Affair withdrawal

[dryerase]

I have recently ended a 1.5 yr affair and am going through awful withdrawal symptoms. I work with him so see him all the time. This is temporary, but for many reasons, neither of us can quit this job right now. We speak pleasantries to each other, and that is about it. He was truly devastated when I ended things because he wanted to be together officially; however, now he at least appears to be doing great, which I have to admit, makes me feel worse. I truly miss being close with him, especially emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back to being together with him - I end up thinking about all the good times we shared and ignore times when he made me feel badly.

 

Can anyone who has gone through this withdrawal phase tell me how long it will last? I find myself daydreaming about being together with him the way we used to. I feel depressed, like I can barely eat, and look forward to sleeping to forget for a little while. Thanks.

[Bryanp]

Are you married? Have you confessed to your spouse? If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your spouse to be honest with you?

[WorldIsYours]

dryerase, divorce your husband, set him free, hook up with OM and you won't have to worry about withdrawal.

 

because your husband shouldn't have to sit around and wait for your relapse.

 

Exactly. And you're still working with the POSOM?!

 

Let your husband go.

[Spark1111]

I have recently ended a 1.5 yr affair and am going through awful withdrawal symptoms. I work with him so see him all the time. This is temporary, but for many reasons, neither of us can quit this job right now. We speak pleasantries to each other, and that is about it. He was truly devastated when I ended things because he wanted to be together officially; however, now he at least appears to be doing great, which I have to admit, makes me feel worse. I truly miss being close with him, especially emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back to being together with him - I end up thinking about all the good times we shared and ignore times when he made me feel badly.

 

Can anyone who has gone through this withdrawal phase tell me how long it will last? I find myself daydreaming about being together with him the way we used to. I feel depressed, like I can barely eat, and look forward to sleeping to forget for a little while. Thanks.

 

Please se a doctor or counselor. You may need anti-depressants to help you through the worst of it.

 

I am a fBS here....And I think it took my H a few months to de-fog from his affair partner, but he was not forced to see her every day!

 

It is normal to grieve the end of a relationship, and to dwell only on what was wonderful about it.

 

Would forcing yourself to think of all that was not wonderful help you?

[Bittersweetie]

I found at first after the A ended and after d-day I thought about the xOM a lot, and then I realized that I was thinking about him as an escape from facing the consequences of what I'd done. Once I realized that, I was able to push him out of mind and face my own issues and my marriage. Plus I agree with Spark, thinking about the negatives really helped too. In terms of time, I think for everyone it's different how long it takes, so just take it one day at a time. That's best way to go, step by step.

[NoSunshineToday]

Hockeyfan - this board is most definitely for both WS and BS. Don't read the posts if they offend you.

[betterdeal]

I have recently ended a 1.5 yr affair and am going through awful withdrawal symptoms. I work with him so see him all the time. This is temporary, but for many reasons, neither of us can quit this job right now. We speak pleasantries to each other, and that is about it. He was truly devastated when I ended things because he wanted to be together officially; however, now he at least appears to be doing great, which I have to admit, makes me feel worse. I truly miss being close with him, especially emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back to being together with him - I end up thinking about all the good times we shared and ignore times when he made me feel badly.

 

Can anyone who has gone through this withdrawal phase tell me how long it will last? I find myself daydreaming about being together with him the way we used to. I feel depressed, like I can barely eat, and look forward to sleeping to forget for a little while. Thanks.

 

Maybe take some holiday time and stay away from the man you've just split up with. You can both leave your jobs (unless you're actually slaves and face being killed for running away or something equally devastating) and so you choose to stay in the same jobs.

[What_Next]

How about spending that time and energy thinking of your husband/children and thinking of the damage you've done to them with your selfish behavior. I hope your husband is using this time while you are in "dispair" to be planning his course of action leading to divorcing you and throwing you out like yesterdays news.

[robf1971]

How about spending that time and energy thinking of your husband/children and thinking of the damage you've done to them with your selfish behavior. I hope your husband is using this time while you are in "dispair" to be planning his course of action leading to divorcing you and throwing you out like yesterdays news.

