Leaving But I Don't Want To

[PollyIvy]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]My H and I have been married for 15 years and have 3 kids. We move around for his work. He got a new contract for this summer – but I have just told him that the kids and I will not move with him. We will move too, but to my hometown. All of these locations are far apart, so he will only be able to see the kids during holidays.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Now, even though I am the one leaving, I feel SO BAD. I love this man so much, I want our family to be happy together. I feel as though I’m being bullied or forced out. Over the past few years he has been angry, withdrawn, speaks to me with contempt. He has no patience, and spends a lot of time and energy avoiding me. 8 months ago, he ended our sexual relationship, because ‘there’s too much tension’. He was having a little EA at the time. That has ended, but our celibacy hasn’t. I miss the physical relationship (neither of us has ‘let ourselves go’).[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I have tried everything. Seriously – except leaving, that is.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]He had an EA from 2008 – 2010. It didn’t go PA but I was devastated. There I was, thinking that he was cold and distant with me because that was all he was capable of, and then he shows love and caring for someone else…. Well, that was painful, but thankfully she rejected him and then moved away, so that’s done with.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]He has told me that he wants our marriage to work, but that he won’t promise me anything. He thinks I should stay with him for the sake of our children. He loves them, but doesn’t seem to care about me that much.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I told him 1 week ago that I will not move with him, and have been doing a 180. Doing it very successfully so far! His reaction is silent, smoldering anger.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I think he either doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t know what love is, or is so emotionally exhausted that he doesn’t know what he feels.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I am so scared to be on my own with the kids. We haven’t told them yet… [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman] I don’t want to do this. Just feeling so sad…. but also a little relieved, like I’m taking back some power over my own life.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I would like to hear your thoughts on my situation, your experiences with doing a 180, and any experiences with long-distance separation. Any thoughts or support or challenges would be really appreciated.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Thanks,[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]PI[/sIZE][/FONT]

[PollyIvy]

My H and I have been married for 15 years and have 3 kids. We move around for his work. He got a new contract for this summer – but I have just told him that the kids and I will not move with him. We will move too, but to my hometown. All of these locations are far apart, so he will only be able to see the kids during holidays.

 

Now, even though I am the one leaving, I feel SO BAD. I love this man so much, I want our family to be happy together. I feel as though I’m being bullied or forced out. Over the past few years he has been angry, withdrawn, speaks to me with contempt. He has no patience, and spends a lot of time and energy avoiding me. 8 months ago, he ended our sexual relationship, because ‘there’s too much tension’. He was having a little EA at the time. That has ended, but our celibacy hasn’t. I miss the physical relationship (neither of us has ‘let ourselves go’).

 

I have tried everything. Seriously – except leaving, that is.

 

He had an EA from 2008 – 2010. It didn’t go PA but I was devastated. There I was, thinking that he was cold and distant with me because that was all he was capable of, and then he shows love and caring for someone else…. Well, that was painful, but thankfully she rejected him and then moved away, so that’s done with.

 

He has told me that he wants our marriage to work, but that he won’t promise me anything. He thinks I should stay with him for the sake of our children. He loves them, but doesn’t seem to care about me that much.

I told him 1 week ago that I will not move with him, and have been doing a 180. Doing it very successfully so far! His reaction is silent, smoldering anger.

 

I think he either doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t know what love is, or is so emotionally exhausted that he doesn’t know what he feels.

 

I am so scared to be on my own with the kids. We haven’t told them yet… :(I don’t want to do this. Just feeling so sad…. but also a little relieved, like I’m taking back some power over my own life.

 

I would like to hear your thoughts on my situation, your experiences with doing a 180, and any experiences with long-distance separation. Any thoughts or support or challenges would be really appreciated.

 

Thanks,

PI