what's the point really?

[joey66]

This particular forum has become such a hotbed for (virtual) fighting. Us vs. them. Is there really a point? Or is it just a sport?

 

It all seems to me like a waste of valuable energy.

[desertIslandCactus]

This particular forum has become such a hotbed for (virtual) fighting. Us vs. them. Is there really a point? Or is it just a sport?

 

It all seems to me like a waste of valuable energy.

 

Have you ever visited political forums .. LS or any other?

 

People's views appear to be based on liberalism or conservatism.

[BB07]

This particular forum has become such a hotbed for (virtual) fighting. Us vs. them. Is there really a point? Or is it just a sport?

 

It all seems to me like a waste of valuable energy.

 

 

Volatile subject matter here. I don't come here to fight, do some posters rub me the wrong way, yes sometimes. I usually just bite my tongue but sometimes my fingers get the best of me. lol

 

I don't see it so much as a us vs them issues assuming you are talking about OW vs BS. It's just that there are things people feel very strongly about and then of course there are a few posters who do enjoy rubbing salt in the wound on both sides.

 

My 4 cents........Inflation ya know.

[greengoddess]

SAD ISN'T IT?

 

It makes no sense to me that it is that way. For some reason SOME, a certain group, of other woman take it as a personal assault if anyone tries to help a new ow get out of her situation. So many young girls who are just starting out in affairs can be helped to get out and not waste years of their life on a married man, and yet when you try to help you get attacked by other women who actually think being an ow is some proud grand lifestyle.

 

I don't get why ow get angry when you try to persuade an ow to go no contact. So what if it is true love. If it is true love then when the ow does go no contact the married man will leave to be with her.

 

How can you ever find out if it is true love if you don't have the guts to be anything more than the person on the side.

 

I wish all the ow would be honest about their life choice and how it has turned out whether good or bad and share their struggle. I really respect the ow that come here and are honest and say well he left but it's not all flowers and sunshine.

 

I really think some of the "repeat, non remorseful other women" just want to see women go through the same pain as them and that s why they cheer on the affair. It's quite sad.

[Lorelei_Lane]

I really think some of the "repeat, non remorseful other women" just want to see women go through the same pain as them and that s why they cheer on the affair. It's quite sad.

 

Misery loves company.

[jthorne]

This particular forum has become such a hotbed for (virtual) fighting. Us vs. them. Is there really a point? Or is it just a sport?

 

It all seems to me like a waste of valuable energy.

Perhaps its threads like this that fuel the in-fighting.

[greengoddess]

Perhaps its threads like this that fuel the in-fighting.

 

 

ahhh damn and I felll for it.

[jthorne]

ahhh damn and I felll for it.

Maybe, but I thought this was very meaningful and bears repeating:

How can you ever find out if it is true love if you don't have the guts to be anything more than the person on the side.

I have to admit being a little curious what the OP expected by starting this thread. He complains about the board being inflammatory by starting an inflammatory thread...

[OWoman]

I wish all the ow would be honest about their life choice and how it has turned out whether good or bad and share their struggle.

 

I have been nothing but honest about my life choice and how it turned out - which was wonderful!! :love:

 

Sure, there was some struggle - the nastiness of my H's xW is well-documented here - but as time passes and the kids grow, she becomes less and less of an issue and will soon be nothing but an unpleasant memory.

 

I really respect the ow that come here and are honest and say well he left but it's not all flowers and sunshine.

 

Yet you don;t respect the OW that come here and ARE HONEST and say well he left, and even though the xW is doing her worst to upset the applecart, it's still well worth it and we're happier than ever.

 

Why is that, I wonder? It seems like a double standard to me... that honesty is only welcomed if it complies with a certain stereotype, and must otherwise be discredited or undermined if not.

 

I really think some of the "repeat, non remorseful other women" just want to see women go through the same pain as them and that s why they cheer on the affair. It's quite sad.

 

Not knowing any "repeat, non remorseful other women" who went through pain, I can't comment on that, but as a "repeat, non remorseful other woman" who DID NOT experience any of this pain I can honestly say that each A should be treated on its own merits. Toxic Rs - whether M or A or any other kind of R - are not sustainable except at extreme personal cost, and no one who cares about another member's wellbeing should encourage them to remain in a toxic R of any kind. But equally, those Rs that are constructive, joyful and which bring light and love to the lives of those in them should be celebrated and enjoyed for what they are - whether they be M, A or any other kind of consenting adult R.

