Signs of a CHEATER (Clues)

[bittersweet]

Do you find yourself analyzing his/her every move? Do you think they might be cheating on you?

I was lost in the dust for 3 months while the man I was with for 6 years was cheating on me. I only found out because I showed up at his house early the night of his birthday and the girl he was cheating with had not left yet. That "surprise" birthday visit changed my life forever.

 

Now, I look back and I can put all the pieces together- realizing how and when he was able to have an emotional relationship behind my back, even though we saw each other almost everyday. Let me also add, she was lied to about me and she would even be staying there for days (and be at work when I showed up).

 

So, how did this player play his game and fit another girl in his life behind my back?

HERE ARE SOME SIGNS

1. He brought up counseling- I laughed

2. All the sudden, he was "tired" more during the week and on Friday nights. His phone would be turned off. I would respect it and "let him sleep."

3. He never held me anymore

4. He would never say "I love you" until I did.

5. Laundry was done more often (especially sheets).

6. Hair cuts every 2 weeks.

7. His friends would kiss my a**.

8. Sex was different. He was more controlling and would make me do things differently than before.

9. He would turn his back after sex (instead of talking to me).

10. He would always be on the other line when I called his cell-phone (and not answer my call).

11. His phone was guarded when I was around. I wouldn't even see it and if I did- it would be off.

12. We stopped hanging out with our friends all the sudden

13. He NEVER wanted to do anything fun. All our time was spent at his house or a few stores.

14. We wouldn't go to his mother's often anymore.

15. Found numbers* This gave me the real deal about "her". (read below)

16. He would say he was depressed just so I'd leave him alone for a few days

17. He stopped asking about how my days were going.

18. He would ask what I was doing before we got off the phone.

19. Even on the weekends, he would play it off like he was falling asleep by 9:30 pm

20. If his phone was off and I got mad- I would go to his house and the door would be locked.

21. He would tell me to go out with my friends more.

22. He had less money

23. He would say he felt obligated to see me

24. He would pick stupid fights just so he could kick me out

25. He stopped taking care of the important things in his life

26. My pictures weren't all over the room anymore

27. No more picture in his wallet

28. Being TIRED became his excuse for everything

29. He wouldn't care if I cried about something.

30. He would take the phone to the bathroom

31. He never told me he missed me.

32. He would always ask what time I'd be at his house.

 

I know a lot of these may sound normal and a lot may sound like clear give always. I never took any of these things too seriously because we were together so long and some just seemed typical. While all this was happening, I would sometimes accuse him of cheating and he would convince me I was crazy. He would tell me, "your head makes up some crazy stories!" Or, he would say, "If I wanted to be with someone else I would tell you first and leave you" OBVIOUSLY NOT. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too.

 

The story with the phone number. Well, in November, I came across a piece of paper in his room with four #s on it. There was also a first initial and a last name. I never said a word. I kept it. (This was the month they met) I went on the Internet a few days ago and found out exactly where she lived by matching her last name to the numbers that came up. She lives 2 hours north of us and he met her on the way home from a fishing trip he went on. SHE WAS A STRIPPER at a place they stopped. I now know why he went to that area all the time- He was fishing alright! So, my point is, don't throw away numbers you find, They can put a whole picture together. The area code alone at first showed me the number came from someone up in that area.

 

My story is not to worry anyone... Its just funny that when you find out the truth, everything makes more sense. I was soooo blind- I let everything slide.

 

****MY BIGGEST MISTAKE****

I never would just show up at his house. The first time I finally did that in 6 years gave me the biggest surprise. I look back now and wonder what would of happened if I did that back in November.

[mommy78]

what do you mean you laughed when he brought up counseling? Counseling for both or you or just you?

[bittersweet]

He said we both needed it together. Nothing seemed too wrong at that time but in reality- this is when he started cheating.