 

If the OP's post would have been titled,

 

"How do I make it up to my husband?, I did something terrible" or something I'd have had some respect. Instead her pitiful whining is all me me me. What a piece of work, her husband deserves someone who will truly love and care for him. The OP deserves to be kicked to the Kerb.

[ver13]

oh come on now, isn't that a little too much to ask?

I guess it is from someone who would come here and ask for advice on how to continue to refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

[Jane Deaux]

DryErase, I am not saying this is not the right board. I know it can be confusing considering the tagline is "In an affair", but I just want to give you a heads up. You will get less spiteful hateful things on the ow/om board. Most of the people over there actually read the whole post and don't make assumptions. Some over here are nice, and even some of the posters over there are BS's and are over here and over there. But you will find more bitterness over here. You will get more actual thought out responses over there. Just an FYI since you seem to genuinely want help getting past the fog and withdrawals.

[bentnotbroken]

DryErase, I am not saying this is not the right board. I know it can be confusing considering the tagline is "In an affair", but I just want to give you a heads up. You will get less spiteful hateful things on the ow/om board. Most of the people over there actually read the whole post and don't make assumptions. Some over here are nice, and even some of the posters over there are BS's and are over here and over there. But you will find more bitterness over here. You will get more actual thought out responses over there. Just an FYI since you seem to genuinely want help getting past the fog and withdrawals.

 

 

This is just false. If you really want to "help" someone you will help them no matter where the post is. And if you think people who respond here, won't respond there...well ...yet right. The same responses from the same people. They are no more bitter here than bitter there since that is the same tired word that most people who disagree like to throw around.

[Jane Deaux]

This is just false. If you really want to "help" someone you will help them no matter where the post is. And if you think people who respond here, won't respond there...well ...yet right. The same responses from the same people. They are no more bitter here than bitter there since that is the same tired word that most people who disagree like to throw around.

 

 

I should have clarified. There are more angry bitter responses directed toward AP's on this board than there are on the other board. It's not hard to see either. Yes some of the angry people are over there too towards the OW/OM but actually no, not all of them. It is a lot less. It's just an observation. Nothing meant to anyone. Just wanted the OP to know she may get less harshness over there as a WS. I don't disagree with BS's being hurt or venting. I just disagree with them using nastiness to vent. So yeah, same tired nastiness begets same tired word.

[bentnotbroken]

I should have clarified. There are more angry bitter responses directed toward AP's on this board than there are on the other board. It's not hard to see either. Yes some of the angry people are over there too towards the OW/OM but actually no, not all of them. It is a lot less. It's just an observation. Nothing meant to anyone. Just wanted the OP to know she may get less harshness over there as a WS. I don't disagree with BS's being hurt or venting. I just disagree with them using nastiness to vent. So yeah, same tired nastiness begets same tired word.

 

 

I understood what you meant. I just have a problem with anyone BS, WS, AP telling people where they should and should not post. It gets old and tiring. What is wrong with adults posting where and when they see fit on public forum?

[bentnotbroken]

funny, nastiness in print is so appalling, and more so to some of you than the people getting hurt in real life.

 

 

True that.

[Jane Deaux]

I understood what you meant. I just have a problem with anyone BS, WS, AP telling people where they should and should not post. It gets old and tiring. What is wrong with adults posting where and when they see fit on public forum?

 

I didn't tell her where she should and should not post. Not at all. Sorry you felt that way. And to be quite honest, BNB I actually think of you as a BS(are you, haven't read your story?) that posts your opinion without rudeness. And no, If I were on the other board and a OM/OW told me that they were being hateful and spewing ugly words at someone they didn't even know, I wouldn't condone it. Just because someone is in an affair doesn't make them evil which is what a few people on this forum like to intimate. But AP's are just people too. Doing wrong yes. But no one is perfect. Not AP's/OW/OM/BS ect ect. No one. And to go anywhere and imply that you are better than someone else because you haven't had an affair, and do it with the rudest words you are allowed to use...well, it's just not right. Plenty of BS's on both boards who reply with dignity and caring as a human being. Just less of the other BS on the OTHER board.

