I have quit porn, and installed multiple content filters

[Els]

I'm doing this, because it's so dangerous to download stuff. You can get child porn by accident, you can get viruses, you can get hacked, you can get your identity stolen.

 

Plus, if a girl came along that didn't fit my "porn star ideal", and I let her go, and she was my soulmate...well, there goes my chance at love.

 

Porn is not bad, I don't think so. And in small quantities, it can be a good thing.

 

However, when you waste 3-4 hours a day looking at porn, that's 3-4 hours you could be producing something other than a bunch of fantasies and sperm. Plus, I've had vision problems lately, and I think it's due to my computer addiction.

 

I just need to get off the computer, and I need to stop wasting time staring at virtual girls, when there's a whole world of girls out there. Same with you, Ross; you said you prefer porn. What, you prefer your hand to a real vagina?

 

Okay, let's address your issues one by one.

 

1. Downloading stuff. Downloading porn torrents is no more dangerous than downloading others.

 

2. 3-4 hours looking at porn. Yes, bad. Is moderation more difficult to achieve than cold turkey for you? Why not just make a pact that you'll only watch it for quick relief, and get yourself off 15 minutes after watching? Surely you wouldn't still feel the desire to watch after that?

 

3. Porn star ideal girl... yes. Hence my question about the root issues. Why is it that you feel the need to compare your girl to women on the media? Do you have this problem with movie celebrities too?

[Ross PK]

I'm doing this, because it's so dangerous to download stuff. You can get child porn by accident, you can get viruses, you can get hacked, you can get your identity stolen.

 

Plus, if a girl came along that didn't fit my "porn star ideal", and I let her go, and she was my soulmate...well, there goes my chance at love.

 

Porn is not bad, I don't think so. And in small quantities, it can be a good thing.

 

However, when you waste 3-4 hours a day looking at porn, that's 3-4 hours you could be producing something other than a bunch of fantasies and sperm. Plus, I've had vision problems lately, and I think it's due to my computer addiction.

 

I just need to get off the computer, and I need to stop wasting time staring at virtual girls, when there's a whole world of girls out there. Same with you, Ross; you said you prefer porn. What, you prefer your hand to a real vagina?

 

I can't get a real vagina. So I prefer my hand/porn over nothing, sexual frustration, and the increased chance of prostate cancer.

 

For me personally, I prefer average to less than average attractive wise girls, ones that are chubby too, so this is the kind of porn I look at, and there's girls like this everywhere, so there's no danger of most girls not fitting my porn star ideal.

 

I think the chances of you getting something dodgy when you download porn are extremly slim, it's never happened to me.

 

But yeah, 3 to 4 hours a day does seem over the top.

Edited March 25, 2011 by Ross PK

[Ross PK]

LeaningIntoTheMuse, I was wondering, have you ever thought about prostitution then?

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

LeaningIntoTheMuse, I was wondering, have you ever thought about prostitution then?

 

No, I could never do that.

 

First off, I'm a Christian. Secondly, I oppose prostitution, and think it should be outlawed. Thirdly, I want a relationship, and a hooker can't give me that.

[dreamingoftigers]

Cutting back is a good first step, but you need to substitute in something healthy, joyful and self-esteem building as you scale back. And you are going to want to keep yourself in check because if you have an addictive issue with it, your brain is going to keep pushing you to go back to it.

 

As for the Christian part, it actually is supporting some pretty obvious sinning. But that is a line for you to draw.

 

Good luck

 

And as for the girlfriend thing, OP has expressed the porn has altered his sexual template a bit. Makes sense, so he may be dismissive of a woman with whom he could share a healthy and fulfilling relationship/sex life with due to the changes that get reinforced with porn.

 

Also porn is not the same as other interests, it is a solo activity and tends to isolate one after a time, plus he doesn't necessarily have the motivation to chase a woman just outside of his "league" if he has his computer and hand to fall back on. the hand doesn't quite seem to do the trick.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

How does doing a physical activity, like yoga, basketball, weight lifting, sound?

 

At least I'll be at the gym, around like minded people.

 

Although being around pretty women has never helped before, because I have to talk to them. But at least I'll be doing something productive.

[dreamingoftigers]

Physical activity is a brilliant substitution, it gives off the endorphins that would replace some of the activities. It would help to become healthier and more attractive to the opposite sex (two birds one stone) and as well, you would be working out more muscles then just your right forearm.

