confused woman23 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) THIS STORY IS LONG BUT PLEASE READ I NEED ADVICE ASAP!! THANKS Ok Everyone check this story out. March 18th 2011 my husband and I got in a small argument well at least thats what i thought. Here's what he said put the icing on the cake for him because he said i never can make up my mind. We got into it over rather or not i should go into work that day reason being we were both already dressed up and i would only be at work for three hours i would have just rathered spent the night out on the town with him or something because it was really nice out this day. Anyway to make a long story short the conversation ended with him saying he wanted a divorce from me and that he was dead serious this time. Now I'm thinking to myself we have been into plenty of arguments and with this one being so minor i just couldn't believe we were having this conversation. So i told him ok then fine like i always do whenever we say the "D" word. This was normal for us we had been having so many problems since 10months into our marriage(this story is posted in infidelity by me already) so the "D" word comes up quite often. Now i need everyone's help on this one because i went through his email and found an email address that i didn't recognize and it wasn't saved to his contacts. The email was very short and simple stating for this unknown person in exact words "call my phone private." Also to mention i had been receiving private phone calls for about 4months like every 4days like clock work. Now what am i to think a couple days before this argument he had mentioned to me that he wanted a divorce when we weren't arguing we stayed on up until like 2 o'clock in the morning talking about the things that previously happened in our marriage and that we should probably go our separate ways. Then that morning once we slept on this conversation that he had brought up he told me he was just talking crazy and how he didn't wanted to live life without me. Until March 18th thats when he brought it up again divorcing me. I noticed too this day we had this talk no more private calls on my phone since than either not sure if this has anything to do with him but i thought I'd gave more details. So from march 18th-20th of this past weekend i was crying my eyes out trying to figure out why now and whats with the change all of a sudden. He went from loving me to hating me in the same day and now i don't know what to think could it be someone?? I mean Men what do you all think I need the Women opinions as well what would you all think about this situation. He assured me that there is no one else (this time) he just doesn't want to be married anymore to me, we have been together since high school for 7yrs and married almost 4yrs. He keeps saying to me i am 25yrs and i want freedom and privacy a new life and beginning from you. Then after saying all of this he decides to come back home and be with me when just the other day he was soooo dead serious about divorcing me. I'm thinking whatever he had going on secretively in his life that i didn't know about must didn't work out so now he wants me back. He's been playing with my emotions all week now and we are getting along but is this some type of set-up? P.S He told me the most hurtful thing someone could ever tell the person they claim to love "I rather regret divorcing you than to be married to you" i mean what type as s*** is that? He told me i love you im just not in love with you line. Also he said that a man can want out without it being anyone else on the side i dont believe this tell me what you think? Edited March 24, 2011 by confused woman23 add Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I'd bet my bottom dollar there is someone else. Do you have the funds to hire a PI? I'd be on the horn for sure with a lawyer at this point, and mention that you think there may be someone else. The lawyer and PI might come as a package deal. I can tell you this: your situation will stay exactly like it is until you lift up the rock and find out exactly what your H is up to under there and with whom. Once you bust that open and do some exposing, you'll find things will take a very different turn. Link to post Share on other sites
Ballerfamily Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) Do you want a cheap way of finding out quickly? For about $50 bucks. I did , and knew all I needed in less then a week. ( a cheap tracking method that works unbelievably well) He is torn about something. My guess he is trying to decide between (3) things: 1. You 2. Freedom 3. OW my guess would be (3). He will also continue this game until you set a boundary or call his bluff. Men usually don't want to leave unless they have to, or your a miserable person to live with and he can't stand it anymore. This becomes way to complicated for us. They will stare right through you as you unload your heart on them. If you feel this at all, I guarantee there is someone else. Your loved one would normally have emphany or be very defensive. When they are not, very,very bad sign. It hurts so bad to watch this, and normally this sign is all you need, but we ignor it and hope it isn't true ( and the wierd phone message, ITS A SKUNK) btw, 99% will always say there is no one else. Its called Gas-lighting.(many like to think that if they haven't been in bed yet, they haven't done anything wrong) either/or, they will lie about it. They don't want to suffer the consequences) I hear this so much. We just can't imagine they would lie to us.........THEY DO..... When these crazy spouses start talking and acting crazy, don't believe one word they say. They are crazy and in some fog. They are like robots with no feelings. . Edited March 24, 2011 by Ballerfamily Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused woman23 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Share Posted March 25, 2011 Thanks you two that's exactly what I wanted to do hiring a P.I or set up some type of spying tool for him but then it makes me think why am I stressing out over him Hell if he don't want to be with me im not going to make him. I don't feel that I person should have to spy on their spouses I don't understand why people can't just come clean and tell the truth even if it would be hurtful and wrong, but atleast i'd feel better knowing he was a stand up guy. Now since then he has been taking me to the movies like everyday telling me that everything is fine with us and how he's sorry for this past weekend. My guards are still up because he completely caught me off guard when he mentioned wanting a divorce when since the new year started we have been working on our marriage and getting along just find without any arguments. Then this left field incident happens and now I don't know what to do or think anymorewith him. Yes, I would like to know how I find out what's going on for 50bucks message me pleasedont want to be in the dark forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Ballerfamily Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) Buy a Motorola I 290 Boost phone if you don't have a phone with the software. Cost approx $40. It has tracking software on it or can be loaded on it. Then sign up at accu-tracking: website: http://www.accutracking.com/....