pretty much destined to be alone forever

[Ross PK]

Where have you been all my life?

 

(Also has a feminine face)

Edited March 22, 2011 by Ross PK

[betterdeal]

Are you afraid of intimacy, of connecting, with someone? Seems from your black and white attitude and over concern with appearance you're not sure of yourself, and are projecting that onto other people.

[DreamerGirl27]

May I ask you why skinny guys with skinny, hairless, feminine frames attract you?

 

Have muscular, testosterone-fueled hairy guys always turned you off?

 

I'm just interested in hearing more. It seems that a few years ago, most of our society was infatuated with feminine esque guys.

 

The girl I was with for about three years, she always compared my looks to Gerard Butler (just a different color of eyes), with the whole rugged, masculine, Alpha traits. She loved that, which was a HUGE confidence boost for me, and explains why I am a Gerard Butler fan these days. I am seriously not tooting my own horn here. I just want to know what has typically attracted you to small guys?

 

My very first crush when I was 12 years old was on the band Hanson. Skinny boys with long hair and very feminine features. I'm also a musician and very much into music and the whole music thing tends to attract skinny, rocker boys, with long, shaggy hair.

 

It's the style...I'm a punk, I dress like a punk. I like the artistic side of a person like that. I have a really great friend that's a guy right now that's everything I want both inside and out, but he keeps telling me he doesn't feel the same for me, yet talks to me constantly and we walk in and out of class together and are attached to each other at the hip in person and he makes sexual comments a lot when talking to me, but continues to turn down my advances. (Which have only been online, might I add, never in person...I'm too chicken to try anything in person). I've just told him how I feel and he said he doesn't feel the same.

 

But omg...he's artistic, into music, creative...and so so so handsome. He's really skinny..has the long hair...and dresses like so on par with what I want. I'm very into appearance. I'm very trendy myself. I'll do the pink hair streaks and I wear all the jewelry and I wanna get my second hold in my ears pierced so I have more piercings. I don't go too crazy with that, but it's that whole style that I'm obsessed with. It's my "type".

 

If a guy isn't a rocker boy who's not artistic, I feel like I have no common ground with him. I even have my wedding all planned out. I want a rocker wedding with red and black colors and I want black in my dress and I want all the guys to wear converse shoes as opposed to the ugly shoes dudes normally wear with tuxedos. In fact, I don't even like tuxedos. I'd be perfectly fine if my dude married me in jeans.

 

It's just that whole "scene" that I'm into. If I were to marry some muscular, preppy dude, who wasn't okay with wearing converse at my wedding, because he's never worn them before in his life, I'd just be like..."really? get out of my wedding dude, then..."

 

I don't like the conventional, conservative look of every day life and the way most people dress. I constantly look for cool lookin' people that look like me or like the guy that I like.

 

I even hunt for jobs the same way. I don't necessarily need a job for money right now (not getting into that), so I can be as picky as I want and my ideal job would be working some place at like Hot Topic or something.

 

So...I dunno...preppy dudes just don't do it for me. Big, muscular guys don't do it for me, either. Because they usually are obsessed with working out and stuff like that.

 

When I walk into places that play stuff like Aerosmith (Steven Tyler is 62 and hot as hell), I just get this warm fuzzy feeling in my heart and soul...

 

I want a rocker dude...or a metal dude...or anything EDGY and grrr...

 

 

It's just my type.

 

It's all about the music with me. And musicians tend to look like that. Music is my first love and I have to get a boy who understands that. I just wanna rock 'n' roll. lol

 

I also notice, that guys like that, tend to be liberal...anti war...vegetarians...all 3 things which I find attractive. I hate people that are too conservative...I'm anti war...and bigger dudes tend to have been or know people in the army. I'm VERY anti war... vegetarians also attract me because it's a healthy life style.

 

I know the type I'm after. I know everything about them. I can find common ground with them. I can't find common ground with a jock.

 

I guess I'm still stuck in high school phase, where I'm looking for a certain "crowd" or "clique" with my men. But I know what I want and I refuse to settle for anything less than that. It's my life's dream to do something in music, even if I'm not famous at it and it's my life's dream to marry a man I'm totally attracted to and I'm totally attracted to bad a** rocker dudes.

