ludachris Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 my gf is best friends with her ex bf. they talk all the time and whenever he comes in town he will hang out with her and he will go to her house and she will go to his. he always gets mad at her for hanging out with me too much instead of him while he is in town from his out of state college. he even gets mad at her for not keeping contact with him while he is in school far away. so automatically without meeting the guy i tell her i dont like him. so she goes off and tells him i dont like him, because, well, she tells him everything. and she has even told me this. she said she went out with him for three years and he knows everything about her so he is always going to be in her life wether i like it or not. its very hard for me to accept this but i do, even though it does start arguments everynow and then. In order to try to make things better i ask her to meet him. she says i cant because she told him that i dont like him. so this makes me sooo mad and idk wether i should trust her with this or not because it is bothering me so much. it makes me feel like that if he were to come back and live in our city she would take him over me in a heart beat. idk....it sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Datura Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 When they go over to each others houses, are other people there? What exactly do they do? Does your girlfriend listen to his complaints of not hanging out enough by ditching you? You need to decide whether or not you're willing to come second place to not just anyone, but an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ludachris Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 her sisters and dad will be there when he goes over. she says they just watch tv and movies. also he's stayed over there til 2am one time because she said he had an argument with his dad so he was really sad he wanted to hang out with her until his parents went to sleep. she never ditches me but she will tell me that she cant hang out a certain day because she has to hang out with him because they planned something Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Nobody hangs out with their Ex when dating. This tells me that you are not her best friend -you are her dildo. What happens when you argue. Pal, she already has a back-up 'shute. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 No you're not too jealous if your girlfriend is hanging out with your ex, innocent or not. The fact she gave you an ultimatum "he's always going to be in my life" says to me things haven't quite finished between those two, if everything was kosher she'd have no problem with you meeting him. The fact that she is showing such a lack of concern for your position is damning, she doesn't care because you don't matter when they are together. You matter when he's away but not when you're together. It's time you laid the cards on the table, either all of you meet, if she resists this or gives you some BS excuse, then cut off everything straight away. You let her get away with things she'll only keep taking and taking and you will be the one who ends up waiting at home while she continues to "hang out". There are no consequences for her actions and its high time you made sure she understands clearly what she is doing is not on. It will also show you clearly where exactly you stand with her, not really worth sticking with someone who doesn't put you first now does it? You're wasting your time if that's the case. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Who the hell cares what happens when she is over her ex's? You're already not first in her life! Why are you putting up with this. Dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ludachris Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 ok well the truth is i already did break up with her i just wanted to tell yall how i felt and how it was while we were actually going out still. we were going out for 8 months and i broke up with her 2 weeks ago. i regret breaking up with her(which is probably stupid) because i love her and miss her so much. from what yall are saying im feeling like i made the right choice of breaking up with her and i felt like i was making the right choice right when i did it. but then the next day and later that night i just felt so lonely and i missed her so much. maybe its because i just got so used to having her around its difficult for me to not be around her. well i told her that i wanted to get back with her not to long ago and she said no....but she said we could just be friends. now that we are just friends she will ignore my calls and texts or take forever to call or text back and only send me one word texts, but when she calls or texts i always respond right away and i try text her more often. idk i know im being stupid i am going to try stop contacting her. thanks for your help guys. Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 dude, if i was your friend...I would slap you in your head and ask you why you are even thinking about this black widow still and why you havent boned one of her friends yet? do you like being walked all over? I imagine that you are some emo kid. this girl sucks, stop being a p*ssy Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 If the roles had been reversed do you honestly think she would have put up with such disrespect from you? She was playing you for a fool. Good riddance to her. Link to post Share on other sites
pennyflame Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I know how you are feeling. My boyfriend still hangs out with his ex of two years and on top of that her children called him daddy. I have to be around her and listen to him talk about her children. I despised her for a long time because she was a whore, she tricked my best friend into thinking she liked him while she was still with my bf. On top of that there are other issues with girls... I had to get over being around his ex, but it would drive me nuts because he would ignore me and laugh with her and they would make the same stupid jokes and say quotes at the same time. I don't have a lot of room to talk but I would say move on, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. Don't even contact her, it's just giving her the power and taking away your dignity and no one deserves that. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Hopelesslyforgotten Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I definitely think you did the right thing by breaking it off with her. I once dated a guy who was 'best friends' with his ex. I did not like it when they hung out so he stopped hanging out with her so much. BUT... Long story short, my intuitions were right...after I broke up with the loser he went back to her! So you definitely are NOT being too jealous AT ALL. There is no reason for her to be hanging out with him. You don't deserve to be treated that way. Keep your head up and use the LS for support. Instead of contacting her, use the LS to vent your frustrations and emotions, it really does help! Link to post Share on other sites
