Author Floridaman Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 *** bumped *** to reopen. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 *** bumped *** to reopen. What are you looking for? Happy stories? Advice? Who's your Facebook friend, and did he get help? Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Okay I have a question: Asked in another thread but it seems to have died: Basically been chatting to this girl at my local book store every time I drop in. Used to be pretty mundane stuff, but in the last couple months we've been opening up a lot more. I've been going there a while but now that I'm single again I'd like to ask her out for a coffee to get to know her a little better. I tried last weekend as we were the only two people in the store, but before I could some customers and a co-worker arrived. I didn't want to make it awkward for her. So supposing the next time I go it gets busy again, should I have a backup plan? Some people say dropping her a note with my number can work if it's busy, others say that's a bad idea. Obviously I'd prefer to just straight up ask, but I won't put her on the spot if her co-workers are around. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just ask. If it gets busy give her your card or number and just say I can see your busy so if you want to go call me here is my number... Simples and easy. Link to post Share on other sites
krs00 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just ask. If it gets busy give her your card or number and just say I can see your busy so if you want to go call me here is my number... Simples and easy. Except it's not simple or easy. unless he's extremely lucky, expect her to be offended that he asked because she was just being friendly and how dare he use her in a vunerable position at work. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just ask. If it gets busy give her your card or number and just say I can see your busy so if you want to go call me here is my number... Simples and easy. Just ASK her when no one is around. Don't give her a note. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just ASK her when no one is around. Don't give her a note. A card or scrap of paper with your number on as a casual ask is hardly love notes... I tell you what. Don't ask and don't get. Live your life alone because you never have the balls to simply say I like you to a girl. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) A card or scrap of paper with your number on as a casual ask is hardly love notes... I tell you what. Don't ask and don't get. Live your life alone because you never have the balls to simply say I like you to a girl. Overreact much?!! I said ASK her out when they are alone, not don't ask her out at all! Don't give her a note because that doesn't work. A note reeks of a lack of confidence. Besides, she might NOT want him to have her number. You ask the girl out for some coffee, THEN trade information, IF she wants to continue seeing him. Edited March 27, 2015 by MGX Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 That got kind of heated. As I said, I'm hoping to be able to catch her alone so I can just ask her as normal. The store is quiet when I usually visit so it's not uncommon, but at the same time I don't want to have to drag this out months waiting to get that opportune time of nobody around. The note would purely be a back-up and would be simple as "Can I buy you a coffee? *my number* *my name* " I didn't think it would come off as creepy, as I said, I've been going to this store for over a year, and see her there and chat with her quite a bit. it's not like I'm a stranger who's going to slink in and pass her a note then shuffle away. Either way, I appreciate the feedback. I might hold off on the note for now and just hope for good timing. Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 So update on the situation: decided not to drop a note. I was chatting to her again today, I feel like I'm best off just waiting for the right opportunity to possibly ask. I feel like we're at a stage where I could do so and it wouldn't be creepy or weird. Today was actually quite busy, so I didn't breach the subject. She did tell me her weekend is Thursday as she works both Sat and Sun. Maybe I'll drop by on a weekday evening (I usually go Sundays) and see if she's in, ask when she finishes up and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Floridaman Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 That sounds wise. No need to be pushy. But... as others have posted, a guy has to strike when the iron's hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 No offense, but tips/ advice/ etc. aren't really a "science". Dating, and even just having a social life, is all some stupid "game", these days. My generation, in particular, (I'm in my mid-20s) is so messed up that a guy like myself just cannot succeed no matter what. Whether it's dating, or just having a social life, you have to start early, at a "standard" age. If you're like me, someone who's never dated at all, someone who's never really had friends, and you're already almost 27, you're pretty much screwed. Most people don't have patience and understanding towards someone like me. And more than that, you have to be the most amazing, interesting, awesome, attractive person to get on peoples' radar. Considering I'm not any of those things, I'm pretty much doomed to a life spent alone. All because that's what dating and socializing are. It's just some stupid competition. People want someone "hot" and "attractive", people want someone that's interesting and exciting. If you aren't those