(Or you can get the starter kit which will have everything ready and loaded, approx$99) Follow instructions. Very simple to use. Add $5 to boost phone at (boost mobile) and your ready. ( iT will last 12/18 hrs and then you will have to recharge it like a normal phone. If you are suspicious of certain area's/people, you can set it up to alert you on yur phone when he enters the area and leaves the area. Hide this in his car, and you can follow him right on your computer. You can also call it and it will quietly answer and you can listen to any conversations he is having.(It will also keep track of his trips if you can't watch in real time. Its awesome, and low cost. When I was suspicious of Ex, I put this in her car, and in 7 days I caught her doing bad 4 out of 7 days. He is trying to throw you off track. Mine did the exact same thing. Don't believe one word and keep quiet and play along. Good Luck Edited March 25, 2011 by Ballerfamily Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused woman23 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Oh thank you so much ballerfamily just the other day he told me he was going over his friends house and then he asked me if I wanted to go knowing that I don't like this certain friend of his I told him no go hang out and chill. He was gone for about two hours then the very next day same thing this time about 2 1/2 hrs with a different friend who he never goes out with then all of a sudden he want to watch a game with him. I let him go trying to be nice without causing any problems he came home and wanted to sleep in the guess bedroom I said cool cause this is normal for us he likes it cold and I like it hot so I didn't think anything of it because it was hot in my room. He came back in our bed to sleep the rest of the night with me and I went through his phone. Read texts from the two friends who he had claimed to be with those days and none of the text msgs indicated he was over their house or had any plans whatsoever to meet those two days. I was mad I woke him up and asked him where he had been he said with the guys I told you then he got mad that I went through his phone but he goes through mines all the time. Then he threatened to leave again so I told him to go right ahead I guess he didn't think I would tell him to leave if he threatened me with leaving but I was serious. Now to see if I go through his phone he erases his screen pattern finger prints off his driod 2 touch tone cell to see if I had touched his phone. Do anyone have any suggestions as to what this is or could be? As of now we are fine getting alone but its like if I even do anything to upset him he tries to leave me then when I tell him to leave then he comes to me and apologizes for what he just said and tells me how much he wants to me us work, but I think its bs what do you all think? Thanks for the replies I really need all the advice I can get you all are great:) Link to post Share on other sites
ccde Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Oh thank you so much ballerfamily just the other day he told me he was going over his friends house and then he asked me if I wanted to go knowing that I don't like this certain friend of his I told him no go hang out and chill. He was gone for about two hours then the very next day same thing this time about 2 1/2 hrs with a different friend who he never goes out with then all of a sudden he want to watch a game with him. I let him go trying to be nice without causing any problems he came home and wanted to sleep in the guess bedroom I said cool cause this is normal for us he likes it cold and I like it hot so I didn't think anything of it because it was hot in my room. He came back in our bed to sleep the rest of the night with me and I went through his phone. Read texts from the two friends who he had claimed to be with those days and none of the text msgs indicated he was over their house or had any plans whatsoever to meet those two days. I was mad I woke him up and asked him where he had been he said with the guys I told you then he got mad that I went through his phone but he goes through mines all the time. Then he threatened to leave again so I told him to go right ahead I guess he didn't think I would tell him to leave if he threatened me with leaving but I was serious. Now to see if I go through his phone he erases his screen pattern finger prints off his driod 2 touch tone cell to see if I had touched his phone. Do anyone have any suggestions as to what this is or could be? As of now we are fine getting alone but its like if I even do anything to upset him he tries to leave me then when I tell him to leave then he comes to me and apologizes for what he just said and tells me how much he wants to me us work, but I think its bs what do you all think? Thanks for the replies I really need all the advice I can get you all are great:) I understand so vividly what you are going through. My H would threaten to to divorce me, tell me he was not scared to leave me. FYI he cheated pretty much our whole marriage. When caught he would apologize. But a couple days or week later it was back to him ignoring me. Phones did come in at night(his phone was on silent, but lights up) I did discover he was cheating once by picking up his phone. After that he put a lock on it. and told me if he saw that I picked up his phone he would divorce me. It is psychological abuse. Threatening a divorce is cold and manipulative. Its used to keep you in your place, because they know you dont want a divorce. I dont want to tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I have been told. When you realize you are worthy of so much more than what you are getting, you will say enough is enough. Please read my post "Am I crazy?" I wish you all the best of luck and pray that you make the right decision for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused woman23 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Share Posted March 29, 2011 Thank you so much for your advice CCDE once again last night he threaten to divorce me this time he said he was dead serious and he can show me better than he can tell me. He wants me to hurry up and file divorce papers with him today without seeking counseling or help, but i am not the one that wants a divorce he does and i dont know what to do to fight it or how to fight the divorce for that matter. I know that divorces can get pretty ugly and expensive and i dont have the finances to uphold fighting the divorce nor do i want it to get any uglier than what it already is i really wish something good would happen to me and for me because right now it seems i have the worst of luck when it comes to my H:( Link to post Share on other sites
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