Marriage after 3 months, divorce in 7 days

[s2k1099]

In january of this year, i met a girl I've known for a while but haven't really kicked it with. It was strange for her to invite me anywhere, but i came anyway. (last time we were supposed to have hung out, I fell asleep when i was supposed to meet up with her)

 

I'm going to go ahead and speed the story up, no pun intended..

 

Basically we had an intense month after that night. I was madly in love with this woman. We would literally talk for hours without even getting up to use the restroom. I once realized we had been sitting at a bar for 5 hours and havent left our seats once. We were deeply involved with each other. the first 2 months that went by were like scenes from a movie.

 

She was currently living with her fiancée. Yes, she was engaged. This made it even more dramatic for both of us. We seemed to live off this movie like surrealism. She would take her fiancées car and come see me at random, leave love letters in my mailbox that she had sprayed with her perfume, made excuses to go to the store and have me meet her there just to shop for whatever random item she decided to use as an excuse.. We were intoxicated when we were near each other.

 

I can honestly say i have never in my life had this kind of relationship with a woman. I couldn't even conceptually idealize this in my mind as being a feeling. It's like all the other past relationships were doomed for failure, and i finally understand what they're talking about on all those sappy love songs i used to avoid.

 

Anyway, me and her decided to start making plans for our future. She had left the father of her kids, but hadn't moved in with me yet. We had decided to wait so we wouldn't be rushing (lol) She had moved to her aunts in a town about 25 miles from me. It was only a 30 min drive, so i still came an seen her.

 

After valentines day, she had decided to spend a weekend with me. Needless to say she ended up moving in on that weekend too. She brought her son, and all her stuff and moved in.

 

Then one day, we went to have some tequila at a Mexican grill we both enjoy. (We enjoy it because when you order a margarita with no ice, they still fill the cup up all the way giving you about 10x more tequila) We were sitting there just talking and having a blast. Then i had seen my ex from when i was 15 years old ( I'm 23 now, and was at the time ) I remember commenting to her that an old high-school lover was there and she recognized me. I joked about how her appearance hadn't changed, and she joked about how she could tell my ex was angry to have lost me.

 

Then I said she probably thinks we're married. Then she said out of no where "Lets get married" I laughed and said how hilarious that would be if we had a shotgun marriage and how everyone would be concerned. Then i remember her saying "**** em! We should do it just to spite their asses!" I then told her as a joke (at the time) that we could do that, and she could even get free health care when she was legally my wife. We both playfully agreed. We were now engaged. Then two days later we had another discussion and she wanted to get married because she loved me. Now i was really happy!! She was excited too and we made our plans of the date.

 

I had posted it on facebook, and quickly got comments from people to the extent of "WTF?!" and "Really?! No one knew!" We both laughed about it because it was as we expected.

 

It was the 5th of march and we had decided to be married at the court house 5 days from then. She began to get preoccupied with her health and making appointments. I remember being unsure about her intentions. So i asked her this:

 

Me - What if i told you, i would pay for your medical appointments with cash out of my pocket, let you and your son live at my house, no strings attached and rent free for as long as you want, and id even give you my old car, even if you didnt want to really get married.

 

Her - I want to do it!

 

*At this point my face unintentionally drops*

 

Her - I still want to get married, baby!

 

Me - Oh i thought you said you wanted to do what I was saying in that question... Which as i said, isnt a bad thing.

 

I still remember back on this and can't figure out what she meant by it. It could've been a sign that would have prevented all this..

 

We get married on March 10th. Soon after our wedding she was setting up appointments for the doctors .The day after our wedding i have to work almost all week. We still get along great at this point, but only see each other at night and in the mornings because my work gets swamped in the start of summer.

 

Then i get 3 days off in a row. She wanted to go to an emergency dentist on one of these days but the marriage didn't post on my insurance provider yet. We planned on having a day where we would look for furniture but her tooth hurt most of the days off so We decide to do it on Wednesday, which is my last off day. Wednesday comes, and we have a fantastic time looking for things at thrift stores. (she loves thrift stores, and i haven't been in them since i was 13 or so)

 

on our way home she starts crying, complaining about her tooth pain. I ask her if she wants to go to the hospital and she says yes so i head that way, even though her appointment i made her with my oral surgeon was a month away.

