Eat, Pray, Love....Vomit.

[unsureLP]

I didnt care much for the movie....but my ex saw it so I thought I would watch it in the wake of my breakup...so as to try and understand a bit. She said it got her thinking. I didnt care for it and found it rather predictable. BUT....regarding what you say at the end of your saying here....This was the point of the movie was finding true love again....and to many in the world finding true love is VERY fulfilling. I happen to think life is better, funner, and more exciting with having personal contact and sharing experiences with many people on multiple levels. It makes life more "fulfilling" and exciting to share such things. As for finding someone new....well.....thats a choice. The catch is....are you open minded enough to look/hear/listen for that person when they come along? I will say....it helps one get over the past when you find someone new as you create a new history....memories.

 

But my point is that a journey of self-discovery and healing does need a new love to be a happy story. Of course a new love has its own rewards and benefits, but it shouldn't be the only goal.

[Goldenspoon]

So I watched this movie (or part of it) last night, and I was so disgusted I turned it off.

 

What do you expect? Julia Roberts is a real life mistress who slept with someone's husband and broke up their marriage.

[Woggle]

I love how movies like this portray upper class white women who have very little actual struggle in life as being the most angst filled and put upon people in the world. It makes you wonder what they would do if they actually had to face real life problems. I think some people just enjoy being angsty. I feel bad for her current husband because he doesn't know what he is in for.

[Ajax]

So I watched this movie (or part of it) last night, and I was so disgusted I turned it off. If you haven't read it or seen it, I wouldn't recommend it, and if you have feel free to comment. What bothered me was that what was thinly veiled as a "woman's journey to self discovery" was really just symptomatic of an underlying belief for a lot of people in her situation. Nevermind my commitments, I need to make myself happy regardless, so I'm gonna go Eat, pray, f*ck. No sooner than "god" telling her she has to leave her husband she finds herself in the arms of someone else, only to leave on her trip because he didn't tell her he wanted her to stay (validation anyone?). I know this is hollywood, and a one sided story, but I also know her ex came out with a memoir about what happened, and the publisher dropped it because he refused to provide racy details to "sell books" and he didn't want to sully the marriage. The legal system just reinforces that, which is a form of marital capitalism (everyone for themselves!) and for one to win, someone has to lose. I am not mysoginistic, because I know plenty of people, including women who share my view. Maybe I indentify with the ex husband, and see some parallels to not only my situation but others on here as well. The interesting part is that throughout her "journey", she just ends up back where she started, married to a man (with a prenup btw) that is supposedly the source of her happiness...an outside source. She no longer meditates or does any of the things that helped her "find herself", and they are enjoying their wedded bliss in....New jersey (no offense to East Coasters).

 

Ranting, but maybe something to this. Feel free to tell me I'm completely off base, or discuss to your heart's content.

 

My ex and I actully went to see this movie together. The next day she dumped me. I don't think I can put the sole blame on the movie, but it didn't help, and I'll never watch it again as long as I live.

[dreamingoftigers]

I love how movies like this portray upper class white women who have very little actual struggle in life as being the most angst filled and put upon people in the world. It makes you wonder what they would do if they actually had to face real life problems. I think some people just enjoy being angsty. I feel bad for her current husband because he doesn't know what he is in for.

 

How can he not? Her love life is practically a prophesy! I am shocked, shocked that this current marriage has lasted as long as it has.

[Woggle]

How can he not? Her love life is practically a prophesy! I am shocked, shocked that this current marriage has lasted as long as it has.

 

Chances are he is in love and probably thinks her first husband is all at fault. He is in for a rude awakening when she feels angsty again and needs a man to blame.

[dreamingoftigers]

Chances are he is in love and probably thinks her first husband is all at fault. He is in for a rude awakening when she feels angsty again and needs a man to blame.

 

Are ALL of the other guys to blame as well?

[Woggle]

Are ALL of the other guys to blame as well?

 

Yes they are. She is a poor little victim being oppressed by the horrible men.

[Star Gazer]

I get really annoyed when people judge a book by (the back of its) cover.

 

Way to escape responsibility. Maybe if she did some self-discovery while not leaving her marriage she might have been poorer for not having the book deal, but maybe her marriage might not have failed.

 

Depending on a marriage to provide you with happiness is like expecting your children to feed you and expecting them to feel joyful about it.

 

You are supposed to feed your marriage and then feel joy from the fact that you give in and receive from your partner.

 

She did PLENTY of introspection before she left her emotionally unfulfilled marriage with a man who wanted different things (kids) than she did.

 

Further, how could she have "fed her marriage" when she was so emotionally and spiritually empty that she had nothing to offer as sustenance but air?

[Star Gazer]

My girlfriend gave me the book and I read it. Out of curiosity, we rented the vid and watched it.

