Jdw_Icequeen Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Well I lost count around 16 days.. I've started going out dating here and there. We have been broken up almost 4 months but couldn't come to terms with nc until 24 days ago. We have a son together. I told him because he was manipulative,giving me mixed signals, not paying child support or any of our finacial stuff he was suppose to pay to just go away and not talk to me anymore and that I no longer wanted him in our life. His presents seemed to do more damage then good. I was pretty angry at the time. He was using my car and paying me for it 50$ a week and was stringing me along to let him keep it. I used the 50$ he gave me to take care of our son since he was giving no child support. I finally got the car back and guess what, he decides not to give me the money he owed me for it. What a suprise. That definetly reinforced my plan of action to be rid of him. One night I told him my 3 yr old missed him they were close. He says well thats just how it is right now. I ask him what that means and he says well kids are strong they will get over it.. He didn't even give a *hit about how they felt. I was pretty shocked. He has turned into a very nasty person. I find myself still missing him still though, I am still waiting for my miraculous healing. We only were together a yr and a few months. I know I should be proud that I have been 24 days and that I still don't plan on contacting him AT ALL! But I don't, I feel worthless. I can't beleive he cared so little about me and our son that he would truly just disapear and leave us high and dry. Part of me still wishes he would contact, but when going over it in my head I really don't see anything he could say that would be worth listening too... This sucks.. Shouldn't I atleast feel some sort of empowerment from not contacting him? What am I doing wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Thatguyintx Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 What am I doing wrong? Sounds like you are doing the right things. It may take more time for you to start feeling better. Not to be harsh, but should you be dating at this point? If you still are entangled with him, it might be necessary for you to truly get over him before dating others. I realize everyone has their own ways of healing, but being alone might be more beneficial to you. This process takes time. Sucks doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Well I don't see anything wrong with dating.. Not looking for a relationship of any kind just friendship which the people I have gone out with are fully aware of. I just thought it might be good for me to get out of the house and have some fun and meet new people. Maybe a confidence boost aswell. It helps for the time being. Out having fun socialzing and not thinking of him but the fact is I can't do it everyday.. But who knows maybe your right. Its been almost 4 months now. I am lonley and very sick of being alone and reflecting. I have reflected so much the last 4 months the last thing I want to do is think about him or any of this nonsense anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
i made a mess Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 I think it's great that you are dating just to date (without the quest for it to end in a relationship). It helps you to temporarily distract yourself, meet several people, make new friends, and laugh again. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Having a child together leaves an emotional tie that doesn't disappear overnight. That man gave you a child and whether you are in love with your ex still or not, part of you will always love him for giving you such a gift. It's just learning to seperate the past from the present and what was to what is. Cut yourself some slack, you are doing great if you've hit 24 days! 7 more days will be a full month...and it will get easier from there. And by taking a stand like this since it seems your ex is acting like a dead beat dad, your not only improving your life but your son's as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted March 20, 2011 Author Share Posted March 20, 2011 I think it's great that you are dating just to date (without the quest for it to end in a relationship). It helps you to temporarily distract yourself, meet several people, make new friends, and laugh again. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Having a child together leaves an emotional tie that doesn't disappear overnight. That man gave you a child and whether you are in love with your ex still or not, part of you will always love him for giving you such a gift. It's just learning to seperate the past from the present and what was to what is. Cut yourself some slack, you are doing great if you've hit 24 days! 7 more days will be a full month...and it will get easier from there. And by taking a stand like this since it seems your ex is acting like a dead beat dad, your not only improving your life but your son's as well. Thank you for your thoughts they're truly appriciated.. Its just been really tough for me like the last week on and off. I almost feel like he is out there just having a blast with his life you know.. Being single screwing whoever whenever. Maybe started a new little happy relationship, partying all the time. I feel like I am doing him a favor by leaving him alone I guess. He has no responsibility he dosen't have to face up to what he did to me my kids and his son. I was just a phase of his life. Especially when it still hurts like it does and I am sure he has moved on. NC is suppose to be for me but somehow I feel like its benefiting him more at this point I have alot of disgust and anger for him and I KNOW contacting him nothing I could say would make this feel any better. Not if I could come up with the most clever or evil thing possible. No questions I have would be worth hearing an answer for. I can use my imagination and just assume he is doing the worst of it all and keep going with myself. 4 months and everything still reminds me of him. I still think about him ALL the time. I have done everything possible I get out with friends, I took up volunteering, I have destroyed every sentimental object he gave me. Except jelwry which I've locked away. Deleted him from everywhere including my email so he goes to my junk. Erased all pics of us.. Latly the bastard even haunts my dreams!! I am definetly feeling a bit stuck.. Link to post Share on other sites
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