[Ms. Joolie]

Okay, so you desperately want that cliche musician softie-type, complete with the long hair and slender physique. It's not impossible.

 

Are you hanging out in the right crowds for this? Going to lots of music events and those trendy kind of musician hangouts?

 

Also, your physical appearance (hair, clothes, attitude) has a huge say in how men approach you. You may have to re-evaluate your self. You sound ultra trendy, but you may be missing something in the area of attraction.

[Ms. Joolie]

Are you deadset on having a serious relationship with a younger dude? (20-25 years)

[DreamerGirl27]

No, but I tend to find that the older they get, the more they lose the hair, the clothes and that attitude. I'm 26 and still have it and plan on having it the rest of my life.

[DreamerGirl27]

Okay, so you desperately want that cliche musician softie-type, complete with the long hair and slender physique. It's not impossible.

 

Are you hanging out in the right crowds for this? Going to lots of music events and those trendy kind of musician hangouts?

 

Also, your physical appearance (hair, clothes, attitude) has a huge say in how men approach you. You may have to re-evaluate your self. You sound ultra trendy, but you may be missing something in the area of attraction.

 

Well, I'm trying to look more like my "type" that I want, but I also notice a lot of those "types" tend to go for really girly looking girls. It just depends.... If you notice rock stars on TV, they usually have really feminine girlfriends or the model type and I'm definitely not the model type...

 

but, I really don't care...I also see my type with girls like me. So, I tend to go back and forth from cutesy/feminine, to edgy rocker...but I don't have any tattoos or ridiculous piercings and refuse to get them. I mostly just do stuff that's removeable, like hair and makeup and clothes and jewelery (removeable jewelery).

 

I refuse to go all the way and tattoo myself all up and get weird facials piercings and gauge my ears or anything like that. Even though I am attracted to that, I refuse to do it to myself.

 

Because then I couldn't go back and forth from the feminine/pretty, to tough edgy rocker chick.

 

Sooo...plus...I don't know where life will take me in the future and I want to be able to get hired anywhere. Right now a job isn't a problem for me, but I want to keep my options open, so no tattoos or weird piercings here.

 

But everything else is doable.

 

I honestly don't know how to attract my type, they're very picky. I've noticed that with the type I like...they also tend to like ridiculously stick thin girls, and while I'm certainly not fat, I'm not a stick like I used to be, either.

 

However...the guy that I like. I've seen him go after girls bigger than me and he has admitted to me to liking skin and bones type girls, but the past 2 girls I know of that he's liked (for 2 seconds lol) they have both been more curvy girls. Curvier than me. and I'm not curvy. But I'm also not anorexically thin.

 

Sooo...

 

I dunno. I tend to find that that type of guy is very shallow and very picky and replies to girls on dating sites like women. Very selectively. lol so with that whole "girly, softie, feminine" look, also comes a very girlie, softie, feminine attitude when it comes to dating. They are some of the shallowest people you will ever meet.

 

But I feel like one of them, so I feel like I fit right in.

 

I dunno...

 

I just can't find any other guys I want to be with other than this one guy. I'm still stuck on the same guy. Have been for over a year now. It's not going away. He makes me smile and laugh every time I see him.

[Ms. Joolie]

No, but I tend to find that the older they get, the more they lose the hair, the clothes and that attitude. I'm 26 and still have it and plan on having it the rest of my life.

 

Hmmm who knows. You may be attracted to that youthful man the rest of your life. If you can swing it, it's likely you could be a cougar all your days. haha. I am the opposite. I've always like older men. Younger men are too cute but clueless. lol. I NEED a grown up man, don't want a boy.

 

Are you aware that, with your attraction to these younger men, you are making it more difficult on yourself to settle down and have a family? Most men in their young 20's are not looking for that just yet. I'm going to say if you want to date seriously and settle down, look at the 28-35 age range. THAT'S the type you need to be attracting for that mature, no-nonsense relationship you want. imo.

