question

[Scott]

OK, I'm glad this site is, to a degree, anonymous. I really want to know what people think, however. When trying to get over a former lover, is it unhealthy to masturbate, or fantasize about that person? I find it very difficult not to, especially seing as that person has been the only one I have known for some time. I'm curious what people think.

[Paulie]

I'd be curious to know what people think, myself. However, I think that it's certainly okay, as long as you don't feel like you're obsessing about your ex, and can begin to fantasize about others within what you consider to be a reasonable abount of time, it's ok. Have Fun!

[Help Me]

I would say that you should do what comes natural. i that is fantasizing about an ex then do it. However, also you need to always keep in the forefront of your mind that those are just fantasies.

[Nina]

I think that it may be unhealthy in that continued fantasizing about an ex-lover can make it more difficult to get over them.

 

It's a question of behavior. Humans, like all other animals with at least some higher cognitive funcitoning, are controlled by conditioning, elicitation, and association. We find in research on drug addicts, especially heroine addicts, that environment and association are strong precursors to behavioral reaction. For example, say a heroin-user is used to shooting up in their living room, with certain people present, listening to a certain genre of music. If you take them out of that setting and give them the same dose, the dose could be fatal, even if they had been shooting up MORE in their accustomed environment.

 

This sounds a little esoteric, but it can be related to the psychological phenomena of attachement. This is why you feel the urge to engage in this behavior. You have been conditioned to feel sexual arousal in the presence of this certain individual. You have difficulty feeling aroused without the accompanying visual or mental stimulation of the image of that individual. In order to "get over" this individual, it's important that you try to de-condition yourself so that your sexual impulses are independent of that stimulation.

 

I see a lot of people who have difficulty disengaging themselves from past relationships. They find that in new relationships they're still hung up on past lovers. Masturbating to ex-lovers is common, but not really advantageous to those wishing to completely disengage themselves from the emotional and sexual ties of previous relationships.

[Tony T]

The mind does not know the difference between that which is real and that which is imagined. If you masturbate and think of your ex, your mind is tricked to think you are still seeing her. The healing process can be delayed a very long time.

 

When you break from somebody, JUST FORGET THEM AND MOVE ON!!!

 

Go buy a Playboy Magazine.

[Help Me]

The mind does not know the difference between that which is real and that which is imagined. If you masturbate and think of your ex, your mind is tricked to think you are still seeing her. The healing process can be delayed a very long time. When you break from somebody, JUST FORGET THEM AND MOVE ON!!! Go buy a Playboy Magazine.