overseas2004 Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Ok you guys now my previous posts. My ex left me after 8 months of living together. He had all sorts of problems like impotency, substance abuse, and anger outbursts. I got into therapy per some of your suggestions. I am finding out a lot about myself. Mainly that for some reason I am continuing into getting into co-dependant relationships alot lately. This was not my style before. I am feeling better. Ok had a little set back last night. I went to a movie yesterday with a friend and after we got up. I started looking to see if he was in the theater. I scanned all the mens faces. Then I did that all the way home while I was walking. At some point I started to cry. We broke up about two months ago... My two questions Is this still normal for me to be distraught like this after two months? Have any of you managed to get out of the routine of finding co -dependant relationships like this... and how did you do it??? Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 I can identify with what you're going through. I believe most of my intimate relationships have been co-dependent and I'm trying to break away from it now. I've found someone who does not engage in, accept, appreciate, or tolerate that kind of behavior and so I'm slowly breaking out of it. It's amazing how I've been learning that it's all me. Even though he doesn't do anything to provoke the behavior, I have found myself "acting out". It's been a struggle. I think the best thing to do right now is educate yourself on it. There are many books on the subject. I was given the book Co-Dependent No More almost by coincidence when I was in the death throes of my last miserable relationship and when I read it, a few things really clicked in my head and helped me tremendously. I think two things are important in dealing with this problem. One is self-awareness. You have to watch and analyze YOUR OWN behavior all the time. Not the behavior of your partner. Think about how you react to things. One of the primary issues a co-dependent has is the way he/she reacts to things. That has to change. The second thing you need to keep telling yourself so that you can get over him, is how harmful the relationship was to your SELF - to your self-esteem, to your happiness, to your very physical health. Constant stress of a relationship can have far-reaching physical effects. Keep telling yourself that being with him was harmful to you and if it hadn't ended this way, it probably would have eventually but maybe you'd be 5 years older, 5 years more miserable, 5 years more attachted, etc... than being fortunate that it ended now so you can start healing. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 A lot of people swear by a book called 'Codependent No More'. There are other books, too, and, of course websites. You can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted April 2, 2004 Share Posted April 2, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme A lot of people swear by a book called 'Codependent No More'. There are other books, too, and, of course websites. You can do this! Yes, "CNM" was one of the first books, but it's not the only book, and it may not even the best one. But it could be a good starting point. Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 I think I've felt that too. With the breakup I've had to deal with.. I've always expected my ex to do things that he's not doing.. like .. write more.. you know.. to show he hasn't stopped caring. I guess it's that fear of losing him as a friend and I do feel I am getting a bit better. Just have to focus on me and not him so much.. and not really care about what HE does but how to keep MYSELF from feeling down. Link to post Share on other sites
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