 

I understand about your wanting somewhere to go to get away from the WS's. But I don't think you would. You go there to vent. It's very obvious. However, I do NOT sit here and say the BS's should keep out of that other board. And haven't actually read myself where anyone else on that board said that either, just that the hate was sometimes a little overboard. Looking upon WS's ect. as scum of the earth and lowest of the lowest people ever. THAT people, gets old too.

[bentnotbroken]

I didn't tell her where she should and should not post. Not at all. Sorry you felt that way. And to be quite honest, BNB I actually think of you as a BS(are you, haven't read your story?) that posts your opinion without rudeness. And no, If I were on the other board and a OM/OW told me that they were being hateful and spewing ugly words at someone they didn't even know, I wouldn't condone it. Just because someone is in an affair doesn't make them evil which is what a few people on this forum like to intimate. But AP's are just people too. Doing wrong yes. But no one is perfect. Not AP's/OW/OM/BS ect ect. No one. And to go anywhere and imply that you are better than someone else because you haven't had an affair, and do it with the rudest words you are allowed to use...well, it's just not right. Plenty of BS's on both boards who reply with dignity and caring as a human being. Just less of the other BS on the OTHER board.

 

I understand about your wanting somewhere to go to get away from the WS's. But I don't think you would. You go there to vent. It's very obvious. However, I do NOT sit here and say the BS's should keep out of that other board. And haven't actually read myself where anyone else on that board said that either, just that the hate was sometimes a little overboard. Looking upon WS's ect. as scum of the earth and lowest of the lowest people ever. THAT people, gets old too.

 

 

Just so we are understand each other....I am not one of the one's who is pushing for a protected board here. I get that some people need that, no matter what side of the triangle you come from, I am not one of them. I appreciate that you don't see my posts as rude...though many do, especially those that tend to "warn" others about where to post and who to listen to. If I placed you in that group erroneously, I apologize. But this is the usual M.O. around here. If you don't like what a poster has to say, you tell them where to post. And the intimations of superiority tend to come from all sides of the triangle.

[Jane Deaux]

Just so we are understand each other....I am not one of the one's who is pushing for a protected board here. I get that some people need that, no matter what side of the triangle you come from, I am not one of them. I appreciate that you don't see my posts as rude...though many do, especially those that tend to "warn" others about where to post and who to listen to. If I placed you in that group erroneously, I apologize. But this is the usual M.O. around here. If you don't like what a poster has to say, you tell them where to post. And the intimations of superiority tend to come from all sides of the triangle.

 

Sorry about the "safe place" I was directing that and the entire second paragraph to NA1.

 

You are absolutely correct in it coming from all sides of the triangle. I guess I just don't see as much of it towards the BS's because I am on the other board for the most part. But I do see it from both sides and for the most part I stay out of it. I do think your posts are blunt, but not rude. And blunt I do NOT disagree with. I just can't abide telling anyone they are a piece of trash or unworthy, whew that just gets me. From either side. I wasn't meaning to tell her not to listen to anyone. Just that there would be less posts like "you are trash, evil, and you don't deserve anything, maybe not even oxygen ever again" ( <---that was a paraphrase, and yeah, I know, I was exaggerating with the oxygen bit. )

[WorldIsYours]

They are no more bitter here than bitter there since that is the same tired word that most people who disagree like to throw around.

 

Those people who call others bitter have nothing to debate with.

[WorldIsYours]

Sorry about the "safe place" I was directing that and the entire second paragraph to NA1.

 

You are absolutely correct in it coming from all sides of the triangle. I guess I just don't see as much of it towards the BS's because I am on the other board for the most part. But I do see it from both sides and for the most part I stay out of it. I do think your posts are blunt, but not rude. And blunt I do NOT disagree with. I just can't abide telling anyone they are a piece of trash or unworthy, whew that just gets me. From either side. I wasn't meaning to tell her not to listen to anyone. Just that there would be less posts like "you are trash, evil, and you don't deserve anything, maybe not even oxygen ever again" ( <---that was a paraphrase, and yeah, I know, I was exaggerating with the oxygen bit. )

 

No one's calling her trash or whatever, and Tony would edit/remove those posts and give infractions. You're taking it a little to seriously about other's posts. They have a right to their own opinion. Besides, infidelity is serious stuff, and most are not here to validate a cheater's selfish actions. Just because they don't go around saying "Oh I support you in not telling your husband you cheated" doesn't mean it's "bashing."