 

About your style, it sounds great. Going back and forth between two styles sounds fun. If you aren't getting dates, there is still something missing though!

 

How's your attitude? Are you dressing age appropriate? Can you carry a good conversation with men? Do you go out with girlfriends/friends or go to places where you can meet men? Are you on any online dating sites?

 

 

NO ONE is destined to be alone. I know there is hope for you. hehe

 

 

BTW... about that other guy you are stuck on. He's too young for a committed relationship! Leave him alone. lol. He's not looking to settle down like you are. You've already talked to him about it! Let it go! He is NOT the one who's going to be there for you as you need him to be there for you. He is NOT the one!

 

And on that note... you are taking dating way too seriously!

[DreamerGirl27]

Hmmm who knows. You may be attracted to that youthful man the rest of your life. If you can swing it, it's likely you could be a cougar all your days. haha. I am the opposite. I've always like older men. Younger men are too cute but clueless. lol. I NEED a grown up man, don't want a boy.

 

Are you aware that, with your attraction to these younger men, you are making it more difficult on yourself to settle down and have a family? Most men in their young 20's are not looking for that just yet. I'm going to say if you want to date seriously and settle down, look at the 28-35 age range. THAT'S the type you need to be attracting for that mature, no-nonsense relationship you want. imo.

 

About your style, it sounds great. Going back and forth between two styles sounds fun. If you aren't getting dates, there is still something missing though!

 

How's your attitude? Are you dressing age appropriate? Can you carry a good conversation with men? Do you go out with girlfriends/friends or go to places where you can meet men? Are you on any online dating sites?

 

 

NO ONE is destined to be alone. I know there is hope for you. hehe

 

 

BTW... about that other guy you are stuck on. He's too young for a committed relationship! Leave him alone. lol. He's not looking to settle down like you are. You've already talked to him about it! Let it go! He is NOT the one who's going to be there for you as you need him to be there for you. He is NOT the one!

 

And on that note... you are taking dating way too seriously!

 

He is the only one I like and my best friend (best male friend). I would leave him alone if he left me alone. He doesn't. lol Every night it's "knock knock" on my IM window. Every day at school, it's "us attached to each other at the hip" walking in and out together, him being super friendly, holding doors open for me, getting my music stand for me, etc...

 

He is just constantly... there. No other man has ever done that for me.

 

I'm so unattracted to the 28-35 age bracket.

 

I am talking to a 19 year old on a dating site right now who says he wants a serious relationship. I have friend who are in relationships who are younger than me and so are there partners that are married, with babies on the way. I'm not ancient myself, I'm only 4 years older than this guy, that's not a lot. I know of a friend that's my type of cute who is 21 and just got engaged to his girlfriend. He's my type, the bad boy rocker dude with the long hair and slender physique. He's YOUNGER than the guy I'm hung up on and just got ENGAGED!!

 

It is possible and it does happen. I just don't want anyone else. I wish I hadn't talked to him about anything. Girls don't pursue guys. I'm very old fashioned when it comes to relationships, I believe men still pursue women, etc. I think if I hadn't opened my big mouth, he may of asked me out by now.

 

I wouldn't even be WANTING to get into a serious relationship right now, because I would have nobody I want to be in a serious relationship with if it wasn't for my friend. He's made me want to be in a serious relationship with someone...HIM!! I met cute guys before that that were all different ages, but none of them made me want to be with them other than just a little flirty thing. This guy is actually in my life, wants to be in my life, and cares to get to know me. It's a recipe to make a girl fall in love. He's doing everything that would make a girl fall in love, the only thing I did was blow it by telling him.

 

Anyway...I know what happened, I'm just hoping he can get over me blabbing "I like you" like that way too soon. I'm just going to wait for him. There's nobody else I want.

[DreamerGirl27]

P.S. If it isn't this guy, then I really am destined to be alone forever. I can't get myself attached to anyone else. Guys I've liked in the past seem like chopped liver now. And even this guy I'm talking to on this dating site, doesn't give me chills, doesn't make me smile uncontrollably (or cry for that matter). I just feel...nothing. This guy actually makes me feel something. I've never experienced that with anyone before.