 

We go home really quick so i can change. I change and sit on the kitchen steps while i smoke a cigarette. She comes from the back porch crying softly. I give her a big hug and playfully tell her she seems like she needs a joint.

 

Then i realize that shes not letting go of our hug and starting to cry more profusely. I ask her whats wrong. Then, out of no where, she says this:

 

"I still have feelings for my ex"

 

My worried face goes blank and i loosened the grip of my hug entirley. She continues to hug me as my hands are by my side.

 

I'm going to cut out the dramatic exit. But basically she had left that night.

 

The next say she got her things. All of them.

 

7 Days after marriage and I'm standing in my near empty kitchen looking at the ring she had placed on my counter.

 

Today is the 22nd of march. It's been 5 days since she left. I'm a married man of 12 days with an estranged wife living with her ex, and not attempting any kind of contact with me.

 

There you have it! This is now. I'm writing on a relationship site, in utter confusion and disbelief.

 

I don't know weather this was a charade, or what. Insurance? Money? I mean she moved from her ex's studio apartment and upgraded into my 6 bedroom 3 story house, but its not like anything was dysfunctional about our relationship. She's 22 I'm 23, we both have some of the same friends, we both have had rough lives as kids, etc..

 

I just find myself wondering how legit her intentions were. But my mind keeps conflicting the reason. "I know she is in love with me, but she did seem like she wanted to go to the dentist pretty bad, but shes human right? Shes just in pain" etc etc etc etc

 

just thought I'd share this in hopes of anyone whose had similar experiences.

 

My advice - The "Honeymoon period" or "Puppy love stage" can last for ****ing months. Beware.

[What_Next]

Without condemning you, are you really surprised your situation turned out the way it did? Your relationship began as an affair, you used poor judegement, I notice you hardly mention the impact of your selfish actions on the children involved.

 

Seriously, you need to grow up, take responsibility for your actions and think about the impact of what you do on others around you.

 

I weep for society some days.

[s2k1099]

Without condemning you, are you really surprised your situation turned out the way it did? Your relationship began as an affair, you used poor judegement, I notice you hardly mention the impact of your selfish actions on the children involved.

 

Seriously, you need to grow up, take responsibility for your actions and think about the impact of what you do on others around you.

 

I weep for society some days.

MY selfish actions?

 

I didn't impose myself on my wife when we first met. We both made the decision to engage in a relationship.

 

As for her son, he is now only 5 months old. He was and is a VERY happy child. He was never exposed to anything traumatizing, other than being in different places, and I believe that wasn't too traumatic given the fact he had his own room.

 

I also didn't mention the fact that her ex she was with and is now back with, payed no attention to this child from jump street. He is manipulative and emotionally abusing, not to mention he is a habitual pot smoker.

 

The time i spent with her son in this short time was 5 times more than he had spent with him since birth.

 

Get informed before you condescendingly send a reply.

[Duckduckgoose]

Cut her loose and fast. Lesson learned. Next time don't jump into marriage so quickly.

 

Lawyer up and hit her with divorce papers. Don't be surprised if she tries to get half your ****.

[PegNosePete]

If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you. I thought everyone knew that?

 

This whole relationship is a train wreck. You met her in JANUARY and got married in MARCH after the most unromantic proposal in history? The reasons for getting married were just to act a bit crazy, and to show off to facebook? WTF dude? She has a son and you MARRIED her within 2 months of meeting her? After how long did she introduce you to her son?

 

Sorry but you reap what you sow and in this case you are paying for your own stupidity!!! Lawyer up and prepare to lose 50% of your stuff!

[s2k1099]

A lot of you are as bitter as a birds ass...

 

First of all, it was annulled, so I'm not losing any of my assets.

 

Second of all, i mentioned I've known her for a while. A while meaning over a year. Did you not catch that part? I only starting getting serious with her in January.

