I Guess it's Really Over????

[SleeplessRomantic]

LDR-related. Nearly three years.

 

It's been months since I've heard from her. No closure. Nothing. We had an amazing three hour conversation that consisted of us talking about our future (marriage, etc.) as well as her telling me she would text me and call me later that day. She never did and I never heard from her ever again. Why?

 

I could write 50-75 paragraphs on our relationship, but I don't want to write too much. For the last few months, I've been terribly heartbroken and lost.

 

You know the old saying that goes something like this: "the most wise people in the world are the ones who made the most mistakes AND learned from them"? Well, every day I wonder where I fall when it comes to that statement.

 

My girlfriend, or dare I say fiancee, was (and still is) the love of my life. I miss her so much. We met online and eventually started talking on the phone for 6 to 8 hours a night. We neglected sleep and still maintained our busy schedules just to talk to each other. We shared pictures and video messages.

 

We met when I was 16 and she was 14. Her parents ALWAYS hated me and never gave me a chance. Everybody around us, including my friends, told me that it wouldn't last a year. It did. They said it wouldn't last two. It did. Our relationship nearly lasted three years. Apparently it's still going on, because she never broke things off.

 

I honestly don't know where to begin or end my post. I guess I could continue in future posts, elaborating the relationship bit by bit, but I'm not sure how I'd go about explaining such a complex near-3-year relationship!

 

2008 and 2009 have so far been the greatest years of my life. She made me so happy. Her voice, her giggling, her smile, everything.

 

She would always tell me that she wanted to marry me, and that she was never gonna change her mind and that our first born baby was going to be named after me (it was her idea from the get go).

 

Young, immature, naive and silly, right? Maybe...just maybe, but when I think back of all the memories we made in 2008, 2009 and 2010, all the funny moments, happy and sad, tough and triumphant, it hurts like hell, and putting all of these emotions into words is damn near next to impossible.

 

Near late 2009, she started to become insecure over my past. It started to become a big issue and she'd become angry at me for apparently no reason, and it affected me to the point of being absolutely depressed, especially as the Fall and Winter months settled in.

 

In February 2010, I found out via Facebook that she had created another account and was in another relationship with some guy where she lived. When I texted and called her over it, she became very defensive and blamed her parents for forcing her into a relationship with this guy.

 

While we continued our relationship and she expressed her deep love for me each and every day, I kept looking at her new Facebook. Her parents 'made' her go to prom with this guy, and I even practically tortured myself by looking at the pictures. When I asked her questions about how she argued with her parents, she would always give me very elaborate answers.

 

In October 2010, she told me that she had cut off all contact with the guy and that was that. Throughout the time she was 'forced' to be with him, she always told me that she was all mine and mine only and that I never had to worry about losing her, because she 'needed' me and couldn't live without me. If that was so, then why was all of this negativity happening? ALL the time?

 

Just when everything was starting to become great again near the end of the year, I never heard from her again.

 

No closure. Nothing. I miss her, and all I'm left with are the thousands of poems that I wrote for her and many that she wrote for me, the billions upon billions of memories and the sharp pain that envelops my time each and every single day.

 

Like I said...I don't know where to begin. I don't know where to end. I don't even know how to be articulate enough to write this post because it hurts so bad. I'm extremely depressed and every day I wonder what happened and why she just left for NO REASON. There's been no closure. I've emailed, texted and called her. Those are the only means of communication. It's been months and I haven't heard from her at all.

 

It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm posting this. I'm tired, depressed and truly have no idea what else to say. I don't mean to come off as rude or as a tyrant, but I'm completely heartbroken and rather restless. There's so much I want to write, but I have little patience to do it.

 

What happened to her? How come I haven't heard from her in months? Did she really leave me? Why? Why would she make all of these promises to me on the last day we talked only to never contact me ever again, especially after 3 years, and during this time I was the rock in her life that she relied upon?

 

She talked to me about everything in the world. She confided in me. She told me that I was the only person she could talk to. So, with that said, why would she go??

 

I ponder that question every day, or at least I have over the past few months.

 

It hurts like hell. I just want her to come back into my life. What happened?

 

I'm young (we're young) and going into my 20s soon. I'm heartbroken over a long distance relationship that's apparently ended without any closure whatsoever.

 

What is my goal in posting this? To move on, to get over the pain, to relax, to enjoy life again...

 

I want her back in my life, but if I can't have her back in my life, how can I possibly move on? I've tried finding new hobbies and doing things that I love. I've hung out with friends, watched movies, watched sports, played sports, wrote, read books, lifted weights, read about nutrition, everything!

 

Now, there's a lot of young couples that work out, and looked like mine WAS going to work out. Fifty years ago, marrying young was a success, but divorce rates are at an all time high these days. We are all evolving and changing so quickly.

 

Even if she and I were together today (technically, I guess we are still in a relationship because it was never broken off!), what are the chances we would still be together in 5 to 10 years anyway?

 

I don't know. I'm just trying to rationalize things just to feel better.

 

I love her so much, and we made so many promises geared towards the future. I really can't imagine being with anybody else.

 

When the lights are out and I try to sleep at night, and it's quiet, all I think about is her sweet little giggle and her telling me that she's always going to love me, that she wants to marry me and that we are going to have the most beautiful babies in the world...

 

Again, words spoken by a young couple, but still, she would always tell me that, and now that I think about it every day, it brings tears to my eyes and it hurts SO BAD. All I do is think about her sweet eyes, her beautiful smile and her celestial voice.

 

She loved me so much. I know she did. So why is she gone now?

 

Now that my sob story has been written in distorted pieces, I'm finally going to post this. Please accept my apologies for sounding rude....I just love and miss her so much, and it hurts so badly.

[Iceybreaker]

wow...your story sounds just like mine...except im a girl and your the guy. gah i hate the online world of relationships!!! GAH!!

 

it sucks, i know, and reading your story started to bring back memories of the bastard. URGH!

 

At first youre confused, lost, what happened, what did i do wrong, how could i have changed it, why was i so defensive, why/who/when, GAH mind going crazy with thoughts, become desperate to get in touch, offer meeting up, calling, txting like crazy, offline messages, EVERYTHING..to no avail..maybe eventually youll get SOMETHING in a few weeks or months but it isnt a reply to anything youve siad, just something very cold and neutral

 

then you get very, very sad..the person you talked to for soooo long, and was ALWAYS there no matter HOW busy your schedule is all of a sudden isnt there. theres a void, and everything , EVERYTHING reminds you of them. heck, you could find a way grass would make you think of them.

