my wifes having an affair how do i win her back

[marqueemoon4]

With all due respect, I hate the phrase "man up".

 

By speaking it, you're inferring that the person being spoken to has no balls.

And that you somehow have balls and bequeath some sort of macho directive that will empower him with a two-word phrase.

 

bah humbug to that phrase.

 

i hate it too. one because Miller Lite beats it into the ground, so now everyone else does. two because my ex had the nerve to tell me to "man up" and move on. well, I'm glad you had another guy lined up before you blindsided me.

[tomcatf14g]

Well she has pretty much resulted to ignoring me the last couple of days especially now that the OM is back from training exercises. I still wanna save this marriage but I'm done trying. She probably is gone anyways. I know the two of them are already having some problems but it will take time for the fog to clear. I've decided that its time i just step aside for now. Go out and have fun and just see where thibgs lead. If she can seriously come to me and want to try and save this marriage then I will try again. but it will be on my terms not hers. I've put up with alot and I've tried everything I can except to completely walk away from her. Maybe its time to do just that. The problem i have is that I don't believe u just give up on a marriage because its not convenient anymore or because things are at there worst. I don't drink I dont do drugs, I don't hit and i dont abuse. I'm a great father and a hard worker. I've provided for them in every way I could. I've loved my wife despite all she has done. I still enjoy the time we spend together but I'm tired of feeling like I do. I'm tired of being led on. This is her problem not mine. Nothing I've done warrants me to deserve this. Especially when I have mad so many changes to improve our marriage and she just got worse. She is hurting inside from something and I don't know what it is. She thinks this new guy will heal her pain that I apparently couldn't. She needs help that I just can't give her. And since she wont talk to me about it I can't help her either. Maybe in a few months or a yr she will change her mind then I can give it another try. But I cant go on like this. I have more value for myself than that. She says she wants a divorce but has yet done anything to pursue it. Other than a phone call or two. I met with a divorce lawyer and a divorce mediator. I know my options. We have already pretty much divided everything up and agreed to share custody of the children. The house I honestly don't want it anymore. I don't like walking around it and seeing all the pain she has caused the good memories or just to overshadowed now. I've decided its just time to go. Make some new friends and live my life. I'm not so sure about seeing other people because I still want my marriage and I am still technically married. I meant my vows when I spoke them. Just because she has violated them doesn't mean I have to. Besides the last girl I started to see drove her nuts and she wouldnt leave me alone. Made the other woman very uncomfortable and made me feel like a complete ass. I won't do that to someone else. its not fair to them or to me. I'm just going to concentrate on me and my children and hope for the best but prepare for the wprst.

[Chi townD]

Back from a training exercise? Is this guy in the military? If so, you need to contact his command right away! Adultry is punishable under the UCMJ. You'll be able to get him out of your house with a quickness; especially if he's in jail. Then, move back in. And his command can order him out of the house. Screw it! It's your house too! If she wants out of the marriage, then SHE will have to leave. You didn't do anything wrong. Also, if you move back in, don't tell her or warning her, just move in.

 

And from this point out, ALWAYS record any conversations you have with her. I wouldn't put it passed her to try and get a restraining order for some bogus DV charge.

[WorldIsYours]

Dude get those two idiots out of your house. I don't know what in the world you were thinking by moving out and letting that pathetic trash around your kids. File for divorce and Man Up dude. You gotta get yourself out of denial before you lose yourself.

[tojaz]

