To my MM and his W, my ugly truth...

[findingnemo]

I've gone back about 50 pages or so on this forum since I joined and noticed that most posts are along the same themes. I knew that I was feeling uncomfortable reading all of them but couldn't figure out why. I just realized that I'm pi$$ed. Are things really that standard? When someone asks if they will ever find someone else, we say yes but is it so? When they ask if the longing will stop we say yes it will but does it always? I have advised others to move on and to recognize that the A is bad for them. I really meant it. But as much as it is the logical solution that I advocate, in my heart logic seems to have no place. So I want to take this opportunity to say a few things in the context of MY own life.

 

1. I love him - MM. I always have and after all these years, I doubt that this will change. My love is beautiful and I will not accept any idea that says otherwise. Love is just that - love.

 

2. I know right from wrong and I have done everything I could to make things right. I left him. I found my "own" man and got married. But that was a disaster except for my wonderful children. Almost 8 years have passed since I did the "right" thing and yet...I still love him.

 

3. "You will find someone you love" - another standard line. In fact, didn't I just give it to East? WTF??? I don't want to try again with someone new. I don't have the time or the energy to kiss 12 frogs before I get to a "prince". I have children who need a stable mother, I have businesses that don't factor in how I feel today. I can't risk going crazy again forcing myself to "love" someone just so that I can say I have my "own" man. There's no time to go on the Bachelorette for me.

 

4. Be good, be moral. That's the ideal, right? Well, being good is killing me. Being moral is making me sick. I am a person of action - when there is a problem, I act. Why didn't I just act when he got married? I couldn't because I believed it to be immoral. That was then, what about now? Why can't I just act? Morality is the problem here, it's breaking my heart - literally. Right now, morality and self-betrayal mean pretty much the same thing to me. In my life's quest to be fair to others, I'm betraying myself. I'm suppressing my needs for what? The greater good?

 

I'm angry and sad and frustrated because MM did something yesterday. He discussed me with his W and told her that he would like to start a business with me. She asked him if he'd "had a thing for me" and he said no. She asked him if he had acted on the "thing" he had for me and he said no again. On the one hand, I'm glad he told her about the business venture although I haven't yet agreed to it. But I'm pi$$ed he lied. Yet, how could he not lie? What exactly was he supposed to say? "Oh darling, I postponed our wedding for a year because I was in love and seeing her. I proposed and she said no and so I married you. 3 years into our M, She and I started an A which she ended out of frustration and we've been talking ever since".

 

MM wants to use me...I'm not talking about s*x. MM wants to be a cake-eater of another kind. He wants me to run a profitable business here for him in which we own 50/50. It took me a while to understand why. I thought at first that perhaps this was something new. But no...As usual, I underestimate myself and forget to factor in my own qualities. MM knows what I can do and how good I am at running businesses. I don't mean to brag - it is a fact. I make money because of my work ethic, my contacts, etc. MM has figured that he can keep me here and her there and gain financially. By telling her about me, he now has a legitimate reason to see me. I can't believe that MM has the nerve to think he can run circles around me like he did all those years ago.

 

I am angry...I have lied to myself for too long. On the surface, I seem to subscribe to all the good values but obviously deep down inside I don't. If I did, I wouldn't still love him. I have suffered far too long continually betraying myself and my needs with all this pretense. All the while, MM gets exactly what he wants. I can't keep doing this anymore - I have to act. It is time that I got what I want too.

 

To his W:

 

I wish I could warn you of the upcoming battle and don't have to ambush you. I guess you won't be totally surprised since you knew that he had a "thing" for and with me before your wedding. What will shock you is the extent to which the "thing" has continued to exist over the years. I can see it clearly now. The conversation you had with your H yesterday is the beginning of hell for you. I really wish I could explain my side of things. But I know what you will say. You will be livid and it wouldn't surprise me if you tried to punch me in the face. You'll tell me that I'm a whore and worthless. That I'm immoral and can't get my own man. Can't I see that he chose you again and again and again over me? Do I think you're so stupid as to let your family get destroyed? Would I? Who do I think I am? Do I know what you've been through together for the last 16 years? You'll tell me that you are his wife and that nothing and nobody will change that. If I were an outsider I would cheer you on. I would tell you to beat the crap out of the usurper. How dare someone come and mess up your life? I would even give you advise on strategy and hope for many more anniversaries for you both.

