Obsessed with boyfriend's Ex-girlfriend!!!!

[GirlyGirl008]

Hello,

 

Glad I found this forum....here is my situation, hope I can get some advice.

 

I have been together with my boyfriend for almost 4 yrs now. We own a house together and plan on getting married in 2006. We have had a great relationship thus far. Sure we've had some bumps, but nothing major.

 

I knew about his ex from the very beginning. When I met him, he was still with her, but everyone said that it was on the rocks. We met at school so we used to study together and stuff. We both knew that we liked each other though.

 

Respectfully, he told me that he had a girlfriend and that nothing could happen between us while he was still with her. I am sooo glad he didn't cheat on her with me, cause if he did, I doubt we would be together today.

 

So after a few months, they broke up, it seemed like it was mutual, they both weren't happy. I think that they were just going in different directions and didn't have anything in common anymore.

 

We should have waited a bit to date, but we got together almost right away. I first saw his ex when I was out with my girlfriends, she looked horrible. Nothing I should worry about at all.

 

If I remember correctly, we had our first contact when she sent my boyfriend a nasty email. I replied to and said some nasty things back. My boyfriend said she used to be really possessive and very manipulative. He also said she loved confrontation and likes to mess with people's heads. He said she also used to follow him and totally violate his privacy. She always suspected him of cheating, but he never did. She even admits that he never did. She must of been just really insecure.

 

So, that first email was a mistake cause it started a whirlwind of chaos. She found my online profile and I found hers, so we would both look at each others. More that a couple time, we started writing nasty things and ended up emailing each other. She tried to tell me that he was such a bad boyfriend as says she is just "looking out for me" and says he is a liar. At first, this did upset me. I told my boyfriend and he said it is a classic case of her trying to mess with my head. Although we have emailed each other a few times and I haven't told him. Whenever I bring her up, he gets kind of mad. He says that it was a time in his life he just wants to forget.

 

She even said that they met up once when we were first dating, didn't say that they kissed or did anything, but she said that he was lying to me. I confronted my boyfriend and he said she was full of it!

 

I still look at her profiles, 4 yrs later, and she looks at mine. She has a new boyfriend who is overweight, bald and not very successful, but she says he treats her like gold and she would never want him back. They are even getting married soon. My boyfriend in contrast is very easy on the eyes, successful and he treats ME well. I know they had a bad relationship and fought all the time (total contrary from us)

 

So what I don't understand is...why does she still care about what we are up to? I think I have more of a reason to be interested because she is his ex. But if her new life is so great and happy, why does she care about me/us? After I read some of these posts, it helped me to erased all my profiles online etc. I know she looks at them. I don't want to give her the satisfaction anymore.

 

I don't understand why I care though...I am young, very successful, pretty and have a great relationship. I have so much more than her, including a much better boyfriend...so why do I care?

 

I am kind of bummed that they are engaged and I am still waiting. I know it is coming, so I'm not really worried about that.

 

I feel like I can't move on with my life, while I am still curious about "her". I think about it alot, seems like an obsession...

 

Any advise?????

[dixiepix]

It is in your best interest to forget about her and cut all ties with her. Seems like you allowing her to continue to haunt him as well as yourself. She is a part of his past that he wants to forget and so should you. Some people are just "crazy". Don't let her make you crazy too. Why worry if she is getting married or not? That is her problem; sounds like she is just doing it to feel more secure.

 

If u and your bf have a house together and are making solid plans of a future together, that is much more important than anything the 2 of them ever had. As far as the waiting thing goes...my bf and I dated 5 years before I got a ring, in fact it was the X-mas right before he was to graduate college. Upon graduation we moved and bought a house together, then married the next x-mas. We now have a son and another on the way. Good things in life are worth the wait.

 

Last but not least, relationships are full of real problems and issues that arise. Once you are married, you'll have to work thru these regularly to maintain a marriage. Don't go creating any unneccesary issues. Good luck.

[Medgirl]

That's pretty crazy stuff. I don't think it's any of her business what's going on in your relationship. Once someone is out of the picture, they're out of the picture. I don't know who my ex's current girlfriend is, nor do I care. It's definintely time for her to move on. I think what she's doing is very unhealthy. Not only does it bother you, I'm sure it prevents her from moving forward in her relationship as well. My advice to you is don't fuel the fire. It really bothers me that my boyfriend is afraid to tell his exwife my age (I'm 20, he's 27). She gave him up. She has absolutely no say in his life anymore. Maybe you should tell her to butt out, and then just move on and totally ignore her. I think that'd be best for the both of you.

[SCK-]

she sounds crepy... why would someone keep tabs like that on someone after so long.

 

Ignore her, if you take notice of what she is doing you are only going to encourage her and drive yourself crazy about a person that really is nothing to you ex girlfriend or not concentrate on the future not the past...move on:)

[Thinkalot]

Read through my threads on this ,in this section...they might help. Good luck...my advice is listed in the threads on obsessing!

[Outrageous-X]

i had a similar problem which i even posted on here. it almost ended my relationship. get over it. i still think about her all the time but i don't bring her up anymore. and i don't look for traces of her like i used to. don't try to forget that she exists, that will only make you think about her more. the way that i help myself is by thinking of it as a competition (i'm a very competitive person). you won him, she lost. you're the winner. you got the prize and now she's eating your dust and it's killing her.

[lovin67]

Your story is exactly my story (minus the whole profile issue and I've been with my BF for 2 years). I'm so glad that I found this website because I thought I was one of the few with this problem.

 

My Advice to you would be to ignore the fact that she is even living. Just like you I have a beautiful relationship, we're succesful, we both compliment each other in a million ways, but its so hard to just forget about her, I know.

 

I would concentrate on the things in your relationship now that makes you the happiest girl in the world. Focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship now helps push the ex-girlfriend out of your head. Also reminding yourself why they broke up, remembering that you got him, and reminding yourself that he would never go back with her because of all the problems they had. It sounds like they had a destructive relationship and nothing good ever came of it so just keep telling yourself that.

 

I never thought that there could be such a crazy girl in the world until I experienced what you are experiencing. Girls can be nuts. Remind yourself that she obviously has problems with herself and her life and thats just sad.

 

Last reminder : you can rationalize with irrational people. So dont waste your time.

 

Write me any time becuase I still cant get over the fact that our stories are practically identical!! Good Luck!

[foreverhopeful]

How do you even know she IS engaged or IS with anyone at all? She doesn't sound like it if she has more time to edit her profile instead of getting out there and getting over the fact that her old boyfriend is with you now.

 

She has some bad issues. I am glad you've deleted your info, don't give her the satisfaction. With anybody so obsessive it's the not knowing that will kill her. If you can erase her from your life she will only have to wonder. Make sure she cannot contact you or him and try to live your lives happily for once.

 

In short -- She's pissed that her Ex found the love of a good woman, someone who's treating him right and who he adores. Something she's obviously too deranged to be capable of being for another, as evidenced by her stories and contact with you.

 

As for you getting away from thinking about her. Apart from deleting your e-mail accounts and profiles and starting new ones without telling her, making sure she cannot keep 'tabs' on you, It has to come from within. I am hopeful that you will one day realise you haven't thought about her for weeks, and you'll smile once more!

 

I suspect the reason you care so much is because you're with a lovely man who was once with her. You're confident within yourself [where she isn't concerned] you're succesful and happy and luckier than her in many areas, so it bothers you that he found her attractive and had a past with her. It's that whole "I don't get what he saw in her" thing. Just remember, he's not with her anymore, if you obsess too much, you may lose him. Don't let that happen!!

 

Hope I helped somewhat!