 

Seriously people, if i wanted tough love, I'd go find your mother.

 

Thanks, duck. You posted the only constructive reply.

[unsureLP]

Eep. This is rough.

 

You do have to admit that you rushed into the marriage. Are you even sure you love her? That love-drunk feeling will eventually subside and then you have to make sure you love the person even without the excitement.

 

It sounds like you were both carried away by the excitement and adventure, but that doesn't mean this is a good relationship. It sounds like she has a lot of issues she needs to work on. Would you ever be able to completely trust her after she cheated on her ex with you? Wouldn't you always wonder if she could do the same to you?

[PegNosePete]

Seriously people, if i wanted tough love, I'd go find your mother.

So what are you looking for exactly? Sympathy? Validation? Sycophantic misogynists rallying to defend your actions and decry all of womanhood? Dude... you acted dumb and paid the price for it... learn and move on!

[What_Next]

Seriously people, if i wanted tough love, I'd go find your mother.

 

This alone shows your level of maturity.

 

What are you looking for by posting in this area of this forum exactly?

 

If you are looking to be coddled, go elsewhere.

 

Your actions were reckless, selfish, and stupid. You got lucky in that the marriage was annuled and you didn't come out worse for it. Consider it a life lesson and grow from it.

 

The next time use your head and don't rush head long into a marriage.

 

Also for the record YES I believe you both did damage to the child. You are both examples of why some people shouldn't have children, disgusting.

 

Like I said, you want to be coddled, go elsewhere.

[worldgonewrong]

She was currently living with her fiancée. Yes, she was engaged. This made it even more dramatic for both of us. We seemed to live off this movie like surrealism. She would take her fiancées car and come see me at random

 

I say, without any rancor to you, THIS (above) is why you're not going to get much sympathy or empathy here.

 

If you scan through a cross-section of posts here, you will find that a lot of them are by people (like me) who have been in loooooong-term relationships/marriages with children in the picture; people who have been cheated on; people who are trying to make sense of a long-term future that has seemingly been smashed to pieces.

 

You're a young guy who has a fountain of fresh opportunities ahead of him after this one giddy little f*ck-up.

 

You also, unknowingly, personify The Other Person in the relationship, the one who ruins marriages or engagements.

 

So, y'know, you're gonna get what you get here. Don't be surprised.

[s2k1099]

So what are you looking for exactly? Sympathy? Validation? Sycophantic misogynists rallying to defend your actions and decry all of womanhood? Dude... you acted dumb and paid the price for it... learn and move on!

 

In my OP - "just thought I'd share this in hopes of anyone whose had similar experiences."

 

Read.

[Eeyore79]

I have a feeling you may have been set-up by her and her fiance. Think about it: they're extremely poor, and you're a guy who's obviously reasonably well off since you have a nice big house. So she marries and divorces you very quickly, gets half of eveything you own, and gets her medical and dental needs seen to at the same time. She then goes back to her fiance and they live happily ever after on your money.

 

The speed at which she married and divorced you, coupled with the fact that she wanted dental appointments the second you got married, suggests it was a scam. She's the bad guy here, but you were very silly to marry her so quickly. I'm not sure whether there's much you can do, but I suggest you get a really good divorce lawyer.

 

ETA: I see that while I was typing my post, you posted that the marriage was annulled. I'm actually surprised that she didn't chase you for half your assets in the divorce courts. Did she even try?

Edited March 22, 2011 by Eeyore79

[s2k1099]

This alone shows your level of maturity.

 

What are you looking for by posting in this area of this forum exactly?

 

If you are looking to be coddled, go elsewhere.

 

Your actions were reckless, selfish, and stupid. You got lucky in that the marriage was annuled and you didn't come out worse for it. Consider it a life lesson and grow from it.

 

The next time use your head and don't rush head long into a marriage.

 

Also for the record YES I believe you both did damage to the child. You are both examples of why some people shouldn't have children, disgusting.

 

Like I said, you want to be coddled, go elsewhere.

 

It's cuddled, not coddled

[PegNosePete]

It's cuddled, not coddled

My dictionary says otherwise.