 

then you start giving them excuses...they did the right thing, it wasnt gonna work out anyway...etc. And then you get angry

 

( im definitely at the angry stage, ha). ANGRY HATING that they did this to you, that you spent SO MANY years on them, you built a future with them, you didnt spend time with other people cuz why would you want to when you have such an amazing person waiting for you online? or on the phone?! UGHHHHHHHHHHH and revenge thoughts come in

 

i dont know what comes after that, im still in angry hatred mode, ha, and im just speaking from my recent experience. maybe its bc of my bastard, i found out is with another girl but you dont even know whats going on with yours. and the sucky thing about the online world is that you have no idea whats going on unless they make it public. im sure shes up to something, whether its a new friend or a guy or sports, or just distancing herself, but something where shes trying to move on and not be attached to something she cant have in her hands.

 

When someone walks away, let them keep walking because theyre not tied to your destiny. YOU are in charge of your happiness and her leaving you is probably your chance to finally LIVE and find someone that you can be with. In order to be together, you have to BE TOGETHER. online stuff just doesnt cut it, esp if you met online. trust me, i regret it so much. even the happy moments i had with this person ( 3 years worth) isnt worth the agony at the end.

 

I have a feeling youre gonna be so much happier in a few months and youll be so glad this person walked out so that so many better things can walk right back in to you. you seem committed and caring and so loving, im sure you deserve the best.

[SleeplessRomantic]

Thank you so much for the kind words, Iceybreaker.

 

then you get very, very sad..the person you talked to for soooo long, and was ALWAYS there no matter HOW busy your schedule is all of a sudden isnt there. theres a void, and everything , EVERYTHING reminds you of them. heck, you could find a way grass would make you think of them.

Exactly.....WORD BY WORD!

 

I told her that last part a couple of years ago. I'd be like "Babe, everything in the world reminds me of you...even the damn carpet finds a way" and she'd giggle and tell me the 'same'.

 

Your words gave me some inspiration and hope. It just hurts like hell.

 

We met before my senior year, and I have to say, honestly, that my senior year has been the greatest year of my life so far. She and I made billions upon billions of great memories.

 

It's when college started where problems started to arise, which eventually caused me to drop into a shell and wreck my college career. Now I'm going to have to get it together and re-sign up for classes come August. It's just going to be different this time, not having her in my life. Her support was always different from anybody else's. Her soft voice always found a way to appease me and calm all of my worries and stress. It's heartbreaking to know that I'll never hear that again or ever know what went wrong with our relationship.

 

The thing that hurts the most is her idea from back in 2008 that she talked about all the time for the remainder of our relationship. She spoke of wanting to have kids with ME and that our 'first born baby boy' was going to be named after not only ME, but after my father as well, which meant a lot to me because my dad passed away years ago. It hurts because I remember how EVERY DAY she'd tell me "Our first born baby boy is gonna be named after you and your dad! I promise!" and she'd do that sweet little giggle like always. Those words haunt me, especially because it's one of the last things she ever said to me.

 

Yet the pain of it all...she broke off contact right around the same time of the anniversary of my father's death. Why would she do something so cruel and heartless?? It's like every year at the same time I'm not only going to remember my father's death but also remember the end of a relationship that was never explained: the last day I ever heard from her.

 

I remember when we'd spend hours upon hours, laughing over wild jokes. We'd talk about music for days, it seems.

 

Y'know what really sucks? Two of my top three favorite bands ever: The Doors, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin.

 

Why does that suck? Well, OUR favorite song, "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd is the most painful song in the world to listen to. When we were together, I still felt pain strike whenever I listened to that song, because I just wanted to be there, with her, so badly.

 

I haven't listened to it in a long time, and if I did, my heart would feel like stopping.

 

It's a similar feeling with "Ten Years Gone" by Led Zeppelin. I listened to that song last night after posting this thread, and it stung.

 

I LOVE both songs, but they are impossible to listen to right now.

 

I related to your post so well. The 'anger' part is something I'm familiar with. Sometimes I'll be really stressed, and when I'm alone I'll just be very angry, shouting out loud "Why'd you leave me?! Why?! You made so many promises!!" I know that really accomplishes nothing, but I need to do something about the pent up heartbreak and sadness.

 

I truly don't mean to sound arrogant in any way, but I don't have problems attracting girls. While in a relationship, just like any faithful partner would do, I stayed 110% committed to her. So, what's the problem here? The problem is that I compare every girl I see to her. It's a BAD habit that I need to break. I do it subconsciously.

 

Asides from the insecurities she had that she used to take her anger out on me and the mercurial attitude, it seemed like she and I were perfect for each other. Same personality, interests, ambitions, plans for the future, etc.

 

It's like when she left, so did a BIG part of me. I find myself being more cynical these days.

 

I am going to have to repackage and reinvent myself, but it's tough. What you said in the other thread is something I can also relate to (when you wrote, "I've just gotta live life now and start all over").

 

Wanna know a weird coincidence? You said his new girlfriend lives in Canada (in your threads). Well, the guy that my ex supposedly was ''''forced'''' to be with, he is Canadian. That's a very odd similarity.

 

I can tell by your words that you are very caring and passionate (AND compassionate!), and what you wrote really sparked some inspiration and hope. I appreciate that more than words can depict.

 

"Everything will be OK in the end, and if it's not, then it's not the end."

[Iceybreaker]

Im glad ive met ya on here =)

 

its soo insane how similar our stories are..its like looking through a mirror, or like writing to that one harry potter book where it would write back to you understanding-ly (the tom riddle thing, forget it if you have no idea what im talking about

 

as for the songs..oh boy dont get me started, music was introduced to me by em and we have several songs that are "ours" >.< so i wont, because it wont help at all and doesnt do ANY good, its like pushing yourself right back up against a wall. actually, its like pushing yourself down a hole, and you keep digging a deeper and deeper hole which isnt helping you at all even though you are doing something. and if one day or so you feel strong enough to listen to your song...well the next day you wont be..or the next day..or the next

 

it sucks cuz the songs are good, ugh !! >.< its just not the time to listen to em now. Just gotta keep busy, very very busy

 

Ohhhh sleepless, dont be so hard on yourself. I really think these ppl that left us will be the greatest thing that could happen to us and our future and are teaching us a lot. Wed be stuck behind computers, waiting and wondering and still fantasizing about our future lives together. If you REALLy think about it, why would we want that? its sad and i cant believe i spent 3 years of my life on this patheticness (ive been in denial it was pathetic, but dude..its pathetic and embarassing =/) its so much better to have that same genuine amazing person laugh WITH you in your face, listen to your song together with your earphones, one in one of your ears and the other in hers, come over whenever you want to, study and plan college together, go out to places, etc. its REAL and its how it should be. i cant help but compare us to little girls who watch prince charming movies, mesmerized by a picture perfect fantasy and waiting for it to happen, when that will never happen or never be what we fantasize it to be as perfect as it seems ( i doubt ill end up living with 7 short men, just livin the fantasy )

 

we're a lot smarter now, and we'll figure out what exactly we want, need, and be smarter about our future dreams. its a good thing weve started college without the weight of being constrained to the computer and have the luxury of going out and meeting people or doing things like sports, playing piano/guitar, going to concerts, etc.

