noabsolutetruth Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 What can I do? There were so many arguments and now I do not love her anymore. She gets angry over little things. When she gets angry, I cannot reason. When I explain myself, she sometimes hits and screams or destroys things. She once made me put up a poster of the things that I am not allowed to do: justify myself, argue with her, reason with her, etc. Then she made me read the words over and over which I hated. Moreover,she wants to be spoiled like she was spoiled as a child. She always compares me with her parents. Sometimes she accuses me of the miserable life she is leading. When I say that I do not like something, she gets upset. I have always given in, apologized to her even when I did not feel responsible or only partially responsible (such as repeating something I am not supposed to say) She says she married me because I am tolerant. Unfortunately, I cannot tolerate her behavior anymore. What should I do? I am afraid of a divorce but I also want to be happy... Link to post Share on other sites
Rita86 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Why are you afraid of divorce? Do you want to live like this for the rest of your Life She has no respect for you. Crowe a backbone and leave. There women out there who won't treat you this way! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetpeach35 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 What can I do? There were so many arguments and now I do not love her anymore. She gets angry over little things. When she gets angry, I cannot reason. When I explain myself, she sometimes hits and screams or destroys things. She once made me put up a poster of the things that I am not allowed to do: justify myself, argue with her, reason with her, etc. Then she made me read the words over and over which I hated. Moreover,she wants to be spoiled like she was spoiled as a child. She always compares me with her parents. Sometimes she accuses me of the miserable life she is leading. When I say that I do not like something, she gets upset. I have always given in, apologized to her even when I did not feel responsible or only partially responsible (such as repeating something I am not supposed to say) She says she married me because I am tolerant. Unfortunately, I cannot tolerate her behavior anymore. What should I do? I am afraid of a divorce but I also want to be happy... get a divorce ,she sounds like fruitloops lol sorry do you sleep with one eye open Link to post Share on other sites
Author noabsolutetruth Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 I have always believed that marriage is sacred and that when you commit, you commit for life Moreover, I have kept this secret from most of my friends and family. I have started telling some to friends but I still feel lonely. I know I should have more strength... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I would recommend you seek therapy. Your wife is abusing you and it seems your self esteem is so low you are allowing her to do this. Tell all your friends and family and ask for their support because that's what you need right now. If you can share this with people you trust, you will feel less lonely. Marriage may be sacred but then marriage is supposed to be between two loving partners. Your wife is the one who is destroying your marriage not you. (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 At the very very least, work on changing the power dynamic in the relationship. If my husband sat me down in front of a poster and told me to read his 'conditions' I sure wouldn't play ball. If I was presented with 'conditions' like that then I would tell him that I wasn't going to play like that and that he would need to adjust his own viewpoint or deal with mine. If he told me often that I did not compare to his parents or anyone else, I would make sure that I created a poster letting him know that my role in his life was not to live up to his comparision of anyone else in his eyes. My role is to be his partner, and his role is to be my partner. His life role is to do everything he can to make his own life better, and mine is to take care of mine. Not to take care of his and mine, he doesn't have to take responsibility for mine and his either. It sounds like your wife has some heavy dependence issues and no sense of boundaries. It also sounds like you may be somewhat dependent on her validation and that you fear losing the relationship over this. Truly marriage is sacred but you can only do what you can do. If you set the bottom line for how you are to be treated and she punts you for it, that's not on you, that's on her. She has violated the sacred vow in the name of her selfishness. It may not be much to take comfort in at first but in the long run it would be much better for you to find someone that shares that same value (if she does end the relationship). Marriage is sacred but that does not mean you sign on for a life of mistreatment and torture. I am sure that is not what you signed up for initially. You signed on for a partner to love and be loved by. The most loving thing that you can do for your partner is provide them with a partner that they can respect (it took me a long time to learn this). You earn her respect by setting your own boundaries (check out Boundaries: Where You and I Begin). You never let someone abuse you and you never abuse someone else. That's for starters. And she will test you. Do not cave to her nuttiness, if you have to, leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 What can I do? There were so many arguments and now I do not love her anymore. She gets angry over little things. When she gets angry, I cannot reason. When I explain myself, she sometimes hits and screams or destroys things. She once made me put up a poster of the things that I am not allowed to do: justify myself, argue with her, reason with her, etc. Then she made me read the words over and over which I hated. Moreover,she wants to be spoiled like she was spoiled as a child. She always compares me with her parents. Sometimes she accuses me of the miserable life she is leading. When I say that I do not like something, she gets upset. I have always given in, apologized to her even when I did not feel responsible or only partially responsible (such as repeating something I am not supposed to say) She says she married me because I am tolerant. Unfortunately, I cannot tolerate her behavior anymore. What should I do? I am afraid of a divorce but I also want to be happy... Really? You need advice on staying married to what is an unstable woman? I will read between the lines that you are young, been married a short while and no children. If that is the case tell her she has two options: 1. Counseling (IC and MC) 2. Divorce Give her one month as you look for someplace to move. All I can say is sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Light Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 She once made me put up a poster of the things that I am not allowed to do: justify myself, argue with her, reason with her, etc. Then she made me read the words over and over which I hated. This is really extreme behavior. RUN don't walk from this woman. I know that is easier said than done but this woman sounds like an extreme narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 What can I do? There were so many arguments and now I do not love her anymore. She gets angry over little things. When she gets angry, I cannot reason. When I explain myself, she sometimes hits and screams or destroys things. She once made me put up a poster of the things that I am not allowed to do: justify myself, argue with her, reason with her, etc. Then she made me read the words over and over which I hated. Moreover,she wants to be spoiled like she was spoiled as a child. She always compares me with her parents. Sometimes she accuses me of the miserable life she is leading. When I say that I do not like something, she gets upset. I have always given in, apologized to her even when I did not feel responsible or only partially responsible (such as repeating something I am not supposed to say) She says she married me because I am tolerant. Unfortunately, I cannot tolerate her behavior anymore. What should I do? I am afraid of a divorce but I also want to be happy... Why are you afraid of divorce? Look if you're unhappy, don't love your wife anymore and can't see you two working things out, then just divorce. Or talk to her and let her know how fed up you are and that if she is willing to change her ways by doing counseling with you, then you'll stay and work on things too. If not, then just divorce. Do you two have children? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Why are you participating in this sickness? Link to post Share on other sites
Renewed Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 How long have you been married and when did this behavior from your wife begin. I think you both need counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
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