 

If it isn't this guy, I don't want anyone. I just want to be alone then.

[ALonerAgain]

Hmm, I've been reading your thread with intrigue, curiousity and bemusement.

 

I've thought like you before: I had a 'thing' for the dark, spiky haired rock dude or skater dude. I've always maintained that I don't want to be part of the mainstream, so have always insisted on wearing OOAK outfits - going from the 'velvet-and-lace' goth look in my teens to insisting on wearing retro and vintage stuff, just so that I would stand out. I loved gigs too and can understand the whole attractiion of the 'muso-type'.

 

Mine came in part from a background of always feeling like the 'outsider' and being treated 'differently'. So I played on it and have managed to maintain this 'cool, funky' look that some of my friends have complimented me on.

 

However, as far as relationships are concerned, I've been a bit more liberal. I've tended to date according to how well I get treated by the guy. I haven't always felt physically attracted to them straightaway, but that developed over time, the more our personalities meshed. Actually, the one guy that I did have an immediate crush on ended up being emotionally unavailable.

 

The point I'm trying to make is, why is it so important to you to have this 'skinny, rocker look'? Is it because it reminds you of a happier time (you say you had a crush on the Hanson-look)? Maybe subconsciously, you're associating these feelings of happiness that you found around this time-period and are now still chasing this 'dream'. It's amost as if you've been frozen in the head of your 12-year old self!

 

While there's nothing 'wrong' about being attracted to this look, this is obviously becoming a hindrance for you, not a help.

 

But more importantly, I also think that you have serious intimacy issues. I think the whole looks aspect is a front. It gets comfortable saying, no, no, no to what you don't want without having to deal with the concrete, day-to-day relationship stuff - the non-glamourous part.

 

Seeing as you haven't been in a relationship before, I would seriously question your capacity for handling one, even if you miracuously ended up with your guy friend. Suppose you 2 did end up together, but it turned out to be an incompatible relationship. Would you have the strength to leave or would you hang-on because 'oh, he's the most perfect-looking guy on the planet'?

 

Also, I wonder what would happen if you did manage to find and then date your chosen type? What would happen as the years go by and his body-shape changed over time? Would you dump him then? How would you feel if the tables were turned and he dumped you because your body shaped changed?

 

Also, what if the guy ended up taking a backseat on the music front and turned to another hobby? How would you feel then?

 

I don't mean to be harsh: I commend you for knowing what you want on the 'outside'. But as you get older, it will become harder and harder for you and you will end up in your self-fulfilling prophecy of being alone, simply because you are too stubborn (or scared?) to open up your mind and heart a little bit more.

Edited March 27, 2011 by ALonerAgain

[DreamerGirl27]

Hmm, I've been reading your thread with intrigue, curiousity and bemusement.

 

I've thought like you before: I had a 'thing' for the dark, spiky haired rock dude or skater dude. I've always maintained that I don't want to be part of the mainstream, so have always insisted on wearing OOAK outfits - going from the 'velvet-and-lace' goth look in my teens to insisting on wearing retro and vintage stuff, just so that I would stand out. I loved gigs too and can understand the whole attractiion of the 'muso-type'.

 

Mine came in part from a background of always feeling like the 'outsider' and being treated 'differently'. So I played on it and have managed to maintain this 'cool, funky' look that some of my friends have complimented me on.

 

However, as far as relationships are concerned, I've been a bit more liberal. I've tended to date according to how well I get treated by the guy. I haven't always felt physically attracted to them straightaway, but that developed over time, the more our personalities meshed. Actually, the one guy that I did have an immediate crush on ended up being emotionally unavailable.

 

The point I'm trying to make is, why is it so important to you to have this 'skinny, rocker look'? Is it because it reminds you of a happier time (you say you had a crush on the Hanson-look)? Maybe subconsciously, you're associating these feelings of happiness that you found around this time-period and are now still chasing this 'dream'. It's amost as if you've been frozen in the head of your 12-year old self!

