dressing up Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Okay, this is my backstory http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262480/. I've stopped contacting him because of his new girlfriend and I can't stand hanging around. He contacted me, he was unreliable and disappointed me. I expressed my unhappiness. We haven't contacted each other since. I miss him (friendship or more) but can someone please remind me of why I shouldn't contact him now? Link to post Share on other sites
Blueberry7691 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 If he's with someone else, why do you want to be second best? I just posted on my Healing Log that I'm reading a great book 'It's called a breakup because it's broken'. If you haven't read it, please do. It gives you lots of reasons not to contact him!! I bet he's not worth it!!! DON'T DO IT!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted March 21, 2011 Author Share Posted March 21, 2011 If he's with someone else, why do you want to be second best? I just posted on my Healing Log that I'm reading a great book 'It's called a breakup because it's broken'. If you haven't read it, please do. It gives you lots of reasons not to contact him!! I bet he's not worth it!!! DON'T DO IT!!! Thanks. But why do I feel that he's worth it? I really hate myself for this! Link to post Share on other sites
Blueberry7691 Posted March 21, 2011 Share Posted March 21, 2011 Thanks. But why do I feel that he's worth it? I really hate myself for this! You're hurting and putting him up on a pedelstal when the person you should be thinking about is YOU!!! If he was worth it, he'd be with you!! I know it hurts and it sucks but you have to believe that YOU are worth so much more that what he can give you. What exactly does he give you now? Isn't he with someone else?? Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Why? Because its over and thats just it. What will you do if you contact him? (I'll answer, nothing, and you'll feel bad in the end). He's not worth it. No one is worth the pain apart from your family. Right now you're an addict -I know it sounds bad but its the truth-. Beat the addiction! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 You're hurting and putting him up on a pedelstal when the person you should be thinking about is YOU!!! If he was worth it, he'd be with you!! I know it hurts and it sucks but you have to believe that YOU are worth so much more that what he can give you. What exactly does he give you now? Isn't he with someone else?? My emotional mood swings between good and bad. Idk. This may be an excuse but isn't life better when we're good with everyone, or at least most people? A friend is better than an enemy, as they say. Okay, I asked you guys to remind me why I shouldn't contact him and I'm here trying to defend why I think I should. I wish our last contact wasn't one where I was disappointed in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 Why? Because its over and thats just it. What will you do if you contact him? (I'll answer, nothing, and you'll feel bad in the end). I guess I just want to be like friends again. I miss hearing from him. He's not worth it. No one is worth the pain apart from your family. Right now you're an addict -I know it sounds bad but its the truth-. Beat the addiction! You're right. It's an addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I guess I just want to be like friends again. I miss hearing from him. You're right. It's an addiction. Here you go.. a cold hard slap (wish I think if someone gave me I would have appreciated it). You can't be friends. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 Here you go.. a cold hard slap (wish I think if someone gave me I would have appreciated it). You can't be friends. Period. Thanks for the slap. Link to post Share on other sites
NoEnd_Mary Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Read this it will help you. It helped me! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Read this it will help you. It helped me! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954 This is good, especially this "They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on." Thanks. I can't believe my guy friend never contacted me. Granted, the last conversation we had was of me being angry with him. But I thought he would at least check in. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Think, "Why do I even need to contact him" Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Think, "Why do I even need to contact him" Because I have things I want/think of wanting to clearing it up with him. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) "clearing up"... What can you possibly have to be clearing up? Face it, you just WANT to. This is controllable. This feeling will begin to diminish with time. The bottom point is what you two had it's over. Thats the point. Why beat a dead horse? Edited April 1, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 dressing up: What is there to clear about? You are just giving yourself excuses to contact him? isn't it? You don't need him to give you closure because you won't get closure from him, you achieved true closure from yourself. For your information, I did the seeking for answers from my ex bf and he just repeatedly telling me why he doesn't want me, why he feels that our relationship is destined to fail. Do you like to listen to him telling what he doesn't like about you, what he thinks/feels/believe that this relationship is just not working out? Do you want to listen to him rejecting you all over again? Unless you like it, then I will say, please go ahead and contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 It's one of those days that I think about how he didn't contact me. I felt like I've been seeing him from a different pair of glasses, that he's better than this. Now he just shows me that he's a coward, just walking away from something unpleasant. He was at fault first! I know I should think good riddance but I feel really pissed that he's decided to stop talking to me. I want an opportunity to give him a piece of my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 dressing up: I could understand the anger you are feeling, I had this type of anger too before and............. I really went to give my ex-bf a piece of mind through e-mails as he was in overseas. At the end all I felt was more heartbroken and depressed, he didn't reply my e-mails at all and even when he did all he tell me was "We are over" "We are truly over" and other hurting words. So to me, scolding him, giving him a piece of mind