 

I have yet to see anyone - whether current or former OW, current or former BS or anyone else - encourage anyone to stay in an A that was causing them unhappiness. I think that is one of the myths that another "certain group" choose to propagate here to sow division and dissent - and, when challenged to provide examples, mysteriously never can....

[greengoddess]

I have been nothing but honest about my life choice and how it turned out - which was wonderful!! :love:

 

Sure, there was some struggle - the nastiness of my H's xW is well-documented here - but as time passes and the kids grow, she becomes less and less of an issue and will soon be nothing but an unpleasant memory.

 

 

 

Yet you don;t respect the OW that come here and ARE HONEST and say well he left, and even though the xW is doing her worst to upset the applecart, it's still well worth it and we're happier than ever.

 

Why is that, I wonder? It seems like a double standard to me... that honesty is only welcomed if it complies with a certain stereotype, and must otherwise be discredited or undermined if not.

 

 

 

Not knowing any "repeat, non remorseful other women" who went through pain, I can't comment on that, but as a "repeat, non remorseful other woman" who DID NOT experience any of this pain I can honestly say that each A should be treated on its own merits. Toxic Rs - whether M or A or any other kind of R - are not sustainable except at extreme personal cost, and no one who cares about another member's wellbeing should encourage them to remain in a toxic R of any kind. But equally, those Rs that are constructive, joyful and which bring light and love to the lives of those in them should be celebrated and enjoyed for what they are - whether they be M, A or any other kind of consenting adult R.

 

I have yet to see anyone - whether current or former OW, current or former BS or anyone else - encourage anyone to stay in an A that was causing them unhappiness. I think that is one of the myths that another "certain group" choose to propagate here to sow division and dissent - and, when challenged to provide examples, mysteriously never can....

 

 

lol owoman you have consistantly said you do not believe in marriage. You do not believe in fidelity so that kind of negates your happy ever after scenario. Afterall you don't care if your husband cheats on you or not so there are not the usual trust issues.

[OWoman]

lol owoman you have consistantly said you do not believe in marriage. You do not believe in fidelity so that kind of negates your happy ever after scenario. Afterall you don't care if your husband cheats on you or not so there are not the usual trust issues.

 

huh? Please explain? OTC, I am very happy, as is my H - and that shows no sign of abating, so yes, "happy ever after" does seem like a distinct possibility.

 

(and, incidentally, attacking the character of the person rather than attempting to refute their argument is ad hominem, and distracts from an argument rather than refuting it)

[greengoddess]

huh? Please explain? OTC, I am very happy, as is my H - and that shows no sign of abating, so yes, "happy ever after" does seem like a distinct possibility.

 

(and, incidentally, attacking the character of the person rather than attempting to refute their argument is ad hominem, and distracts from an argument rather than refuting it)

 

How am I attacking your character? You have stated numerous times you do not believe in marriage or fidelity. Does that not change what would make you happy in a marriage compared to others who do believe in marriage and fidelity? Would it not make you less jealous and suspicious of him if you don't expect him to be true to you?

 

and incidentally, saying someone is attacking your character does not make it true.

[OWoman]

How am I attacking your character? You have stated numerous times you do not believe in marriage or fidelity. Does that not change what would make you happy in a marriage compared to others who do believe in marriage and fidelity? Would it not make you less jealous and suspicious of him if you don't expect him to be true to you?

 

and incidentally, saying someone is attacking your character does not make it true.

 

Your reply was focused on "OWoman the poster" rather than the content of my post - that makes it ad hominem - which was what I claimed in my post, not whatever you stated above.

[donnamaybe]

So everyone picks at someone whose AP left their M? Did I read that right? Um, that's not what I have seen on LS. Not at all. What I DO see, however, is when the cheater has NOT left the M and drags both the spouse and the OW/OM through years of indecision - THAT is when the incongruity is pointed out. AND - when that incongruity IS pointed out, THEN many times the OW/OM get upset and start lashing out.

[joey66]

Perhaps its threads like this that fuel the in-fighting.

 

Not trying to fuel anything. Honestly curious. I don't think I've ever posted anything that was less than respectful.