 

I really wondered how they would pack all of the info/emo Gilbert wrote into a movie. They didn't. It was a superficial white-wash of a book that frankly, surprised me with its content. And while I can't defend what she did to her ex, there was a lot of guilt and grief concerning him that wasn't covered in the movie. Julia Roberts is a talented actress...her 'vibe' towards her STBX in the movie was chilling to witness. Of course, he was portrayed as a controlling slimeball in the film, but Gilbert did not describe him that way in the book. Poetic license? More like the almighty buck.

 

If you can stomach the first chapters, it's worth reading. The movie will disappear, thankfully.

 

Yup, yup, yup.

[dreamingoftigers]

I get really annoyed when people judge a book by (the back of its) cover.

 

I actually have found this to be an amazingly good way to judge books, perhaps because the publishers put a little bit of different thought over who they are marketing the book to and how.

 

She did PLENTY of introspection before she left her emotionally unfulfilled marriage with a man who wanted different things (kids) than she did.

 

You would logically think that the choice over children would be discussed before marriage. Again, the marriage wasn't supposed to feed her spirit, it was supposed to be the other way around.

 

Further, how could she have "fed her marriage" when she was so emotionally and spiritually empty that she had nothing to offer as sustenance but air?

 

By feeding herself spiritually and emotionally first. It's a tough adjustment but adulthood requires it, marriage even more.

 

You give yourself time, space, healing and social contact with others. You find meaning and purpose in your life and then you behave towards your spouse reflecting that loving and kindness.

 

I have not been perfect at these things (far from it) but over the last 3 months I had started to alter the structure of my behaviour to reflect these things and even small changes move mountains.

 

Spouses are not objects to be thrown away as soon as they don't match the decor. If you invested in a spouse that doesn't match the decor, invest in new decor.

[Star Gazer]

By feeding herself spiritually and emotionally...

 

Which is exactly what she sought out.

 

Are you suggesting she remain an unhappy spouse and therefore a horrible partner to her husband? Why would that have been good for HIM?

 

Is it a good thing when one spouse is miserable and the other is willfully blind towards the other's misery?

 

I guess you believe divorce is never an option?

 

But really, I strongly suggest you actually READ THE BOOK, not just it's cover, before attacking its contents. You're reaching conclusions that aren't supported at all by the book.

[dreamingoftigers]

Which is exactly what she sought out.

 

After the fact.

 

Are you suggesting she remain an unhappy spouse and therefore a horrible partner to her husband? Why would that have been good for HIM?

 

She couldn't figure out how to make herself happy? Were flights not leaving to Italy that month. Did she take the US Air Divorce Find Yourself Special? You know what? I really don't want to read the damn book, but I will read it.

 

Is it a good thing when one spouse is miserable and the other is willfully blind towards the other's misery?

 

No, it's not. That's why you get your big girl panties on and try out all of the options. "I am not happy" means "I couldn't have cared enough to drag my ass to some counseling and figure **** out, it's your fault."

 

I guess you believe divorce is never an option?

 

I believe it to be a last resort, and I stand by that.

 

But really, I strongly suggest you actually READ THE BOOK, not just it's cover, before attacking its contents. You're reaching conclusions that aren't supported at all by the book.

 

Will read it fine.

[dreamingoftigers]

Will read it fine.

 

You should know though that I read The Bridges of Madison County and hated it with a passion and all of their stupid justifying.

[Steadfast]

Are you suggesting she remain an unhappy spouse and therefore a horrible partner to her husband? Why would that have been good for HIM?

 

For the record, I don't condone, nor am I entertained by any justification for breaking a promise. And no matter how you slice it, that is exactly what she did. It isn't noble and it isn't enlightening, no matter how exaggerated the journey or the amount of her 'personal suffering.'

 

The bottom line? She thought (for whatever misguided reason) she wanted a life and a family with this man. She thought she wanted the house full of kids. Instead, she's curled up on the bathroom floor wailing to God because now, she realizes she doesn't. His crime? Loving her and working to provide the things she told him she wanted. Tell me; how is this is noble or just?

 

The thing is, it does happen and she wrote it down. I maintain her mistake (and the mistake of many, many others) is getting married for all the wrong reasons. If you do it for any other reason than what's truly in your heart, then you're not only cheating yourself, but you're making yourself into a cheater. Punishing the innocent is the usual outcome, and the forum is full of people like that. The response therefore, is understandable.

 

But really, I strongly suggest you actually READ THE BOOK, not just it's cover, before attacking its contents. You're reaching conclusions that aren't supported at all by the book.

 

I agree. See, the thing that the movie didn't include is her realization that she totally screwed this man over. She knew it, and because of that she feared if she could, or was even worthy of love. The 'happy ending' came for her, but it isn't my place to say if she deserved it or not. How long should someone suffer for being cruel and stupid? I honestly don't know. I'm on the other side of the fence. So, book: OK. Movie: blah.

