Wife is pregnant

[lynne76]

Hi,

 

I am looking for some support as I am very alone in the situation I am in right now. Briefly, I've been involved, and very much in love, with a married man for the past year. I know him well and trust that he's been in love with me as well. It's been a very intense experience for us both, on many levels -- spiritually, physically, and emotionally. One of the reasons he was straying from his marriage of 10 years (he is 49) for the first time (definitely the first) is that they had been trying to conceive since their wedding night. Thousands of dollars were spent, five IVF cycles, and even a egg donor pregancy were tried, all to no avail. As with many other couples this was heartbreaking for them and it took a huge toll on their sex lives and their psyches. When he met me, he was able to confide how he was really feeling about all of it (the infertility was hers) and his struggles, coupled with my own, drew us very close together. From there, a really beautiful relationship developed, insofar as such thing is possible when one of the parties is married. I knew from the get-go he would never leave her. She has an autoimmune disorder which keeps her in great pain, and well, the bottom line is also that he met her 12 years ago and fell in love. He's never stopped loving her and I never expected him to. Regardless, there has been such a big part of me that loved him, I have had fantasies that some magical thing would happen and we would be together, I have just loved him so much. I'm 34 and spent six years dating with no luck, and then I met him and everything in my heart and soul fell into place. The benefits of being with him have always outweighed the stress of being in an affair. I've had someone to love and care about me very deeply, and that's something that has been so devoid in my life for so long. I really did try with other men before I met him, but nothing ever worked out, and the fact is that it is a hard road, or seemingly, for women in their 30s, especially where I live. There are just very few men that are single and emotionally/physically healthy. I really really needed to meet this man when I did, and he saved me from a lot of loneliness and pain in my life. He's truly the most beautiful man I have ever met, and I feel like he has set the bar so high for me for anyone else -- like no one else may ever come close to him. I know the knee jerk reaction of others will be to cut him down and say "he's a cheater" so therefore he is worthless, but please believe me this is not the case. He didn't mean to cheat, I didn't mean to get involved with a married man...we just fell in love, and had he been single there is no doubt in my mind that we would have become a legit couple and probably by now we would have even married -- it has been that romantic and wonderful and intense.

 

But here is the thing...last week, he and his wife discovered they are pregnant. He can't believe it, they were so sure she was 100% infertile. And now it looks like she is 5--6 weeks pregnant, and I am just a mess about it. I know I can no longer be in his life, and overnight his focus has understandably shifted from me, back to her and his baby....it has all been overwhelming for me and a lot to keep up to. The simple truth is I probably will never have a family of my own -- it takes years to meet someone and get comfortable enough to have a family with them, and at my age I am just not sure it will happen for me, especially because I can't even begin to think that I will ever love someone again on the level that I have loved him. I had been with men before and even lived with a boyfriend for seven years and the love, the understanding, the intense human connection, was nothing compared to what I have had with him.

 

I just don't know what to do. I'm an emotional basketcase, struggling to go to my very demanding job and be okay, but my eyes are puffy, I'm not sleeping, and I'm just torn up by jealousy at the gift he has in his life now -- something he has always wanted -- versus something I will never get, especially with him (for I had such fantasies of having a baby with him, we both did...). I don't begrudge him happiness, but I feel like I have tried, prior to meeting him, to find my own and I never did...what happened is that I found him and fell in love in such a real and profound way.

 

How do I move on from here? On a very practical level, how do I control my emtions so I can go to work and function? I have a five day conference away next week with my whole staff and I'm not sure I can deal with it, but it is mandatory.

 

I'm really just a mess here. Please send advice to me?

 

Thank you for listening.

[jthorne]

I was almost 40 when I got married, so it happens. Don't give up. Keep busy, do things you like to do. The cliche is true, things happen when you least expect it (illustrated by the W's pregnancy).

 

Good luck!

[Eeyore79]

I don't see how he can have loved you that much if he was trying for a baby with another woman the whole time you were together. You said yourself that he never stopped loving her, so how could he have truly loved you? I think it's more likely that whatever he said, you were just a fling, and he cut you loose when his wife got pregnant. You really need to harden your heart, stop making excuses for him and see how badly he's actually treated you.

 

I can understand how it's extra hard on you because not only has he left you, but at the same time another woman is enjoying something that you wanted to have with him, something that you think you might never get the chance to have. I don't think you would want to swap places with his wife though - would you really want to be having the child of a man who's been cheating on you for a year? His wife is to be pitied, not envied.

