Guys - third date sex makes a girl slutty? Timeline?

[Kelemort]

My policy was always that if something went wrong, it better be with somebody I know well enough and whom I've been with long enough that we could make the best of it (in this example, I'm talking pregnancy). For me personally? 9 - 12 months minimum before I'd sleep with somebody, and not just because I don't want to look "easy" or something like that.

 

Although maybe the fact that I was able to wait 9 - 12 months without any badgering should've clued me into the fact that years later I'd be begging my significant other for sexual contact.

 

Okay, so whatever the rest of them said - a month to three months or something. Hahahaha.

[blackmagik]

9 - 12 months minimum before I'd sleep with somebody, and not just because I don't want to look "easy" or something like that.

 

Okay, so whatever the rest of them said - a month to three months or something. Hahahaha.

 

I was going to say 9-12 months any guy would probably ditch out unless there was a religious or medical condition that was limiting the sex. 1-3 months is a good number though. Agreed.

[Darren Taylor]

9-12 months? No chance, I'd be gone. I completely support waiting for exclusivity, maybe say a month or two. But almost a year? I've always been a supporter of waiting, but no guy is waiting THAT long.

[Kelemort]

In my situation, it was the first time for me.

 

In the future, I'd probably be a little quicker, but not by much.

[jane100]

DarrenTaylor, you can't wait a month, and you've already decided?

 

How old are you?

 

14?

 

12?

 

For men, I think this is a bogus debate, and they know it in their hearts (unless they have the mental age of 14).

[Mr.Cairo]

I know many happy couples in their 20s (my age) who are married and just starting families. I've also known many happy couples my parentsI' and grandparents ages. I think it's pretty fallacious to assume they aren't happy behind closed doors without any evidence. You seem extremely biased in your views and will accept nothing that is not exactly how your worldview allows it for some reason.

 

And what does having no debt have to do with being self-centered? That's pretty silly. You do sound somewhat self-centered----your life is all about you and you want to keep it that way. Some people choose that. It seems pretty slight to me, but to each their own. It's just silly to act like you are somehow repressed or that everyone who doesn't do things the way you do just hasn't seen the possibilities.

 

 

That's the problem. They are happy. Now. They are marrying and starting families. Which means that now they belong to the state. You probably know that the divorce industry brings an enormous revenue every year.

 

Marriage and having children are going to be very pricey and very damaging 'barriers'. Instead of ending the relationship without any negative consequences, the people who marry are going to have to suffer. And the children will be victims of this too. The only good thing about marriage is that the children won't be so interested in getting married when they grow up.

 

Maybe one of them doesn't want a divorce. Maybe the other cheated. The possibilities are endless and isn't it known that the younger a person marries, the higher the chance of ending in a divorce?

 

And what are the reasons for the marriage? I remember a moderator from another relationships forum tell a woman who was curious about men's intentions regarding marriage and she was told that 90% of teenager boys want to get married.

 

Hm, somehow I think that Society is spreading the idea that by marrying a man has instant access to sex and a steady supply of it.

 

Expecting sex from a wife or a girlfriend is to go against her value as a human being. It cheapens her and shows that if they could have sex without being 'committed' to a woman, they'd do it.

 

Why can't they have sex without 'commitment'? They were raised by society and by their parents to be the proper little soldiers, to fill up those traditional roles and to keep on sustaining this society.

 

I know that in years to come many of those guys and gals marrying now in their 20's(or 30's or 40's) are going to go through an amazing amount of trouble and problems because of making a decision on something that is as temporary as a chemical high.

 

I do get the 'devotion' that comes after the love stage but that's a friendship and the divorce forum is filled with 'I love you, but I don't love you anymore ' from women and 'I reconnected to my high school girlfriend when i discovered her facebook'.

 

Heck, I've even heard psychologists saying that they're having 18 year old clients with lack of sexual interest for their partners, that after being crazy for the guy or the gal, they are now completely indifferent.

 

We can turn around the age and put 40 years in it. People with common interests usually turn out with bad deals in their hands since people are always changing.

 

Prenups can be made void. Living with a woman or a man for more than 2 years in most Countries can make you legally married and by being legally married you are easy prey by the state to be explored.

 

In Brazil I think it's 3 months. In Italy the women were complaining that the men their age(30's and educated) aren't interested in sharing bills, having children and in essence becoming another tool of the state.

 

In Germany the women are complaining that men don't want to have children.

 

I think that this whole obsession that people have with 'love', relationships and babies is coming to an end and I suppose that I'm not unique anymore, sigh.

[Mr.Cairo]

My policy was always that if something went wrong, it better be with somebody I know well enough and whom I've been with long enough that we could make the best of it (in this example, I'm talking pregnancy). For me personally? 9 - 12 months minimum before I'd sleep with somebody, and not just because I don't want to look "easy" or something like that.