 

The bad will end up with the bad, and the good will end up with the good at least thats what my culture says =P

 

Anyway, i kinda freaked when you closed it with that quote at the end..did i say that to you in a post or something? because i ALWAYS say that quote to everyone, ALWAYS!! coincidence?? soo crazy..soooo crazy o.O

Edited March 26, 2011 by Iceybreaker

[Coolsbreeze]

Wow I've had a pretty similar experience to you as well. I met my ex online as well, through a game, which is pretty funny come to think about it. We were together for 11 months and we've been broken up for over 6 months now. During the breakup she also got a new boyfriend almost a week after ending things with me. Suffice to say I was pretty devastated and crushed. We had planned a future together and I was planning on moving to be closer to her by either finding a job or going to school closer to her.

 

Like all relationships in the beginning we were madly in love with each other. She had just gotten out of a rough divorce where her husband had cheated on her, and I tried my best to make her happy. She was 8 years older then me and the age never bothered me and it never really bothered her because she never really talked about the age gap between us. During the times we were together we managed to see each other every 6 weeks or so either by me flying to see her or her coming to see me. We were happy when we were together however it was difficult every time when i had to leave. She would be very sad and you could see it on her face. That hardship from distance can really put a strain on a relationship and can literally sap the energy out of a healthy relationship. It was something that I learned when she ended things with me and started a relationship right off the bat with another guy. It really takes different people to make a long distance relationship to work. For me it was okay I was happy with what we had, however clearly she was not.

 

What you should realize that if that she wasn't willing to put in the energy to make it work it would've most likely ended. Both parties really need to try and communicate effectively to make a relationship work, especially for a LDR. This happened to me, whenever we were online and I would try to communicate with her she wouldn't really talk to me. But when we were together she acted more open towards me. In a way after being broken up for so long I can kind of see why she left me for another guy, it was because he offered her something that she didn't have with me. I still miss her terribly every single day and I can kind of see that i might continue to miss her for many more months to come, because I really loved her. But at least I learned something from all of this.

[LoveBug1989]

Similar situation here too....met my BF online in WoW, we were together for a little over a year, LDR....was great until I moved temporarily to a diff state. He thought he was ready for it but I guess he wasn't, and didn't want to put the work into maintaining the relationship....I'm pretty sure he started getting cozy with other girls and he felt he "needed" a girlfriend with him, I guess to make himself feel better. He broke up with me once, but called me again after 1 month NC declaring his love and commitment to me and how sorry he was. He made a lot of promises talked about how he wanted to spend his future with me, and even cried on the phone. I gave him a 2nd chance, and sure enough, 1 month later, he broke up with me again out of the blue, giving the same excuses as before but adding that he was a different person than the one I knew him as now and liked to party, drink and smoke pot, though i have my suspicions that he was with another girl.

 

It doesn't seem like it hasn't even been 1 month of NC yet. He deleted his facebook prior to breaking up with me so I haven't even seen a photo of him or heard anything from him since he broke up with me. It's like they've disappeared off the earth, isn't it? For all I know right now he could be dead, I have no idea. And it really hurts.

 

I'm just trying to get through each day. I try to smile and forget. Friends help, but I don't have many and I tend to not hang out with them a whole lot. Watch TV shows, movies, anything that makes you smile.

[0hpenelope]

Mine was an LDR as well.

 

You have to treat this break-up as permanent. No, there's nothing wrong with feeling hope: for a while, you'll find yourself looking over your shoulder from time to time, hoping that your ex might be coming after you. That's normal too. You really do have to start living your life as if your S.O. will never come back though, and it looks like you've been doing that. Keep going!

 

Closure comes from within.

[Coolsbreeze]

Similar situation here too....met my BF online in WoW, we were together for a little over a year, LDR....was great until I moved temporarily to a diff state. He thought he was ready for it but I guess he wasn't, and didn't want to put the work into maintaining the relationship....I'm pretty sure he started getting cozy with other girls and he felt he "needed" a girlfriend with him, I guess to make himself feel better. He broke up with me once, but called me again after 1 month NC declaring his love and commitment to me and how sorry he was. He made a lot of promises talked about how he wanted to spend his future with me, and even cried on the phone. I gave him a 2nd chance, and sure enough, 1 month later, he broke up with me again out of the blue, giving the same excuses as before but adding that he was a different person than the one I knew him as now and liked to party, drink and smoke pot, though i have my suspicions that he was with another girl.

 

It doesn't seem like it hasn't even been 1 month of NC yet. He deleted his facebook prior to breaking up with me so I haven't even seen a photo of him or heard anything from him since he broke up with me. It's like they've disappeared off the earth, isn't it? For all I know right now he could be dead, I have no idea. And it really hurts.

 

I'm just trying to get through each day. I try to smile and forget. Friends help, but I don't have many and I tend to not hang out with them a whole lot. Watch TV shows, movies, anything that makes you smile.

 

LOL i met my ex on WoW too. It was one of the things that attracted me to her she seemed so nice and caring that it just made me fall deeply in love with her. It's pretty tough when you see your ex move on so quickly especially when it was someone that you truly cared about. When I first heard about it I was very angry with my ex and it brought me to actually deleting her on Facebook. That helped a lot but we had a few mutual friends together and so i could see her comments and a few photos of them together, so i had to block her completely. I found that watching the news, TV shows, and keeping busy with games or other stuff. It hurts knowing that they're happy and in love with someone else and you're missing them terribly. But I guess in the end you just have to realize that they were really never happy with you and that if they're happy now then you just need to leave them be.

[SleeplessRomantic]

What a great litany of replies. I would like to personally thank everybody who has contributed to this thread so far. That includes: Icey, Coolsbreeze, LoveBug and Penelope.

 

I was going to go out with some friends and watch the movie "Sucker Punch" yesterday afternoon, but a random snow that brought 1-3 inches along hindered our original plans. I spent the day doing hardly anything productive. I took a nap in the evening and had a freakish about the past 2-3 years. I dreamed that she contacted me and we lost signal. I woke up feeling like absolute crap.

 

One of my biggest fears is that she'll go on to be extremely successful in life, will marry some rich douchebag and have several kids. Why does this bother me? Well, for one, it's an unwarranted fear of failure. As for two, she and I used to talk ALL THE TIME about marrying and having kids, and I never want to know about her business with another person. Ever. In the dream I had, I saw that she was in another relationship. Thankfully it was only a dream.

 

This girl at the Starbucks I regularly go to, where I overspend on expensive overly caffeinated coffee, appears to be interested in me, but in all honesty, I'm not sure if she's prospective girlfriend material. Again, it's the terrible habit of mine where I habitually compare other girls to her. Somebody told me that I'll eventually move on and subconsciously stop doing it, but it keeps happening and I can't help the subconscious comparisons.