things, then there's nothing in this world for you. That's what I've come to learn in my personal experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 you have to be the most amazing, interesting, awesome, attractive person to get on peoples' radar. Considering I'm not any of those things, I'm pretty much doomed to a life spent alone. Disagree 110% There's people who I consider to not be awesome, attractive, interesting or amazing and they are on someone's radar... People want someone "hot" and "attractive", people want someone that's interesting and exciting. If you aren't those things, then there's nothing in this world for you. That's what I've come to learn in my personal experiences. Lol...again, disagree but perhaps 1010% this time In your twenties yes, maybe, people want someone hot and attractive...and for them this is what a "relationship" is based on. Then after some time when the ugliness of the personality comes out (if they even have a personality...) and you realise you need more than a pretty face to maintain a relationship, then am sure some people realise that being hot and attractive does not mean it's all bliss... e.g. at work there is a guy. Ok looking I suppose but he is married. He was in prison before (I don't know what for). The wife had a baby with someone else before they met. They now have three more kids. They live on benefits, can't/don't pay their rent (must be getting housing benefit), the wife doesn't work...all in all, a pair of bums. What is interesting, exciting or attractive about people like this? and yet they have each other... Not sure what life has inflicted on you Inflikted but try to have a bit more confidence in yourself... Maybe you are setting the bar super high and have been disappointed...? Link to post Share on other sites
Inflikted Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Disagree 110% There's people who I consider to not be awesome, attractive, interesting or amazing and they are on someone's radar... Lol...again, disagree but perhaps 1010% this time In your twenties yes, maybe, people want someone hot and attractive...and for them this is what a "relationship" is based on. Then after some time when the ugliness of the personality comes out (if they even have a personality...) and you realise you need more than a pretty face to maintain a relationship, then am sure some people realise that being hot and attractive does not mean it's all bliss... e.g. at work there is a guy. Ok looking I suppose but he is married. He was in prison before (I don't know what for). The wife had a baby with someone else before they met. They now have three more kids. They live on benefits, can't/don't pay their rent (must be getting housing benefit), the wife doesn't work...all in all, a pair of bums. What is interesting, exciting or attractive about people like this? and yet they have each other... Not sure what life has inflicted on you Inflikted but try to have a bit more confidence in yourself... Maybe you are setting the bar super high and have been disappointed...? Meh. I've no idea. In my experiences, I've found that I'm simply not good enough for anyone. Whether it's because I'm not attractive enough, not interesting enough, not "funny" enough, not smart enough, etc. I'm 26, and I've never been on a date, never even had any kind of friendship with anyone. All because I'm worthless to the world around me. Am I bitter as hell? Absolutely I am. And that's because I, too, have seen people make connections and have people in their lives despite seeming like a bad partner/ friend on the outside, yet, they must have SOMETHING that attracts people into their life, SOMETHING that makes them "good enough" for another person. I don't even have that. I'm pretty much human garbage. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Meh. I've no idea. In my experiences, I've found that I'm simply not good enough for anyone. Whether it's because I'm not attractive enough, not interesting enough, not "funny" enough, not smart enough, etc. I'm 26, and I've never been on a date, never even had any kind of friendship with anyone. All because I'm worthless to the world around me. Am I bitter as hell? Absolutely I am. And that's because I, too, have seen people make connections and have people in their lives despite seeming like a bad partner/ friend on the outside, yet, they must have SOMETHING that attracts people into their life, SOMETHING that makes them "good enough" for another person. I don't even have that. I'm pretty much human garbage. Ok this is partially the thing... I felt(and still sometimes feel) like that at times. Its very hard to but you need to try and stop looking at other people's lives and situations and thinking they might be better or have more than you. The comparing is hard not to do(it really is, I know)...but it's a pattern you need to try and break out of. Who cares what they are doing? They might not even be happy, FOR REAL. You have to believe me on this one... Negativity, this is off-putting to others but it's a double-edged sword; as you try to feel positive and feel that because things are not happening the way you want them to then there is nothing to be positive about, it just drives you deeper into negative thinking and feeling. Again, this is something you have to try and stop. Nobody is perfect, you ARE enough. You just have to believe it... Hard but not impossible to achieve though, how badly do you want it? You need to change your thinking and reprogramme yourself. Which requires effort and hard work... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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