 

And it would give you more chances to socialize.

[Eclypse]

Ross have you ever thought about getting a prostitute? It's not ideal, but if you just want to experience the physical side and get over the "unknown" it might help.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Plus, if a girl came along that didn't fit my "porn star ideal", and I let her go, and she was my soulmate...well, there goes my chance at love.

 

I think you need to acknowledge that this is not merely a "what if"...I'd say it's about a 99% chance that girls that "come along" in your life won't look like porn stars.

 

Just like 99% of men don't have 10" penises as Elswyth said.

 

This isn't to say you won't meet a pretty or even beautiful girl. But if you've grown accustomed to the fake-boobed slim-waisted fake-tanned dark-eyeliner wearing porn stars then yes, the love of your life probably will not look like that. It's sad if that's the only thing you can find attractive at this point.

 

I have always liked porn but have never liked "porn stars" per se...male or female...they just seem way too fake (physically and in their actions). I like more amateur stuff.

 

Porn has its place but I applaud you for taking this step. Good luck.

Edited March 27, 2011 by kiss_andmakeup

[Ross PK]

Ross have you ever thought about getting a prostitute? It's not ideal, but if you just want to experience the physical side and get over the "unknown" it might help.

 

I just don't have any desire to see one. I used to, but not anymore for some reason.

 

For me, the desire to have sex is more about knowing that I'm wanted by a woman, that a woman finds me sexually attractive and wants to have sex with me, the giving and receiveing of physical touch, and the cuddling that would happen afterwards. As I feel quite fullfilled and satisfied with the sexual part of my life already.

[somedude81]

I just don't have any desire to see one. I used to, but not anymore for some reason.

That's probably because you are older and your sex drive is on a slow decline.

 

Also since you've never been with a woman, you have no idea what you are missing.

 

At first you were driven with the desire to be with a woman and there was also a certain mystery to it that was exciting. That childlike excitement has also started to fade.

 

I would strongly suggest both you and muse to get a moderately priced escort. Find one online and do some research on her.

 

Odds are after finally having sex, there will be a huge desire to do it again. The key is to avoid the trap of depending on hookers to meet that need.

[starryeyed12]

I would strongly suggest both you and muse to get a moderately priced escort. Find one online and do some research on her.

 

Odds are after finally having sex, there will be a huge desire to do it again. The key is to avoid the trap of depending on hookers to meet that need.

 

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with this advice, no offense.

 

I don't think finding an escort is going to do anything good for either of these men. RossPK hit the nail on the head when he said,

 

For me, the desire to have sex is more about knowing that I'm wanted by a woman, that a woman finds me sexually attractive and wants to have sex with me, the giving and receiveing of physical touch, and the cuddling that would happen afterwards. As I feel quite fullfilled and satisfied with the sexual part of my life already.

 

I believe this is what LeaningITM is trying to say as well. What they desire now is love and a real connection to a real human being.

 

Getting a hooker would be like taking the porn to the next level- one that is still meaningless, unfulfilling, and not a real relationship. True sex addiction starts by people thinking they can fill a void by having random sex. And when people do start having random sex with strangers thats when actual danger can occur. It's a slippery slope, somedude81.

 

LeaningITM, you are doing all the right things. Take it slow and stay the course if a relationship is what you truly desire.

[somedude81]

Sorry but I doubt that either of them are going to start having sex with random strangers if they get an escort. They will probably still have trouble attracting women.

 

But they need a wake-up call. To find out why they actually want a woman.

 

Wanting to feel love and a connection isn't a primal desire that drives men to approach women and go through the rejection process.

[starryeyed12]

I stand by my post.

[Ross PK]

That's probably because you are older and your sex drive is on a slow decline.

 

Also since you've never been with a woman, you have no idea what you are missing.

 

At first you were driven with the desire to be with a woman and there was also a certain mystery to it that was exciting. That childlike excitement has also started to fade.

 

I would strongly suggest both you and muse to get a moderately priced escort. Find one online and do some research on her.

 

Odds are after finally having sex, there will be a huge desire to do it again. The key is to avoid the trap of depending on hookers to meet that need.

 

My sex drive hasn't declined. It's just that porn (and sometimes using poppers) keeps me satisfied.

