Attached but have a crush on a new friend...what to do?

[somebody]

I have been with my partner for 3 over years, and i treasured this relationship very much.

 

Now i have a crush on one my new friend, I crave for her sms, instead of my partner's. I'm constantly thinkin of her.

 

What should I do? I seriously need some help.

 

Please help me.

[Fofinha]

Having doubts or moments in which your eyes linger a little bit more is normal. We are all human after all. If these "thoughts" remain in the fantasy department, I would not be too concerned.

But if you find yourself constantly thinking of someone else or really longing for them physically (especially when you are with your gf) then I would re-evaluate the relationship. Your current gf deserves better, especially if you realize she is no longer the one you want exclusively. Be honest with your gf before she gets hurt even more so if you consider exploring that crush of yours .

[Arabess]

Originally posted by somebody

I have been with my partner for 3 over years, and i treasured this relationship very much.

 

Treasuring someone and loving them are not necessarily one and the same. They can be a fine line apart and very very similar......but not carry the same sort of passion.

 

All you can do is look into your own heart, be brutally honest with yourself and decide if you wish to remian with your partner - giving them the respect of faithfulness.....or beaking it off and trying to find a more passionate love elsewhere.

 

Only you can make that choice.

[capitald]

I have been kicking around some new ideas, we all consider having sex with someone else besides your bf/gf as cheating, but thats just a way of looking at it. Just because you have sex with someone else doesn't mean that you don't love your partner. Perhaps we are frustrated most in life by these tight constrictions that we put on ourselves and everyone else. I think alot of this is all based on a misconception of what love is. But even so, love can be different things to different people. I am probably the kind of person that wouldn't have sex with another person besides my gf, I probably couldn't integrate it with my conscious. Still, there are people that perhaps can or perhaps a sexual encounter for them is not such a big deal in comparison to how many of us blow it up to be such a big thing.

 

Worrying about getting cheated on can be a legitimate thing or it can be a control tactic, to make sure your partner is acting exactly how you want them to. I think that if it makes my gf happy that she gets sex from someone else now and again, why would I want her to be anything but happy? Think about it, the idea that someone should be exclusive to only me or belong to me is kind of absurd, it even has its unpractical aspect, making it sort of a breeding ground for misery and pain. If a once in a lifetime oppurtunity to sleep with a supermodel comes around, should I miss out on that? Would my gf want me to miss out on that and if so what kind of person would she be? Obviously, we live in a very tightass world that will look down upon these thoughts, but I do think they are important.

 

I won't lie, I want my gf to be faithful to me and me only and I would probably feel jealous and hurt if she didn't, but that may just come down to my own fears (of losing) and my own pettiness. Or it may be attributed to the fact that one person for one person is some kind of universal and more importantly "natural" way to be and what goes against that is against the "law of the heart". However in contradiction to traditional thought, I think it is probably the former because there is no "law of the heart".

 

That said, if you are going to dip into waters outside your regular ocean make sure you can live with it in your heart, because if you end up feeling real guilty and confess it to your partner, you are going to lose a person that has loved you enough to invest three years in you already and that would be very, very stupid.

Trying to find love outside the relationship instead of putting the work to rekindle the passion in the relationship your are alreadt in is usually a weak, weak thing to do.

[Somebody]

I guess I wouldn't want do anything to jeopardize my current r/s with my gf,

and perhaps i'll just place the crush in a special compartment in my heart. =\

 

Thank you guys for all your advises.