 

While there's nothing 'wrong' about being attracted to this look, this is obviously becoming a hindrance for you, not a help.

 

But more importantly, I also think that you have serious intimacy issues. I think the whole looks aspect is a front. It gets comfortable saying, no, no, no to what you don't want without having to deal with the concrete, day-to-day relationship stuff - the non-glamourous part.

 

Seeing as you haven't been in a relationship before, I would seriously question your capacity for handling one, even if you miracuously ended up with your guy friend. Suppose you 2 did end up together, but it turned out to be an incompatible relationship. Would you have the strength to leave or would you hang-on because 'oh, he's the most perfect-looking guy on the planet'?

 

Also, I wonder what would happen if you did manage to find and then date your chosen type? What would happen as the years go by and his body-shape changed over time? Would you dump him then? How would you feel if the tables were turned and he dumped you because your body shaped changed?

 

Also, what if the guy ended up taking a backseat on the music front and turned to another hobby? How would you feel then?

 

I don't mean to be harsh: I commend you for knowing what you want on the 'outside'. But as you get older, it will become harder and harder for you and you will end up in your self-fulfilling prophecy of being alone, simply because you are too stubborn (or scared?) to open up your mind and heart a little bit more.

 

 

The funny thing is...my teacher used to actually almost look like him in his younger days and now he's old, fat and bald and I still like the type of "person" he is. I don't like army or military dudes, because I'm incredibly anti war...I just don't like the normal looking guy with short hair.

 

I love everything about my friend and he keeps saying stuff that I have never heard of any other person do, that I do, much less another guy do and say these same things.

 

I feel like I have so much in common with this guy, it's scary. He disagrees, though. Maybe he is just not physically attracted to me like I am to him... I have come up with that idea, and it just baffles me, because I kinda have a big head when it comes to my appearance. I think I'm hawt. lol Like, I think I'm an 11 and I think this guy is my perfect match.

 

I dunno...

 

right now I'm at a point where I don't want a serious relationship, nor do I want casual/no strings attached sex. I just want my life exactly the way it is, with his friendship, because I'm most definitely enjoying that. I'm only 26, I'm in no hurry to get tied down to anyone yet. In the future, I'm hoping he changes his mind about me, but that's for the future.

 

The only difference we're gonna have, is that he always wants to just get laid and I won't go there. I won't have sex with anyone I'm not in a seriously committed relationship with and I don't want a relationship right now...so that means no sex. Which I'm perfectly fine with. I'm sort of abstaining from it right now. I dunno if I have a very low sex drive or what, but it's not something I crave.

 

I crave intimacy and a loving relationship, but I'm talkin' like, serious, headed towards marriage type relationship that even I'm mature enough to admit I'm not ready for.

 

I'll just wait. No hurry. It'll hurt like hell if this guy gets into a relationship or multiple relationships in the meantime, but there's not much I can do about it.

 

Oh well...

 

I'm just happy with what I have. Right now I'm seeing the glass as overflowing, even though I might not have every little last tiny thing I want.

[Amys]

Maybe you're destined to be a cougar? These days plenty of skinny young boys would leap willingly into the arms of an experienced older woman...

 

But in all seriousness, I think you might have a problem. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want someone you're attracted to, but to be SO PRECISE is probably an issue of immaturity and/or inexperience.

 

I do feel you. I don't enjoy sitting across the table from someone I find unattractive either, and I also enjoy a little bit of a "boyish" look, but from your descriptions, my range of "attractive" is much broader than yours. You should be more forgiving and more realistic.

 

Reset your expectations. Start looking around at other people's relationships. Not models and celebrities. Real people in the kind of marriage you want. See what makes those relationships work. Try to see what is attractive about those people outside of their physical appearance. You might find that those qualities will make someone "not your type" be much more attractive to you. That is NOT the same as settling.

 

So yes, you should be attracted to your partner, but if you will only date skinny men with long hair and girly faces like an anime character, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

[DreamerGirl27]

Maybe you're destined to be a cougar? These days plenty of skinny young boys would leap willingly into the arms of an experienced older woman...