Edited March 27, 2011 by Ross PK

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

My sex drive hasn't declined. I've had orgasms sometimes 7-8 times in a day. I sincerely doubt that I'm less horny, I'm as horny as I was 10-15 years ago.

 

I don't want to see a prostitute for these reasons:

 

1. STDS: I am clean, and don't want to die from AIDs, or some other disease

2. Respectability: I come from a very straight and narrow family, and I am already treated inferior at times (because I haven't found a woman.) If it got out that I lost it to a prostitute, I'd be shunned by everyone, including my own mother.

3. Intimacy: I desire this more than sex. I can masturbate to achieve an orgasm, or get a fleshlight. However, a hooker won't cuddle with me, kiss me, or say she loves me. That's what I desire most, more than just getting some pussy.

4. Desirability: I want to know that I'm desirable as a man. That's not going to happen, if the only thing she wants is the money out of my wallet.

5. Pity: I feel sorry for hookers, and would never contribute to a lifestyle that is so damaging.

[You Go Girl]

I think anyone promoting prostitution is way off the mark, not to mention disgusting.

Sex is not about just sex. Sex is all about the connection. Sex is the most powerful form of intimacy between two people.

 

Leaningintothemuse--I think you have your morals in good condition, so keep them just where they are at.

 

I believe you should forgo porn entirely. Later, six months from now, you can rethink that if you so desire.

Surely you can think of pretty women you know in the shower. You don't have to have porn to get off, right? Because if you do, that's a problem right there.

Perhaps good old fashioned thinking of girls you actually do know, will help you by putting a name and face to it. It is the first step to actually connecting with a real person instead of a paid actress. It is more intimate. Although I don't suggest you ask those girls if they mind if you think of them first, some might say no... You never know though--some might say yes! That asking them first was a joke.

Thinking of real girls you know will drive you to thinking of real possibilities. Thinking that way will then lead to desiring to make that type of thing real, and then thinking of how you can make it happen--raising your attempts. Then pursue women you know instead of degrading yourself with unachievable fantasy, which probably leaves you empty afterward.

Edited March 28, 2011 by You Go Girl

[dreamingoftigers]

Part of the trouble with cutting back is that if you were regulating it in the first place you wouldn't have an issue.

 

Don't get a freaking escort, as if you need to have intimacy and "thrill" issues with sex on top of really weird expectations and performances.

 

Glad you aren't considering this an option.

[Dust]

Wow this thread took a turn for the worst. OP comes on looking to stop using pornography, and now he’s being told to see a prostitute. BAD idea.

 

You may tell yourself you only look at porn because you have no girlfriend. When guys who were looking at porn do get girlfriends they usually just keep on looking. I would recommend not using porn NOW, even though you don’t currently have a gf.

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow this thread took a turn for the worst. OP comes on looking to stop using pornography, and now he’s being told to see a prostitute. BAD idea.

 

You may tell yourself you only look at porn because you have no girlfriend. When guys who were looking at porn do get girlfriends they usually just keep on looking. I would recommend not using porn NOW, even though you don’t currently have a gf.

 

Truly, it won't help you in life, really.

[Ross PK]

I think anyone promoting prostitution is way off the mark, not to mention disgusting.

Sex is not about just sex. Sex is all about the connection. Sex is the most powerful form of intimacy between two people.

 

Leaningintothemuse--I think you have your morals in good condition, so keep them just where they are at.

 

I believe you should forgo porn entirely. Later, six months from now, you can rethink that if you so desire.

Surely you can think of pretty women you know in the shower. You don't have to have porn to get off, right? Because if you do, that's a problem right there.

Perhaps good old fashioned thinking of girls you actually do know, will help you by putting a name and face to it. It is the first step to actually connecting with a real person instead of a paid actress. It is more intimate. Although I don't suggest you ask those girls if they mind if you think of them first, some might say no... You never know though--some might say yes! That asking them first was a joke.

Thinking of real girls you know will drive you to thinking of real possibilities. Thinking that way will then lead to desiring to make that type of thing real, and then thinking of how you can make it happen--raising your attempts. Then pursue women you know instead of degrading yourself with unachievable fantasy, which probably leaves you empty afterward.

 

Thinking of women you know is no substitute. That's what I had to resort to before I was able to have access to porn, and it was pretty crap.