 

Although maybe the fact that I was able to wait 9 - 12 months without any badgering should've clued me into the fact that years later I'd be begging my significant other for sexual contact.

 

Okay, so whatever the rest of them said - a month to three months or something. Hahahaha.

 

So what's the story? You are not that much sexual? Or are you religious?

 

And what does having no debt have to do with being self-centered? That's pretty silly. You do sound somewhat self-centered----your life is all about you and you want to keep it that way. Some people choose that. It seems pretty slight to me, but to each their own. It's just silly to act like you are somehow repressed or that everyone who doesn't do things the way you do just hasn't seen the possibilities.

 

Having no debt means that I can look around and see that spending money doesn't have that much of a good outcome. If I was self-interested I'd spend the money on whatever suited my fancy at the time without any worry.

 

You do sound somewhat self-centered----your life is all about you and you want to keep it that way. Some people choose that.

 

My life is about happiness. And what makes me happy, I go for. I'm not interested in making my life any different from what it is to please or to make someone happy and that's fine, there are so many different types of people out there.

''. It seems pretty slight to me,''

 

As your intention in getting married and having children is to me.

 

It's just silly to act like you are somehow repressed or that everyone who doesn't do things the way you do just hasn't seen the possibilities.[/

 

Well, if they've never tried my lifestyle they've never seen the possibilities.

Edited March 25, 2011 by Mr.Cairo

[zengirl]

Having no debt means that I can look around and see that spending money doesn't have that much of a good outcome. If I was self-interested I'd spend the money on whatever suited my fancy at the time without any worry.

 

That's not true. You choose to be without debt for your own self-interest. In that way, you and I are similar. (I am also without debt, but I'd never suggest it as proof I was not selfish or self-interested.)

 

My life is about happiness. And what makes me happy, I go for. I'm not interested in making my life any different from what it is to please or to make someone happy and that's fine, there are so many different types of people out there.

 

That's fine, but it all operates from the perspective of self-interest. My life is about happiness too----but I derive my happiness by nurturing my connections with others, sometimes at the sacrifice of my immediate happiness and desires for longterm happiness and desires. That's how I've learned to be consistently happy. Yours sounds to me a very fleeting, youthful, unsustainable sort of happiness (and I don't mean that everyone who doesn't get married is that way---just you from the way you talk), though I hope it does not turn out to be.

 

 

Well, if they've never tried my lifestyle they've never seen the possibilities.

 

They may have seen them and passed. Did you have to go into debt to know you didn't want to be in debt? Do you have to go to medical school to know you don't want to be a doctor? Plenty of people have passed on the life you've chosen AND seen the possibility at the same time. They just didn't find it appealing.

 

You are hopelessly biased against anything other than your own lifestyle.

 

As far as your post about divorce rates, for couples that are college educated, marry after 25 (first marriage), have a decent income (50K household), and choose to have kids after marriage, divorce rates are under 10%. It's not that marriage never works. It's that it doesn't work if it's done wrong. Statistics can also almost always show us whose marriages will fail, with a rare oddity here and there. When people speak to divorce rates on this board, that's rarely noted. I am aware there are exceptions, of course, and I'm sure it's crushing if you're one of them. But it's like saying a TV doesn't work if you fail to pay your electric. The TV worked fine. Marriage isn't the problem. The problem is the way some people choose to use it and the other factors.

[Woggle]

Both my wife and I married over 25, are college educated and have good incomes though I am on my second marriage so maybe our odds are good.

[zengirl]

Both my wife and I married over 25, are college educated and have good incomes though I am on my second marriage so maybe our odds are good.

 

The second marriage dings it, but oddly a bride who has been married before dings it statistically more than a groom. So there's that. But, really, I think you and your wife have good odds, and you can see why your 1st marriage is a statistical 'ding' (the psychological effect it has on you is likely one of the challenges in your otherwise good marriage). It's well within your power to overcome that, I'd think, if you choose since this time around you seem to have picked a woman you love and respect.

[mizliz]

I think that this whole obsession that people have with 'love', relationships and babies is coming to an end and I suppose that I'm not unique anymore, sigh.

 

You have a tendancy to end your posts with very provacative statements. Indulge me, please?

[makelemonade1974]

Update: I dumped him. He's lame. And flaky. Hot and cold.

 

I'm learning about this match stuff. I have a promising date Saturday with a much hotter guy who rock climbs (I'm really into climbing). So lalala

 

AND I had skype sex tonight with my ex-boyfriend this evening (we're friends and he lives in another state), so technically I sort of got laid. Sexual tension released.

[Imajerk17]

Update: I dumped him. He's lame. And flaky. Hot and cold.

 

I'm learning about this match stuff. I have a promising date Saturday with a much hotter guy who rock climbs (I'm really into climbing). So lalala

 

AND I had skype sex tonight with my ex-boyfriend this evening (we're friends and he lives in another state), so technically I sort of got laid. Sexual tension released.