 

I think my biggest problem is that when I do meet somebody else, if they dislike something about me that she loved, it will bother me tenfold. After years of being accustomed to knowing everything about her, it will be hard, I know that. Usually every day presents a challenge. Yesterday, March 28, marked 90 days since I've heard from her at all, after she apparently decided to break off any and all communication without letting me know a thing, thus effectively ending our relationship.

 

I can't stand lying in bed at night, tossing and turning and overthinking all the promises she made...all the promises that turned out to be duds.

 

Last Thursday I went out and watched "Limitless". I had a great time. It was nice being the only person in the theater watching it. On the way back, "Wish You Were Here" came on the radio. I instantly had to change the station. It was definitely a stroke of bad luck. I love that song, but listening to it is damn near next to impossible.

 

It's amusing how a couple of you mentioned meeting your ex's on WoW. Well, I never got into WoW whatsoever, but y'know how I met her? Our collective disdain for trendy, mainstream pop culture fads. In unison, we sarcastically trash talked mainstream music, pop culture fads, etc. We laughed, we shared each other's lives and we fell in love. I guess, in the end, she decided that she didn't care about me anymore. Go figure...

 

Anyway, i kinda freaked when you closed it with that quote at the end..did i say that to you in a post or something? because i ALWAYS say that quote to everyone, ALWAYS!! coincidence?? soo crazy..soooo crazy o.O

Ha! That is a crazy coincidence. I heard that quote a couple of years ago when I was going through a brief rough time. Helped me get out of that!

 

What you should realize that if that she wasn't willing to put in the energy to make it work it would've most likely ended. Both parties really need to try and communicate effectively to make a relationship work, especially for a LDR.

Great point. She and I went from talking every day for like 6-8 hours a night, which is how I got used to becoming an insomniac living off of 3-4 hours of sleep per night, to talking a couple of times a week (if that).

 

It's like they've disappeared off the earth, isn't it? For all I know right now he could be dead, I have no idea. And it really hurts.

 

I'm just trying to get through each day. I try to smile and forget. Friends help, but I don't have many and I tend to not hang out with them a whole lot. Watch TV shows, movies, anything that makes you smile.

I know exactly what you mean. Like I said, she and I...our relationship didn't even officially end. She basically broke off contact without warning and that was that. I e-mailed her multiple times in January, February and here in March shortly before I joined LS. No replies whatsoever. I lamented my heartbreak...no replies.

 

I could always look her up, but as the saying goes "search for something and you will find it". I'm so afraid of what I'd might see (her in a relationship) that I refuse to do that. I learned enough of that in 2010, which I'll elaborate if anybody wants me to (although it will be like opening up wounds and pouring a horde of salt into them).

 

LoveBug, just know that I am always here to talk to. This thread will be here if you need to vent what you are feeling. I know, it's tough. I've been feeling the pain for three months as of yesterday, and it's still heart wrenching.

 

The same goes for everybody reading.

 

You have to treat this break-up as permanent. No, there's nothing wrong with feeling hope: for a while, you'll find yourself looking over your shoulder from time to time, hoping that your ex might be coming after you. That's normal too. You really do have to start living your life as if your S.O. will never come back though, and it looks like you've been doing that. Keep going!

Thank you! That's true! I have been, but it's still rough whenever I'm stressed out. When we were together, she'd always take away the stress. I admit it: there was a lot of codependency. I don't know. I just want to be completely happy again without feeling miserable over how screwy things got in the end, without reason. I don't want to have to live the rest of my life, always wondering "what happened?" Every day for the past, well, now 91 I've been asking that question.

 

Again, I appreciate ALL of the replies and hope to see some more!

[SleeplessRomantic]

I'm missing her really badly tonight. It's bothering me again. It's been 101 days as of today.

 

My mom called me tonight. She's stressed out over a few things, and that's stressing me out.

 

That's why I miss my ex. Really, really, really badly.

 

Whenever I was stressed out and needed to talk, she was the one and only person I'd go to. She'd listen to me and calm me down.

 

It's been nearly four months, and now I'm stressed out and I look around and she's not there, so it's painful.

 

I just want to be happy again. It seems like a pretentious idea, but every time I've thought about her the past couple of days, I feel so bleak and down in the dumps.

 

What the heck do I do? Quick advice would really be appreciated, more than you know!

[VJohnson32]

The best way to heal a broken heart is to glue it back together by finding someone else. The quickest way to get over all the pain and suffering. Time heals all wounds but it goes so slowly, it feels like an eternity by the time you are all better. Find a temporary replacement. Nothing serious, casual dating ...hit it off as friends, get laid or just a person you can talk to. Helps alot! Fill that void. Getting dumped basically means getting your ego/pride totally screwed up. You need attention, that will bring up. Find someone that likes you alot, regardless if you like them or not.

Thats how Im getting over my ex, found a nice girl I talk to all the time and spend my nights with her. My ex is barely on my mind if ever and its been almost 3 months.

[SleeplessRomantic]

Thanks for the reply, VJohnson. I really appreciate it. This goes out to everybody who has replied in this thread.

 

That's a great idea, and I'll do it.

 

The biggest obstacle is the whole codependency thing that was mentioned. I fell into it. All of these memories from two years ago in April 2009 keep coming up -- GREAT memories. I miss them.

 

We me right before my senior year, and we were together for about three years. That was a long time ago, and with all of these memories shuffled up in my mind, it's hard moving forward. But I guess that in order to get rid of old memories you need to make new ones. That's my aim. It's just rough getting used to life again after being with somebody for so long.

 

I'll do it, though.

 

You are speaking from your own personal experience, VJohnson, and I appreciate that a lot. Thank you, again.

[TheForgotten]

Oh boy where do I start.

 

Life, what is the point of it? If there is just so much pain to bare, why can't we die now? Why? Bcuz. Life is all but a test, and this pain is part of the test.

 

Hate is a strong thing, you cannot truly "hate" someone bcuz in the end we all die, then now what? Why hate them for all eternity? You have to let go for of the hate you have towards this girl if you have any at all, bcuz this hate will impact all chances you have being with this girl again or any future partners.

 

Love is a strange thing my friend, bcuz no matter what how much you love a person, that love will always and I mean always transfer to someone else and it will become stronger BUT its YOUR choice to build it up or not.

 

This girl, you love her because why? Bcuz she gives you the feeling of real love? Or real LUST?

 

This is why I do not believe in long-distance relationships. Because no matter how much she tells you about her problems, you won't be there to whip those tears from her face, you won't be there to kiss her night mares away, to hold her when shes cold or lonely, no you will always be that bubble of text, or voice through the device, or the face on the screen.

 

She prob found someone new that can fit those needs, but she just has so much love/respect for you that she just doesn't want to hurt you.