 

But alas, I'm not an outsider. I'm not a family friend. Au contraire...I'm trouble with a capital T. I have tried for so long to do the right thing and leave well alone. I even started my own family with my own man but this turned out to be a disaster. It was my fault really. I didn't love him. He figured it out - he even figured out who I love and made me pay for it dearly. So who am I to come and cause trouble for you? It is sad that you don't know me or why I'm the way I am. Did you know that your H before he was a h, had a full-blown R with me? Did you know that he postponed your wedding by a year (of course you knew that) because he was in love with me (you didn't know that part, did you)? Did he tell you that he proposed to me and that I said no? Did he tell you that 12 days prior to your wedding he challenged me to stop your wedding by coming back home to him? Who am I? I'm the woman that your H has told consistently for 13 years that he loves her TOO. At every milestone of my life, your H has been there for me emotionally. I agree that you and he are closer than he and I have ever been. We've not been physically involved for the last 8 years. It was a decision on both our parts after I decided to move on. Yes he chose you... again. I actually admire you for that. You have made him a success and for that I am grateful. He looks happy and healthy and I'd be dumb not to acknowledge that you have some comparative advantages. You are legally married, you have his kids and you've been together 12 years. Well you know what, I have loved him for 13 years and was willing to leave him to you. But your H, is like the devil. He just won't let me go. He thinks that he can play games with me because he knows how I feel about him. I can't help it - I have failed to control how I feel and so I've accepted it as a fact. Given that fact, what remains for me to do is to level the playing field. The only real advantage you have is your legal status. This remains an advantage as long as I accept to be kept secret, hidden, an OW. Well...I will NOT allow that to happen. I have nothing against you personally. You just happen to be married to the man that I love and who obviously doesn't know when to stop pushing. I am now forced to fight for that love and in doing so I will either win it or lose it. Whatever the outcome, this emotional circus will come to an end for me.

 

NOTE: It's ugly, isn't it? It's also true. I needed to be open about my decision and my reasons. I know that many will disagree and many may see me as "evil" and I'll respect that as their opinion. I for one don't think that my lot is to suffer perpetually in love with a man who I can't have. WWIU asked me if I really wanted him as he is. I am beyond questioning how I feel about his specific character traits. What I need now is to act and cause a scenario where I get to know him as he really is and then see if my heart still loves him.

[greengoddess]

I think this is your extremely honest feelings and I think you should certfy mail your mm and his wife each their own copy of this letter. It may be painful but it will end this rollercoaster one way or the other. He will either choose to fight for his marriage or he will be relieved she finally knows and he can come to you.

 

 

I don't understand why you let him go before he got married. The man was not married, why didn't you go for it then? Why wait till he's married with a family?

[Happy Finally]

Nemo,

 

Tell us how you really feel.

 

I know you love this man but because you love him you should just let him go. He is driving you crazy and he is using you at the same time (just like you said).

 

The first step to letting him go can be to tell him "No, we will not go into business together". "I am done being your pawn"

 

But you will not do that. Everyone on here that has feelings for a MM or MW knows that you will do everything to allow you to have what you want. You have endured over the last 8 years and you are now fed up.

 

I would be too. But ask yourself this: Are you ready for the battle that is about to begin? Are you ready for the pain? Are you ready for the confrontations, the mess, the hatred?

 

I just hope you are ready. Good luck.

[TigerCub]

I don't think you're "evil" Nemo.

I think you're being very honest.

 

I feel your frustration and your pain.

 

Are you planning on really sending them the letter - or are you writing it here to vent so you don't really send it?

 

I hope you finally find your peace and your happiness

[findingnemo]

I think this is your extremely honest feelings and I think you should certfy mail your mm and his wife each their own copy of this letter. It may be painful but it will end this rollercoaster one way or the other. He will either choose to fight for his marriage or he will be relieved she finally knows and he can come to you.

 

 

I don't understand why you let him go before he got married. The man was not married, why didn't you go for it then? Why wait till he's married with a family?[/QUOTE]

 

I didn't let him go or at least I didn't realize I was letting him go. He was engaged to her and they'd been together for a couple of years. When he proposed to me, he'd seen me for 9 months. I was young (22 yrs old) and wanted to finish school. I also didn't take his proposal seriously although he did. Anyway, I don't regret that for I was right. What I do regret was not stopping that wedding or trying to when I had the chance. Why? I was scared and not mature enough to know that what I felt was the real deal.

