. Having been in a mental health ward, I can say that being around other ill people can worsen your condition. Not that the addicts health and happiness is the only concern - the health and happiness of other people may benefit from taking these people out of general circulation. I guess it's a matter of what resources are available as to how many patients get the space, time, attention etc to recover. Then there's the consideration that until you've been in that place, some people will envy the facilities. The free accommodation, activities, care and attention, and therefore strive to be admitted. So the facilities and opportunities for healthier ways to express oneself need to be available for everyone, but especially those people who are disadvantaged enough to not be able to afford time / money for commercially provided services but are working hard to remain self-sufficient and not turning to desperate measures such as self-medicating with drink. Link to post Share on other sites
upsoarsditroosotnch Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Музыкальные новостюшки Торговая Сеть Подкова мультики секс картинки Мавроди назвали жуликом, а пенсионерам предлагают-вложи рубль получишь два эт как? познался с тобой случайно русская секс вечеринка бесплатный фильм порно баня качественное полнометражное порно знакомства катайск две пьяные девки Есть ли такая еда, которую вы раньше не могли есть, а сейчас любите? видео 240х320 порнуха домашнее порево фото видео ООО ПТК Беллария порно ххх скачать бесплатно видео японские извращения скачать Доска Объявлений - dynaboard.ru групповой порно разврат надо-ли оплачивать штраф если он выписан ГИБДД а сейчас ПИДР топ красивых порно актрис скажите вот есть пропионат, сустанон и омнадрен. как их принимать сколько раз и когда??? Link to post Share on other sites
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