 

My personal opinion is that long distance relationship is all talk no walk. I mean people say its based on trust but trust is all they have. No let me rephrase that trust is based on all relationships. You are young, you are about to enter the 20s you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

Find the girl of yours dreams that is near you perhaps? i know you are probably saying "I can't just love a different person!"

Here is my answer.

Have you ever heard the saying The moment you judge a person they are already lost in your life.

 

This is very true my friend, you don't know the one that is meant for you can be next door, or that cashier you met in Wal-Mart yesterday. Who knows? Thats the beauty of love.

 

Long Distance relationships are a man made creation that I am truly starting to hate IMO.

 

But I am not here trying to tell everybody of my hate towards LDRs.

I am here to HELP you.

 

Now I was very restless when my GF broke up with me, in fact once I walked to her house at night trying to wake her up, but obviously it failed.

 

Remember God has given us a beautiful gift. The gift to live, the gift to have life and choose what we do with it. This is endless possibilities.

 

You can choose what you do with your life.

Like a writer, you chose the past, your gf chose the present, well boy its up to you to write the end.

What do you truly want? Listen to your heart, do you truly love this girl? Like you said you are going in your 20s you have your whole life ahead of you, thats a chapter that is now ending and a new one about to be read by the reader. Well boy, we, us, the people around you are the readers, and I guess that makes you the writer.

Write the ending you want.

 

You have your whole life ahead of you, and you were chosen to have a very good gift, the gift to live, So use it well.

 

But who knows, i'm only a 14 year old boy.

Edited April 9, 2011 by TheForgotten
typo

[orangelady]

How old are you NOW? Just asking because you said you met her at 16. I don't understand, did she just 'disappear'? Why don't you visit her to see what's happening? Or ask her friends/family? Maybe something happened that caused her to be unable to contact you?

[SleeplessRomantic]

TheForgotten, that was...

 

I don't know. Awe inspiring. You have a gift from what I can see. I'm genuinely inspired. Thank you for posting that. I hope that was a typo when you wrote that you're 14, because no 14 year old should have that kind of social connection or the impressive ability to convey such a post like that. I apologize for the generalization. I'm just surprised, and very impressed at the same time. Again, I'm also inspired. Thanks.

 

It bothers me a lot that she came up with the amazing idea that we'd one day have a son named after my late father and I. Whenever I think about memories like that, it hurts. Why? Because that meant a lot to me, and the fact that she came up with the idea, it hurts because I know that it will never happen now. I'm just left to remember that she came up with that sweet idea.

 

I wish I could get that out of my head.

 

How old are you NOW? Just asking because you said you met her at 16. I don't understand, did she just 'disappear'? Why don't you visit her to see what's happening? Or ask her friends/family? Maybe something happened that caused her to be unable to contact you?

Thanks for posting, orangelady.

 

I'm 19 and turning 20 in September. We were in an LDR for nearly three years. If something happened in the past, she would tell me about it. As for her friends and family, it's a long story. My only option now is to move on, and right now I'm just looking for some inspiration and hope, because while I have my life ahead of me, a three year relationship this early has taken a toll on me.

 

I remember when she and I first got together. My family and friends would tell me, "Man, don't give yourself to one person yet. You have your entire life ahead of you."

 

While their advice was great, I don't regret ANYTHING about the relationship I had with her. We made so many amazing memories.

 

I just want to move on. I've been on the road for nearly four months. Some days are very easy and some days are painful. Today was good till this evening.

 

I know that I'll eventually be fine, but it's rough. That's why I joined here. Plenty of other people have a lot of experiences to share, and I just want to hear what's worked, hear some advice, feel some inspiration and power up some motivation.

[TheForgotten]

Don't sweat it. Im mature for my age.

If you need more advise you know where to ask.

[TheForgotten]

SleeplessRomantic,

 

That memory of you're girlfriend saying this is a wound that is still obviously bleeding. Let me put this in simple terms, if you have a cut that is bleeding you wash it away, in other terms you wash the germs or the "pain" from the wound and stop the bleeding, you might have to do this several times but what would you do after this?

 

You put the band aid of course. Think of a band aid as the new girl you have found, the longer you have it on the longer you do not realize the wound is there. And once you are ready you rip that sucker off and you will see your scars your ex left behind and you will look at your self, and you will be proud of what you have accomplished. You have accomplished something far worse then dying, or endless nights of torture, you have survived it all and have the scars to prove it.

 

And in the end you will become a better person and hopefully learned alot of lessons.

 

Do not freely give anybody the keys to your heart my friend.

Make sure that person is the right one.

 

-TheForgotten

[SleeplessRomantic]

Once again, very nice post, TF. I am yet again impressed.

 

What floors me is that I changed my life for her in so many ways.

 

From 2008 through August 2009, things were practically perfect. Then her insecurities over my past started to bother her. As I mentioned, she'd become extremely angry. Eventually I would calm her down, but sometimes this didn't work.

 

As I mentioned, it took a toll on my college grades, and I eventually screwed it all up. I'm sure my GPA is a big, hot mess at the moment, and I'm going to change that when I reapply for classes in August.

 

The thing is, from October 2009 through the beginning of May 2010, my life was dark. Every day I'd worry that she'd be in a bad mood. I just wanted to make her smile. She wasn't the same person she had been before. She used to never care about another girl that I knew in person saying something to me. It didn't bother her, but by the time October 2009 rolled around, she was incredibly insecure.

 

Then the whole thing about her being "FORCED" by her parents to be with that guy came around, and that really bothered me.

 

I remember so many nights I couldn't sleep. I'd resort to melatonin (completely harmless supplement) to fall asleep. Nightmares would fill my time. November and December 2009 was awful. January 2010 was alright. February 2010 was DREADFUL. I don't even want to talk about April 2010.

 

I know that my life is on a good road right now. The foundation is slowly coming into fruition. I'm just nervous and uneasy about it. I feel that I'm not the same confident guy I was in 2008 and the first eight months of 2009. I was oozing with confidence back then. I had the self esteem of a lion that ruled the jungle. I had a special charisma about me that ruled a room.

 

Now? My personality just isn't the same. I feel like a different person. I have to repackage myself into what I need to be -- ME, again.

 

Like I've mentioned, I have no problems attracting girls. The only problem is that I subconsciously compare them to her. It's a horrible problem that I need to break, but I find things about them and I nitpick. I do it even when I'm not thinking about it.

 

She and I would spend hours talking about the "Catcher in the Rye".

 

We would spend NIGHTS talking about Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" and weeks comparing John Bonham's drumming to Keith Moon's.

 

Those were amazing. How do I get that with another person?

 

I KNOW I will find somebody else, but it's going to take some major repacking on my behalf. I just need to get over myself and I need to start to have perspective. At the same time I don't want to be hard on myself and be my worst critic. There has to be a fine line.

 

Again, I just want to be happy. The very last time I was "ON TOP OF THE WORLD" was either June or July 2009. Probably both months. I graduated in June 2009 and I was on top of the world. I remember the night I graduated. Man, I was so carefree and happy.