[Evo]

It's funny how everything on that list can be happening yet you don't realize what is going on until after the fact! The only reason I found out that my ex was cheating was because of a couple of his emails that I, uh, "happened upon" one night when he ditched me at home to hang out with his friends (or whatever girl he was shmoozing at the moment). All his strange actions, like your ex's, made perfect sense all of a sudden!

 

The the most important thing I learned from the whole experience was this - TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If your gut is telling you something, don't dismiss it - you're probably on to something.

[saintfrancis]

Ditto that. trust your instincts. Mine haven't been wrong yet. Now, heeding them is another matter, lol!

[bittersweet]

And the more you trust your instincts and speak them out- the more the cheater turns everything around on you. When the truth finally does surface, everything is suddenly your fault.

 

The first thing I said when I found out was, "You drove me CRAZY all this time.... "

That was what hurt the most. I re-lived all the times he would reassure me nothing was wrong and I remembered how sincere he looked me in the eyes all the times he lied. They NEVER take the blame for any of it... they immediately bring up petty things that they try to justify as their reason to cheat. Everything is because of "YOU!!!!!"

 

Not only do they get away with breaking your heart but they make you walk away feeling like you caused it all to be that way

[saintfrancis]

bittersweet, did you date my ex??

 

If someone is scummy enough to cheat (yeah I know I'm treading on thin ice there), then they are scummy enough to look you in the eye and lie, and try to make you feel like it's your fault. They will never, or at least rarely, take responsibility for their actions. If they ever do, then maybe there's hope. But it's unusual.

 

The thing is, when you walk away, you can't believe that it was your fault. It isn't your fault that someone else is morally bankrupt. I speak from experience!

[Pookette]

Ugh. What arses. Here's a good one that I personally had said to me...

 

"I rented a hotel room to watch T.V."--he was there with his brother (who always tried to get him to cheat on me) and some crackwhores (literally crack whores!)

 

My dumb ass believed him. Ugh again.

[Medgirl]

It's a pretty touchy subject. My boyfriend does some things that would make me believe that he's cheating on me based on your list. He refuses to get a cellphone, and his excuse is because he doesn't have enough money and he doesn't want to be reached ever. I find weird numbers all the time, and they're usually to girls. He has a lot of female friends. He hardly ever initiates sex (even though he never has), but when we do have sex it's the same old usual sex. Whenever we fight he always says something like "why don't you just go find someone better?". One time I was over at his house, the phone rang, he handed it to me and said "I'm not here", when I picked it up it was a girl asking where he was, I said he wasn't there. Whenever he goes and hangs out at his friends he's there for several hours at a time. Whenever I confront him about my suscpisions of him cheating he says "what gears are turning in your head now?". HOWEVER the phone incedent was becuause his friend Alicia (who I've talked to before) needed a ride somewhere and he didn't want to give her one. He hasn't stopped holding me and telling me he loves me, even if I don't say it first. He has a picture of me in his school folder. He has a note I wrote him that says "I love you" with a kiss mark next to it by his bed. And if he were cheating on me the girl would definintely have to know he has a girlfriend because my long blonde hairs practially cover his bed, and it's a small town where stuff gets around. I guess it's a faith thing, although my guards aren't down yet at all. Aside from all that, he talks about his exwife a lot and about a month ago he told me that she accused him of wanting her back. Weird stuff. Don't know what to think.

[bittersweet]

You brought up something with the "hair being all over his bed" and "the picture by the bed." I KNOW my hair was all over my b/f's bed but then again, the girl he was cheating with has the same wavy, light brown hair as I do. I use to also get lip stick on his pillow or mascara... but like I said, he washed his sheets all the time.

 

The reason why my pictures weren't all over his room anymore is b/c I destroyed them after he "ditched me on New Year's. Before that, they still were everywhere. Apparently, he would put things away when the other girl was over and then put them in the exact place b4 I came. He had dried flowers, cards, letters, picture frames, memory books, and stuffed animals out when I was there... but obviously hid them when she came. I use to see exactly where things were each time I left and they were always in the same place the next time!