[Got it]

I disagree with the idea of mailing them what you wrote above. It was a wonderfully poignant and honest reflection of your feelings but what will it achieve sending it.

 

You can only control yourself. I need to control that you are loving yourself the most. That you have your boundaries in place well enough that you are not feeling that one side is giving more than the other.

 

I think your MM is showing to be very clear in his stance that he is wanting to have his homelife with his wife and you. How do you feel about that? Why being in a business with him you are intergrating further into their world, is that the best situation for you? What happens after you set up this business and his wife finds out, what will happen? What does he plan to do? How does he plan on handling a dday if it happens? What is he doing to prevent a dday? What is he doing to financially, professional, and emotional help/protect you?

 

These are all very important questions to ask him and yourself.

[greengoddess]

I disagree with the idea of mailing them what you wrote above. It was a wonderfully poignant and honest reflection of your feelings but what will it achieve sending it.

 

You can only control yourself. I need to control that you are loving yourself the most. That you have your boundaries in place well enough that you are not feeling that one side is giving more than the other.

 

I think your MM is showing to be very clear in his stance that he is wanting to have his homelife with his wife and you. How do you feel about that? Why being in a business with him you are intergrating further into their world, is that the best situation for you? What happens after you set up this business and his wife finds out, what will happen? What does he plan to do? How does he plan on handling a dday if it happens? What is he doing to prevent a dday? What is he doing to financially, professional, and emotional help/protect you?

 

These are all very important questions to ask him and yourself.

 

It will acheive the truth for everyone. The lies have gone on way too long. Nemo was a young woman when all this began and this PIG has manipulated her for a very long time. Tell the truth and end the manipulation. He has been toying with her and it makes me ill.

[findingnemo]

Nemo,

 

Tell us how you really feel.

 

I know you love this man but because you love him you should just let him go. He is driving you crazy and he is using you at the same time (just like you said).

 

The first step to letting him go can be to tell him "No, we will not go into business together". "I am done being your pawn"

 

But you will not do that. Everyone on here that has feelings for a MM or MW knows that you will do everything to allow you to have what you want. You have endured over the last 8 years and you are now fed up.

 

I would be too. But ask yourself this: Are you ready for the battle that is about to begin? Are you ready for the pain? Are you ready for the confrontations, the mess, the hatred?

 

I just hope you are ready. Good luck.

 

Happy Finally,

 

I'm ready. I have given this plenty of thought and I see no other course of action. For years I walked away but my feelings haven't changed. NC at some point was for a couple of years but still my feelings remained the same. MM knows this and for the last 8 years we've had a truce of sorts going a tacit agreement to not push me knowing how I feel. What he did yesterday (and in the last 2 weeks) is a violation of the agreement and sign that he wants to resume the A. I can say no to the business and to the A, of course. But that won't quite work. I have no intention of actually owning the business with him and never would even if he were my H. But since he thinks he is so clever, I'll just play along until I have him exactly where I want.

[Flabbergaster]

Let me give you a tight, nonsexual twenty minute hug. You can cry, scream, laugh, whatever during that hug. It will help. Please don't mind if I cry a bit, while giving you that hug?

 

Wow. So much **** has gone down in the past two weeks of my life for me and my network...and for a few here on LS...I'm not going to give you the party line of LS. Not today.

 

I'll tell you that I still miss the girl I let 'slip through my fingers' 15 years ago. A friend and soulmate...things had happened...we were both afraid and didn't pursue the R (this was before my M). It took ten years until i stopped thinking of her almost every day. I still think of the girl before that, sometimes...a 2 yr R that went bad. With maturity I realize our mistakes, that it was a really good R.

My point here is that...even outside of an A, it can be so hard to let go of the ones that we have loved, they stay with us and we can easily wonder 'what if? am i in the wrong boat?'

 

I'll tell you that I know xOW will be on my heart...far too long. Let her name be my last words on this earth. If I'm lucid as death takes me, I know they will be.