[greengoddess]

Your reply was focused on "OWoman the poster" rather than the content of my post - that makes it ad hominem - which was what I claimed in my post, not whatever you stated above.

 

hmmm now wait let me see if I have this straight...because you and I were discussing a statement you said and I mentioned you the poster in my reply I am attacking you even though nothing I said was an attack??? Is that correct????

 

This thread was a baiting thread by your little group and I refuse to be baited any further into it. I see you already have your little arguments for reporting set up no matter how flimsy they may be. Sad quite sad. Why is it you want to squelch the voices of people who want to help others remove themselves from affairs?

[joey66]

This thread was a baiting thread by your little group ...

 

I categorically deny this allegation. This thread was me asking a simple question, all on my own. (I'm a big boy and I can think for myself, though I admit that sometimes it's not the best idea.) I regret it and I promise it won't happen again.

 

ATTN MOD - Is it possible to close this thread?

[Silly_Girl]

 

Yet you don;t respect the OW that come here and ARE HONEST and say well he left, and even though the xW is doing her worst to upset the applecart, it's still well worth it and we're happier than ever.

 

Why is that, I wonder? It seems like a double standard to me... that honesty is only welcomed if it complies with a certain stereotype, and must otherwise be discredited or undermined if not.

 

That's what made me lose respect for some posters and makes discussion threads less enjoyable for me.

 

There are certain claims made by those who disapprove of a posters situation. They include but are by no means limited to:

 

He's lying to you

He's lying to himself

You're lying in your posts

You're lying to yourself

You can't see the obvious 'facts'

Your feelings aren't real

You can't see how this will end up for you

You're inflicting unneccessary pain on others

You're a bad person

He's a bad person

No one deserves to be cheated on

You mean nothing to him

He has hot sex with his wife

He loves his wife

He will never leave

If he leaves he will return to his wife

If you become a couple it will be a destructive/unhappy relationship

He will cheat on you

He will cheat on you with his wife

 

 

It hampers the flow of the threads, drowns out some truly amazing contributors, and becomes - not surprisingly - a bunfight.

[greengoddess]

silly girl aren't many many of these statements true though and very important to tell a young woman just starting out in affair?? Examples in bold.

 

That's what made me lose respect for some posters and makes discussion threads less enjoyable for me.

 

There are certain claims made by those who disapprove of a posters situation. They include but are by no means limited to:

 

He's lying to you - don't most mm lie to both women. More often than not this is found to be true on dday as seen by many posts here.

He's lying to himself - that's an obvious. He has to lie to himself to f&*^ one woman and then go home happily compartmentalized and sleep with his wife.

You're lying in your posts - Many women are in denial still and don't want to admit all.

You're lying to yourself - see above

You can't see the obvious 'facts' - this is in both infideltiy and here. They are too caught up in their feelings to see what a bystander may.

Your feelings aren't real - known fact affairs are in a different realm. No real life problems to get in the way. You always look and feel your best.

You can't see how this will end up for you - how many times have we watched the breakdown of an affair or marriage on here. Those who have been there KNOW someone will be hurt.

You're inflicting unneccessary pain on others - YES THEY ARE>

You're a bad person - never see this stated.

He's a bad person - oh yea I agree.

No one deserves to be cheated on - very true.

You mean nothing to him - never see this stated.

He has hot sex with his wife - many times they do. Many bs's will say they were still having daily sex while mm/mw in affair. It needs to be faced if you are in an affair. Married couples have sex.

He loves his wife - seen this numerous times by both the mm and the ow who want them.

He will never leave - how many affairs on here have we seen go on 5plus years?

If he leaves he will return to his wife - again we've seen the mm do this over and over agin to the ow. It hurts all.

If you become a couple it will be a destructive/unhappy relationship. Many times it is because the trust is broken from beginning the relationship in an affair.

He will cheat on you - many times they even have oow. How many times have we read that here?

He will cheat on you with his wife - You read this many times on infidelity boards. They go to pick up kids and end up in bed with the iwfe. Common. I hate reading that.

 

 

It hampers the flow of the threads, drowns out some truly amazing contributors, and becomes - not surprisingly - a bunfight.

