bobby5 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Will try to be brief and specific. Seperated 2 years, our son thinks ive moved city because of recession and work. He is very happy and well adjusted. He lives with mom and sees dad frequently and spends every other weekend with me. Best of a bad situation....till now..she wants to tell him we are seperated. she wont say why, i can only assume she has met someone (which is ok) or is playing games (which isnt). He will be devestated. Obviously he has to know at some stage but every day he is a happy kid is a bonus. I had harboured hope of sorting things out (but not sure if thats what i would want even if i could so yes its complicated) and reckoned no point in telling him unless..until we are certain it will not be sorted. Now I am getting myself in to the zone of forgetting all hope of reconciliation as that is what he will have to face. Am I being unreasonable trying to persuade her to leave him alone on this one? I see nothing in it for him other than misery and hes soooo good and happy. All genuine opinions welcome... Link to post Share on other sites
dave2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hi Bobby5, I feel sad for your relationship that turns out to be complicated. I guess 2 years is long enough to move on and I think its time to set things out right. Your kid I guess is a smart kid he will eventually understand it especially that both of you are doing some effort to filled up your responsibility for being their as his parents. I know everything will be okay in a right time. Just be there for your kid and everything will works on its way. I also have read about children and divorce article that may help you out about your current situation. Hope I was able to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bobby5 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 Thanks for the reply but what u think? Should we be telling him? If so when and how...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 my sisters divorced about the same time, and each handled it differently. One bad-mouthed her husband, told them their father never really wanted them and didn't really encourage a healthy relationship with them so they resented having to go visit him ... and 25 years later she wonders why they don't have a good relationship with her ex other sister took the high road and explained that while mom and dad still cared about each other, they weren't going to be married to each other anymore but they would still have access to both parents. When they complained about dumb things their dad did, she reminded them how much he loves them, and that they needed to focus on how much they loved him, too, not just complain. She figured that it was more important they have a solid relationship with him because they were so young (5 & 6 at the time), and that when they got older they would figure out that he was a bit of a dip**** on their own. Both boys are in their late 20s and have a fairly good relationship with their dad, who has since remarried but remains VERY involved in their lives. I think whatever you do, it's important to let your child/children know that the fact mom and dad are no longer married has NOTHING to do with how much you love them, and that whatever problems you and your spouse have/had, it's between the two of you to solve, not the kids. I think that helps them adjust a bit quicker because they have the security of knowing you both love them so much ... Link to post Share on other sites
dave2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 For me yes! as a parent you know when to tell your son that he might understand a bit of it, make the conversation as simple as you may. Visit children and divorce for more information about divorce. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
lauparks Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 i commend you for actually looking to protect your child from all the hurt and pain of being through the process of separation but i think that it will be inevitable for you to tell him what is going on. explain to him as honestly as you can, in words that he would understand what is going on and make sure that he still feels loved even if you already open up about the separation. it will be tough because children and divorce are never a good mix. but if you handle this with honesty and your child's best intentions it won't be as bad as you are imagining. good luck and hope everything works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Who runs Loveshack? Is there a way to get these spamming arseholes off here? Now they're creating multiple profiles. great. GRRR. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I too think she met someone and knows it will be a matter of time before your son figures it out. Your son will be devestated at first. So was my then 6 year old when going through my divorce. but they will adjust. you just need to let him know how much he is loved by you both. my boys are just fine now. life is good, and they know that we will always be there for them. well, in my sitch I can't vouch for their mother and her bad choices, but as long as they feel love, the kids will be ok. I would say don't prolong the inevitable. Let him know the truth so he can get over it sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
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