 

I'll ask if you catch him, would you really want him? I enjoyed the post from a 'victorious' OW the other day; there have been others in the past year which show it can be a Pyrrhic victory at best.

 

If you don't go for him, get some distance and he will be on your mind less. Not off your mind...never off your mind...just less. For me, that's a matter of survival. Because I don't have the opportunity with her anymore, period. What I see in the people that come here to advise others, to hold a candle and say "follow me into the light..." many of us are not healed, many don't expect to be healed, we have learned to survive. My words here are to help those who are completely lost...simply find a way to get through the week (or day). So I don' think the 'party lines' of LS (nc, move on, find someone, don't cause so much collateral damage selfishly) are about happiness...I think they are about survival and dealing with the pain. Which is better than being completely empty. A buddhist saying is, 'suffering is not enough.' I think LS advice is about getting to a point where you can try to transcend, not about healing.

 

if you pursue...please get back into therapy. It will be a rough ride for you; have someone to patch you up while you are fighting for him.

 

Be careful what you wish for?

What if he rejects you? Maybe he's moved on in his heart.

For me, a D now would not bring back xOW. Too much has happened, she will not return. If I were to fight, she would stay with him. Think about your chances of victory before you start, is my point here.

 

On a different day I would tell you to calm down, write a letter and never send, whatever.

 

Today...lemme give you that long hug, a friendly kiss on top of your head, and say 'if it is to be war, then good luck...not so you win, but so that you don't lose your soul.' As you walk off, I'll stare and wonder what will happen, what you will choose, and wish that you can find the peace which i do not have.

 

When you start out on a path of revenge, first dig two graves. The second one is for yourself.

[Got it]

And how will that insure that he won't continue to do so? If she wants to end it, then she needs to just end it with him. It is not her job to notify his wife. Why didn't she notify her years ago when she was happy in the relationship?

 

Nemo can only control her words, her feelings and her actions and she needs to focus there. If she is not looking to end things then why send those letters? She needs to address with him her needs, boundaries and requirements and go from there. If he has been manipulating her prior to this, then she really needs to look at why she wants to get in business with him.

 

Bring work into this takes away the emotions and now she needs to be analytical, logical, and focus on what is best for her and her financial wellbeing. Feelings should not factor in.

[Got it]

Happy Finally,

 

I'm ready. I have given this plenty of thought and I see no other course of action. For years I walked away but my feelings haven't changed. NC at some point was for a couple of years but still my feelings remained the same. MM knows this and for the last 8 years we've had a truce of sorts going a tacit agreement to not push me knowing how I feel. What he did yesterday (and in the last 2 weeks) is a violation of the agreement and sign that he wants to resume the A. I can say no to the business and to the A, of course. But that won't quite work. I have no intention of actually owning the business with him and never would even if he were my H. But since he thinks he is so clever, I'll just play along until I have him exactly where I want.

 

And then what? What is that going to do for you? Does getting revenge get rid of your hurt feelings? Do you think it will actually stop him? Why do you need to control him to control yourself? Who cares what he wants and how he feels. You can't control that. But you can say no, you can stop engaging with him, you can tell him to not contact you ever again.

 

What you want now is revenge. Own that. But know that life can get a lot worse for you and you can not control the outcome once its done. (((nemo)))

[greengoddess]

And how will that insure that he won't continue to do so? If she wants to end it, then she needs to just end it with him. It is not her job to notify his wife. Why didn't she notify her years ago when she was happy in the relationship?

 

Nemo can only control her words, her feelings and her actions and she needs to focus there. If she is not looking to end things then why send those letters? She needs to address with him her needs, boundaries and requirements and go from there. If he has been manipulating her prior to this, then she really needs to look at why she wants to get in business with him.

 

Bring work into this takes away the emotions and now she needs to be analytical, logical, and focus on what is best for her and her financial wellbeing. Feelings should not factor in.

 

Don't you get it? She can't end it. She has tried and tried and tried to end it and she can't. It is time for the final act to play out and for this man to get what he deserves. As far as I am concerned this PIG took nemo's young life from her and wasted years and years playing with her emotions.

[findingnemo]

I disagree with the idea of mailing them what you wrote above. It was a wonderfully poignant and honest reflection of your feelings but what will it achieve sending it.

