Resentment of Father

[Love_is_Pain]

I know this sounds horrible to say but I really really HATE & can't stand to be in the same room or around my father. When I was younger he would sometimes get verbally abusive and sometimes physically. He was bi-polar or borderline (never diagnosed) but I am diagnosed and I know he passed that down to me. Anyways, his anger and crazy outbursts towards me were at its peak in high school but like always we would both get over it. Then I became pregnant and it stopped. He completely changed & he never yelled at me ever again. I even named my son's middle name after him. Then I found out he was cheating on my mom & I never looked at him the same. He's tried saying sorry for the past. He's changed but I can't even look at him without my skin crawling. The sound of his voice drives me up the wall. I won't eat around the dinner table if he's there and I won't acknowledge him if he passes my way. I know my mom hates it & can't understand it but I can't either. I just want to walk around the house freely without trying to avoid him every day. What can I do about this resentment? Why do I feel like I hate him so much?

[Eve]

To be clear.

 

. How old are you please?

. When were you diagnosed?

. Your Dad has not been diagnosed, right?

. Your Mum and Dad live together still even though he has had an affair? They have managed to move on from this?

. You have had a child and now live with your parents with the child?

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Love_is_Pain]

To be clear.

 

. How old are you please?

. When were you diagnosed?

. Your Dad has not been diagnosed, right?

. Your Mum and Dad live together still even though he has had an affair? They have managed to move on from this?

. You have had a child and now live with your parents with the child?

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

I am 24 and diagnosed about 2 years ago and my father has not been diagnosed. My parents still live together...my mother never knew about the affair. Me and my sisters found out and kept it a secret and dealt with it ourselves. And yes I still live with my parents and my child.

[Eve]

Ok, cool..

 

Cheers for coming back.

 

Do any of your sisters still live at home?

 

Within your post it sounded like the both of you have attempted to come closer. Giving your child his middle name is like really really kind after after all you went though with the verbal and physical assaults. Do you know why he behaved in this way back then? Are you thinking that it is to do with him probably trying to mask bi-polar traits? No excuse but it is easier to get a diagnosis nowadays than back in the day. Has he helped you, like when you were being diagnosed? Was he part of that process? How does he treat you now?

 

I would say that the hate you feel is there because there is some stuff which has been left unsaid between you. This can cause a form of pain too. I do wonder if maybe he has abused any substances, such as alcohol in a bid to hide what you see as traits of bi-polar? Same with the affair, maybe that too was another escape to try and see himself differently?

 

How is your relationship with Mum? Sorry, I ask a lot of questions! Don't answer them if you don't want to, lol.

 

It must be a burden to carry the knowledge of the affair. I think my youngest daughter would have kept it to herself like you (she is very sensitive).. my oldest daughter would have told me within 1.5 seconds.

 

It does not sound as though any of the former issues are still present in the relationship you have with your parents; you are not being abused and Dad is not playing away from home. There is a way to resolve this but it would mean leaving behind the past. Can you talk to Dad about this? Can you and a sister sit down and talk things through? Can you suggest that he also get help for himself?

 

Finally, I hope that you are well supported with your diagnosis. My friend goes to regular meetings at the local outpatients. she has come to accept that this will be part of her life probably always. They actually do really cool stuff! and have built a special friendship group over the years. She knows when she is not well now and can protect herself far better. Previously she would go on a crusade or two and get really unwell. Please watch this with yourself.

 

I really hope you have good external support and you are not just in the house all the time with the little one and feeling these pressures. Raise the topic with any external support you have firstly I would say and allow small means for your Dad to care for you and his Grandson. Maybe let him say sorry this way? Eventually it won't feel like an apology, once everything has been said.

 

I do hope there isn't any active abuse going on..

 

Take care,

Eve x