 

It's hard to believe that she will be a senior in high school in August. It's scary.

 

I am kind of haunted from back on July 3, 2010. I was sitting on the porch at my aunt's house talking to my cousin Sarah's boyfriend Michael. He simply told me, "Never give your heart to somebody yet. You're a young and handsome dude!" Now, keep in mind, Sarah and Michael are older, one is in their 30s and the other is in their 40s, so neither are in my age range, so that advice, I can understand.

 

It's just that whenever I try to sleep and I remember the sweet things she said to me and all the promises she made to me, I am crushed. It's inevitable.

[TheForgotten]

First of all I am VERY proud of you!

You basically went through your own personal hell and that takes courage, but I'm sorry to say this but it doesn't end there my friend.

 

I once wanted my GF back I would do anything. But I had to look at her flaws and the mistakes that happened during the relationship. I fixed the mistakes but those flaws of HERS are still there. You can only fix yourself friend, not other people.

 

Take this time to fix your grades, connect with friends, and ultimately find love.

 

I wanted me GF back bcuz I loved her very much! But there was one more thing, it was fear.

 

I was scared

I still am.

 

I was scared that I couldn't find anyone like her anymore I kept thinking this until I finally woke up.

 

I realized how selfish I was. You can't say you will never find a person like her anymore if you can't search deep within every single girl.

 

I help people the best I can, but its hard bcuz I have problems myself that I want to get fixed.

 

You say you were at the top, and the thing is you still are. You are just emotionally hurt right now.

 

You have to slowly climb back and regain your confidence, that will come in time.

 

As for your sleepless nights go, it happened to me all the time, but it started to die out for me. I'm sorry but I can't help you there bud! Did you try telling your doctor? Bcuz when I broke up with my girl, I couldn't wait to just sleep, bcuz it would take my mind off things, but when I wake up I just feel hurt again.

 

Sleep is my safe house.

 

Who knows though, as I said before, I am only 14, and I myself still have a lot of learning to do and my life ahead of me. It was funny though, when I broke up with my girl, my grades started to go up.

 

 

-TheForgotten

[Iceybreaker]

i have to disagree with Vjohnson...

 

sure it gives you a distraction and different focus, but its a temporary fix. you know youre just using the other person to help you heal faster which doesnt really get you to becoming a healed person. it just hides it. and it still confirms the previous person is just fine. AND its also unfair to the new person. I DO agree though that getting involved with something is good, just not "casual dating" or rebounding with another person. It hurts everyone involved. Once your fully healed and the ex is no longer a determinant of how good or bad your feeling and realize they will never be there to make you happy bc they could care less, and you feel indifferent towards them (neither love nor hate), is when you can invest yourself into someone new and by far your relationship will be much healthier and stronger.

 

I found this site, and I think its cool: http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Theres opportunities to take care of tigers and lions and sea otters O.O or get trained to be a scuba diver so you can help out in the aquariums. i thought that was awesome XD or if you want a running partner, volunteer to run with a dog. A lot of animal shelters need volunteers to excersize the animals. And theres a ton of other things, I just seemed to be interested in the animal ones =P

 

everytime you start to think about her, just stop your mind, change what your doing, get up, workout, cook something, anything. if the computer reminds you of her (it sure reminds me of mine, 3 years of being stuck on the computer if u know what i mean), give yourself a break from the computer. find college events, speakers, concerts, shows, theres usu always something going on. and if not, im sure theres gotta be a lake or park and you can go feed the ducks. =P

 

i cant help but think how weird this is btw, i had a down moment too yesterday and it brought me back to the forums..so crazy. we all have what we're going through, and we're the ones who will be stronger and happier in the end. itll be worth it, i know it. just dont make the mistake of getting with someone just to get over someone else. itll just make it worse.

 

as for comparing, find what makes them different, what makes them better. i find you tend to highlight the goodtimes from the PAST. but look at it closely: the bigger picture shows there were large underlying problems as well (i.e. the forcing of being with someone else). sleepy, it wasnt what you wanted. highlight THAT. remember how shes just left you and doesnt care, realize the cons outweigh the pros, and youll realize what youll want in a new person after this. its not someone who is wishywashy.

 

ps. sorry i wrote a lot ^^ just really passionate about this darned problem. cant stand it and i hate how THEY are the ones who should be hurting since THEY are the ones who are disrespectful, yet the ones who actually care are the hurt ones. blah..

[VJohnson32]

i have to disagree with Vjohnson...

 

sure it gives you a distraction and different focus, but its a temporary fix. you know youre just using the other person to help you heal faster which doesnt really get you to becoming a healed person. it just hides it. and it still confirms the previous person is just fine. AND its also unfair to the new person. I DO agree though that getting involved with something is good, just not "casual dating" or rebounding with another person. It hurts everyone involved. Once your fully healed and the ex is no longer a determinant of how good or bad your feeling and realize they will never be there to make you happy bc they could care less, and you feel indifferent towards them (neither love nor hate), is when you can invest yourself into someone new and by far your relationship will be much healthier and stronger.

 

Well, that depends. Plus you obviously dont know the meaning behind casual dating. As I said in my post break ups are cruel and they do a major damage to your self-esteem. You could choose to sit around and wait for the storm to pass or learn to dance in the rain (Shakespeare)

Waiting to fill that gap in your heart could take years, especially for a men. Men is nothing without a woman and that hole will be wide open until is filled. Serious dating is a no-no, what I said was find someone you can relate to and talk to about your problems. Women are understandable and will listen. If she find you attractive thats a big plus. Alot of women out there are going through basically the same thing and are just looking for vents and people they can relate to and find their self again. But you both must be on the same page.

Ive met my ex 2 weeks after her boyfriend broke her heart. I knew she was using me as a rebound but I was fine with it. Until she realized I was even a better catch than her ex and we stayed together for over 2 years. I did help her get over her ex in less then 2 months.

As long as you talk and explain your situation, nobody will ever get hurt. Dumb people that cant talk get hurt...

[singer24]

Your situation sounds EXACTLY like what my brother is going through at the moment. He is experiencing the same type of depression and pain. I am so sorry that you are feeling that way.

 

The only advice i can give you as a 24 year old female who has gone through my own heartbreaks in life is that IT WILL GET BETTER. The first love, the first break up is always the hardest and most depressing. I know you can't believe this now but one day in the future you will wake up and have someone else in your arms...and you will feel madly in love once again. That new relationship may not work either but at least you'll know that it is possible to get over someone and to be in love again. IT IS trust me. There are so many beautiful people in the world, and as deep as your connection was with her (and im sure it was, and you probably feel like you can never have that with someone else again) but you can. We are only human...we love someone when we feel physically attracted to them and emotionally connected to them. Do I believe in a soulmate? No. I believe there are many ppl in the world who you can connect with and many people you can't. Even if soulmates did exist, the chances of you finding her are close to none because of how many billions of people there are in the world. When I say you will move on one day, that doesn't mean you will forget her. You will always have the amazing moments and memories and that's a beautiful thing because you learned from that experience and it's all related to your life journey. Every one on the planet experiences pain in one way or another.

