Alexandré Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 OK I've come along way in avoiding being a "nice guy" but I obviously still need some work. I need as many tips as possible, no matter how mundane they may seem. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 and what is wrong with being a nice guy, i mean yeah too nice girls dont like, but you dont have to be an A$$. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexandré Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 Nuthing wrong with it, but it gets you nowhere with the ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Be yourself. The trouble with that D'Angelo crap is that when you change your behavior to masquerade your intentions, you either have to continue the charade, or change 'back', effectively ending the relationship--at which point it's YOUR failure because you didn't play the game right. Be assertive, not a prick. Don't let yourself be walked on, but don't feel the need to walk on others. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Alexandré Nuthing wrong with it, but it gets you nowhere with the ladies. Thats not true. stop trying to be something you arn't Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexandré Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 There are exceptions, but their few and far between. Just think about the pricks who got all the girls you wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Alexandré There are exceptions, but their few and far between. Just think about the pricks who got all the girls you wanted. I won't validate your desires. There are plenty of pricks who not only get "all the girls", but write books about it--go ahead and search for them on KaZaA or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Alexandré There are exceptions, but their few and far between. Just think about the pricks who got all the girls you wanted. yeah pricks get girls, but i also know ones that dont, i also know a lot of nice guys that do. Its more about confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 An interesting link about nice guys: http://isis.fastmail.usf.edu/counsel/self-hlp/niceguy.htm Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Nice guys are prizes. They are treasures. Nothing better than a genuinely nice man. People can keep their macho goofs IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I've got to say, the number of "nice guys" who complain about being "nice guys" make me question their niceness a bit... Frankly, I've got to second both dyer and moimeme here. Be yourself, AND genuinely nice guys are absolute treasures. For my part, I've just got to toss in this bit: get comfortable with who you are, and you may very well be amazed at who notices. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 "I've got to say, the number of "nice guys" who complain about being "nice guys" make me question their niceness a bit..." OK, I'm a real bastard...what can I say? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Sorry, dude. You can't fool anybody who's read a lot of your posts. Nice try, though I once thought you were a grump. I was dead wrong, and I am pleased to admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 OK, I'm a real bastard...what can I say? Hey, me too! Who knew?! Oh wait. I'm not a guy. Does that count? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Oh wait. I'm not a guy. Does that count? I believe then you get to be a beyatch Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I believe then you get to be a beyatch I believe the appropriate response would be....RIGHT ON! But back to the original point here... Alexandré, seriously just be you. Allow yourself to be the nice guy tinged with sarcasm if that fits. Just let go of the nice guy tinged with bitterness, or you may end up looking like Pee-Wee over there... Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by Alexandré There are exceptions, but their few and far between. Just think about the pricks who got all the girls you wanted. These pricks cannot seem to keep these women, however. Sure, they use them for sex and mistread them, but do you really want to emulate such behavior? Over time, women eventually wise up and learn to look for men with actual quality. If you have a certain level of intelligence, can carry a decent conversation, and show confidence you ought to have no trouble meeting women. The best way to meet new people is to actively invoke conversation. I've met and dated a few very attractive women, who were quite nice to me, just by walking up to them and talking. The more people you talk to, the more people you will meet. You say you want to be an a-hole, however, to get girls? There is a secret: Unless you already are an a-hole, you will never be able to pull this off. Do what comes naturally to you, and just "be yourself". Perhaps a better way to phrase this is: You should not have to "try" to meet women by changing yourself. Women will either like you, or they will not. If one does not like you, try talking to another. If you get turned down as potential dating material you still will have had, hopefully, a nice conversation. So far as the "nice guy" thing goes, I do not recommend dedicating too much time to a woman who is not interested in dating you. This often gets you nowhere if you desire her, and she will only ever look to you as a friend. If she does change her mind, you will most likely be fed up with the situation and no longer have an interest. I am not saying, "Do not be supportive and kind to women", just that if you notice you are considered a friend, don't pursue something that will probably not happen and save yourself a lot of heart ache. Still do be there for her in any way that is comfortable for you, but don't feel obligated to help her with relationship problems. I cannot count the number of times women have said, "You are such a great guy. Some day a woman is going to meet you and be very lucky!", after helping them sort out problems with their a-hole boyfriends. If you are finishing last for being a "nice guy", it may be due to the fact that you are not standing up for