 

People get so sensitive over an internet forum but cause trouble in IRL.

[Jane Deaux]

No one's calling her trash or whatever, and Tony would edit/remove those posts and give infractions. You're taking it a little to seriously about other's posts. They have a right to their own opinion. Besides, infidelity is serious stuff, and most are not here to validate a cheater's selfish actions. Just because they don't go around saying "Oh I support you in not telling your husband you cheated" doesn't mean it's "bashing."

 

People get so sensitive over an internet forum but cause trouble in IRL.

 

 

You are right. I absolutely do not think that NOT supporting her, or even telling her what she is doing is wrong is bashing. Not at all. But you really don't see the post where ahemmm...people....call WS's and AP's trash and other nasty names, and equate them as less than deserving of anything relatively close to a normal life ever again, then you are being blind. It's there. I don't really feel like going through every post I've read to try and find it and quote it but it is there. And throwing someone out like yesterdays news is pretty uncalled for. The first part of that post was plenty. They didn't have to go on and say she needed to be thrown out like yesterday's news. Which btw is trash, or recyclables if you are an activist And that isn't the worst thing I've seen directed towards people on here. And no, not all of it gets deleted. Not even close. It's too much to watch over. I don't think you have to sugarcoat it. Not at all. BNB doesn't even come close to sugarcoating it. She uses the word coward a good bit. That's not sugarcoating it. It's mostly true and not bashing either. Not always, sometimes circumstances just are different and we can't pretend to know them all and bungle them all together. But anyway, yeah, there is hate on this forum. And Like I said, I tend to stay out of it. I just wanted to direct the OP to a board she may be more comfortable in. It was just an observation, not an order.

 

And really, I find it funny that you say that I'M taking it a little too seriously when I see you OVER and OVER again with your EXTREMELY SERIOUS viewpoint throwing it at almost every AP who posts. You are on almost every thread in the other board with an very serious attitude to almost every post. I don't think I get too sensitive over the internet forum as much as you do. You are one of the most serious posters with the most serious opinion that I've seen on this entire board. And your advice is almost always the same. You don't differ depending on the situation too much. Divorce divorce divorce. Once a cheater, always evil ect ect ect. Yeah, I paraphrased again, but once again, I'm not going to go find all the posts and quote them. But you know they are there.

 

And BNB, once again, Keep up the bluntness. The boards need that. It's something that can be taken seriously. I would be willing to bet that the AP's may not like your advice but probably at least take it seriously and consider it as part of the whole process of gaining perspective. As opposed to immediately discarding advice that calls them hateful names.

 

So anyway, Sorry for the T/J. I'm done. Won't be commenting again on this. It's neverending.

[WorldIsYours]

You are right. I absolutely do not think that NOT supporting her, or even telling her what she is doing is wrong is bashing. Not at all. But you really don't see the post where ahemmm...people....call WS's and AP's trash and other nasty names, and equate them as less than deserving of anything relatively close to a normal life ever again, then you are being blind. It's there. I don't really feel like going through every post I've read to try and find it and quote it but it is there. And throwing someone out like yesterdays news is pretty uncalled for. The first part of that post was plenty. They didn't have to go on and say she needed to be thrown out like yesterday's news. Which btw is trash, or recyclables if you are an activist And that isn't the worst thing I've seen directed towards people on here. And no, not all of it gets deleted. Not even close. It's too much to watch over. I don't think you have to sugarcoat it. Not at all. BNB doesn't even come close to sugarcoating it. She uses the word coward a good bit. That's not sugarcoating it. It's mostly true and not bashing either. Not always, sometimes circumstances just are different and we can't pretend to know them all and bungle them all together. But anyway, yeah, there is hate on this forum. And Like I said, I tend to stay out of it. I just wanted to direct the OP to a board she may be more comfortable in. It was just an observation, not an order.