[Woggle]

I think this is one of those things that is divided by gender. Women will identify with the author and men will identify with her husband. Every divorced man knows exactly what he went through.

[BlindRage]

Oh I'm a huge movie buff -probably seen most films- but not even the cover of that one aroused my interest. It looks silly, don't worry OP, I don't think I'll ever be bored enough to want to watch that.

[Star Gazer]

Women will identify with the author and men will identify with her husband. Every divorced man knows exactly what he went through.

 

Not so. That assumes no divorced man ever left his wife or initiated divorce.

[Woggle]

Not so. That assumes no divorced man ever left his wife or initiated divorce.

 

About 20 to 25 percent do but the other 75 percent know what he went through.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think this is one of those things that is divided by gender. Women will identify with the author and men will identify with her husband. Every divorced man knows exactly what he went through.

 

I don't have a penis or testicles and I think the premise is a crock.

But maybe if I read it all if the justifications will magically warm my heart and I can be more stereotypical.

 

I do think that more women fall into the "we just aren't in love anymore [because he hasn't given me a backrub in two weeks]" syndrome.

 

And the "I don't feel like being here anymore" syndrome.

 

What is neglected is that the wife dies not often realize by nagging and saying broad, sweeping statements to a guy that they are more likely to shut down then change anything. So women assume they have "tried everything" when really they have tried a thousand different ways to SAY the same thing.

[Woggle]

I don't have a penis or testicles and I think the premise is a crock.

But maybe if I read it all if the justifications will magically warm my heart and I can be more stereotypical.

 

I do think that more women fall into the "we just aren't in love anymore [because he hasn't given me a backrub in two weeks]" syndrome.

 

And the "I don't feel like being here anymore" syndrome.

 

What is neglected is that the wife dies not often realize by nagging and saying broad, sweeping statements to a guy that they are more likely to shut down then change anything. So women assume they have "tried everything" when really they have tried a thousand different ways to SAY the same thing.

 

Of course there are some exceptions but I think that are more likely to gag at something like this than women are.

[dreamingoftigers]

I wonder how the world would have viewed it if it was a man who decided that he didn't want kids so he chucks his wife and goes on a spiritual journey.

 

I think that it wouldn't be looked down on, I think it wouldn't be looked highly upon either. I think that they would just wonder if he went a little mad with the 'spiritual journey' part.

 

Of course they would know he was crazy when he ended up in New Jersey. ( okay, okay, last one sorry).

[Woggle]

I wonder how the world would have viewed it if it was a man who decided that he didn't want kids so he chucks his wife and goes on a spiritual journey.

 

I think that it wouldn't be looked down on, I think it wouldn't be looked highly upon either. I think that they would just wonder if he went a little mad with the 'spiritual journey' part.

 

Of course they would know he was crazy when he ended up in New Jersey. ( okay, okay, last one sorry).

 

Of course he would be looked down on. Watch movies like First Wives Club and Waiting to Exhale and women like this are the scum of the earth. She set his clothes on fire in his car in Waiting to Exhale and the audience cheered but switch the genders and it is considered the journey of a lifetime. There is a whole cottage industry of movies, books and things like that where men are horrible brutes and women are poor put upon victims no matter what the facts are.

[dreamingoftigers]

I never saw Waiting to Exhale.

 

I thought First Wives Club was funny at the time, I think I was a teen when it came out. Weren't the guys all real pieces of work though? Like all of them cheating and stuff? I don't think they would gain much sympathy or humor if the guys were divorcing them because she cheated on him with Rico the poolboy or one of them liked to throw beer cans at this nuts or whatever.

 

But.... I do agree that movies tend to have the fantasy element of the revenge on the male ex factor. I think that the revenge against the female factor in movies is the lead male hooking up with a nice-type girl who is really attractive to get away from crazy controlling ex. Often the revenge against the man movies don't have the girl getting a brand new model of guy, they have her getting angry and "standing up for herself."

 

It seems like people live more and more like they are on tv as time goes on. It is such a weird thing to see (I don't watch tv at all anymore and you start to see how what people are watching really can easily correlate to how they behave, makes sense though). I wonder how many women are going to up and leave their husbands to race off to Italy and Bali now because the "movie inspired them to change their lives."

[Woggle]

I wonder how many women are going to up and leave their husbands to race off to Italy and Bali now because the "movie inspired them to change their lives."

 

I bet this book and movie has caused a good number of divorces. I also feel bad for the people of Italy and Bali and I hope they make as much money as possible from these women with tourist traps.

 

The only somewhat pro-male movie I saw The Hangover. There is one character who is engaged to an abusive woman who controls his every move despite he fact that she cheated on him on a cruise. He goes off to Vegas for a bachelor party and gains his self respect in the craziness causing him to dump her in the end. It was a surprising to see a woman outright portrayed as the bad guy.