By the way I don't think you sounded rude at all in your post...you are simply going through what many others do and letting it out.

Continue doing what you're doing surrounding yourself with family and friends, hobbies, and its sooo important to do what is good for YOU. Get yourself on track go back to school and even that will make you much happier. You are at an age that is extremely depressing, I remember when i was 19 just feeling completely lost and not knowing what i wanted out of life. It's normal.

You need T I M E...that's the only way you will heal. People will tell you to just get over, etc, but it's not that easy. Just live your life doing what's best for you every day and in time you will be completely healed and ready to give your heart to someone else. When that day comes you can think back to this post and say...hey she was right!

[LoveBug1989]

This girl at the Starbucks I regularly go to, where I overspend on expensive overly caffeinated coffee, appears to be interested in me, but in all honesty, I'm not sure if she's prospective girlfriend material. Again, it's the terrible habit of mine where I habitually compare other girls to her. Somebody told me that I'll eventually move on and subconsciously stop doing it, but it keeps happening and I can't help the subconscious comparisons.

 

When my BF first broke up with me, this is what I was doing. I was terrified of even being with a new man, let alone sleeping with one. However, after he broke up with me again after I a gave him a second chance, I felt stronger and I started to realize that there are much more wonderful people out there to meet who will realize how lucky they are to have you in their life and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. There's a guy at work (who I suspect may be gay, but he's still cute) who I have a little crush on; it's fun to be a little flirty and playful and joke around without being attached to the Ex. It's nice to be around members of the opposite sex, even if they are just friends, who make you feel happy and make you laugh, ect.

 

I can't stand lying in bed at night, tossing and turning and overthinking all the promises she made...all the promises that turned out to be duds.

 

Yup, same here. I will sit and wonder when he actually started telling lies and being reclusive and cutting communication. I think it started in Oct. and came in phases. When I start thinking about that I have to turn on the TV or play a game, do something else to take my mind off it.

 

 

Great point. She and I went from talking every day for like 6-8 hours a night, which is how I got used to becoming an insomniac living off of 3-4 hours of sleep per night, to talking a couple of times a week (if that).

 

There was a point in time during our LDR when this happened too. In fact my ex did not call me for over a month; I was the one who was initiating all the contact and even then, I left lots of voicemails and unanswered texts, and he didn't even say thank you for a piece of artwork I had sent him for his birthday. I suspect now that he was starting to see another girl at that time.

 

 

 

LoveBug, just know that I am always here to talk to. This thread will be here if you need to vent what you are feeling. I know, it's tough. I've been feeling the pain for three months as of yesterday, and it's still heart wrenching.

 

 

Awww, thanks! It sure is.

[SleeplessRomantic]

TheForgotten,

 

Thanks again for the 'pep talks'. I've felt a big confidence rush since last night, and I plain to sustain it.

 

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I'm going to mention it now: BEFORE I met her, I was a self-motivated. Every problem I encountered, I found a way to deface it because I had the utmost confidence to do so. Nothing could keep me down, because I'd come straight back up.

 

I'm going to work hard on being who I am and relaxing. No sweat. Speaking of my nightly sleep schedule: I'm used to 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I know that the whole '8 hour a night' gig is the most accepted and well received, but I've been used to my own schedule since March 2009. The only problem with this is that I'd like to sleep more sometimes due to thinking about her when it's quiet. I'm going to combat those thoughts now. How? By searching up something funny and indulging.

 

You're 14 with the wisdom of an adult of worldly prowess. Keep up the great work, man.

 

 

I think you should try to contact her.

As I've mentioned, I have attempted to contact her on different occasions over the last near four months. It wasn’t an obsession, either. I e-mailed her once in January, once in February and once in March. I’ve even texted her (but that was in January).

 

I will NOT contact her again. Her birthday is on the 23rd this month, but I will resist the urge to contact her. Besides, I'll be traveling with a couple of my best friends on that day. That should help.

 

 

i have to disagree with Vjohnson...

 

sure it gives you a distraction and different focus, but its a temporary fix. you know youre just using the other person to help you heal faster which doesnt really get you to becoming a healed person. it just hides it. and it still confirms the previous person is just fine. AND its also unfair to the new person. I DO agree though that getting involved with something is good, just not "casual dating" or rebounding with another person. It hurts everyone involved. Once your fully healed and the ex is no longer a determinant of how good or bad your feeling and realize they will never be there to make you happy bc they could care less, and you feel indifferent towards them (neither love nor hate), is when you can invest yourself into someone new and by far your relationship will be much healthier and stronger.

 

I found this site, and I think its cool: http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Theres opportunities to take care of tigers and lions and sea otters O.O or get trained to be a scuba diver so you can help out in the aquariums. i thought that was awesome XD or if you want a running partner, volunteer to run with a dog. A lot of animal shelters need volunteers to excersize the animals. And theres a ton of other things, I just seemed to be interested in the animal ones =P

 

everytime you start to think about her, just stop your mind, change what your doing, get up, workout, cook something, anything. if the computer reminds you of her (it sure reminds me of mine, 3 years of being stuck on the computer if u know what i mean), give yourself a break from the computer. find college events, speakers, concerts, shows, theres usu always something going on. and if not, im sure theres gotta be a lake or park and you can go feed the ducks. =P

 

i cant help but think how weird this is btw, i had a down moment too yesterday and it brought me back to the forums..so crazy. we all have what we're going through, and we're the ones who will be stronger and happier in the end. itll be worth it, i know it. just dont make the mistake of getting with someone just to get over someone else. itll just make it worse.

 

as for comparing, find what makes them different, what makes them better. i find you tend to highlight the goodtimes from the PAST. but look at it closely: the bigger picture shows there were large underlying problems as well (i.e. the forcing of being with someone else). sleepy, it wasnt what you wanted. highlight THAT. remember how shes just left you and doesnt care, realize the cons outweigh the pros, and youll realize what youll want in a new person after this. its not someone who is wishywashy.

 

ps. sorry i wrote a lot ^^ just really passionate about this darned problem. cant stand it and i hate how THEY are the ones who should be hurting since THEY are the ones who are disrespectful, yet the ones who actually care are the hurt ones. blah..

Icey, I appreciate everything you've offered to the thread. All the help, words, anecdotes and all have been great, and again, I appreciate it. I'm glad to have met you.

 

That's a cool site -- thanks for posting the link. I've been spending a lot of my time lifting. The times where my mind is consumed with thoughts of her (when I try to sleep and it's silent), I've basically taken the liberty to turning on the TV and having some kind of background noise. It's become a matter of just doing it.

