I've decided to pursue a guy friend. but he's shy, hard to read, and never had a GF.

[LifesBeachy]

There's Mark.. He had to drive 8 hrs away to some conference this weekend... and I know he's super busy but I stayed up txting with him and then I txt bombed him about my bad date and all that. Poor Marky. I apologized to him for my txt bomb and he said it was okay. Made me feel better.

 

He lives a few hours away and works/does college.. .and we really only see each other every 2-3 months.. I'm okay with that. But he's moving away this summer. I'll be on vacay at the coast where he'll be working but we'll be SIX hours away as opposed to just a few. =/ But for his permanent job, he said he's looking all over the country. I told him to move to my city. He looked and still looks but told me there are no jobs here really. *sigh* My hopes are one will pop up. He seems content living anywhere.. I told him if he moves, that he should take me... and he said "Maybe I will"..

 

I'll be seeing him next month...but wanted to etch out a long email telling him of my feelings...and letting him know I am interested in him in that way. And want to try for something. This has never came up between us... He's never had a real GF. And he's a virgin. Hrm, what else? He's concise but a great listener and always nice. He's just great.. I just don't know how to roll this to the point with him.. I've fancied him off/on. And we don't talk daily but when I message him, he will always reply. I'm just figuring, we're both single. I'm not anchored down to this area; want to leave. We both want the same things out of life. Have the same degree. We get along spectacularly. Why not go for it?

 

How do I go about this? The biggest obstacle is because we've never spoken about it. I know he loves my compliments, so that doesn't scare him away. He loves my company. And he's never shot down any "jokes" of me saying how "we need to get married and have babies"... I've said that a lot...btw. I was doing it to "test the waters", but it may have been a bit too bold of a thing to say.

 

Or does anyone think this just sounds like a bad idea? And I should take a friendship for what it is? I plan to keep in contact with him forever. If he moves, if he stays. If he shoots down my offer AND moves. He's a great friend. But I like the thought of more. Actually, I love the thought of more...

[arcsigner]

Having been "that guy" that your describing earlier in my adult life, id have to say go for it! If hes never had a real girlfriend he might be shy, or even just not sure how to express himself in that way or how to go about telling a girl how he feels. I think you should meet up with him and tell him how you feel, telling someone imitate things like that over email is not the best way to tell someone how you feel about them, at least then the cards are on the table so to speak. And if he's the nice guy you say he is, even if he doesn't feel the same way, he sounds like he would respect you for telling him anyways. Even if he says no, you could end up becoming closer friends for it, I've know it to happen! SO basically go for it! Hope this helps

[Eeyore79]

How old is he? If he's into his twenties and has never had a girlfriend or even had sex, he's probably extremely shy and doesn't know how to approach women. He's not likely to make a move on you even if he's interested, and probably doesn't know how to respond to your "testing the waters". Since he has no experience of knowing when a woman is interested in him, he probably just thinks you're either being friendly or making a joke.

 

If you're genuinely interested in him you're going to have to be really obvious. Sit him down and tell him you find him really attractive and would like to have a relationship, and see what he says. I don't think the distance is a problem if one or both of you are prepared to move so you can be in the same city. It would be a good idea to try out your relationship now while you live relatively close, so you know whether it works or not before you make a big effort like moving cities to be together.

 

However I would caution you to be 100% sure that you're interested in him before you make a move - he's an inexperienced virgin and will probably be really hurt if you briefly date him and dump him. You also have to be prepared to guide him considerately through his first sexual experiences, and to deal with all the relationship issues that will inevitably arise as a result of his inexperience.

[LifesBeachy]

He's going on 25. And he's catholic so I think that also plays into him being a virgin. I'm not catholic and I certainly don't mind either of these things. I'm not sure how shy I could peg him being.. maybe he's just shy around women. I know long, long ago when I first hugged him he just stood there like a deer in headlights. He eventually eased up into it, though. He's awesome and gives great bear hugs.

 

I'm glad I haven't "tested the waters" with those sorts of things lately. If I say anything now, it'll be serious business.

 

I definitely think I should just bring up that we should try something/dating before he leaves.. That'd be a good way I can start my convo off. I definitely don't mind him being inexperienced.. But I don't want to freak him out with OMG, I NEED SERIOUS COMMITMENT STAT! I mean this is something we both want out of life..But I need to get him to open up to me and let me know if this is something he may possibly want with me in the future. It'll be a big decision for him... But I don't see myself relocating unless he will possibly want a future with me (What would be the point?).

[LifesBeachy]

I told him I liked him... Yah, I was a coward and did it via txt.. He replied with saying He does like me. But was surprised by my message. I asked why was he surprised.

 

...I'm SURPRISED he likes me... Now I don't know what to say? I was expecting him to say "Eh, well.. I only like you as a friend, LB.." or some other huge let down. But nope... This feels pretty surreal.