 

You can only control yourself. I need to control that you are loving yourself the most. That you have your boundaries in place well enough that you are not feeling that one side is giving more than the other.

 

I think your MM is showing to be very clear in his stance that he is wanting to have his homelife with his wife and you. How do you feel about that? Why being in a business with him you are intergrating further into their world, is that the best situation for you? What happens after you set up this business and his wife finds out, what will happen? What does he plan to do? How does he plan on handling a dday if it happens? What is he doing to prevent a dday? What is he doing to financially, professional, and emotional help/protect you?

 

These are all very important questions to ask him and yourself.

 

 

Hi Got it,

 

Yes, I can only control and protect myself. I think MM (who sounded quite pleased with himself that he'd spoken to his W who by the way agreed to the business venture) may not have thought that far along. Perhaps he thinks he can continue to dupe his W and that I will shut up and maintain the status quo.

 

I will be travelling to his city next week to meet and discuss the "business" and will ask him what he plans in case something happened to him. I may not need the protection but it'll be interesting to hear what he has to say.

[greengoddess]

Hi Got it,

 

Yes, I can only control and protect myself. I think MM (who sounded quite pleased with himself that he'd spoken to his W who by the way agreed to the business venture) may not have thought that far along. Perhaps he thinks he can continue to dupe his W and that I will shut up and maintain the status quo.

 

I will be travelling to his city next week to meet and discuss the "business" and will ask him what he plans in case something happened to him. I may not need the protection but it'll be interesting to hear what he has to say.

 

Nemo don't. Don't play this game. You will be weak if you see him in person. He will lure you in. Don't do this.

[findingnemo]

Let me give you a tight, nonsexual twenty minute hug. You can cry, scream, laugh, whatever during that hug. It will help. Please don't mind if I cry a bit, while giving you that hug?

 

Wow. So much **** has gone down in the past two weeks of my life for me and my network...and for a few here on LS...I'm not going to give you the party line of LS. Not today.

 

I'll tell you that I still miss the girl I let 'slip through my fingers' 15 years ago. A friend and soulmate...things had happened...we were both afraid and didn't pursue the R (this was before my M). It took ten years until i stopped thinking of her almost every day. I still think of the girl before that, sometimes...a 2 yr R that went bad. With maturity I realize our mistakes, that it was a really good R.

My point here is that...even outside of an A, it can be so hard to let go of the ones that we have loved, they stay with us and we can easily wonder 'what if? am i in the wrong boat?'

 

I'll tell you that I know xOW will be on my heart...far too long. Let her name be my last words on this earth. If I'm lucid as death takes me, I know they will be.

 

I'll ask if you catch him, would you really want him? I enjoyed the post from a 'victorious' OW the other day; there have been others in the past year which show it can be a Pyrrhic victory at best.

 

If you don't go for him, get some distance and he will be on your mind less. Not off your mind...never off your mind...just less. For me, that's a matter of survival. Because I don't have the opportunity with her anymore, period. What I see in the people that come here to advise others, to hold a candle and say "follow me into the light..." many of us are not healed, many don't expect to be healed, we have learned to survive. My words here are to help those who are completely lost...simply find a way to get through the week (or day). So I don' think the 'party lines' of LS (nc, move on, find someone, don't cause so much collateral damage selfishly) are about happiness...I think they are about survival and dealing with the pain. Which is better than being completely empty. A buddhist saying is, 'suffering is not enough.' I think LS advice is about getting to a point where you can try to transcend, not about healing.

 

if you pursue...please get back into therapy. It will be a rough ride for you; have someone to patch you up while you are fighting for him.

 

Be careful what you wish for?

What if he rejects you? Maybe he's moved on in his heart.

For me, a D now would not bring back xOW. Too much has happened, she will not return. If I were to fight, she would stay with him. Think about your chances of victory before you start, is my point here.

 

On a different day I would tell you to calm down, write a letter and never send, whatever.

 

Today...lemme give you that long hug, a friendly kiss on top of your head, and say 'if it is to be war, then good luck...not so you win, but so that you don't lose your soul.' As you walk off, I'll stare and wonder what will happen, what you will choose, and wish that you can find the peace which i do not have.

