YssaBoo Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I've been reading all the posts on second chances and am wondering if that is what we are getting.As you know by my posts my situation with my ex.Out of the blue he emailed me to call him last Sat. and we talked for 2 hours.He came to where I worked on Sunday and asked to go somewhere with him. During the talks he said he wanted to hang out more with me and started acting like his old self. Than he sent me an email on Tuesday late at night ,saying he was really sad and that very few things made him happy anymore.His goals have changed and on the way home Sunday night he said that the ditch looked pretty good to him.It scared me since I had a rollover accident last fall and totaled my car,not good!!When he finally called me back in regards to the email,he said that it was just something he ate that didn't agree with him. His family is going through alot right now and he wants to move out,but financially with college he can't. He does so many things that make me think he wants me back,but I think he is afraid to ask.He says little things and gestures he makes and he never breaks eye contact with me.The night in the car when we talked he kept touching my hair and just staring.The problem is when I ask him to do something,he has all these plans.Only when he asks is it OK.Is this a guy thing or what?Everyday I get more confused and I have friends,but when I ask they don't care.They say if he is depressed leave him alone and don't drag yourself down.How can I do that if I care?I would feel terrible if anything happened and I could have stopped it. He has a history of depression and was on Prozac and Ritalin until he was18.He also went through anger counseling for 10 years.I just feel that there is so much there he can't say.And he always told me he could never show his feelings and had to be a soldier.I could go on ,but I'll stop and listen to whatever advice you can give.Thanks for all the advice so far . Link to post Share on other sites
malorie Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 when i read your words its sounds kinda like my previous situation that ended in disaster... except i am a person that understands both sides of female and male. i am female by the way. you love him and care for him and if there is ever something bothering him you want to be the first to know so you can offer help or advice right? well he is probably scrared!, i never understood this until last week, i would ask my boyfriend what was wrong constantly, he has major anger issues also. he would always say "nothing" or dont worry about it its not your crap to deal with" but i would explain that it was because i loved him and i actually cared and wanted to help. the things he would tell me were things that he knew i would flip out over or feelings he had that he knew would make me feel sadness. therefore he didnt wanna hurt me and i would always end up crying and he would say , "you wanted the truth and you got it and you atill arent satisfied!" with you it may be a different situation but if its like this one, i give you this advice: tell him you love him and you arent gonna make him talk but tell him just to know that you are there if he feels he needs to talk. also one more thing, i am here for you and anyone else who can share the pain im feeling right now, and if there is something that you think may be wrong with him that is gonna greatly upset you, dont ask... Link to post Share on other sites
Author YssaBoo Posted April 3, 2004 Author Share Posted April 3, 2004 Thanks Malorie,it helps,but I just can't figure things out.Now he keeps trying to hook me up with this guy from the Y and I keep telling him I don't want him.His last 2 emails he flat out told me that he doesn't talk to just anyone about his problems,i.e.me .What have I done wrong?He told me that if he told me the problem,I would be depressed like him and one of us would feel awkward. He sent me an email last night and he said he was supposed to go to a concert with his friends.Well he didn't go and came home and emailed me againg.He started in on this guy again and said he had another sucky day and he was just going to bed. I want to stay there for him,but it is driving me up a frickin wall. Any more suggestions would help immensely.Thanks again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Becks84 Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 He needs help. Help beyond what you can give him. I agree with Malorie about you telling him how you feel about him and that he doesnt need to tell you what he doesnt want to, but he should know that you care a great deal about him and want to help him. He is obviously depressed and it might only get worse. He needs help before the two of you can work things out. We all must be completely happy with ourselves to be the best we can in a relationship! So don't nag at him about whats bothering him, just tell him you want him to be okay and you want to help if he wants it. ANd then in time, the next thing you should do is tell him to stop with the games and the mindplaying, and figure out what he wants. Best of luck! Keep us posted ~BECKS Link to post Share on other sites
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