yourself, or that you are being too forgiving. Don't allow yourself to get walked over. Don't give relationship advice, or sort out emotional problems for these women unless you are in a relationship with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexandré Posted April 2, 2004 Author Share Posted April 2, 2004 But back to the original point here... Alexandré, seriously just be you. Allow yourself to be the nice guy tinged with sarcasm if that fits. Just let go of the nice guy tinged with bitterness, or you may end up looking like Pee-Wee over there... Well thats me, Mr. Cocky/Funny guy whos not a complete ass, but not too nice either. But some people still tell me that I'm too nice which makes no sense to me cause I'm sarcastic and I curse alot . I try to act the same around all girls, whether or not I like em, but it seems likes its only the ones I'm not interested in that want me....in fact I have 3 girls I know like me, and another 2 that are practically stalking me...Maybe its just because I've been stuck in this small town for most of my life, and I already know everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Maybe its just because I've been stuck in this small town for most of my life, and I already know everyone. Ah. Certainly changing your perspective could help your situation. If you've got no plans to leave said small town anytime soon, then you can either find a way to be content being the "alone" man, or you can maybe look at your life in a different way. I know that's awfully cliche, but it's an amazing tool that we humans have: the ability to change the way we see the world. Are you in a place where you feel like you really need to be with someone? Or are you venting because you keep going for the girls you've marked as "out of your league"? thats me, Mr. Cocky/Funny guy whos not a complete ass, but not too nice either Cockiness does not equal confidence, as Faux has brought up. Attractiveness often has a lot to do with confidence. Again, that's all about finding it in you to be comfortable in your own skin, which is something that not a lot of people can do. I'll bet you've got a lot going for you that you're not looking at as valuable, and it could have to do with the "small town" bit. Sometimes it takes strangers or new friends to point out things about us that we didn't see in ourselves previously. ack...I ramble. Pardon me. Link to post Share on other sites
waterguy1975 Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Dude,I've felt the same way at times and have discovered you have to be yourself.Why would you want to be with a girly that doesn't like you for who u are.Would you want to be with someone who is fake?Eventually the right one's you will attract by being a nice guy,then just be really naughty in bed and they usually stick around. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Alexandre, I could point you in the direction of some links online that might be helpful to you. I don't know if they'd be considered commercial however, as my links apparantly are. PM me sometime if you're interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Curing "Nice Guy Syndrome" OK I've come along way in avoiding being a "nice guy" but I obviously still need some work. I need as many tips as possible, no matter how mundane they may seem. Don't worry about being nice or bad. Just have the attitude - 'I don't need you ---- you need me!' Works most of the time! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Dug Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I have read and witnessed that young girls do seem to be attracted the the "bad boys". Like it used to always seem to me that you couldn't find a bad looking chick hanging on the back of a Harley etc. I finally read on a site that young girls take on these "bad boys" as projects to polish and "save from themselves". Even guys I knew who were crack heads and abusive bastards had gorgeous chicks. The article I read suggested that as these girls mature, they tend to gravitate toward more stable and mature men because they have maternal and nesting instincts that kick in....the real bitch is having to wait till it eventually happens. Being a good guy will some day be an asset. As a friend once told me...."When it comes to finding a woman.....the harder they fall, the sweeter they are when they get back up". So let the "bad boys" do their damage and you reap the rewards. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Dug, I liked your post. I think all we loveshackers -regardless of age and gender- should be grateful to bad guys. Bad guys are a magnet for silly, immature, good-looking but brainless girls who, if involved in a relationship with a good guy, would make his life hell. [1] The more bad guys, the less brainless ladies around. Nice guys have less chances of bumping into one, and therefore less risk of making their lives hell. More single nice guys are therefore avaliable to ladies who can appreciate them. [1] Don't get me wrong here. I don't mean that any one lady who falls for a bad guy is silly or immature. Very lovely, sensitive, intelligent, caring women can be attracted to them too, it's something we all know. Luckily they usually realize after a while that they deserve something better Link to post Share on other sites
lady104 Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Nice guys look after us too well. Maybe we want a challenge? Yeah, some roughness to polish and keep to ourselves, as Dug says. I hate it if a guy I'm going out with never calls or seems to act like a dick 24/7, but I start craving for him. Silly women, yep. Nice guys? Always phoning, checking we're ok, always up for meeting up, his girl's a priority. It's like what happened to 'the lads' you're meant to bum around with? What about the soccer? The stripclubs? The cheating on me? Ok, maybe not that far! But it does make things more interesting for young girls, and the thrill is in the chase. When we're getting married, we want the nice guys back. Good father, perfect babies, my mum'll love you. Link to post Share on other sites
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