 

 

So I ask what is wrong with trying to bring some reality into the surreal life of an affair. These things are all legitimate questions and comments you are complaining about. No one says all cheaters will do these things but unfortunately many. many do.

[jthorne]

I have been nothing but honest about my life choice and how it turned out - which was wonderful!! :love:

 

Sure, there was some struggle - the nastiness of my H's xW is well-documented here - but as time passes and the kids grow, she becomes less and less of an issue and will soon be nothing but an unpleasant memory.

 

 

 

Yet you don;t respect the OW that come here and ARE HONEST and say well he left, and even though the xW is doing her worst to upset the applecart, it's still well worth it and we're happier than ever.

 

Why is that, I wonder? It seems like a double standard to me... that honesty is only welcomed if it complies with a certain stereotype, and must otherwise be discredited or undermined if not.

 

 

 

Not knowing any "repeat, non remorseful other women" who went through pain, I can't comment on that, but as a "repeat, non remorseful other woman" who DID NOT experience any of this pain I can honestly say that each A should be treated on its own merits. Toxic Rs - whether M or A or any other kind of R - are not sustainable except at extreme personal cost, and no one who cares about another member's wellbeing should encourage them to remain in a toxic R of any kind. But equally, those Rs that are constructive, joyful and which bring light and love to the lives of those in them should be celebrated and enjoyed for what they are - whether they be M, A or any other kind of consenting adult R.

 

I have yet to see anyone - whether current or former OW, current or former BS or anyone else - encourage anyone to stay in an A that was causing them unhappiness. I think that is one of the myths that another "certain group" choose to propagate here to sow division and dissent - and, when challenged to provide examples, mysteriously never can....

Actually, it looks like a constant need for validation to me, and that in itself speaks volumes.

[Silly_Girl]

silly girl aren't many many of these statements true though and very important to tell a young woman just starting out in affair?? Examples in bold.

 

 

 

 

So I ask what is wrong with trying to bring some reality into the surreal life of an affair. These things are all legitimate questions and comments you are complaining about. No one says all cheaters will do these things but unfortunately many. many do.

 

True for who? Is it the ONLY truth?

 

I am open-minded to that fact that sometimes those assertions will be the case. However, on the other hand I feel posts are made on this forum which suggest they will only EVER be the case. Do you see where the difference lies, for me?

[greengoddess]

True for who? Is it the ONLY truth?

 

I am open-minded to that fact that sometimes those assertions will be the case. However, on the other hand I feel posts are made on this forum which suggest they will only EVER be the case. Do you see where the difference lies, for me?

 

 

Exactly sometimes that will be the case so why not warn a young women starting an affair to run!! That these things are what some men do? Why paint a prettier picture. Do you ever wish you never began your affair to begin with? Would you ever want your daughter to go through what you did?

 

I am sorry but I HATE men using women and hurting them. The married men might not even think they are using them until a dday comes and they run back to their wife. It's sickening and I want to protect these women from having YEARS of their lives wasted.

[donnamaybe]

True for who? Is it the ONLY truth?

considering she said "many times" or "how many times have we seen...?" I would say she KNOWS it's not the "only truth."

 

I am open-minded to that fact that sometimes those assertions will be the case.

I've seen MANY people currently in an A get VERY testy at the mere suggestion that their MM/MW might be lying to them AND the BS. Would that EVERYONE could be open-minded to the fact that sometimes those assertions will be the case.

[donnamaybe]

I am sorry but I HATE men using women and hurting them. The married men might not even think they are using them until a dday comes and they run back to their wife. It's sickening and I want to protect these women from having YEARS of their lives wasted.

You horrid person you!

[Got it]

Exactly sometimes that will be the case so why not warn a young women starting an affair to run!! That these things are what some men do? Why paint a prettier picture. Do you ever wish you never began your affair to begin with? Would you ever want your daughter to go through what you did?

 

I am sorry but I HATE men using women and hurting them. The married men might not even think they are using them until a dday comes and they run back to their wife. It's sickening and I want to protect these women from having YEARS of their lives wasted.

 

Now you do understand that there are just as many married women in affairs as married men? It isn't always big bad evil men praying on "young" girls. Did you realize that most affairs are not when the parties are in their 20's or 30's but older?

 

Your first post was off putting and maybe you don't even realize how much you do participate in the us vs them mentality as well?