Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I think i set myself up to fail. I subconciously make bad decisions with girls so that nothing happens, i choose girls that are out of my league or are taken so i can get rejected. I would say im happy being miserable, but thats not really true, i am just used to it, i dont want to face the situation of being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 are you happy being miserable? looks like we got a lot to talk about bub. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 This shouldnt be that surprising. I complain a lot, yet i also mess up. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I think you are trying too hard. Just be yourself and relaxe....love seems to come when we least expect it and aren't looking for it. Quit selling yourself short DA..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 if i dont go after it ill never get there, its not like girls will approach me. Maybe like the saying, "a watched kettle never boils" or something like that. but it is my primary goal right now, school and everything else is secondary. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 There are people who continuously pursue the wrong people, fully knowing they will be rejected and be spared the responsibility of being in a relationship. They do it for a number of reasons but I suspect fear is the biggest. Relationships are scary sometimes, particularly if you have a lot of emotion invested in them. Why not just date some of the women you are attracted to. You don't need to have a fully blown relationship with everyone of them. Take baby steps. And stop having this crappy attitude that they may be out of your league. There's no such thing. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are attracted to ordinary looking men. You may even want to start out as good friends and let them get to know you...and then take it from there. Maybe you'll be more confident about dating somebody if you've known them a bit and know they aren't going to kick you right out of your life. If you don't do something about this, you could surely pass up some great opportunities for love. So for not, forget the relationship thing. Just get out there and have a nice time. Once you gain some confidence in yourself, you may feel better about going into a full-blown relationship with someone. And, even then, it's not like a life sentence. It's supposed to be something that will give you joy. If it doesn't, don't do it. Until you get over your fear, you will keep sabatoging your interaction with women. Until you get some confidence and higher self esteem, you won't stand a chance. Pump yourself up and get out there. Many women may want you only as a buddy...and that's really nice....but others will be very happy to go out with you as more. I also think you need to take some time away from LoveShack and hang out with friends and the ladies you like. Take walks, go out and eat, go to clubs, concerts or whatever. You will have no success whatsoever sitting in front of a computer screen when you're not in school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 Thanks Tony, what you said is very true. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Make school and everything else first priority and dating/relationships secondary. Now go out, have fun, let loose and be yourself! And I wish you the best of luck~ with everything Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 amen to what Tony said. i think the trick is to just date lots - very attracted or not rlly, just go on many dates, and don't worry abt what'll come of it. relationships ARE a big risk, always. but at some point, you'll forget the fear and just go for it. or else you'll notice your fear is pathological and see a therapist (but date lots before doing that - chances are u simply haven't met a good match so far). good luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Darkangelism i choose girls that are out of my league or are taken so i can get rejected. I too wasted many years doing this. I then started chasing the heavy set and/or homely women and I was alot happier. Sure, alot of them were gross and I sometimes wasn't totally attracted, but I felt comfortable and could be myself. It's all pink on the inside, close your eyes and it all feels the same. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 da i do not understand why you think having a girlfriend will make you happy? if you are not happy with who you are already, just cause someone else likes you doesn't mean you will like you too. the hardest part of dating is starting out and finding people who you are compatiable with and that are on the same or similar "wave length " as you....every one is searching for something in any relationship, be it sex, money, love, a place to stay....what ever. it's about meeting a person with a similar agenda....and then hopefully it will play out in your favor, but sometimes things happen, ending a relationship before you would like.....or even not soon enough. i did not meet my bf of a year and half, until i was 23. before this i had no real relationships to speak of, just dating guys i knew, who were convenient, that i didn't care much about. he is well worth the wait! i love him! hand in there! ps. also college girls suck, most are not really mature yet.(not all- a lot- same with the guys) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 A gf itself wouldnt make me completely happy, but i would feel like i fit in better. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Darkangelism A gf itself wouldnt make me completely happy, but i would feel like i fit in better. i'll be you girlfriend! Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Darkangelism A gf itself wouldnt make me completely happy, but i would feel like i fit in better. I'm telling you dude, pick up a fat chick. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by fredrolin I'm telling you dude, pick up a fat chick. i think that is a tacky way to state something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe i'll be you girlfriend! really? just PM me and give me ur email. Originally posted by fredrolin I'm telling you dude, pick up a fat chick. Only if I get desperate, i dont think i will need to though, its not that girls are not attarcted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I hope this isn't a late AF DA I agree with Tony, there's no such thing as out of your league. I have wondered though at the degree to which you get attatched to girls before you know them or ask them out. It may be partly a confidence thing. It's not uncommon for young men to keep girls at a distance by idolising them. If the relationship is largely in your head then rejection is less painful than if it was real. i dont want to face the situation of being in a relationship. but it is my primary goal right now, school and everything else is secondary These contradictory feelings are very common. I don't know why you feel this way DA but usually it's because of the angst that rejection brings that makes people wonder if it's worth it. It's never going to be pleasant being turned down but it ought not to make you miserable so much of the time. By talking to people you should be able to pin down what it is that bothers you about yourself (the causes are usually very specific) and do something about it. Then not only will you be more successful but it won't matter quite so much if you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
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