Content Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 DIRTY WHORE! j/k Dont worry about stupid labels I will say depending on what you want out of this be careful before u declare this guy the best thing ever 2 women i know were infatuated with guys they met last summer claimed they were the one got their hops up and the guys did seem like decent guys,one cheated on one of the girls,the other one had a kid with her left her and is claiming its not his when we all know it is Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) Seriously, I say wait. I appreciate it when a girl shows a boundary so to speak. If he is truly as fine as he seems, he will understand. Just don't offer NSA sex to some other bloke--that's messed up on so many levels and would be a slap in the face to your main squeeze. Edited March 23, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Seriously, I say wait. I appreciate it when a girl shows a boundary so to speak. If he is truly as fine as he seems, he will understand. Just don't offer NSA sex to some other bloke--that's messed up on so many levels and would be a slap in the face to your main squeeze. Brutal honesty? I have never had NSA sex, FWB or ONS in my life. I think I offered it when I was feeling really low and would have never gone through with it. Then the guy rejected it and I started analyzing it for purely academic reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilmisus Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I think it's best to wait, like most everyone else said. Most guys I know lose respect for girls who they think will willingly sleep with any guy who asks or takes her out on a few dates. Most guys like to feel just as special as girls do when it comes to relationships, and if you make him work for it and wait for it a little longer than just three dates or a week, then I think his respect for you will be much higher. Especially since you are interested in having a relationship with him. I agree with those who said to wait until you are exclusive. Not only will you know him on a better level, but I think to wait till then would be a great treat for both of you and let him know that you really are serious about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) Brutal honesty? I have never had NSA sex, FWB or ONS in my life. I think I offered it when I was feeling really low and would have never gone through with it. Then the guy rejected it and I started analyzing it for purely academic reasons. Nevermind... Edited March 23, 2011 by Imajerk17 Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 How old are you? If you were really born in 1974, why do you care about this teenager crap? If he's the kind of guy who respects you less and wants nothing more of you after having sex with you, nothing is lost, and it's probably better you found out after only a few days. That's how I feel about it, too. I just refuse to play the 'if I don't wait until date whatever I'm slutty' game. If I guy loses respect over having sex, it's really not my loss. Maybe it's a cultural thing and I just don't understand the dynamics of dating in the US, but I find this whole discourse a bit ridiculous. So if I were the OP, I'd just go for it when I feel it's right for me/us and not according to some externally set timeline. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Get into a friends with benefits situation. Or join adultfriendfinder. You shouldn't play with a guy's head like that. If he wants more, and finds out you just want sex, then he'll be incredibly disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Seriously, I say wait. I appreciate it when a girl shows a boundary so to speak. If he is truly as fine as he seems, he will understand. Just don't offer NSA sex to some other bloke--that's messed up on so many levels and would be a slap in the face to your main squeeze. Thank you for the advice. I truly appreciate it. I hope you have a lovely day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 He really doesn't seem like he's just into sex. I've actually asked him if this is the case and he's said he likes me for my mind etc etc. He also asked me if I was just looking for a f-ck buddy or someone to give my heart to - I told him the latter. He's a darling, but I appreciate all the advice to wait. I think it's a good plan - not for manipulation, but just to make sure I really like him, and for a lot of the other reasons some of you mentioned. At LEAST 3 weeks. Hopefully I can hold out longer. I've asked him to slow down a bit. But the chemistry is so hot, and I must be at the height of my sexual peak or something because uh it's difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 From everything you wrote about this guy, he sounds like a classic "hit and run". Hopefully I am wrong Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Personally, I have found the whole holding-off-in-order (to not appear cheap / to appear sensitive and thoughtful) to be tedious and fake and, in all cases, frustrating for both parties and driven by unwarranted fear. It's just sex. You want it, he wants it, you want it with him, he wants it with you ... I'm seeing a happy coincidence of two people wanting to have some fun together. It doesn't make you married or anything. It's a way to communicate and get to know each other a bit more. It's also lots and lots of fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I don't see a problem with having sex right away if you like each other and both genuinely want a relationship. Unfortunately I don't trust my own judgement on that score - a couple times I've been burned by guys who acted like they wanted a relationship and totally fooled me, then dumped me after we had sex. So now I hold back for a good while (at least a few months) so I can be sure of the guy's intentions. I knew my current boyfriend as a friend for a whole year before we dated, so I was pretty sure that he was genuine, and we were in bed together on the first date. But I wouldn't have got physically involved with someone else so quickly; my lower limit would usually be 3-4 months. It all depends how well you know this guy and how much you feel you can trust him. Of course, if you don't mind having sex with no strings attached then feel free to ignore this advice entirely Link to post Share on other sites
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 From everything you wrote about this guy, he sounds like a classic "hit and run". Hopefully I am wrong Really? Are you just referring to the texting stuff? I talked to him about it and he's stopped. In fact, I kind of wish he would text me more. If what you said is true, then why would his friend's girlfriend tell me I'm the first girl she's ever seen him with and why would he go around introducing me to his friends and office mates? Our date yesterday would have involved no kissing if I had not initiated it. We went for a lovely lunch and beer outside and walked around downtown a bit talking. It was a beautiful spring day. I like to think the best of people though, that's one of my faults. I do have another guy I'm going out with on Saturday, so not all my eggs are in this basket. I don't think I can handle multi-dating, but I think I can handle two options. "Hit and run" sounds awful. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I don't see a problem with having sex right away if you like each other and both genuinely want a relationship. Unfortunately I don't trust my own judgement on that score - a couple times I've been burned by guys who acted like they wanted a relationship and totally fooled me, then dumped me after we had sex. So now I hold back for a good while (at least a few months) so I can be sure of the guy's intentions. Just speaking from experience. The bolded has also happened to me. My radar for BS is set on high, and some guys had me completely fooled. And yes, lots of sexual texting after date 1 is a red flag. He could have stopped because he knows you don't like it and he doesn't want to ruin his "game". Link to post Share on other sites
