Friend of mom's in love with me

[DreamerGirl27]

Argh...so my mom has this friend and he's in love with me. She's friends with him because he has bipolar disorder and I as well have bipolar disorder.

 

Well, she remains friends with him because she thinks he needs her or something like that. I really don't know why she remains friends with him. He's 30 years old and she's 55 and it's a really awkward situation.

 

Well, to make matters worse he's in love with me and I am really not in love with him.

 

I've finally gotten to a point where I'm over it, but there was a point where he was literally stalking her and I think it was to get to me. I don't think he's friends with her for any other reason other than the fact that he's trying to get to me.

 

She gave him my number one day on accident and then realized what she did and tried to undo it and told him not to contact me. Well, he's respected that, but over valentine's day he actually asked her if he could send me an "anonymous" text telling me happy valentine's day. I guess he was gonna send it from someone else's phone or something. She told him no, so he didn't do it.

 

Anyway...every time he's not doing well, my parents both go visit him in the hospital and all he talks about is how he's in love with me.

 

It's really quite disturbing when he does stuff like that.

 

He's like...obsessed. With me. My mom doesn't see how he's using her to get to me, either. She thinks he just needs someone who "understands" what he's going through.

 

Anyway...

 

I really don't know what to do about it, but it's really creepy when she has him over and she hasn't had him over for awhile, but I'm just waiting until the day that she does have him over again.

 

Every time he calls her, she talks about me to him and I know that's just making his day and it really disturbs me.

 

This is more just a post venting, but I really don't know what to do about it. He's really gross to me. He wouldn't be if I didn't know he liked me, but just the fact that he likes me creeps me out.

 

He's on medication and stuff, but it never seems to work. When I'm on medication I'm perfectly fine and productive and able to work and stuff. He's beyond fixable. He just sits in his apartment, with nothing in it and does nothing all day.

 

I'm almost insulted that this is a guy that I could somehow make fall in love with me. He's really gross.

[Dust]

It always amuses me how women react to unwanted affections.

 

Consider this; even the desirable women have complete losers who think they have a chance lusting after them.

[spiderowl]

Sorry to hear this, no wonder you're creeped out. You don't say how old you are and if he's much older than you or not.

 

Have you told your mother you find him creepy and don't want to be associated with him or be dragged into spending any time with him? If you have and she won't take any notice, that's worrying. He may well have problems and your mother may be kind and sympathetic, but she seems to be seeing him as more vulnerable than you. Have you told her his attentions are unwanted and that you find him scary? From what you say, you have tried to communicate this to her, but have you said it specifically and directly, without pulling any punches?

 

It may help if you tell her you do not feel safe with this man around. It may not have occurred to her that you actually feel unsafe. She might be thinking you just don't like him and are being rebellious, rather than taking you seriously.

 

I think you are in a very difficult position. You mother sounds attached to this man in some way, and certainly protective of him. He does seem to do what she says so presumably she feels in control of the situation whereas you feel at risk. I think you need to make this clear to her and ask her not to have him round when you are there. If nothing works, then you could threaten to talk to the police about him. Maybe this would hit home and she would see that you are very serious about this.

 

It's so difficult when he hasn't actuallly done anything wrong that could be proven objectively. If all else fails, you could see if you can move out. I know this may not be possible, but until your mother is able to see that her 'harmless' friend is actually a threat to you, I don't know what else you can do. If you are at school or college, see if you can talk to a counsellor there about this situation. Also, look into organisations that help to house young people in half-way houses. Maybe if you threaten to move out, your mother will start to see sense.

 

I know you shouldn't have to do any of these things and I really feel for you. Let us know how you get on with this situation.

[DreamerGirl27]

Well, I don't know if I'm afraid of him, persay...but she has told me things like not to add him to my facebook because he might do things like talk to other guys that he knows I like about me and about my disorder. He's also posted about me on his facebook page, numerous times.

 

I don't know if I should be afraid. I just know he's really creepy.

 

I have talked to her and told her how I feel, but she refuses to drop him as a friend. I'm not going to go to drastic measures to move out or anything like that, I'm really not in a position where I want to or in a position where I can at this point in time. I'm in school and not working and plan on keeping it that way until I'm done with school. That is my goal, that is what I want to do with my life right now and I'm not going to let some man get in the way of my dreams.

 

She doesn't think he's staying her friend to get to me, though. She thinks he's just perfectly fine and is just going to her like a "mom". This guy doesn't have a mom, he lost her to some disease. So my mom is playing the "mother" role, but I have seen her do things that I think go above and beyond the call of duty of a "friend".

 

What I am going to do (and have done) is I stopped going with her when she goes to visit him in the hospital. I have gone with her before, I'm never doing that again and she has stopped having him over.

 

She told him to stop calling her so much as well.

 

She still refuses to cut contact with him, though.

 

I don't know, it's better than before, he hasn't been over and he doesn't call her 5 times a day anymore, but it's still disturbing to me.

 

I have nothing to call the police on him for, but I guess I am a little afraid, because he is a big dude and could probably over power my dad if he wanted to and my dad is a strong man.

 

Anyway...

 

she won't listen to me, though.

 

Anyway...thanks for the insight. I'm not doing anything drastic, but I have talked to her about it. I'm just gonna leave it like it is, but I really hope she never has him over again. I think if she does, I'm going to just go somewhere for the day. Just avoid all contact with him whenever possible.

[bac]

You say that you have a bipolar but you sound very rational. In fact, psychiatric disirder is a condition when a person is not in touch with reality and is not rational. Your guy is not safe. He believes that he is in love with you but he does not.

When he gets tired of the delusion of loving a girl (ups), he will probably go into depression coupled with aggression and hatred toward the girl(downs).

First, they have unrealistic euphoric expectations about a great love(or other delusions), then, they turn into severe depression and negativity because they realize that they can not get everything they want.

I think that you should tell your mother that her priority is to take care for your interests but not for interests of a young and sexy(for a woman,55) stud. Let her know that it hurts your feelings that she connects you in any way with a guy like that.

 

Also, your mother needs some exuse to give to your father about her relationship with the sexy young guy. Your father should have a good reason to approve their connection. So, I assume it is in your mother's interests to talk all the time that the guy is into you. The young guy is probably into both of you because men have no problems to have fantasies about a bunch of females at the same time.

Edited April 2, 2011 by bac

[Ross PK]

Why not give him a chance, you'd both probably get on really well together.

Edited April 2, 2011 by Ross PK

[tinktronik]

OP what you have described at this point sounds like a crush. This guy is not contacting you or stalking you, correct? At this point it sounds as if your mother, perhaps both your parents, are taking a supportive role in helping a young man with an illness they are familiar with.

 

If you don't have any interest in this man say so. It does not sound like your mother is encouraging the match.