 

What you need to do now is move on with your life, and look for an unattached man who can offer you all the things you want, things which this married man could never give you. 34 isn't too late to fall in love and get married - you can be married and pregnant within a couple of years, so you could still meet Mr Right any time within the next few years and be a married mother before you turn 40. The important thing is not to give up, and also to not to waste any more of your precious time on unavailable men.

[whichwayisup]

Seek some counselling to help you cope with this and also ask your dr for some anti depressants to control your emotions.

 

It's good that you've accepted the A is over, as hard as it is to do, it's a fact now.

 

focus on healing and grieving, talk to friends and family (if are you comfortable with that and if they know you were seeing a MM) to help you through this.

 

Instead of feeling jealous or envious of his wife's pregnancy, focus that energy into yourself by letting go..

[whichwayisup]

I know the knee jerk reaction of others will be to cut him down and say "he's a cheater" so therefore he is worthless, but please believe me this is not the case. He didn't mean to cheat, I didn't mean to get involved with a married man...we just fell in love, and had he been single there is no doubt in my mind that we would have become a legit couple and probably by now we would have even married -- it has been that romantic and wonderful and intense.

 

No. This is where you're wrong. He didn't mean to cheat? For a YEAR? He IS a cheater and he's betrayed his wife whom was trying to have his baby. She was the one going through the emotional ride of hormones for years so they could have a baby together. STop seeing him as the KING who is perfect. I know you think what you have/had with him was special and unique, but if you read other posts here, you'll see how familiar your story sounds on an emotional level like others on here.

[lynne76]

She was trying to have his baby before I met him. Then they just gave up, thinking she was infertile. I know he sounds horrible on paper, but people are complicated, lives are complicated, marriage is complicated. He didn't set out to betray her, and I weirdly feel like maybe I taught him how to be close to a woman again, and that's how he ended up getting close with her again. It's confusing.

 

I am trying to get myself out of it. Right now, he's trying to be really caring toward me, as he knows how much this out-of-the-blue situation is hurting me. He wants to remain on good terms, but he knows as well that he can't be with me the way he has been now that he is about to be a father, and he knows his wife's pregnancy is high risk, so he needs to be with her, completely. He's a good man, I don't think he's a king...I think he's a good man, who is human like the rest of us. It's not that I am going to his defence, it's just I can see this in the bigger picture. Marriage asks people to never look at another person other than their spouse again...that is a really big thing to live up to, especially when we're all human and we all have attractions to others. He didn't act on his attraction to anyone else prior to me...I think it was just a combination of all the right/wrong ingredients that we found each other like we did. Honestly, it's been really tough and confusing to him, too, and there were times he thought he should tell her or leave her, but it was me telling him to stay with her...the world doesn't need another divorce....but it never stopped my heart from loving him and now I just need advice on how to move on with the rest of my life, with the possiblity that I'll never love anyone again, or even have sex again, and certainly not with him....I'm 34 and intelligent and I've had boyfriends and relationships before, but I've never had the pure love and lust that I've shared with this man. I just don't know what the next move is to get over him...how to not show up to work in pieces from not sleeping the night before.

[Star_Bright]

I'm sorry for your pain, I know this situation must be so hard.

 

I think you should focus on thinking about yourself and not him. You gave him a year of your life and your time is precious. It's time to move on - you will find a single guy, you will.

 

Don't think he is so good that he will leave you alone now that his wife is pregnant. I think he will want to keep having his cake and eating it too. Don't let him do that to you or him. Stay strong, focus on yourself, and move on and away from him. This is a toxic situation for you and I don't see you being happy if you stay in it. Good luck.

[bentnotbroken]

No. This is where you're wrong. He didn't mean to cheat? For a YEAR? He IS a cheater and he's betrayed his wife whom was trying to have his baby. She was the one going through the emotional ride of hormones for years so they could have a baby together. STop seeing him as the KING who is perfect. I know you think what you have/had with him was special and unique, but if you read other posts here, you'll see how familiar your story sounds on an emotional level like others on here.

 

 

Agreed. On paper or otherwise...a year long affair makes him a cheat. As another poster said, focus on yourself and not him.

[whichwayisup]

Marriage asks people to never look at another person other than their spouse again...that is a really big thing to live up to,

 

No, marriage vows means you give up the right to screw other people. Doesn't mean one is dead and can't "look". There's looking and then there's "touching." BIG difference.

 

You can't be friends with him. You know this and he knows this.