 

I know notice a lot of other things when I think about it... like how 2 different left over meals in his frig, or 2 bottles of soda in the trash (not just one) There was a lot of other "stuff" in his garbage since the night before when I was there!

[Medgirl]

Wellllll I really try to prevent myself from being paranoid. Like I said though, I'm pretty sure that if he were seeing another girl, she'd know about me. The only other girl I can think of that he'd be cheating on me with would be that Alicia girl he's always hanging out with and she knows about me because she was present when we had a little fight one time. Also, whenever he goes over to Alicia and Kyle's he always calls me and whenever he calls me he tells me he loves me. Honestly, I don't really care anymore. Our relationship isn't that fantastic. In fact, I wouldn't mind if he called me up right now and told me he was leaving me for a crackwhore or a stripper. Why don't I dump him? Good question. One I'm trying to figure out myself. I never loved him. I was falling in love with him, and he hurt me so bad one day that I stopped loving him. So there you go. I guess in a way I'm cheating because he's going on with this relationship thinking everything is fine and dandy, well it's not. I could list a thousand things that are wrong. Right now I'm just waiting for the day when I have an opportunity to get away from him. Unfortunatly, that can't happen right now especially since we have a class together everyday. We actually broke up in about January. I told him not to call me. I told him it was over. But he called me the next day anyway using the excuse that he needed someone to take him to the doctor because he was sick. Why wouldn't I? I'm an EMT. In my vulnerability I stupidly chose to get back together with him after he held my hand and told me he missed me. The next week he drug me through a living hell, which was the week when he hurt me so bad. In my delusion I thought the pain would pass. But now everytime he tells me he loves me, every time he makes love to me, I think of everything he did to me. On top of it all I find myself constantly comparing myself to the women in his past, which drives me nuts. Bottom Line: I KNOW BETTER! With that said, you can see that I've put myself in a very unusual situation where I feel trapped, yet I know that I have the option of leaving him. Has this happened to anyone else?

[bittersweet]

You sound exactly like I did so many times. Instead of me leaving him, I stayed around and got "trapped." I became enmeshed into my b/fs life. Now, he cheated and ended up dumping ME after we were trying to work out things. Do you want to know how I feel now that he left me? Like everything was MY fault. I know it wasn't but in his mind- that was what made it easy for HIM to leave w/o feeling bad.

 

There were so many times in the 6 years I was with my man that I would "hate" him and want to move on. It even seemed so easy at times to walk away. Instead, I tried convincing myself that he will change and we will live happily ever after. NOt what happened! Now, I sit here and he is with some piece of s*** he betrayed and cheated on me with. While I sucked everything up that he did to me... he was growing closer to someone else and detaching himself from me w/o me knowing.

 

If you truly feel the way you say, my advice would be to split up now. I'm not saying he will cheat on you if you stay but he might be the one who breaks up first and his reasons will all blame you in some way. Put it this way. If you two were "ordered" to break up right now (mutually), what would you tell everyone was the reason? Does he have enough to throw at you? Or, do you have enough reasons to say HE was messing up in areas?

 

Don't wait for a miracle.. it won't come. Something needs to change immediately or you will be the one who ends up being hurt.

[Medgirl]

Well if you were to ask me if he has enough to throw at me, and if he kept messing up. The answer is yes to both. It's really interesting. I try to do everything right, and I try to be a really nice person, but he manages to make everything my fault. It gets all twisted up in his little head. I could really give a crap if he dumped me. To tell you the truth, I've already moved on. All his shmoozing doesn't get to me anymore. In fact, I'd rather have him dump me. I'm moving about 400miles away next fall anyway. That's when I know things will change. That will be the test, and I can almost guarantee you it won't work. I'm just so tired of him giving me crap about everything. The only reason I don't work more often (and I love my job) is because I'm afraid he'll say something like "you just don't want to spend time with me anymore". It's so frustrating. I wish he'd just fall off the face of this Earth.

