Oops

[ahoy]

My only issue is that I am usually really calm and rational. I've never had trouble with a break-up, or a relationship before. There's just something about this girl that sends my head spinning (in a good way, most of the time).

 

The ridiculous thing is, we met totally by accident. Basically I mistook her for someone else and we started speaking before we realised we didn't even know each other - from then on we were chatting a lot (still hadn't met each other). Eventually we both attended a party without realising. We hit it off straight away, amazing chemistry - for the first 4 months or so we didn't have a single fall out (more than a "honeymoon period" type of thing, it was ridiculous).

 

The communication thing is totally right by the way, after the first four months we lost communication - and whenever I tried to get her to communicate, she'd say it was nothing to do at all with the relationship, and could I just stop talking about it. I guess it sort of alienated me even though I knew it was actually an external factor that neither myself or her had any control over (I'd rather leave the details out, but it was completely separate from "us") , leading to me to possibly become a bit less attentive when there was an issue I suppose?

[dreamingoftigers]

How is this going?

[ahoy]

Basically, I told her in no uncertain terms that I want her back, and that I love her - she pretty much replied with "no you're going to sleep with someone this weekend and forget all about me". I explained to her that that was bull, and that I seriously wanted to give us another go. She starts going off about how she's heard about me and another girl (I must be honest with you all - I have not even been involved with another girl since we split, so where this is coming from I do not know).

 

Eventually she gets around to saying that she's met someone else, that they're not "romantically involved" or anything - but apparently he is "perfect, he's exactly like you but without any of your flaws". Maybe this is an attempt at making me jealous? Anyway I replied telling her best wishes, and I hope that this new bloke can make her happy, because I am not waiting around to be some form of safety net - since then, we've been NC and I've had a bit of time to think about the whole situation much clearer. I realised that since I've been single, I've been a lot happier than I was during the final month or two of our relationship - and that I should now maintain no contact purely to concentrate on my own happiness/healing.

 

I'd like to thank you all for the advice you've given me on this site, I feel that without some of the ideas provided here I could have made some piss poor decisions and ended up causing myself more pain than necessary. Onwards and upwards

Edited March 28, 2011 by ahoy
Spelling fail :P

[dreamingoftigers]

Good for you for taking a consistent stance and letting the chips fall where they may. Her choice is clearly on her now.

 

Onward and upward.

[ahoy]

Little update.

 

I've been NC since my last post, hadn't heard anything off her either until Monday. She text me, I didn't bother reading it since I don't want to hear anything that she has to say - I've decided I should be in NC for the long haul, to move on with my life.

 

Yesterday however, she phoned about 20 times throughout the day (I put my phone on silent and went about my business as I was at work). She got a friend of mine to send me a message, she had a friend of her's to do the same (both saying that she really needs to speak to me). I also had a friend request yesterday off a colleague of her's - I've been very cautious about friend requests lately as I've had a few from people who are only mutual friends with people both of us know, plus a text message from her saying that she just wants to speak to me because she's been thinking about "us". This doesn't make sense as there is no us, and will never be again.

 

My question is, shall I just continue with the complete NC (ie. will all this phone calling/texting/getting people to run messages for her stop eventually?) or should I simply answer one of her calls in order to ask her to respect my decision to not speak?

[Fufu]

Stick and complete NC. Answering her phone call is considered as breaking NC.

[dreamingoftigers]

Nc nc nc nc

[ahoy]

That's what I thought, thanks Will she get the message eventually? Because all these phone calls are becoming increasingly annoying! The fact that I cannot answer any phone call from a number I don't have saved to my phone/recognise makes me want to bin my phone haha

[dreamingoftigers]

As someone who has these abandonment issues I can say that they will go into high gear over the next week like an addict on withdrawal and then they will start to taper off. Expect odd times and ways to reach you. Expect get to show up where you are. Ignore her completely, then she will start to tell herself two things: that guy is a jackass and I am embarrassing myself. You are not a jackass (per se) but they will be her perception if your ultimate cold shoulder.

 

Expect the calls to drop off and then in a few months some kind of "I am over you" email or text.

[ahoy]

Thought I'd provide an update.

 

So you were correct about the high gear thing, but it only lasted a few days (well, as far as I know, my phone was left at home turned off for a week & half whilst I was on holiday in the Caribbean ).

 

I did get back to an interesting few texts, one which was really drawn out and long, explaining how she felt etc. and even hinting at a reconciliation (also had my friends phone me up saying that she'd asked them if they'd speak to me and tell me that she wants me back).

 

Heard nothing again until last night, when she phoned a few times (I deleted her number, but whenever she rings the phone still plays a different ring tone than it does when other people call - even if she phones off a private number which is awesome for avoiding unknown number traps!)

 

The amazing thing is, that I just laughed, deleted the call history and messages and didn't even think about replying - due in most part to the advice this website has given me. Thank you guys for everything - I'll keep you posted

[dreamingoftigers]

Just don't end up doing some jackass thing like playing with her or having a moment of weakness and getting back with her.

 

She will probably try to reach you for about 3 months.

[ahoy]

As I explained to everyone that's tried to speak to me about it, I wish nothing but the best for her. I just don't care to have her involved in my life in any way, shape or form any more. It was her decision to end the relationship and I respect that - it's my decision to cut all ties, simply to save myself a big headache.

[dreamingoftigers]

As I explained to everyone that's tried to speak to me about it, I wish nothing but the best for her. I just don't care to have her involved in my life in any way, shape or form any more. It was her decision to end the relationship and I respect that - it's my decision to cut all ties, simply to save myself a big headache.

 

And that is the best most awesome attitude to have, good for you man! Miles ahead of many others!:)

[ahoy]

Hit a bit of a stumbling block here - today, for whatever reason, she's not blocked on facebook. I tried to block her again after realising this (she sent me a message on there). Should I just explain to her that I haven't unblocked her, and would appreciate it if she'd block me as I'm unable to block her as she's "already blocked"?