 

You WILL find love again when you're ready to and when the timing is right. Unfortunately you fell for someone who could never commit to you or be all yours. He was wrong to let it happen and you were wrong to keep the A going knowing full well he was married. Anyway, sorry you're hurting.. And I do hope you're able to leave him alone and not be in his life. If you stay to be a friend just to be in his life in some small way it'll hurt you and prevent you from moving on, let alone accepting it's over and grieving him.

 

now I just need advice on how to move on with the rest of my life, with the possiblity that I'll never love anyone again, or even have sex again, and certainly not with him.

 

Everybody feels this way. When a regular relationship ends that doesn't involve an affair, any break up.. The thing is, you WILL fall for someone else. Right now you can't see that happening because you're not ready to or in any position to let your heart be with anybody else. Don't focus on that it's too far into the future. Deal with the now.

 

Your "Now" is taking this day by day, hour by hour and allowing yourself to go through the pain of losing someone you loved. Grieve and cry. Don't be afraid of it, accept it. Keep busy, be around friends. Be good to yourself. Don't let yourself be negative. Keep posting too.

[seren]

Lynne,

 

You are still young, plenty of time to have a family, plenty of time to find someone else to love and love you back, but not right now. Getting over anything or anyone takes time, you (general) just get through each day minute by minute, until days pass and the hurt recedes bit by bit.

 

I am going to add that no one who is infertile, just gets pregnant, they will have been having a regular sex life. I don't know if you have thought of this, not to hurt you, but to try to make you see that sometimes they are not all we build them up to be, sometimes they are just human (as you say). However, this does not excuse his behaviour toward either you or his BS.

 

I don't know if you are NC, but think that for you to heal you would need to be. His focus is on his wife and his baby, so I imagine you feel left out and alone. I hope you have someone IRL who you can talk to, there may be OW on this board who will have similar experience who will chip in and advise you better.

[dreamingoftigers]

The further away you get, the more holes you will see in his stories.

 

Sorry to say, but those that cheat have their justifications and they aren't honest reasons.

 

Emotional connections don't "just happen." When is the last time you have tried to make a friend even, there are these little introductory bits that take some time and effort before you befriend someone.

 

Letting someone into your bed is much more complex than that.

[lynne76]

Are there stories of success on here? People who have met the love of their life, only to discover that person is married, and then who later go on to heal and meet another love? I just need hope, or something.

[Star_Bright]

Are there stories of success on here? People who have met the love of their life, only to discover that person is married, and then who later go on to heal and meet another love? I just need hope, or something.

 

YES, there are a lot of those success stories on here. Jthorne is one, and Fooled Once. I know there are others as well. I know it's hard to see right now, but you will be fine... even better, being without this cheating MM. You really will be honey.

 

I loved my exMM but I am doing much better without him because the relationship brought me a lot of pain. I loved him, but if I had truly loved myself I never would have been with him. I am working on loving myself. And then I want a real, full relationship. My man and me, and no one else. I know I will get there, and you will too. Hugs.

[whichwayisup]

Are there stories of success on here? People who have met the love of their life, only to discover that person is married, and then who later go on to heal and meet another love? I just need hope, or something.

 

Yes they are maybe 3 or 4 OW on here who ended up with their MM but don't compare your affair to theirs. Their MM swiftly put a plan into action and followed through (actions not words). Your MM doesn't have any intention of ending his marriage, divorcing his wife to be with you. Even more so since his wife is pregnant. Please, don't give yourself hope or wish that "someday" he might choose you.

 

Reality is, he's chosen his wife and soon to be baby over a life with you. Sorry to be blunt and I don't mean to hurt your feelings.

[greengoddess]

She was trying to have his baby before I met him. Then they just gave up, thinking she was infertile. I know he sounds horrible on paper, but people are complicated, lives are complicated, marriage is complicated. He didn't set out to betray her, and I weirdly feel like maybe I taught him how to be close to a woman again, and that's how he ended up getting close with her again. It's confusing.

 

 

 

So he was making love with her while still involved with you and for the sheer pleasure of it, not to make a baby. Don't you see that?

 

You deserve a happy, full life, CUT HIM OUT. Do not put yourself through the pain of seeing them have a child together while you are peeking in the window. Run. No contact with him will lessen the hurt. Go out, buy a great looking outfit, get your haircut and make up done and just go out. Not a club. Walk the mall walk the super market and just notice people and smile with your head help high and look at all the people around and foget this guy. If he was so in love with you he wouldn't still be making love to his wife.