 

When you start out on a path of revenge, first dig two graves. The second one is for yourself.[/QUOTE]

 

 

Thanks for the hug!!! How can I continue live like this? I am not looking for victory in terms of getting MM. I'm also not looking for mere revenge so that he can suffer and feel a bit of my pain. I sincerely need this to end now. I can't sustain feelings for him anymore. I allowed this to get this far by making it HIS choice, HIS decision to make. How long has it been now? Ages.

 

I walked away but he won't leave me alone. I'm no shrink but perhaps he is begging for help. I don't really know and I don't care anymore. The BS needs to know the truth and if I could send her an email I would. But she won't believe me. And it won't stop him either. If MM wants to have us both, he is going to have to step up and admit it publically. He is going to have to make both of us feel like it is worth it. My revenge is in itself a kind hearted gesture. The truth will set us all free to be ourselves and make choices based on factual information.

 

About the two graves, we have a saying in my language that when translated states, "..you died while walking." This means that although you are alive, you live as though you are dead. Flabbergaster, I don't need to dig two graves, I'm already a walking corpse.

[2sure]

OK - leave the morals aside - and I can partly understand your reasons for wanting to do so when you say that morals = self betrayal when having morals and trying not to hurt others - hurts you.

 

But look - you clearly state yourself WHY he wants to have a business with you. You love him and apparently you are willing to accept his terms and what he has to offer.

 

In NOT having an affair with him...the only person you are protecting is YOU.

 

Write the letter to his wife or dont. Eventually she will find out anyway. He will end up sacrificing you for the marriage. Again.

 

Forget finding someone YOU love...what someone who loves YOU?? Start with yourself. Wanting something that is not good for you is one thing...but actively pursuing something that is not good for you simply because you want it...thats self betrayal.

[freestyle]

from a purely practical standpoint........

 

You know the MM is fully capable of elaborate, calculated deception.

You know he's fully capable and willing to deceive someone close to him.

That he can go home, look his W in the eye, and lie to her on a daily basis.

 

 

 

Knowing this, Nemo-----is this really someone you'd want to have as a business partner?

 

What will happen to your time invested and financial resources,if everything goes south?

[findingnemo]

And how will that insure that he won't continue to do so? If she wants to end it, then she needs to just end it with him. It is not her job to notify his wife. Why didn't she notify her years ago when she was happy in the relationship?

 

Nemo can only control her words, her feelings and her actions and she needs to focus there. If she is not looking to end things then why send those letters? She needs to address with him her needs, boundaries and requirements and go from there. If he has been manipulating her prior to this, then she really needs to look at why she wants to get in business with him.

 

Bring work into this takes away the emotions and now she needs to be analytical, logical, and focus on what is best for her and her financial wellbeing. Feelings should not factor in.

 

All this is about FEELINGS, not about business or making money. I can make money on my own as I've been doing all along. What pi$$es me off is that he wants to harness my feelings to enrich his business. Analytically, logically and with focus, I have concluded that if I play to the whole business idea and act like I am onboard, I will get him back into a PA and expose him with evidence.

 

I can afford to make and then lose a million dollars - it's just money anyway. What I can't afford is to have my heart broken again.

 

And then what? What is that going to do for you? Does getting revenge get rid of your hurt feelings? Do you think it will actually stop him? Why do you need to control him to control yourself? Who cares what he wants and how he feels. You can't control that. But you can say no, you can stop engaging with him, you can tell him to not contact you ever again.

 

What you want now is revenge. Own that. But know that life can get a lot worse for you and you can not control the outcome once its done. (((nemo)))

 

Thanks for the hug. I own my need for revenge 100%!! But even that must have a positive outcome. I want MM to live a free and open life being honest with the people he loves.

 

Don't you get it? She can't end it. She has tried and tried and tried to end it and she can't. It is time for the final act to play out and for this man to get what he deserves. As far as I am concerned this PIG took nemo's young life from her and wasted years and years playing with her emotions.

 

Hear, hear, GG!!!

 

Nemo don't. Don't play this game. You will be weak if you see him in person. He will lure you in. Don't do this.

 

GG,

 

MM can't lure me in anymore than he already has. I have zero capacity to completely deny him. Oh, I can refuse to sleep with him no problem. But I do love him. My plan is to fly in in the morning and leave the same afternoon. No hanky panky on this trip. The only ace I have (and didn't realize I had all along) is to make sure that MM is completely roped in and the W finds out.