[Fedup&givingup]

Medgirl, I've heard every reason why you do not want to be with this guy....so, what is THE reason you are with him? I can identify exactly to how you feel, except I'm married to my S.O.B., and until I've got my degree I am stuck here.

[bittersweet]

You're funny girl! I wish I had that attitude about my b/f (or should I say X).

How long were you two together? Maybe you don't really love him like you said earlier- and that's a good thing. A little advice- don't let go of how you feel right now. Next time you feel like he is cheating or messing around- remember how you feel right now. Next time he tries to wrap you around his finger- remember what you feel today. I was in your situation soooo many times... my b/f always got the best of me. I always was so nice to him and he crapped all over me! Even during the time he was cheating behind my back- I was nice to him... I even would feel bad for accusing him and I would cry about it to him.

 

It is really sad when someone takes their b/f or g/f like s*** b/c usually we just try our hardest to be nicer and nicer like it will change things.

 

Right now... I SWEAR I would do anything in the world to turn back time and have that feeling you have right now. Maybe it's a warning sign or something. If I could turn back time knowing where my life is today, I would have cheated on my b/f the entire 6 years we were together. But instead I didn't and respected him... look where it got me!

 

Medgirl, it is great that you don't let your b/f get in your way with your dreams. I let my b/f become the focus of my life. I did everything and anything for my b/f thinking he respected me for it. Maybe, they respect us more when we back off; maybe your b/f will respect you more when you actually leave and aren't around so much.

 

The cheating thing though... DON"T EVER BELIEVE ANOTHER GIRL WOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU. Like I've said, my b/f was seeing both of us in the same day... she was leaving just before I came and sometimes coming back to his house after she took her clothes off for strange me (ewwww). And you know what? This bi*** even snooped through his room and found evidence that he had a girl. She admitted it the night he got caught. She found letters, cards, NUDE photos from December... and the girl still stayed with him. She says that's all they fought about... me, and he would keep insisting that me and him weren't together but I was just a psycho X g/f that wouldn't leave him alone! Meanwhile, the truth was that we were together and poor me had no idea the lies and betrayal being done behind my back. She stayed though... some girls are pathetic. IIII stayed only b/c I had 6 years invested and a many dreams created around him. But, he left me for her... and still insists it has nothing to do with her. He lest me and still says he wants to marry me and have his children. WHAT?

[Medgirl]

That's a terrible story. I can't believe that he could get away with all that! I can't believe his little pie on the side either. She sounds like a real winner! I'm going to make one last defense on why I don't think my boyfriend is cheating on me. He lives with his parents. SO if he's bringing chicks over all the time, I figure his mom would probably say something to me since we're pretty good friends. But I guess I never know. Regardless whether or not he's cheating on me. He has broken my heart too many times. I can't love him anymore. And you're right, I don't think I ever did love him. Like I said, I was starting to fall in love with him, but I guess he let his true colors show too soon. I think he's starting to notice how I feel about him. Last night we were watching a movie and he started to argue with me about a song and without letting the argument go very far at all I just said "whatever". He said something like "geez you just hate me don't you?". I'm like "ummmm noo..". It's all I could do for his stupid argument. He thinks he's such a good arguer but all he does is basically say "I'm right, you're wrong" without any valid reason and he sticks to it. It's pathetic. I've just given up. Another thing he does that really bothers me is he has TONS of female friends and I know he talks to them all the time. He's always talking to Chantelle, or Alicia, or Nicole. The list could go on forever. But whenever I try to make a male friend, all of a sudden to my boyfriend my friend is all over me. He gets jealous. He thinks the only reason I have male friends is because they want a piece of action. And anytime I bring up another guy's name, all of a suddent he's interrogating me on this guy. I'm so tired of him being so possessive and trying to run my life. He has the weirdest perspective on things, and like HE said We're NOT on the same page. When we break up, good luck to his 27 yr old, unemployed, still living with his parents, divorced, depressed butt finding another girl like me.