[whichwayisup]

Your other option is, though I doubt it'll end up in your favour if you followed through on it, is to tell his wife the truth. That you love him and have been having an affair with her husband and you want him for yourself. Telling her the truth though might make him yours by "default" not by his choice as there's a good chance she'll kick him out. Or, it might backfire and he'll hate you for telling his wife and he'll beg to keep his marriage, beg for a chance to make it up to his wife.

 

The choice I see you have is to walk away. Unless you want to wait him out and see if he comes back to you so the A will continue again. That is, if you're OK and happy to accept just being the OW in his life so he can stay married and be a father to his child, only see you on his time frame.

[lynne76]

I really do want to break away...and go no contact, all of that. I don't want to mess up his marriage or hurt his chance at being a father. If his wife were to find out, she could possibly leave him and that would break his heart, even more than mine is breaking right now.

 

I knew he was with his wife sexually while we were together, having this affair. I didn't like to picture it, but I knew. Also he is a well-known person and there are often photos of them online, on television, etc., so that has been something I have had to contend with as well. It's been really hard and draining on me, but like I said before...the benefits still nevertheless outweighed the cons, always. He is a good man, I know it sounds crazy for me to say that, but he is. His marriage got pretty complicated with all of the infertility stuff -- I mean, he married her at 40 so in love and so hoping to get started on a family and then nothing happened....it hurt her sense of being a female, his of being a male...I think my involvement with him rehabilited that sense of himself, and also showed him how to treat her like a woman again, too. Maybe that's why they are pregnant now, I don't know. I need to think that something positive has come out of this, if not for me than at least for them.

 

But I am struggling so hard with the idea of never seeing him again, never touching him again, never talking to him again. Even right now it is 2pm where I live and this is the longest we've ever gone since meeting without talking -- the last time we talked was just last night. I just don't know if I can do it, but I need to, I know.

[greengoddess]

I really do want to break away...and go no contact, all of that. I don't want to mess up his marriage or hurt his chance at being a father. If his wife were to find out, she could possibly leave him and that would break his heart, even more than mine is breaking right now.

 

 

She could also lose his baby and this would destroy them both. She will find out if you continue to have contact. Please get out for everyones sake.

[lynne76]

I am trying to get out. I don't want her to lose the baby, she has lost enough of them. I know that he was not mine to keep, even though we often dreamed of having our own baby together. Is there anyone else on this forum who has gone through something similar? Being with a married man and then he is suddenly going to be a father?

 

This is the hardest thing I've gone through and I'm scared I will be 60 years old and still loving him, never being able to overcome it.

[greengoddess]

I am trying to get out. I don't want her to lose the baby, she has lost enough of them. I know that he was not mine to keep, even though we often dreamed of having our own baby together. Is there anyone else on this forum who has gone through something similar? Being with a married man and then he is suddenly going to be a father?

 

This is the hardest thing I've gone through and I'm scared I will be 60 years old and still loving him, never being able to overcome it.

 

 

You can not meet someone new if you don't move on. Your heart will not be open for someone new. The only way is no contact. Honest. If he convinces you to still be friends it is for his selfish reasons not for your well being. You need to heal and you can not do it with him around.

[woinlove]

I am trying to get out. I don't want her to lose the baby, she has lost enough of them. I know that he was not mine to keep, even though we often dreamed of having our own baby together. Is there anyone else on this forum who has gone through something similar? Being with a married man and then he is suddenly going to be a father?

 

This is the hardest thing I've gone through and I'm scared I will be 60 years old and still loving him, never being able to overcome it.

 

If you read the stories here on LS, you will see it is common to feel victimized by emotions surrounding an affair. Perhaps due to the inner conflict affairs cause most people who value honesty, trust, and kindness to others, even if they suppress that conflict.

 

However, in reality, you are the master of your own life, whether it feels that way right now or not. You do not have to end up 60 years old and pining over a man committed to another woman and family. You can decide to move on, rediscover your strength, and then open yourself up to new interests, romantic and otherwise. Or you can decide to continue to pursue this MM despite his other commitments. The choice is yours. It sounds like you have not yet decided what it is you want. Whatever you do, don't suppress those inner conflicts so long that you end up feeling worthless and almost incapable of getting through the days. It does happen. Much too often.

[fooled once]

No. This is where you're wrong. He didn't mean to cheat? For a YEAR? He IS a cheater and he's betrayed his wife whom was trying to have his baby. She was the one going through the emotional ride of hormones for years so they could have a baby together. STop seeing him as the KING who is perfect. I know you think what you have/had with him was special and unique, but if you read other posts here, you'll see how familiar your story sounds on an emotional level like others on here.