 

But in all seriousness, I think you might have a problem. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want someone you're attracted to, but to be SO PRECISE is probably an issue of immaturity and/or inexperience.

 

I do feel you. I don't enjoy sitting across the table from someone I find unattractive either, and I also enjoy a little bit of a "boyish" look, but from your descriptions, my range of "attractive" is much broader than yours. You should be more forgiving and more realistic.

 

Reset your expectations. Start looking around at other people's relationships. Not models and celebrities. Real people in the kind of marriage you want. See what makes those relationships work. Try to see what is attractive about those people outside of their physical appearance. You might find that those qualities will make someone "not your type" be much more attractive to you. That is NOT the same as settling.

 

So yes, you should be attracted to your partner, but if you will only date skinny men with long hair and girly faces like an anime character, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

 

That's not gonna happen. I'm really unattracted to pretty much every other guy. Most of the time, it all has to do with one simple little thing...their hair. If a guy has cute face even, the first thing I notice is their hair. I think I am destined to be a cougar, because many men go bald in old age and I'm attracted to hair. I see plenty of men I think have cute faces, but if they have a shaved head it just turns me off. The first thing I notice about everyone is their hair. I know it's shallow, but I'm just attracted to hair. And now I have this hair song going through my head. lol

 

There is this guy I'm talking to online and he has 2 different kinds of pics up on his profile. Pics with short hair and pics with long....the pics with short hair I'm not as attracted to as the pics of him with long hair.

 

 

Now...this other guy...that I'm totally in love with....he could shave his head completely bald and I think I'd still be in love.

 

I think I'm destined to like my friend forever until something happens or until he gets married to someone else and I have no choice but to live alone for the rest of my life.

[Amys]

I think you will be unmarried indefinitely if your 'dealbreaker' is 'hair' which is the most changeable thing about a person. That's pretty shallow.

 

Also, your assertion that you are the hottest thing on the planet comes off as deluded and vain

 

Then you contradict yourself with the confession that you would marry your friend even if he was bald (but he doesn't want you...maybe his rejection is what really has you spellbound?).

 

If you are content being a cougar or a sugar mama, just do that! As long as they are legal and willing and it doesn't bother you that the connection is shallow, you will probably be able to find an Adonis among the options.

[Duckduckgoose]

I find that physical attractiveness, while important... is only PART of what makes a man attractive to me.

 

It seems like you are being too picky. I have dated several guys... and even married one (divorced now lol). They had small things in common... the biggest thing they had in common was a penis. I find that I liked them all for different reasons.

 

There are certain traits that stand out to me more than physical appearance. They have to be intelligent... at least close to my level of smarts (or stupids as the case may be haha), they have to be witty and capable of banter, etc. I am not going to list them all here.

 

What I am getting at is that you are getting so hung up on the way a guy HAS to look that you are OVERlooking the most important part: Compatibility.

 

What is it about your guy friends that makes you attracted to them? Besides looks. What are their personality traits, their mannerisms, their hobbies your hobbies? Write those down.

 

Then look again at the online dating thing and see how many guys of 100 match up. I bet it will be more than 2.

 

BTW, when I started dating my exH I did not find him very physically attractive. But as I grew to love him, I found him more and more physically attractive, to me at least.

 

Looks, btw, will fade with time. Long hair can be cut. Its the person underneath that stays around for the long haul.

[callsign]

Your honesty is good. I am sure there are many others like you out there dwelling in their lonlieness.

 

The girl I am seeing now has rosacea, not too serious, but it reddens her cheeks. She has psoriasis in small patches on most of her body, here and there. She drinks a bit too much, has constant migraines that put her down for days, can be in such a nasty mood that she has nothing to say that is good at times. Additionally, she has been in a deep depression and is beginning to play the kind of games that usually precede a breakup. But, It is only the last point that is making me heartbroken. I look at her and see the most beautiful woman that ever came into my life. How can that be?

[ALonerAgain]

I love everything about my friend and he keeps saying stuff that I have never heard of any other person do, that I do, much less another guy do and say these same things.