[Arabess]

I'm with Feds....she's STUCK in a marriage till other arrangements can be worked out. But to stay with a boyfriend you even think MIGHT cheat....why wouldn't you just dump him?

 

I mean....what future happiness would you possibly find with someone who makes you feel like they may be cheating during a time when he really should be persuing you to the point of making you feel pretty damn special???? Can you imagine how you'll feel once you are married and he REALLY takes you for granted and now you have children and a mortgage in the equation?

 

You all look and sound like lovely ladies with plenty of choices out there. Don't settle for some AssClown!!!! The same guys who cheat when they date....cheat when they are married. Why would you want one of them?????

[kittykat]

Well Bittersweet I am sorry you had to go through that. However men are jerks and it's better that you know now. If it had been a longer betrayal you would have been hurt more.

 

take care and i hope you are ok

[kittykat]

Hey medgirl,

You are silly, you know he's an ass and you don't want to be with him so get away from him. If you don't love him then leave him and find somebody better. You will thank yourself later!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a girl having a really hard time with her guy and we have a baby together. You are a beautifull woman and you take that as a compliment coming from a girl who is bi. You deserve better than what you have. So move on girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

.........................from kittykat

[Medgirl]

Thanks all of you. I know that it would be pretty easy for me to get out now. I know I'm silly kittykat. I'm just such a chicken. Sometimes I intentionally start fights to break up, and I end up chickening out. Whenever I face him, which is the only way I could dump him, I get all weird. I get scared, and nothing comes out of my mouth even though I have a little speech prepared. When he asks me if I'm going to leave I give an automatic response of "no". One time I did actually dump him, and I felt sooo relieved, but the way he got me back is another story. After the time I dumped him and decided to try again, he tried to push me away because he had depression and he "didn't want to hurt me". I stuck around even after that even though it broke my heart everytime he tried to push me away. I didn't understand what was going on. Then one day I got a stupid text message from one of my internet friends in Salt Lake and it said something like "I hope you're having a good day". He totally blew up in my face and accused me of cheating and said I was a hipocrite because this whole time I was getting worried about him cheating on me with one of his female friends I had a male friend in Salt Lake, which is where I'm moving. He told me it was over when I move to Salt Lake because he couldn't trust me, and he called me all sorts of names. I was totally heartbroken and I went insane and threw my cellphone at him. He told me he didn't want to be with me anymore because I hit him, and if he had hit me I would do the same thing. I stupidly BEGGED for him back. After all the times he tried to push me away and after he wouldn't let it be over when it was supposed to be, all of a sudden he does this to me? Blows up in my face and accuses me of cheating because of a simple text message? Ever since then I'm kind of intimidated by him. I'm afraid he'll blow up at me like that, and I don't want to go through that again. I was so depressed I didn't eat for about 5 days and ended up getting down to 80lbs. I couldn't take it. He hurt me, he broke my pride, then I made the mistake of begging for him back and throwing my cellphone at him which made me lose ALL respect for myself. I don't know what he'll do if I try to break up with him. In a way I'm also afriad because I've tried so hard in this relationship to be a good girlfriend. I know that if we break up that it'll all be a bunch of crap to him. I've heard the way he talks about his exgirlfriend. I think I'm pretty insecure. For the whole time we've been dating I've cared what he thinks and now all of a sudden I know he'll think I'm a total loser even after all I've been through with him. All I know is that when we break up I never want to see or hear from him again. Right now that's definintely not possible because we have a class together. In the future I'm moving though. I think by then it'll just fall apart. I'm definintely glad we're not married or have a kid. It has just gotten to the point where I feel really discouraged about having another boyfriend. I'm only 20 and I've slept with 5 guys, been in about three serious relationships, and now I just feel old. After him I'm done dating for a looonnng time.

