Hazyhead Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Hi Lynne. If you involve yourself any further with this man, I guarantee, it will get messy. I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling; it sucks. Please do what I didn't - maintain your distance and as much as you can, NC. I hope you find your peace. Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Hi Lynne, hope each day of NC gets easier for you. I have never been an OW, but can imagine that not being with someone you care about hurts. I hope someday soon the hurt has faded and you can move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 How did he go from this nice good married man to taking his clothes off and having sex with anohter woman behind his wife's back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lynne76 Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 I think because he's human and fallible like everyone else. His affair doesn't make him a bad man, it makes him like 70% of married men, or whatever the statistic is. Affairs happen. Love outside of marriage happens. He made a choice to focus on his wife and marriage again, and I'm being supportive by staying out of it. She's wonderful, and their dream of having a baby is finally coming true. I wish I could be in her place, but I can't. Both of them are very lucky to have one another. If I can be even half as lucky someday, to have the kind of marriage they do, I'll be grateful. Link to post Share on other sites
WorldIsYours Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I think because he's human and fallible like everyone else. He is, but he's also an adult who's responsible for his actions. His affair doesn't make him a bad man, What?lol People who have affairs are not good people, ma'am. Affairs happen. Love outside of marriage happens. Affairs don't just "happen" out of the blue, it's a joint effort by two selfish people who choose to engage in highly covert sexual behavior, with one or two betrayed partners in the shadows. Affairs are in no way, love. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 If I can be even half as lucky someday, to have the kind of marriage they do, I'll be grateful. You would like your husband to have an affair and sleep with some other woman? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I think because he's human and fallible like everyone else. His affair doesn't make him a bad man, it makes him like 70% of married men, or whatever the statistic is. Affairs happen. Love outside of marriage happens. He made a choice to focus on his wife and marriage again, and I'm being supportive by staying out of it. She's wonderful, and their dream of having a baby is finally coming true. I wish I could be in her place, but I can't. Both of them are very lucky to have one another. If I can be even half as lucky someday, to have the kind of marriage they do, I'll be grateful. Lynne, what kind of marriage do you believe they have? An honest one? His wife may be wonderful, kind, loving, and she'll probaby be a great mother. BUT the one thing it seems you aren't seeing is this MM (exMM) is NOT perfect, he's far from it. He may not be a 'bad' person, but he certainly is broken inside. He isn't a "good" husband. For him to cheat on his wife with you while they were trying to have a baby, after all the procedures his wife went through, is not nice at all. I understand you can't be totally objective, but atleast take a step back and stop seeing this with rosey glasses on. Stop putting him on the pedistool. Once that baby is born, what are you going to do if he calls you? Maybe his wife won't be up to sex, maybe she'll be with baby more than his liking and he'll feel leftout. Maybe she'll have PPD after the baby is born and he will come to you. What will you do? Point him back home immediately or will you take him back with open arms so the affair can continue? He's selfish! Intentionally he has betrayed and hurt his wife, even though she isn't aware of it. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 You would like your husband to have an affair and sleep with some other woman? I was thinking the same thing. I wish I could be in her place It is a place I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I cannot believe the disconnect of the "good husband" and the "affair man" in this thread. What exactly does one have to do in order to not be a good husband? A good husband is one who is loyal for starters. "love" isn't a convenient justification to cheat on your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I think because he's human and fallible like everyone else. His affair doesn't make him a bad man, it makes him like 70% of married men, or whatever the statistic is. Affairs happen. Love outside of marriage happens. He made a choice to focus on his wife and marriage again, and I'm being supportive by staying out of it. She's wonderful, and their dream of having a baby is finally coming true. I wish I could be in her place, but I can't. Both of them are very lucky to have one another. If I can be even half as lucky someday, to have the kind of marriage they do, I'll be grateful. He isn't lucky he is blessed until she finds out otherwise. And if being with him is lucky for her, then her luck sucks rocks. She might ought to find a rabbit who is willing to loan her a foot. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 He isn't lucky he is blessed until she finds out otherwise. And if being with him is lucky for her, then her luck sucks rocks. She might ought to find a rabbit who is willing to loan her a foot. I think that if she finds out she would prefer a caveman that will loan her a club. He might need the rabbit's foot. Link to post Share on other sites
Goldenspoon Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I was thinking the same thing. It is a place I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Mistress are usually very low, with morals, with expectations, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
mizliz Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Mistress are usually very low, with morals, with expectations, etc. Perhaps, but we are also human. And many of us have learned a hard lesson. Lynne, please start thinking about you. NC is difficult, but you can do it, sweet pea. I'm so proud of you for staying strong - keep it up. ((Lynne)) Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I think Lynne is in a lot of denial as to who this man really is and I gotta wonder if he hasn't been conning her instead of just being the usual mixed up/confused every day MM. Of course it could be my cynical nature but I just have a feeling he is playing her like a well tuned piano. Link to post Share on other sites
mizliz Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I think Lynne is in a lot of denial as to who this man really is and I gotta wonder if he hasn't been conning her instead of just being the usual mixed up/confused every day MM. Of course it could be my cynical nature but I just have a feeling he is playing her like a well tuned piano. That is a lesson she will learn in her own time. If that is what she is meant to learn. Trust your instincts, Lynne. We are here for you, no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 I think because he's human and fallible like everyone else. His affair doesn't make him a bad man, it makes him like 70% of married men, or whatever the statistic is. Affairs happen. Love outside of marriage happens. He made a choice to focus on his wife and marriage again, and I'm being supportive by staying out of it. She's wonderful, and their dream of having a baby is finally coming true. I wish I could be in her place, but I can't. Both of them are very lucky to have one another. If I can be even half as lucky someday, to have the kind of marriage they do, I'll be grateful. As you imply, he didn't have to focus on his wife, marriage or baby -- that is a choice he made. He also made a choice to have an affair. That was his choice - you didn't force him to. You otherwise think highly of him, so give the man credit for being capable of making decisions and taking action. The kind of marriage where one lies and deceives, even while trying to conceive a baby together, is not the kind of marriage most would wish on anyone. I hope you are much luckier than you currently think you should be. There are men who value openness and honesty in their relationships, so don't settle for less than what you want. You deserve a lot more than you give yourself credit for. As for MM and his W, they will be going through a life-changing event and it's impossible to predict how the deception he carries will play out. He has not made it easy for this baby to be born into the kind of stable and loving environment every baby deserves, but maybe he will change. Link to post Share on other sites
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