 

Read.

[unsureLP]

cod·dle/ˈkädl/Verb

1. Treat in an indulgent or overprotective way: "I was coddled and cosseted".

2. Cook (an egg) in water below the boiling point.

[s2k1099]

I have a feeling you may have been set-up by her and her fiance. Think about it: they're extremely poor, and you're a guy who's obviously reasonably well off since you have a nice big house. So she marries and divorces you very quickly, gets half of eveything you own, and gets her medical and dental needs seen to at the same time. She then goes back to her fiance and they live happily ever after on your money.

 

The speed at which she married and divorced you, coupled with the fact that she wanted dental appointments the second you got married, suggests it was a scam. She's the bad guy here, but you were very silly to marry her so quickly. I'm not sure whether there's much you can do, but I suggest you get a really good divorce lawyer.

 

ETA: I see that while I was typing my post, you posted that the marriage was annulled. I'm actually surprised that she didn't chase you for half your assets in the divorce courts. Did she even try?

 

THOSE WERE MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!

 

That's crazy you thought of that too.

 

And no, she said when getting her things, verbatim:

 

"Ill pay for the annulment papers tomorrow and put them in your box"

 

That's why my level of confusion was/is so great. I was sure that was the reason, then she throws this curve ball and it's done and over with, with no materialistic repercussions.

[unsureLP]

So it probably wasn't a scam. She just has issues, and serious ones at that.

[worldgonewrong]

She saw you as an easy mark.

 

Much the way strippers do, they will talk your ear off and hope that you 'feel a connection' so that you will part with your money.

[s2k1099]

cod·dle/ˈkädl/Verb

1. Treat in an indulgent or overprotective way: "I was coddled and cosseted".

2. Cook (an egg) in water below the boiling point.

 

cud·dled, cud·dling, cud·dles

v.tr.

To fondle in the arms; hug tenderly. See Synonyms at caress.

v.intr.

To nestle; snuggle.

n.

The act of cuddling; a hug or embrace.

[Origin unknown.]

cuddle·some, cuddly adj.

 

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cuddled+up

[worldgonewrong]

That's why my level of confusion was/is so great. I was sure that was the reason, then she throws this curve ball and it's done and over with, with no materialistic repercussions.

 

She probably felt guilty a bit, didn't see any need to grind you further into the ground after getting what she wanted short-term.

[What_Next]

In that vein, yah she probably targeted you. In that sense thank your lucky stars that you got away from this without serious financial impacts.

 

I have no knowledge of the American legal system (thank heavens it seems...) is there any possibility this could come back to bite you in the a$$ later?

[worldgonewrong]

And the other reason, too, why she maybe didn't take this to court:

she and/or her fiance already have a criminal record that could haunt them if

they'd try to fleece you in court.

Best for them to keep a low profile, bilk a few easy nice guys, without raising suspicion in the courts.

[s2k1099]

She saw you as an easy mark.

 

Much the way strippers do, they will talk your ear off and hope that you 'feel a connection' so that you will part with your money.

 

Spot on with that one. She used to be a stripper.

 

The man she's with is an unattractive, socially awkward guy, and shes been off and on with him for 4+ years. Shes been married twice and each time came back to him, because he's always willing to take her in despite her infidelity.

 

Her intentions just confused me. But i believe she is just a mental case.

[unsureLP]

cud·dled, cud·dling, cud·dles

v.tr.

To fondle in the arms; hug tenderly. See Synonyms at caress.

v.intr.

To nestle; snuggle.

n.

The act of cuddling; a hug or embrace.

[Origin unknown.]

cuddle·some, cuddly adj.

 

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cuddled+up

 

Oh joy, so they both exist. Still, his use of coddle was perfectly appropriate.

[worldgonewrong]

s2k1099: With all compassion to her, even though she's a manipulator, she has an ingrained 'survivor's' mentality. She has to do what she has to do, and sadly it comes at the expense of potentially-loving relationships. No doubt she probably has a history of abuse (towards her), which has only solidified her world view (i.e. get what you can get and quickly before you get hurt, and then move on!).