Macaw Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I'm loving that nearly all the female advice being given here is to make him wait a couple of months. That is so, so wrong. Men can tell when their lady is playing games with them. It's easy to know how well your body is responding to his and tell how much you want it too. If you keep stalling him with excuses and he's not an insecure guy (one who might think "I'll never meet another great woman like you again, so I'll just play your games and see where it goes") he might simply disappear before your time is up. Those of us who have been at the dating scene long enough have a close to or downright zero tolerance for BS policy. Nobody of either sex wants to be in a long term relationship with a player or a user, and mind/social games are the biggest red flag for both types. Long story short, if you want it, he has already taken notice, might as well do it and enjoy. PS: In the off-chance he is just using you, what would you rather do - stall him with a couple months of your time so he ups and quits and gets nothing or - get some fun yourself and don't waste the next few weeks of your life on someone that isn't worth it? I don't know about you, but I value my time quite highly. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Do it as soon as you feel like it. It's true that some guys will lose interest with a girl if they have sex too soon. Have you ever wondered why they will screw the girl and THEN ditch her, instead of dismissing her once it's obvious she's willing to have sex sooner than they think is classy? Clearly claiming the slut factor is just hypocrisy. It's about insecurity and revenge. Women get to choose when sex happens, then there's generally a power shift and the guy gets to choose whether to continue dating her or not. A lot of insecure guys don't like not having the power to choose when sex happens. They feel emasculated. They have done since they were teenagers. They build up anger and resentment inside, and take it out on girls by sleeping with them and then rejecting them. It feeds their ego and sense of power to know that they were the ones choosing and in control. Doing it after the act for maximum effect, when they can be almost certain the girl wants to see them again and will feel bad if rejected. It's the behaviour of angry insecure boys, not confident men. Waiting longer to sleep with a guy only makes it harder for you to use this knowledge to filter him out for being an insecure waste of space. Because sooner or later, his flaws and prejudices will come to the surface and you won't like them. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I'm loving that nearly all the female advice being given here is to make him wait a couple of months. That is so, so wrong. Good post. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 The other possibility is that he is just completely clueless when it comes to dating. I am the pessimist though. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Having thought about this over coffee here's my not-very-valuable thought... If guys fell in to just 2 categories, "just want sex" and "want LTR", then it might make sense to hold off on sex for some artificial time duration or number of dates (beyond the point where you decided that you want sex with the guy) to filter out the "just want sex" guys so that by the time you have sex you hope that it's with a "want LTR" guy. Unfortunately there are guys out there who "want LTR with sex" who get filtered out by that strategy because they either get impatient or think that you're messing them about or that you aren't as interested as they hoped you would be, or they had other options. By all means wait until it's an exclusive relationship if you think that's a good idea, as there could be benefits to that, but perhaps that's less about waiting and more about initiating since either party can start that conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 If guys fell in to just 2 categories, "just want sex" and "want LTR", then it might make sense to hold off on sex for some artificial time duration or number of dates (beyond the point where you decided that you want sex with the guy) to filter out the "just want sex" guys so that by the time you have sex you hope that it's with a "want LTR" guy. Unfortunately there are guys out there who "want LTR with sex" who get filtered out by that strategy because they either get impatient or think that you're messing them about or that you aren't as interested as they hoped you would be, or they had other options. Imo it's worth losing the "want LTR with sex" guys in order to guard against being used by a "just want sex" guy. A decent man who cares about me would understand why I want to wait a while. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 This is not going to end well. . . . We'll be here for you, Lemonade! Link to post Share on other sites
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 This is not going to end well. . . . We'll be here for you, Lemonade! EasyHeart, for ciol I'm not a f-ing child. I just act like one sometimes. I'm perfectly able to handle this. Jeesh, you're such an optimist. I appreciate the happy, positive thoughts. Now go jump in the river. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 EasyHeart, for ciol I'm not a f-ing child. I just act like one sometimes. I'm perfectly able to handle this. Jeesh, you're such an optimist. I appreciate the happy, positive thoughts. Now go jump in the river. ZOMG, I am looking ot my window at the Mississippi and it still has big chunks of ice in it! I will probably freeze to death, but I will jump in it --- for you. Now go out there and get you sum luhvinz!!!! (And hand me a towel, would you? Brrrrr!) Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 He really doesn't seem like he's just into sex. I've actually asked him if this is the case and he's said he likes me for my mind etc etc. He also asked me if I was just looking for a f-ck buddy or someone to give my heart to - I told him the latter. He's a darling, but I appreciate all the advice to wait. I think it's a good plan - not for manipulation, but just to make sure I really like him, and for a lot of the other reasons some of you mentioned. At LEAST 3 weeks. Hopefully I can hold out longer. I've asked him to slow down a bit. But the chemistry is so hot, and I must be at the height of my sexual peak or something because uh it's difficult. I have come on strong and said things like that ("I like you for your mind") and I even truly meant it. The girls in question were all great people. But I still lost interest (and felt really bad about it) if sex was given too quickly. That was not cool on my part but I am being honest with you here. Use as you see fit. Link to post Share on other sites
USCGAviator Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 At least 3 weeks. I would love to find a woman that waited that long for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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