[greengoddess]

Oh nemo but what if you rope yourself in? You already admitted you love him. What if you can't follow through and end up in the same plave all over again. Don't do this. Please. You will get so hurt.

 

Mail a letter to each of them. Certified mail and be done.

 

Oh and then start that business he wants to start without him and make a fortune!!!

[Moanin]

I don't understand why you let him go before he got married. The man was not married, why didn't you go for it then? Why wait till he's married with a family?

 

I was going to ask you the same question. Why did you turn him down when he proposed to you?

 

Without knowing your story, if your MM doesn’t have children, maybe he should cut his wife loose and be with the woman he truly seems to love….

 

Edited to add: I see you answered this question above....

Edited March 23, 2011 by Moanin

[findingnemo]

OK - leave the morals aside - and I can partly understand your reasons for wanting to do so when you say that morals = self betrayal when having morals and trying not to hurt others - hurts you.

 

But look - you clearly state yourself WHY he wants to have a business with you. You love him and apparently you are willing to accept his terms and what he has to offer.

 

In NOT having an affair with him...the only person you are protecting is YOU.

 

Write the letter to his wife or dont. Eventually she will find out anyway. He will end up sacrificing you for the marriage. Again.

 

Forget finding someone YOU love...what someone who loves YOU?? Start with yourself. Wanting something that is not good for you is one thing...but actively pursuing something that is not good for you simply because you want it...thats self betrayal.

 

2sure,

 

There will be no business with MM. My intention is to use it against him. Let me explain. I must register a new company here with both of us a equal share holders. In order to do that, certain documents must be signed by both of us and submitted. Then there is a 2 week waiting period and then one has to find premises and apply for tin numbers, etc. It is a process. I will go through the motions and let him think he's got me.

 

Oh..MM loves me AND he loves his W. Of that I'm certain. The problem is that he loves himself a lot more than he loves any of us.

 

from a purely practical standpoint........

 

You know the MM is fully capable of elaborate, calculated deception.

You know he's fully capable and willing to deceive someone close to him.

That he can go home, look his W in the eye, and lie to her on a daily basis.

 

 

 

Knowing this, Nemo-----is this really someone you'd want to have as a business partner?

 

What will happen to your time invested and financial resources,if everything goes south?

 

Hi freestyle,

 

Nope. Absolutely not the person I want to do business with married or not.

[2sure]

Oh..MM loves me AND he loves his W. Of that I'm certain. The problem is that he loves himself a lot more than he loves any of us.

 

Thats ALWAYS it. OW and BS are never competing for anything other than 2nd place because 1st is taken.

 

It sounds like you want him and you want to ruin him. Which is it?

[Owl]

OK...so I'm at a bit of a loss here.

 

If you love him...and he loves you...why are you looking to use him for business purposes?

 

I get that he's self-centered...don't take me wrong.

 

But are you willing to become the kind of person who would play that game?

 

You seem like a solid person who's made some poor choices over time. Why make a choice like this, with full intent to basically decieve and use him?

 

That's not the kind of person I think you want to be, FN.

 

If you feel this way...if you feel enough anger/angst/whatever to be able to use him like this...then I'd think you'd feel enough emotion to free yourself from the situation and walk away.

 

I think you'll be truer to yourself by removing him from your life than you would by using him in the fashion you've described.

[bentnotbroken]

I don't understand the game playing. Life is so short...it just seems like a waste of time and energy to go this route. Won't it just add to the turmoil that already exists?

[findingnemo]

Oh nemo but what if you rope yourself in? You already admitted you love him. What if you can't follow through and end up in the same plave all over again. Don't do this. Please. You will get so hurt.

 

Mail a letter to each of them. Certified mail and be done.

 

Oh and then start that business he wants to start without him and make a fortune!!!

 

:lmao::lmao: I should start that business, huh? That would really piss him off. Unfortunately it is in another field altogether from what I'm used to and would need someone with experience. GG, that's how I figured out what MM really wants. It made no sense for me personally to get into that kind of business, but say my "H" or my family already had one, would I refuse to start and run a branch? MM wants to get all the benefits of a wife from me without forking out the bride price!!!

 

Oh, I'll follow through. I always do - it just that I'd never even considered it before in MM's case.