 

I feel like I have so much in common with this guy, it's scary. He disagrees, though. Maybe he is just not physically attracted to me like I am to him... I have come up with that idea, and it just baffles me, because I kinda have a big head when it comes to my appearance. I think I'm hawt. lol Like, I think I'm an 11 and I think this guy is my perfect match.

 

 

right now I'm at a point where I don't want a serious relationship, nor do I want casual/no strings attached sex. I just want my life exactly the way it is, with his friendship, because I'm most definitely enjoying that. I'm only 26, I'm in no hurry to get tied down to anyone yet. In the future, I'm hoping he changes his mind about me, but that's for the future.

 

The only difference we're gonna have, is that he always wants to just get laid and I won't go there.

 

Well, it's safe to fall for a guy that you know isn't really gonna go for you. Perhaps that is what's keeping the fantasy alive?

 

I bet you if he were to do a complete 180, you'd be overwhelmed by the sentiment!

 

 

I won't have sex with anyone I'm not in a seriously committed relationship with and I don't want a relationship right now...so that means no sex. Which I'm perfectly fine with. I'm sort of abstaining from it right now. I dunno if I have a very low sex drive or what, but it's not something I crave.

 

I crave intimacy and a loving relationship, but I'm talkin' like, serious, headed towards marriage type relationship that even I'm mature enough to admit I'm not ready for.

 

I hear you there!

[DreamerGirl27]

Well, it's safe to fall for a guy that you know isn't really gonna go for you. Perhaps that is what's keeping the fantasy alive?

 

That's the thing, though, me and everyone else thought he was interested. I STILL think he's interested. This is the first real male friend I've ever had that seems to actually care about me and he's totally my type physically and everything. I love everything about him.

 

 

I bet you if he were to do a complete 180, you'd be overwhelmed by the sentiment!

If he were to do a complete 180, I'd be the happiest woman alive.

[DreamerGirl27]

I think you will be unmarried indefinitely if your 'dealbreaker' is 'hair' which is the most changeable thing about a person. That's pretty shallow.

 

Yes, I realize hair is the most changeable thing about a person, but it also happens to be what I'm most attracted to. Your face looks entirely different depending on your hair. It frames your face. And men's faces look soooo hawt framed with a bunch of scraggly, long, boyish hair. lol I even like a little bit of facial hair. They look so...rugged!!

 

Also, your assertion that you are the hottest thing on the planet comes off as deluded and vain

 

Well actually, today, I was sorta thinkin' "eh, I'm alright" lol but in all honesty, I'm not overweight, which is a big problem for me with a lot of people, especially who I'll date. America is the fattest country in the world and it's really gross. I have a fairly cute face, etc, nice hair, it's exactly the style and length that I think is pretty on girls. I'm not a monster here, I'm no model, but I'm definitely not a monster.

 

Then you contradict yourself with the confession that you would marry your friend even if he was bald (but he doesn't want you...maybe his rejection is what really has you spellbound?).

 

No, it's more the fact that he is genuinely my friend, genuinely cares about being in my life as my friend and he is the first and only guy that's ever really done that. I've had and still have other male friends, but this one is super attentive and he's the total package in my eyes. He's everything I would have imagined my dream guy to be. Totally hawt (in my eyes), totally sweet, with a little bit of an edgy attitude about him. I'm so in love lol

 

If you are content being a cougar or a sugar mama, just do that! As long as they are legal and willing and it doesn't bother you that the connection is shallow, you will probably be able to find an Adonis among the options.

 

I am content in the fact that my friend is everything I want and no guy can compare.

[Duckduckgoose]

I honestly can't pinpoint what my dream guy would be. I've tried before but there's just too many factors.

 

When you get to know a person you get to see all their layers. I just can't try to imagine what I would want in a man down to each little layer. I know what I DON'T want and what I won't stand for.

 

Maybe I am just one messed up female cause I don't fantasize about a dream man all day.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm at a loss here. I'm very picky. I'm 26, never been in love, never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month and only dated a few other guys and wasn't interested in any of 'em. I simply went because they asked.