Well she has pretty much resulted to ignoring me the last couple of days especially now that the OM is back from training exercises. I still wanna save this marriage but I'm done trying. She probably is gone anyways. I know the two of them are already having some problems but it will take time for the fog to clear. I've decided that its time i just step aside for now. Go out and have fun and just see where thibgs lead. If she can seriously come to me and want to try and save this marriage then I will try again. but it will be on my terms not hers. I've put up with alot and I've tried everything I can except to completely walk away from her. Maybe its time to do just that. The problem i have is that I don't believe u just give up on a marriage because its not convenient anymore or because things are at there worst. I don't drink I dont do drugs, I don't hit and i dont abuse. I'm a great father and a hard worker. I've provided for them in every way I could. I've loved my wife despite all she has done. I still enjoy the time we spend together but I'm tired of feeling like I do. I'm tired of being led on. This is her problem not mine. Nothing I've done warrants me to deserve this. Especially when I have mad so many changes to improve our marriage and she just got worse. She is hurting inside from something and I don't know what it is. She thinks this new guy will heal her pain that I apparently couldn't. She needs help that I just can't give her. And since she wont talk to me about it I can't help her either. Maybe in a few months or a yr she will change her mind then I can give it another try. But I cant go on like this. I have more value for myself than that. She says she wants a divorce but has yet done anything to pursue it. Other than a phone call or two. I met with a divorce lawyer and a divorce mediator. I know my options. We have already pretty much divided everything up and agreed to share custody of the children. The house I honestly don't want it anymore. I don't like walking around it and seeing all the pain she has caused the good memories or just to overshadowed now. I've decided its just time to go. Make some new friends and live my life. I'm not so sure about seeing other people because I still want my marriage and I am still technically married. I meant my vows when I spoke them. Just because she has violated them doesn't mean I have to. Besides the last girl I started to see drove her nuts and she wouldnt leave me alone. Made the other woman very uncomfortable and made me feel like a complete ass. I won't do that to someone else. its not fair to them or to me. I'm just going to concentrate on me and my children and hope for the best but prepare for the wprst.

 

Very well said Tomcat, and very well thought out. Your right, for now this is completely beyond your control.... until she is ready to face her own issues. The only play you have is to remove yourself from the equation in every way. No sleeping with her, no being the back up plan. She wants to give her best to someone else then you withdraw yours. Every chance you let her live her life without your influence.

 

Two cheaters shacking up has disaster written all over it. Its not going to last and when it falls apart and sees your not waiting in the wings, thats when her eyes will open and the fog will lift, by then though, who knows where you will be, and that is as it should be, Live your life for you, shes the one that tried to sneak out the back door.

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

The problem i have is that I don't believe u just give up on a marriage because its not convenient anymore or because things are at there worst.

Understandable, and every marriage has a breaking point...until she comes out of that fog, it's not even about what is not convenient anymore or when things are at their worst. Meaning that it's not just something that can be worked out, it's something that has to be worked on.

 

I have more value for myself than that. She says she wants a divorce but has yet done anything to pursue it. Other than a phone call or two. I met with a divorce lawyer and a divorce mediator. I know my options. We have already pretty much divided everything up and agreed to share custody of the children.

 

I'm just going to concentrate on me and my children and hope for the best but prepare for the wprst.

 

You are going down the right path and looking out for yours and your children's interest...that it all you can do at this point. Take care of you.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well she has pretty much resulted to ignoring me the last couple of days especially now that the OM is back from training exercises. I still wanna save this marriage but I'm done trying. She probably is gone anyways. I know the two of them are already having some problems but it will take time for the fog to clear. I've decided that its time i just step aside for now. Go out and have fun and just see where thibgs lead. If she can seriously come to me and want to try and save this marriage then I will try again. but it will be on my terms not hers. I've put up with alot and I've tried everything I can except to completely walk away from her. Maybe its time to do just that. The problem i have is that I don't believe u just give up on a marriage because its not convenient anymore or because things are at there worst. I don't drink I dont do drugs, I don't hit and i dont abuse. I'm a great father and a hard worker. I've provided for them in every way I could. I've loved my wife despite all she has done. I still enjoy the time we spend together but I'm tired of feeling like I do. I'm tired of being led on. This is her problem not mine. Nothing I've done warrants me to deserve this. Especially when I have mad so many changes to improve our marriage and she just got worse. She is hurting inside from something and I don't know what it is. She thinks this new guy will heal her pain that I apparently couldn't. She needs help that I just can't give her. And since she wont talk to me about it I can't help her either. Maybe in a few months or a yr she will change her mind then I can give it another try. But I cant go on like this. I have more value for myself than that. She says she wants a divorce but has yet done anything to pursue it. Other than a phone call or two. I met with a divorce lawyer and a divorce mediator. I know my options. We have already pretty much divided everything up and agreed to share custody of the children. The house I honestly don't want it anymore. I don't like walking around it and seeing all the pain she has caused the good memories or just to overshadowed now. I've decided its just time to go. Make some new friends and live my life. I'm not so sure about seeing other people because I still want my marriage and I am still technically married. I meant my vows when I spoke them. Just because she has violated them doesn't mean I have to. Besides the last girl I started to see drove her nuts and she wouldnt leave me alone. Made the other woman very uncomfortable and made me feel like a complete ass. I won't do that to someone else. its not fair to them or to me. I'm just going to concentrate on me and my children and hope for the best but prepare for the wprst.