[bittersweet]

medgirl- You need to think about why you stay. Are you bored? Are you lonely? What are the good reasons why you stay. Your b/f sound like mine use to be. He would never let me even look at a guy but yet he would check out girls all the time. If a guy looked at me he'd say something like, "do you like something you see?"- or, "she looks good right?" I actually deep down was turned on b/c he seemed to be care so much... but I guess not. The thing with "mothers"- well, his mother and I have been close for years and I even would go to her house alone just to have coffee or tea. She adored me. She always thought so highly of me and always hounded him when he got on my nerves. His father walked out when he was 8 so he's not in the picture. (I met him 1 time 3 years ago and he disappeared again). BUt the truth is that his mother went to his house one day without calling and that girl was there. After I found out about everything, I was at his mother's and she started crying and said, "I just want you to know I didn't agree with what he was doing and I don't know where he got that from." She felt bad but it really wasn't her place to say anything. She told me that she would constantly warn him about it.

 

Kittykat- I'm okay because I have a lot of fire under my a**!! All I have been doing is putting my defenses up and dwelling on the BAD times that he put me through. The only strength I get to walk away comes from the hatred I'm growing for him. We talked today. He STILL thinks we will marry each other and he tells me he has things he needs to take care of in his life. I told him to stop denying the truth... he left b/c he is ignorant and rather be with his 20 year old whore. Then, he starts asking what I want as if It ever mattered to him.

 

Arabess- You are right... What would my life be like right now if God forbid I was married with children involved! I have to say- this guy was really the world to me. He treated me like GOLD for so many years... and he treated me like S*** the last few months. I never deserved it. I just don't understand how after so many years with me and being so happy together, he could turn around like I never was worth keeping... He woke up one day and just lost all respect for me. The nicer you are to people, the more they treat you like S***! The more I play hard to get, the more he chases me. As the days go on- he realizes more and more what life is REALLY like without me and he's starting to actually get scared. Good! I rub it in his face about how I can make sooooo many other men happy. I have so much more to offer than his little "pie" like medgirl calls her. He will see the reality of things when I meet someone else and he hears about it. Lets see how he takes it... knowing another guy is walking away with me.

[Medgirl]

Just wanted to let all of you know that I bucked up today and told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. First he got mad, then he got sad, but then he was ok. I feel really sad. I hurt, but I feel good that I got out too. I talked to my ex last night and he really put things in perspective for me. He helped me remember what a good relationship was like. I feel aweful today, but at the same time I feel better. I think it needed to be done. Thanks all of you. If you're having troubles like this... I just want you to know that when the time is right you'll be prepared and you won't be scared anymore. That's when I knew it was time. I wasn't afraid anymore.

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by Arabess

I'm with Feds....she's STUCK in a marriage till other arrangements can be worked out. But to stay with a boyfriend you even think MIGHT cheat....why wouldn't you just dump him?

 

I mean....what future happiness would you possibly find with someone who makes you feel like they may be cheating during a time when he really should be persuing you to the point of making you feel pretty damn special???? Can you imagine how you'll feel once you are married and he REALLY takes you for granted and now you have children and a mortgage in the equation?

 

You all look and sound like lovely ladies with plenty of choices out there. Don't settle for some AssClown!!!! The same guys who cheat when they date....cheat when they are married. Why would you want one of them?????

 

Let me further add to this...mine didn't show the first sign of being a cheater (rather, the first VERY suspicious thing) didn't happen until two weeks before we got married. That was the incident when I went out of town, and he had changed and washed the sheets. Of course now it's all plain as day what the hell he was up to, but it was the ONLY isolated incident that had occurred. Every dinger was going off when it happened, but I had no solid proof, and he hadn't done anything prior to this that really gave me a reason to doubt him. He hadn't ever lied to me, or anything.

 

Now let me put out here what I think is useful to the public about what is so informative about my situation...