 

I have this friend that's a guy that I really like, but he does not like me like that. I had one other guy friend in high school, but neither one of us liked each other like that. So, that was fine, no heartache on either end. Well, now I'm in a friendship with a guy I do like and I can't get over him/it/whatever it is.

 

I'm incredibly picky physically. I have a specific type. I just went through 100 guys on this dating site and found 2 I'm attracted to. One of them happens to be the friend I already have and the other one, I added on my fb profile, but he's engaged.

 

2 out of a 100 hundred guys was all I was attracted to.

 

I refuse to settle for less than what I'm attracted to, but I'm attracted to one set thing.

 

It's like every other guy on the planet is ugly.

 

I don't know how to not be so shallow and I know looks aren't everything, but when it comes to a point where they literally make you wanna barf, you know you can't just give them a chance. That's how every male is on the planet is to me.

 

Women, on the other hand...I see attractive females EVERYWHERE. But...I'm not bi or lesbian. At all.

 

I'm just attracted to really, feminine features. Even guys I like, tend to have long hair and feminine faces.

 

Most men don't have this, I've noticed, except really young guys. I also happen to be attracted to really young guys and they are never serious relationship material.

 

Now, here's the best part.

 

All I really care to do, my biggest goal at this point in my life is that I REALLY just want to get married and have a family. That's like, my only goal. But how do I do that being as picky as I am?

 

I just cannot get myself emotionally attached to anyone that makes me wanna barf and most men do.

 

I hate to be so...harsh, but it's the truth. Most men I look at are ridiculously unattractive to me, that when I find a guy I actually am attracted to, it's like I wanna rush things and then I drive them away or put myself into the friend zone category.

 

Will I ever find "my type" being as picky as I am, or am I doomed to be alone forever?

 

I refuse to settle.

 

 

 

I get the vibe that you are over-analyzing these data bits because your 'romantic mind' is not otherwise occupied.

 

I mean, for example, if a person of 26 walks into an online dating site for the first time ever, he or she needs some amount of criteria to winnow down the vast numbers of options.

 

Given the data, one first narrows down the data by age... and at times I've even found myself searching for women who have my exact date of birth, or close to it.

 

When it is just you and unfathomable amounts of data, each bit of which pertains to a breathing human male, you are going to 'sift' that data as you see fit. IF, however, you are walking to your car on a rainy night, and putting groceries into the trunk, and a wet bag breaks sending cans of tomatoes rolling across the lot... and some pleasant male scoops up a trio of the cans and brings them to you...

 

well, suddenly all of that data, and the seeming 'standards' derived from it, aren't going to seem so important!!

 

 

Based on what you wrote above, the chances of the "friend you already have" accidentally landing within the very narrow bounds of guys to whom you are attracted, are about the same as perfect "soulmates" landing side by side in Mr. Jansen's 4th hour Algebra class in grade 9. Those people aren't "soulmates" - they just like each other a lot, can't believe it, and want to 'blame' it on some mysterious outside force.

 

I contend that this "friend you already have" is someone for whom you 'adjusted' the standards a bit (either before or after writing them down here) in order so that this living, breathing, actual person might better 'fit' your standards.

 

In closing, rather than worry about all that, do a better job of putting yourself amid groups of people likely to contain numbers of guys who could potentially be of interest to you. Maybe take a class somewhere... walk your dog at a park that is more busy than the one in your neighborhood... read the Sunday paper at a busy coffee shop... etc. etc.

 

In brief: "meet more people!!"

[Ms. Joolie]

If your guy friend is really the guy of your life, the ideal, you should sleep with him. You won't regret giving your virginity to your ideal man, would you?

Edited March 29, 2011 by Ms. Joolie

[Ms. Joolie]

I mean, if you won't even have that experience with your ideal man you are being way too hard on yourself and taking it all way too seriously.

 

Just be sure to use a contraceptive, of course.

[interfuse]

Man, you remind me of the younger version of myself, lol. I wish I can PM you because it seems like we have some stuff in common... I was into the whole rock and hardcore looking guys (don't like the long hair though, only short) that are outsiders. I'm more open to other guys now though.