 

You sound just like me a year or so ago. I am so sorry for your pain. Don't play ball and let her treat you like this anymore. Men like you who are willing to work it out and not just give up are so incredibly rare. Give that to just about any other woman and she will treat you better and you will feel special again.

[tomcatf14g]

I've been leaving her alone the last few days especially since OM is back. Today she called me a few times and wanted to tlk about her day and a little about last night when he got back. I just said don't really wanna hear it and I have nothing to say other than to tlk to my kids. She didnt seem to like it to much the first time I said and when I told her again she didn't seem to care. Honestly I still want my marriage. But I'm done until she kicks this pos to the curb. The way things have been between them that may sooner than I think. But I don't know. Really at this point I don't care. If she chooses to come back then I'm more than willing to try but if not then I'm ready to just move on. I'm struggling a little with that part but it gets easier everyday. He got back last night about 6 and for a min or two I started thinking about what they were going to do together than I just said f it. I don't care anymore it doesn't matter. It still bothers me but there is nothing else I can do but move on and just keep my hope we will make this work someday. That's all I got left. I'm going to be home in two days. I'm going to grab the kids and spend the next few days with them and having a good time. Going to take them to the air and space museum. They both love planes and space so o think its going to be a blast. To bad she will miss out on all the fun but she would rather be with army Dick instead of her family. Fine with me. She will regret this someday. Hopefully not before I've already moved on to someone else.

[SoMovinOn]

Win her back? What awful thing would one need to do to win a "prize" like that?

 

Run! Run away!

 

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

[Owl]

I've been leaving her alone the last few days especially since OM is back. Today she called me a few times and wanted to tlk about her day and a little about last night when he got back. I just said don't really wanna hear it and I have nothing to say other than to tlk to my kids. She didnt seem to like it to much the first time I said and when I told her again she didn't seem to care. Honestly I still want my marriage. But I'm done until she kicks this pos to the curb. The way things have been between them that may sooner than I think. But I don't know. Really at this point I don't care. If she chooses to come back then I'm more than willing to try but if not then I'm ready to just move on. I'm struggling a little with that part but it gets easier everyday. He got back last night about 6 and for a min or two I started thinking about what they were going to do together than I just said f it. I don't care anymore it doesn't matter. It still bothers me but there is nothing else I can do but move on and just keep my hope we will make this work someday. That's all I got left. I'm going to be home in two days. I'm going to grab the kids and spend the next few days with them and having a good time. Going to take them to the air and space museum. They both love planes and space so o think its going to be a blast. To bad she will miss out on all the fun but she would rather be with army Dick instead of her family. Fine with me. She will regret this someday. Hopefully not before I've already moved on to someone else.

 

Wait a minute...I just glanced at this and caught this.

 

He's active duty Army?

 

Get his name, rank, and if at all possible, his unit. If nothing else...get his duty station (what fort he's at).

 

Take that information...go online, and look for the number for "Inspector General" for the base he's stationed at. Call the IG, give them his name/rank/unit, and inform them that he's currently "with" a married woman. Tell them the truth, tell them who you are, and inform them that you are officially informing them of his "unbecoming conduct" that you know is "in violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice".

 

See what happens from there.

[WorldIsYours]

Wait a minute...I just glanced at this and caught this.

 

He's active duty Army?

 

Get his name, rank, and if at all possible, his unit. If nothing else...get his duty station (what fort he's at).

 

Take that information...go online, and look for the number for "Inspector General" for the base he's stationed at. Call the IG, give them his name/rank/unit, and inform them that he's currently "with" a married woman. Tell them the truth, tell them who you are, and inform them that you are officially informing them of his "unbecoming conduct" that you know is "in violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice".

 

See what happens from there.

 

And kick that f**ker and that skank out of your house.

 

 

Tomcat you gotta realize something. Even if her selfish arse goes back to you she'll still be the same, self-centered person, and you'll resent her for the amount of damage she's dished out to you. It will mean more pain. Don't put yourself through that.

[dreamingoftigers]

And kick that f**ker and that skank out of your house.

 

 

Tomcat you gotta realize something. Even if her selfish arse goes back to you she'll still be the same, self-centered person, and you'll resent her for the amount of damage she's dished out to you. It will mean more pain. Don't put yourself through that.

 

At least she has done some serious, serious work on herself, in this case she may even have to replace a couple of organs, like her heart and her brain.