 

No, marriage vows means you give up the right to screw other people. Doesn't mean one is dead and can't "look". There's looking and then there's "touching." BIG difference.

 

You can't be friends with him. You know this and he knows this.

 

You WILL find love again when you're ready to and when the timing is right. Unfortunately you fell for someone who could never commit to you or be all yours. He was wrong to let it happen and you were wrong to keep the A going knowing full well he was married. Anyway, sorry you're hurting.. And I do hope you're able to leave him alone and not be in his life. If you stay to be a friend just to be in his life in some small way it'll hurt you and prevent you from moving on, let alone accepting it's over and grieving him.

 

I agree. Honestly, dealing with infertility is a huge huge stressor, for both the man and woman. My dear dear friend has been struggling with this for years and 2 weeks ago, she had a child - FINALLY. She has done charting, shots, IVF and now with a donor egg, she has her child.

 

People make conscious choices to have an affair. It isn't an accident or a whoops. It is a choice. See it for what it was. It was an act of betrayal for him. It was sneaking around. Marriage can be tough. Marriage isn't wine and roses all the time. He sounds incredibly selfish - poor guy, his wife wasn't getting pregnant (and does it matter whose "fault" it was that they were having infertility issues?????) and he needed someone to talk to and he turned to another woman. Sorry, that makes him a coward and a cheater in my eyes. He betrayed his wife's trust. He is a selfish man.

 

 

She was trying to have his baby before I met him. Then they just gave up, thinking she was infertile. I know he sounds horrible on paper, but people are complicated, lives are complicated, marriage is complicated. He didn't set out to betray her, and I weirdly feel like maybe I taught him how to be close to a woman again, and that's how he ended up getting close with her again. It's confusing.

 

I am trying to get myself out of it. Right now, he's trying to be really caring toward me, as he knows how much this out-of-the-blue situation is hurting me. He wants to remain on good terms, but he knows as well that he can't be with me the way he has been now that he is about to be a father, and he knows his wife's pregnancy is high risk, so he needs to be with her, completely. He's a good man, I don't think he's a king...I think he's a good man, who is human like the rest of us. It's not that I am going to his defence, it's just I can see this in the bigger picture. Marriage asks people to never look at another person other than their spouse again...that is a really big thing to live up to, especially when we're all human and we all have attractions to others. He didn't act on his attraction to anyone else prior to me...I think it was just a combination of all the right/wrong ingredients that we found each other like we did. Honestly, it's been really tough and confusing to him, too, and there were times he thought he should tell her or leave her, but it was me telling him to stay with her...the world doesn't need another divorce....but it never stopped my heart from loving him and now I just need advice on how to move on with the rest of my life, with the possiblity that I'll never love anyone again, or even have sex again, and certainly not with him....I'm 34 and intelligent and I've had boyfriends and relationships before, but I've never had the pure love and lust that I've shared with this man. I just don't know what the next move is to get over him...how to not show up to work in pieces from not sleeping the night before.

 

Infertility can truly put a strain on a marriage and sex can become clinical. But it isn't for you to decide that you taught him how to treat a woman. He knew that before you came along It is obvious from your post how much he loves his wife because of what they have been through together. Please, please please - back off and leave him alone. I know you are hurt and possibly jealous, but like you said, he was never yours to begin with.

 

He needs to focus on his wife, not making sure you are okay. His first priority needs to be his wife and their unborn child. Please - tell him to stop contacting you. Set him free.

 

Marriage can be a very beautiful and loving experience. I know you want to excuse what he did - betraying his wife, cheating on her, disrespecting her - and chalk it up to "well, marriage means living in a prison". No - marriage is about two people who love each other and want to spend their lives together. My H and I married in our 30's (2nd marriage for both of us) and we have no children together. We had children from our first marriages. Even though we chose to not have children together doesn't invalidate our marriage.

 

I am confused on something - you talk about how much he loves his wife, blah blah and then you talk about how he loved you so much? How is that? How do you (general you) say you love someone so much and then hurt them by cheating on them? I mean, it is obvious he wasn't faithful to either of you - he slept with his wife, loved his wife and all that when he supposedly loved you and the same thing with his wife - slept with you, told you he loved you, yet never left his wife and actually they are having a baby now, which means sex was happening.

 

You will love again, if you allow yourself. You had a life before him, you will have a life after him. I know you don't think so right now, but you will.