will only give him the power to reject you once more whether he chose to reply or not. I will suggest, move on and be happy will be the ultimate best "piece of mind" to him, and most healthy choice for your well being. As long as you stick with NC, you always become stronger than yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 dressing up: I could understand the anger you are feeling, I had this type of anger too before and............. I really went to give my ex-bf a piece of mind through e-mails as he was in overseas. At the end all I felt was more heartbroken and depressed, he didn't reply my e-mails at all and even when he did all he tell me was "We are over" "We are truly over" and other hurting words. So to me, scolding him, giving him a piece of mind will only give him the power to reject you once more whether he chose to reply or not. I will suggest, move on and be happy will be the ultimate best "piece of mind" to him, and most healthy choice for your well being. As long as you stick with NC, you always become stronger than yesterday. Thanks. How long has it been for you since the "scolding?" But why didn't he try to contact me? I feel that I've "lost" because I didn't get the last word! Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 You welcome You replied fast ^_^ Actually, I never really count my NC days, I just go through it day by day. Perhaps about 3 months? Definitely less than 6 months though. Personally I feel that after a relationship ended, there are generally 2 types of behaviors from the dumpers. 1) Ignore you all the way Once they broke up with Dumpees, they will choose the ignore path and will not initiate contact with the dumpees no matter what. 2) Remain Contact but don't have any thoughts to be with Dumpee again. The Dumper choose the remain contact with Dumpee to keep him/her at arm's length or as fall back plan if any other future relationships don't work out. Also, keeping contact with Dumpee (especially when the Dumpee acknowledges and reciprocates the contact) is telling the Dumper he/she is fine with the break up and thus making the Dumpee feels less guilty of choosing to end the relationship. To me, be glad you didn't say much to him and have to hear what he's going to say because it will definitely not be anything that you will want to listen. In the past, I always felt the same way too, I felt I should said more and probably he would understand more or I will feel better but I ended up feeling more CRAP and SH*T than the night he broke up with me. Because I did give him piece of mind, kept thinking why he didn't initiate contact with me and by the time when I really went to contact him, he told me all the words I didn't feel good listening to. He chose to let go therefore you can always choose to move on and be happy For your information, up till today, my ex bf had never initiate any contact with me and I no longer felt why he didn't contact me, ultimately it was his choice. And I choose not to be bothered by his actions anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dressing up Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 You welcome You replied fast ^_^ Actually, I never really count my NC days, I just go through it day by day. Perhaps about 3 months? Definitely less than 6 months though. Personally I feel that after a relationship ended, there are generally 2 types of behaviors from the dumpers. 1) Ignore you all the way Once they broke up with Dumpees, they will choose the ignore path and will not initiate contact with the dumpees no matter what. 2) Remain Contact but don't have any thoughts to be with Dumpee again. The Dumper choose the remain contact with Dumpee to keep him/her at arm's length or as fall back plan if any other future relationships don't work out. Also, keeping contact with Dumpee (especially when the Dumpee acknowledges and reciprocates the contact) is telling the Dumper he/she is fine with the break up and thus making the Dumpee feels less guilty of choosing to end the relationship. To me, be glad you didn't say much to him and have to hear what he's going to say because it will definitely not be anything that you will want to listen. In the past, I always felt the same way too, I felt I should said more and probably he would understand more or I will feel better but I ended up feeling more CRAP and SH*T than the night he broke up with me. Because I did give him piece of mind, kept thinking why he didn't initiate contact with me and by the time when I really went to contact him, he told me all the words I didn't feel good listening to. He chose to let go therefore you can always choose to move on and be happy For your information, up till today, my ex bf had never initiate any contact with me and I no longer felt why he didn't contact me, ultimately it was his choice. And I choose not to be bothered by his actions anymore. It all makes a lot of sense. Though he didn't choose to let go, or rather not at first. I "ended" our regular contact in the first place because of what he did that disappointed me. He didn't contact me to ask why or for re-contact. But I miss him. And think of what it might have been and how he is now. Don't you get some down moments when you think about your ex? It's not all the time that I think of my guy friend (I think of him as the one that got away) but now it is one of those. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 It all makes a lot of sense. Though he didn't choose to let go, or rather not at first. I "ended" our regular contact in the first place because of what he did that disappointed me. He didn't contact me to ask why or for re-contact. But I miss him. And think of what it might have been and how he is now. Don't you get some down moments when you think about your ex? It's not all the time that I think of my guy friend (I think of him as the one that got away) but now it is one of those. Initially, my ex didn't didn't let me go as well, as so he said. In the end, he chose to let me go. I will say you will much stronger than I was. After he ended this relationship, I was still contacting him every day until I seriously couldn't take it anymore. I guess it's okay to miss a person, since he's part of your life for certain number of days, weeks, months, years. However, don't let the missing him becomes toxic for your well being. I do get some down moments when I think of him even to these days, however, I will jolt myself up and tell myself, "Hey you are doing well now, why are you making yourself sad? something along this line. Link to post Share on other sites
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