Sebstian Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 This the most clear cut case of 'dump her' I've seen on here. Can you live with some other guy owning a big chunk of you gf's heart, to the point where she takes his side. Where the f... is her loyalty? It not with you that's for sure. I see one of my exes and it's really cosy. Have some food or a glass of wine just to keep up with each others lives every six months or so. Our SOs accept this I guess because we made it crystal clear that we were just friends and everybody can come if they like. But what you are experiencing my friend is not fair at all. Her heart lies somewhere else and you have to take the decision for her. You must must must be with somebody that is only yours. Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Dude, dump her. This situation is not acceptable. You`re being a doormat. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Agreed with everybody else. You did the right thing if you broke up with her. My ex did that to me for several years, too. All we did was fight over his exgirlfriend. Finally I grew a pair and broke up with him for real, stopped talking to him and everything, and he immediately cut off all contact with her. People will do whatever you let them get away with. Also, if she doesn't come back, you will know she didn't really care about you that much anyway. You may be lonely but you will end up meeting someone who cares about you as much as you care about her, and you will look to build each other up and be supportive. She was undermining your self-esteem and security in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelemort Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I don't get why people get into relationships with other people when they are still so hung up on the ex. I mean, it can never end well (at least not without a ton of hard work). I'm sorry that this happened to you, but remember that it's not a reflection on you. She was just hung up on this guy but thought she could keep you around on the side until he came back home to give her attention. Good job on dumping her. I can't believe the audacity of refusing to let you meet him and saying, "We went out for 3 years, he'll always be in my life." Do they share children together? No? Then he doesn't need to always be in her life. The excuse "but we went out for so long" is so bunk, especially if you're in a relationship with somebody else. If you can't get your skeletons under control, you've no place dating anybody. It's unfortunate that she didn't learn that lesson and instead pined after another guy. A shame that she let her past ruin her present and future. People need to just be upfront and honest. If you want to still be friends with your ex, this is something that needs to be shared upfront and honestly. And the other person can accept that or not. It's not fair to drop that bomb on 'em later on and say "Oh, by the way, he's not going anywhere, lol." Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 my gf is best friends with her ex bf. need not say another word. dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ludachris Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 wow i didnt expect so many responses from people. I really appreciate the feedback you all have given me. I am still broken up with her and I am doing NC. Me and her were still talking as friends but I just recently decided to go NC because i found out we didnt have a chance of working out ever again. I am still hurting and still have the urge to call her and see how she is doing and make sure she is okay. But i have definatly healed up somewhat and I am learning to cope with it and deal with this. There is a problem though. I have a class with her every thursday and i saw her today which kind of brought back memories and set me back somewhat. I really wanted to call her after class but i didnt because i knew it would be stupid to do so. I barely talked to her in class and i left early so i didnt even say bye to her. What is so crazy though is that she decided to stop talking to her ex after we broke up. Sad huh? she was willing to do it after we had broken up but not during our relationship. Oh well....slowly but surely ill feel better about this whole situation. I am already feeling better just typing all this out. I have decided not to date any girls for a while because i do not want to use a girl as a rebound. I dont want a girl to feel how i have felt.....used. I'm sorry others of you are, or have, gone through the same situation i went through. my advice would be to either break things off and move on, even though it will hurt. Or suffer through the thoughts of the ex always being in yalls life if you think thats for you. But ive come to realize that thats not for me and i want to find someone else who will not do that to me. She really was amazing though. But i know i will find someone else who will be just amazing and not hurt me so much. Again I really really really appreciate you guys for commenting and giving your opinion. This site really is awesome and so is everybody in it. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I agree with everyone else. And you know why she refused to get back with you is because she can continue seeing that loser. Be glad you dumped her. Link to post Share on other sites
KatieB Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 I know how you feel I'm having similar issues of my own, there is really nothing like the sickening feeling of jealousy creeping up on you whether you like it or not...I know that speaking openly about it doesn't help as the jealousy still comes back...I think the problem is deeper, I just hope we don't ruin all our relationships, present or future, before we sort our issues out Katie x Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 so if ya dumped her, now time to get your juke on. go enjoy yourself. That man Ludacris (woo) in the public bathroom Or in back of a classroom How ever you want it lover lover gonna tap that ass soon Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 I know how you feel I'm having similar issues of my own, there is really nothing like the sickening feeling of jealousy creeping up on you whether you like it or not...I know that speaking openly about it doesn't help as the jealousy still comes back...I think the problem is deeper, I just hope we don't ruin all our relationships, present or future, before we sort our issues out Katie x Wow I can so relate to this as well. My GF is in constant contact with her XH, XBFs and X-lovers. All of them are married or have GFs. One of them calls her only when he is away from his wife. Imagine that huh?!? She has three kids from three different men. Two are now grown. The sad part is that they always use the kids as an excuse to talk to each other but never really talk about the kids as far as I can tell. I got the same "they will always be in my life because of our Son" crap. To me it's simply a nice convenient excuse to continue an emotional affair with them. It feels like unfinished business. I can understand getting called once every four months but two or more times every single week? Seriously? She claims "they only ask how my family is doing" etc. I call BS on that. A man does not stick around and call for years to check in on her family. They are seeing if their old backup pu$$$ is still out there because they still think they have a chance of getting it again later. If I called you up twice a week to ask you how your family was doing I would be considered a stalker would I not? She must think Im really dense. I have told her that I will no longer tolerate this so I hope she gets it. She really is a sweet woman and swears she loves me. So she may actually be naieve enough to think it's all innocent. Fortunately I know how men think. I am one after all and a divorced one who got cheated on so been there done that. One solution that I offered was that when these guys call, that she talk to them in front of me so I can at least know what is being said more or less. Not exactly a fix though. Perhaps I just have some trust issues. Either way I cant control anything. She can call them anytime and she can cheat at any time. None of us can control that. But it doesnt mean we should stick our heads in the sand either. OP you did the right thing. I may be going down that same road myself with her some day but Im trying to fix this first by reasoning with her. It's really up to her where we end up. Sorry for the hijack. Link to post Share on other sites
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