 

You are completely right about the bigger picture and the underlying problems. She changed, as a person. Several times. Those are the kinks of being young and 'ever growing' though. I suspect that we'll all be completely different in five years and in ten years. That's life. I think of the GREAT times, then I think of the harrowing times. The great times were over by the time the hurtful days began. Thanks for reminding me of this fact. I appreciate it because you've opened my eyes to this.

 

By the way, I prefer it if you write a lot, y'know?! It's good to hear your point of view and to actually be able to relate to somebody in basically a mirroring situation. The crazy similarities are ridiculous!

 

Well, that depends. Plus you obviously dont know the meaning behind casual dating. As I said in my post break ups are cruel and they do a major damage to your self-esteem. You could choose to sit around and wait for the storm to pass or learn to dance in the rain (Shakespeare)

Waiting to fill that gap in your heart could take years, especially for a men. Men is nothing without a woman and that hole will be wide open until is filled. Serious dating is a no-no, what I said was find someone you can relate to and talk to about your problems. Women are understandable and will listen. If she find you attractive thats a big plus. Alot of women out there are going through basically the same thing and are just looking for vents and people they can relate to and find their self again. But you both must be on the same page.

Ive met my ex 2 weeks after her boyfriend broke her heart. I knew she was using me as a rebound but I was fine with it. Until she realized I was even a better catch than her ex and we stayed together for over 2 years. I did help her get over her ex in less then 2 months.

As long as you talk and explain your situation, nobody will ever get hurt. Dumb people that cant talk get hurt...

Thanks again for another reply, VJohnson.

 

You wrote that, "Man is nothing without a woman". I know your intentions are good and well-meaning, but I disagree with you there. It's nice to see contrary perspectives, though, so if you want to elaborate, then by all means go for it. I'm game. I just think that is sort of defeating in a way.

 

I have a hole in my heart simply because I was attached for three years and the relationship was ended without closure, explanation or absolute end. I will get over it, but time is needed. Action is also needed, and I will take it.

 

I understand you about the "women are understandable and will listen" part 100%. She listened to my every word and calmed me down. With all the stress from a couple of days ago building up, after three years I've now felt the difference it is to not have her to talk to about stressful BS, and that's what motivated my thread bump. So, I definitely catch your drift on that.

 

Your situation sounds EXACTLY like what my brother is going through at the moment. He is experiencing the same type of depression and pain. I am so sorry that you are feeling that way.

 

The only advice i can give you as a 24 year old female who has gone through my own heartbreaks in life is that IT WILL GET BETTER. The first love, the first break up is always the hardest and most depressing. I know you can't believe this now but one day in the future you will wake up and have someone else in your arms...and you will feel madly in love once again. That new relationship may not work either but at least you'll know that it is possible to get over someone and to be in love again. IT IS trust me. There are so many beautiful people in the world, and as deep as your connection was with her (and im sure it was, and you probably feel like you can never have that with someone else again) but you can. We are only human...we love someone when we feel physically attracted to them and emotionally connected to them. Do I believe in a soulmate? No. I believe there are many ppl in the world who you can connect with and many people you can't. Even if soulmates did exist, the chances of you finding her are close to none because of how many billions of people there are in the world. When I say you will move on one day, that doesn't mean you will forget her. You will always have the amazing moments and memories and that's a beautiful thing because you learned from that experience and it's all related to your life journey. Every one on the planet experiences pain in one way or another.

By the way I don't think you sounded rude at all in your post...you are simply going through what many others do and letting it out.

Continue doing what you're doing surrounding yourself with family and friends, hobbies, and its sooo important to do what is good for YOU. Get yourself on track go back to school and even that will make you much happier. You are at an age that is extremely depressing, I remember when i was 19 just feeling completely lost and not knowing what i wanted out of life. It's normal.

You need T I M E...that's the only way you will heal. People will tell you to just get over, etc, but it's not that easy. Just live your life doing what's best for you every day and in time you will be completely healed and ready to give your heart to someone else. When that day comes you can think back to this post and say...hey she was right!

Awesome post! I'll definitely do that, and I'll be sure to bump this thread when that day comes along (I'll remember:cool:)! Thanks for the encouragement. I assure you I'll take it all in stride.

 

I apologize for any typos in this post. It's nearly 4 AM here, and I'll probably write more later when I wake up and actually have some sense.

[Iceybreaker]

oh silly, dont mention it, ive already said this but im glad to have met you too. so easy to relate to, and i think weve both just been 'obsessing' over a person for so long its hard to just move on. I guess its like our brains have been on the same channel for so long, and thats just what its used to. About time to change the channel huh ? XD

 

you mentioned lifting...i was thinking of starting p90x bc ive always wanted to but im not sure if it works/what to expect. any experience with it or know someone who has done it? or recommend any other workouts? i miss working out and i really want to start up again, but on a regular schedule. once the weather STAYS warm ill go back to biking and running, should sign up for same races like 5k, and intramurals is only once a week. But there are a whole 7 days in a week to better myself and once a week just doesnt cut it!, haha =)

 

and im glad youre not going to contact them..so much better that way. let's see what you (or anyone) thinks of this: i sent a text to my ex on valentines day >.< (ugh!) but i pretended i was sending it to someone else/the wrong person so i wasnt addressing HIM specifically. i felt awesome after i sent it, and i cracked up at the thought of it. he actually replied "wrong...person? XDDD" but i didnt respond to it. i cracked up after i received his message, even harder, and i felt great. i literally sat in the car laughing my head off.. felt great to not respond to him, as if the ball was now in MY court after it being so long in his court and me being the last person who had texted while he ignored me. for some reason, NOW i feel really pathetic for having done that, that i had to make up something and text him 'by accident' just for a silly response. at least i got a good laugh out of it at the time..im such a nut =)

 

Thought you might be interested in a few things i found around the forums:

*tinychat.com/myrelationship

^might be a good place to chat with some LS ppl at any time of day =) I stopped by on there for a little in between classes

 

*http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

^this guy has a few good posts on "grass is greener" syndrome. i think it applies...

 

*http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=273046&highlight=GIGS

^ i like what wuthering says about gigs as well

 

oh, and i know you already know this, but remember that the grieving process is actually HEALTHY for you. its an emotional process that makes us dig into deep introspection, rumination of thought and fleeting emotions of confusion, despair, and even raw anger (learned most of that from a diff post, idr where, just giving credit though =P). probably why we're on here in the first place. i havent thought so much in my life, and havent had the same record replaying in my mind of obsessive, repetitive thoughts..trying to get explanations and understand what went wrong, and , more importantly, what to do RIGHT. im actually kinda excited for how the next relationship will go because i feel like i understand so much more. and before i go into panic mode and freak, ill have to ask for advice and research up on LS or somewhere before i make any mistakes.

 

Boy am i glad you're ok with long posts =)