 

Wow. That was fast... 60-0.

 

Rock climbers have really strong fingers. Something to keep in mind.

[mizliz]

Update: I dumped him. He's lame. And flaky. Hot and cold.

 

I'm learning about this match stuff. I have a promising date Saturday with a much hotter guy who rock climbs (I'm really into climbing). So lalala

 

AND I had skype sex tonight with my ex-boyfriend this evening (we're friends and he lives in another state), so technically I sort of got laid. Sexual tension released.

 

What happened? tell...

[blackmagik]

Little did he know he was going to get his bones jumped. Reasons why you wait. Proves my point he was just in it to get laid. You held out and he flaked out.

[oaks]

I have a promising date Saturday with a much hotter guy who rock climbs (I'm really into climbing).

 

That sounds good. Rock climbing can be a great way to build trust with someone, too. Plus, it's fun.

 

Also, girls who climb seriously have great bodies.

[SmileFace]

Update: I dumped him. He's lame. And flaky. Hot and cold.

 

I'm learning about this match stuff. I have a promising date Saturday with a much hotter guy who rock climbs (I'm really into climbing). So lalala

 

AND I had skype sex tonight with my ex-boyfriend this evening (we're friends and he lives in another state), so technically I sort of got laid. Sexual tension released.

Please tell me 1974 does not reflect your birth year.........

[Eternal Sunshine]

This is not surprising.

 

Beware of guys that come on too strong after date 1.

[mr.dream merchant]

Online dating seems to be sort of a Harem for single women and more of a search for the Holy Grail, if you will, for men.

[tigressA]

This is not surprising.

 

Beware of guys that come on too strong after date 1.

 

Yep. We both called it...at least she can say she was the one to end it rather than the other way 'round.

[Kelemort]

I'm not religious - quite the opposite, I'm an atheist. I just don't believe in bedding anything that walks my way or anything that will bed me from the get-go. Not that I'm a super-romantic, but I wanted my first time to be more than an awkward romp with somebody entirely forgettable.

 

Instead, it was just an awkward romp that was entirely forgettable.

 

I accept that others have their own values when it comes to sex, but I think that mine have (generally) served me well. I'd probably never sleep with someone less than 6 months in, let alone 3. If they're tailing out of the relationship that quickly because they want some, I probably made a good choice for myself. Sex is a priority to me, but it's not in my top 3 for a life partner. I accept that it is for others - I just wouldn't be interested in dating someone who values it that much.

 

Of course, I hope they badger along the way. It's the lack of badgering through all of that time that really gets me.

[Mr.Cairo]

You have a tendancy to end your posts with very provacative statements. Indulge me, please?

 

What's in it for me? haha, reach your own conclusions, that's what this forum is for, right? We express ourselves and people pick what they can relate to.

[musemaj11]

I'm not religious - quite the opposite, I'm an atheist. I just don't believe in bedding anything that walks my way or anything that will bed me from the get-go. Not that I'm a super-romantic, but I wanted my first time to be more than an awkward romp with somebody entirely forgettable.

 

Instead, it was just an awkward romp that was entirely forgettable.

 

I accept that others have their own values when it comes to sex, but I think that mine have (generally) served me well. I'd probably never sleep with someone less than 6 months in, let alone 3. If they're tailing out of the relationship that quickly because they want some, I probably made a good choice for myself. Sex is a priority to me, but it's not in my top 3 for a life partner. I accept that it is for others - I just wouldn't be interested in dating someone who values it that much.

 

Of course, I hope they badger along the way. It's the lack of badgering through all of that time that really gets me.

You complained about your bf never wanting sex in another thread. I assume you made him wait for six months. What do you think the reason he could wait that long? Your selection process ensures that you are only going to get 'eunuchs'.

 

Honestly my sex drive is on the lower side, but still I wont be able to wait for six months and even most women wont be able to wait that long either. The only reason I would wait for a woman for six months is if I felt strong emotional connection toward her but very little physical attraction.

Edited March 26, 2011 by musemaj11

[mizliz]

What's in it for me? haha, reach your own conclusions, that's what this forum is for, right? We express ourselves and people pick what they can relate to.

 

Oh well, seemed relevant at the time. Peace.

 

Liz

[Nexus One]

Update: I dumped him. He's lame. And flaky. Hot and cold.

 

I'm learning about this match stuff. I have a promising date Saturday with a much hotter guy who rock climbs (I'm really into climbing). So lalala

 

AND I had skype sex tonight with my ex-boyfriend this evening (we're friends and he lives in another state), so technically I sort of got laid. Sexual tension released.

 

That's a lot of guys in a very short period of time. If I would find out that my date had sex with another guy one day before we went on the date, she would never see me again. I just don't take sh*t like that.