 

My husband chased me, chased me, chased me. I didn't even go out with him for a month after meeting him, because of the age difference. He is 11.5 years older, so I figured he was hot for me looking to score. I wasn't (and am still not) into being used. He swooned all over me, and looking back, I see how he very craftily manipulated our entire relationship. My point is that he didn't "cheat" until he KNEW he had me, two weeks before we got married. Ever since then, every time my back has been turned something "weird" has happened, whether I was out of town or he was. It won't end until I leave. I won't leave until I have my degree. The end is NEAR in sight for me. I could leave right now, but I would be a fool to do so.

 

As for having a boyfriend that does weird things that make me wonder, I'd be leaving a trail of dust so thick behind me, he wouldn't be able to see the light of day for months after the fact.

 

Being much older than I was when I got caught up with this piece of sh*t husband, I now KNOW what I will and will not tolerate from another man. I don't think I will EVER get married again either. All I want is peace in my life, and if that means having to be alone, that's a price I'm willing to pay.

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by Medgirl

Just wanted to let all of you know that I bucked up today and told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. First he got mad, then he got sad, but then he was ok. I feel really sad. I hurt, but I feel good that I got out too. I talked to my ex last night and he really put things in perspective for me. He helped me remember what a good relationship was like. I feel aweful today, but at the same time I feel better. I think it needed to be done. Thanks all of you. If you're having troubles like this... I just want you to know that when the time is right you'll be prepared and you won't be scared anymore. That's when I knew it was time. I wasn't afraid anymore.

 

GOOD for you! You will feel better soon. This is all still fresh, and although you warranted the break up, it still feels bad at first. It's a loss all the same. Here's to tomorrow

[bittersweet]

medgirl

GOOD FOR YOU!!! You stand up for yourself and that's what you needed to do before he took advantage of you. See what happens from here. Let him sit and think a little. Don't give in right away if you decide to get back with him or remain in contact. He needs to HEAR what he was doing wrong through your actions. You know what? My B/F broke things off with me completely last week and I was calling him a lot (b/c I believe he left me for the other girl) . He keeps saying it has nothing to do with her... then, I stopped calling. I didn't call for 4 days and he started calling like crazy. I text him and said "Don't call just cause ur bored... by the weekend you'll forget I exist again!" We texted each other a few more times and I ended up talking to him... a big mistake. I heard too much. Too much to make me upset and too much to give me hope (which I don't want). He told me today he wasn't happy with his decision he made last week with ending things completely... and he says he wasn't even with the other girl. He says he "has things he needs to take care of." He makes me wonder. I worry that he relapsed with that girl and that's why he can't end things with her... I don't know. Everything that happened b/w us seems strange. Maybe I'm making excuses for him. Maybe he is really just a scumbag! My point is, I keep reminding him that "we're not together," and it is becoming a little more real to him. He expects me to wait around and hope things don't work out for him alone... and I'm not. I rubbed it in his face that I'm a free girl now and I'll do what ever my heart desires. It gets to him and makes him think. There's one problem though- I got weak tonight and text messaged him saying "just wanted to know if u ever finished that letter I gave you?" I wrote hima letter after I found out about him cheating and it was one of those letters that go straight to the heart. I talked about how I use to see our future (kids, a house, vacations). I also wrote about our memories. It was a "break-up letter I guess. Anyway, he didn't call back. I text, "guess ur busy" and still no response. Then... I called, PRAYING he would answer... and he didn't. I'm not chasing him... I'm not trying to bother him and make it look like I'm desperate- but that's what he sees now. Also, I tortured myself b/c now all I'm gonna be thinking is that he is with that girl. She lives 2 hrs away.. but she use to stay there b/c she has no real home (Nice girl- ha?) My point is- you have to be distant. I always post about my mistakes b/c I want to prevent someone else from making the same mistakes. You know he is gonna call you. You have to stay strong and remember why you left him. Him crying and begging for you doesn't make up for what he was doing wrong. He needs to sit up at night and think about the fact that this is his fault. Let us know what happens!