 

Okay....

 

 

 

And really, I find it funny that you say that I'M taking it a little too seriously when I see you OVER and OVER again with your EXTREMELY SERIOUS viewpoint throwing it at almost every AP who posts. You are on almost every thread in the other board with an very serious attitude to almost every post. I don't think I get too sensitive over the internet forum as much as you do. You are one of the most serious posters with the most serious opinion that I've seen on this entire board. And your advice is almost always the same. You don't differ depending on the situation too much. Divorce divorce divorce. Once a cheater, always evil ect ect ect. Yeah, I paraphrased again, but once again, I'm not going to go find all the posts and quote them. But you know they are there.

 

Yet you're always on the OM/OW board boasting about you and your MM.

[ComputerJock]

Being told she should worry about her husband over her OM, I get the feeling she will not be back.

[dryerase]

never realized all the politics of where i was supposed to post, thank you so much to those who helped me. it seemed appropriate to write under infidelity, since it says "in an affair...?" i am personally not the ow, so i wasn't writing in there.

 

i get all the harsh comments, yep, i already understand how bad and selfish my behavior has been and am on this website only for help and advice, and was definitely "in the fog". the critical one-liner comments are just not helpful at all though, they are full of anger and hatred, and ways for people to vent. i get that, you can use me as your punching bag. you don't know who i am and what good i have done in this world, so rather than being narrow-minded, try to help someone who is asking for it, or don't write at all.

[Ballerfamily]

I should have clarified. There are more angry bitter responses directed toward AP's on this board than there are on the other board. It's not hard to see either. Yes some of the angry people are over there too towards the OW/OM but actually no, not all of them. It is a lot less. It's just an observation. Nothing meant to anyone. Just wanted the OP to know she may get less harshness over there as a WS. I don't disagree with BS's being hurt or venting. I just disagree with them using nastiness to vent. So yeah, same tired nastiness begets same tired word.

 

Validation for Jane and OP.

 

How's this. Yes, go back to him. It's about you and your happiness and emotional needs. Yes, please go back to him. I validate your feelings. You deserve to be happy. I am sure you will then be happy. In fact I'm positive. He is good, wholesome,great character, intergral. YUMMY. If you don't want him, LMK. I might try him

 

ps: (nastiness// as in words) its ok the ex was doinking and meeting her emotional needs with those beautiful OM's. That wasn't nasty at all. She deserves to be happy. As long as when she came home, she smiled, and pretended to love and care for me. In fact I was so wrong for my nastiness. I feel so bad, golly gee. If only you would have defined it to me before I found out, I would have been that nice, wonderful understanding BS. Yes I know. If your man/husband would do that to you, I'm sure you would smile, hug him, and say we all have needs. It ok, sweetheart. LMK if I can do anything for you. Would you like a beer and good ole BJ....

 

OP....

nasty one liners? If I want help, I want the truth. Then I can quit making the same mistakes and learn. You can't learn and get ideas from sugarcoating, etc. ALL YOU WANT IS VALIDATION. You want people to say its ok, we all make mistakes. Cool. I say that. Now live it. Enjoy. You can cheat and still be a decent person. The bad thing about this that makes it different is the decieving/lieing. People that lie are despicable people. Especially when they continue to lie and decieve. Lieing and decieving to family and spouses and people you care and love, is wicked and evil. Cut you hub loose, so then you can stop being despicable. Its as easy as that.

 

Jane, I give you credit. Your an OW and proud of it. Thats ok. To each his/her own. Your not lieing/decieving.(I would still question your character/ethics/integrity) But your MM is. He is despicable. So is OP at this point.

 

 

 

There Jane, how was that from a bitter ole BS. See, I want happiness for everyone to. Its fridayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and I got some cold ones waiting at 5. And guess what, I'm going to only think about me and my happiness today. I DESERVE IT........NCAA baby ......GO BUCKS.......

Edited March 25, 2011 by Ballerfamily