 

Mourn the end of the affair, grieve and then pick yourself up and move forward. There is nothing wrong with being 36 and not married or a parent. You have plenty of time for those things; as long as you don't stay rooted in the affair fog.

 

Lynne,

 

You are still young, plenty of time to have a family, plenty of time to find someone else to love and love you back, but not right now. Getting over anything or anyone takes time, you (general) just get through each day minute by minute, until days pass and the hurt recedes bit by bit.

 

I am going to add that no one who is infertile, just gets pregnant, they will have been having a regular sex life. I don't know if you have thought of this, not to hurt you, but to try to make you see that sometimes they are not all we build them up to be, sometimes they are just human (as you say). However, this does not excuse his behaviour toward either you or his BS.

 

I don't know if you are NC, but think that for you to heal you would need to be. His focus is on his wife and his baby, so I imagine you feel left out and alone. I hope you have someone IRL who you can talk to, there may be OW on this board who will have similar experience who will chip in and advise you better.

 

Great post Seren (as usual).

[RGP]

is there anyone else on this forum who has gone through something similar? Being with a married man and then he is suddenly going to be a father?

 

This is the hardest thing I've gone through and I'm scared I will be 60 years old and still loving him, never being able to overcome it.

 

Not really ready to air my whole story, but yes, I was and am involved with a man who got his wife pregnant. We were broke up when they were trying to work on their marriage, and boom, that month, she got pregnant. Weeks later, he was ready to give up on the marriage and was back talking to me when she found out she was pregnant. I was devastated. He was shocked. We tried to keep distance, and did low contact during her pregnancy, but there were times when we both were weak and we got together. I never gave myself the chance to get over him because of those times we'd talk and get together. Conscious or not I just was in total denial and tried not to think about her and the baby.

 

Our lives cross personally and professionally, so i had to endure hearing how wonderful and happy they were after people visited at the hospital, and just wanted to puke. It made me feel vile about myself. I was so jealous too. That was what I wanted with him- to eventually have a family.

 

All I can say is i didn't get over him, we are together, sometimes things are fantastic between us (when i only focus on him and me). and often when I think about our relationship and how we have to lie and if my friends and family knew I had been involved with the husband of a pregnant woman, I think they would think I was despicable, and I hate me. I don't know about hell but I think I might be a candidate. I don't want you to ever think these terrible things about yourself. That's not why I am posting. I just want you to think about if you might feel like me if you stay and wonder if now makes sense to get out. If not now, it might not be ever. Or at least a long time. And from what i see, it doesn't get easier.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it might help to know you are not alone and there are some out there who know just how complicated and gross this situation feels. If I could go back, I would have gotten help, maybe some counseling, because if I hadn't felt so alone, maybe I would've been able to let him go.

 

Hang in there. Keep posting.

[NoIDidn't]

Hi Lynne

Welcome to LS!

 

 

Infertility is such a hard thing on a couple, especially after spending thousands of dollars on treatments that don't produce what's desperately wanted.

 

I don't know your MM, so I won't call him names or label him a cheater (per se), but I will tell you I think you should consider the A an over and done deal because of this unexpected happening.

 

I've seen couples go through just what you've described, with the A and all, and they've considered it a bump in the road. A pretty massive bump that required new shocks, but a bump nonetheless.

 

You are so young too. Only 34? I'm a little older than you and can tell you that 34 isn't too old to meet someone new, fall in love just as deep (or deeper) and finally start that family that you want. And it doesn't take nearly as long as you think it does. MM have a tendency to make the A feel like it took a lifetime to have the chance to cheat with their soulmate, but truly it only takes a moment to find the love of your life - if your heart is open to it.

 

I'm very sorry for the circumstances you find yourself in. I consider you lucky, though. Imagine how the tables might turn if you were the one that was pregnant and he possibly still turned to his W to fix his marriage and not concentrate on the wanted child with you? MM are balls of confusion, take care of yourself.

[YellowShark]

Hi lynne76,

 

The best way to get some perspective is to put yourself into someone else's shoes. So let's try an exercise.

 

1) Let's say you are his wife and he was having an affair with another woman for over a year. How would you feel about that?

 

Now let's take it one step further.

 

2) Let's say you are his wife and he was having an affair with another woman the entire time you were struggling to get pregnant with him. On one hand he is having sex with you and then he leaves the house and goes to have sex with the OW. How would you feel about that scenario?

 

Take a couple days to process those questions and then decide what kind of man this guy really is.

 

Best of luck.