Now what?? So lost...

[Shyne]

Hi there. This is my first post and as the title states, I am at a loss for what comes next at this point in time, in this confusing relationship that I am in...

 

My (common-law) husband and I have been together for 9 years. For the past year or so, we have both been on an emotional roller coaster. A lot has happened during this period of time, including the loss of my father, a good friend of ours committing suicide, my brothers' recent illness, etc... and all of this has put tremendous stress on both of us. We seem to be constantly arguing about petty things. And we're not talking small arguments here...a lot of yelling, crying, promises to stop acting a certain way to just go back right into the same routine of arguing over and over again...

 

Three weeks ago, it finally blew at the seams. This time though, I decided to tell him that I was leaving, though it was all said in the heat of the moment. He was fine with that, while he was upset, but later stated that this was not what he wanted. Me being stubborn, I made sure he knew that this was something that needed to be done.

 

He works out of town a lot (and yes I do trust him completely, cheating was never a factor on either part) and that Monday morning he left for work. He called twice during the week (as opposed to calling once a day or so to chat) to see if I was alright. I was very cold with him, which I know I shouldn't have been, and told him that I was looking for another place to stay. And yes, I had gone to look at a few apartments, thinking that the quicker I got out, the better it would be for both of us.

 

I worked the entire weekend after that so we weren't able to sit down and have a decent/civil conversation when he came home.

 

There was no contact at all the week after that and we were able to avoid one another/have minimal contact the throughout the second weekend he was home.

 

The third week, again, no contact on either part however this past weekend, when he came home, we talked some things through. I was still somewhat looking for a place to live but with less intent, I guess you could say. I let him know during our heart-to-heart that I didn't want to leave, that I wanted to try to work things out. We have a pretty good history behind us, minus the last year or so. He told me that he's had a lot of time to think and says that he thinks it would be better if I go. He was crying as he said this...we are both hurt by it. He's made physical contact with me often throughout the weekend (nothing sexual, just hugs, peck on the forehead, rug my back, etc...), usually with a sad look on his face, which again makes me upset.

 

I love this man and yes, I can live without him, but I really truly don't want to. I want to work things out, make things better, but he was constantly telling me we will both be better off. All this while giving me a big hug, every time...do I let it all go? Give him more time? I just don't know anymore...