what's the point really?

[Silly_Girl]

To some people (myself included) there is only one view on infidelity. So, you are asking people to go against their personal views to make this board easier for you to read. I'm not sure that is possible on a public, open forum.

 

No. I'm not asking you to go against your views. I'm asking you to accept that there are individuals who do not SHARE your views. We do not, in life, treat every person we disagree with as though they are stupid, or lying, or evil. But that frequently happens and I fail to see the use.

[herenow]

No. I'm not asking you to go against your views. I'm asking you to accept that there are individuals who do not SHARE your views. We do not, in life, treat every person we disagree with as though they are stupid, or lying, or evil. But that frequently happens and I fail to see the use.

 

All I see is the obvious disagreement. I don't see anyone being call "stupid, or lying, or evil" without the mods quickly taking care of it.

[Owl]

No. I'm not asking you to go against your views. I'm asking you to accept that there are individuals who do not SHARE your views. We do not, in life, treat every person we disagree with as though they are stupid, or lying, or evil. But that frequently happens and I fail to see the use.

 

So in other words...we should each post our responses based on our own views, and do our best to provide support to those that come here in the best fashion that we can...and avoid trying to dictate to others what they should or should not post. Right?

[Silly_Girl]

Do you think it's reasonable to assume that most OW would prefer that the man they are in love with was single when they met (if indeed they are in love with a MM)?

 

No, I wouldn't say that's unreasonable, herenow.

[herenow]

No, I wouldn't say that's unreasonable, herenow.

 

See, now we agree. And, I think that is what GG is saying as well. Again, please correct me if I'm wrong GG.

[Silly_Girl]

All I see is the obvious disagreement. I don't see anyone being call "stupid, or lying, or evil" without the mods quickly taking care of it.

 

Ah, okay fair enough. I do see that.

[Silly_Girl]

See, now we agree. And, I think that is what GG is saying as well. Again, please correct me if I'm wrong GG.

 

Oh, I feel as though I'm being 'tricked' :D

 

gg asked me about me, I answered about me.

 

Then you asked me something different.

[Silly_Girl]

So in other words...we should each post our responses based on our own views, and do our best to provide support to those that come here in the best fashion that we can...and avoid trying to dictate to others what they should or should not post. Right?

 

I wasn't talking about dictating post content Owl. I was talking about accepting that others have different views, in order that discussion might be more valuable, but it seems not all posters are able to.

[herenow]

Oh, I feel as though I'm being 'tricked' :D

 

gg asked me about me, I answered about me.

 

Then you asked me something different.

 

No trick, I'm just asking a question that is based on what I think GG is trying to say. Again, I may be wrong and GG should speak for herself if I am.

 

But, my question to you was hypothetical. Not based on any one person.

[donnamaybe]

Ah, okay fair enough. I do see that.

May I just interject here, at the risk of being labeled a TJ'r, and say I'm happy to see your sunflower?

[herenow]

I wasn't talking about dictating post content Owl. I was talking about accepting that others have different views, in order that discussion might be more valuable, but it seems not all posters are able to.

 

An individual can only post their own POV. That doesn't mean they are ignoring that fact that others may not agree.

 

For example: I can never post that I think an affair is a positive situation. But, I do accept that others may disagree.

[Owl]

I wasn't talking about dictating post content Owl. I was talking about accepting that others have different views, in order that discussion might be more valuable, but it seems not all posters are able to.

 

Actually, I don't believe that there's anyone who posts here who doesn't realize that not everyone shares their own personal viewpoint.

 

I think the people you're taking exception to simply don't accept that those other viewpoints are "right", or "correct"...so they repeatedly post views that differ from those other viewpoints.

 

From my perspective...I don't agree with every others viewpoint on this site. I don't nessacarily agree with yours, for example. However, I don't deny your right to post it nor your advice/support based on it. I'll simply post my own advice/support that may be contrary, and let the recipient decide which they want to run with.

 

As long as neither of us violate the TOS...there's no problem to be had, right?

[Silly_Girl]

But, my question to you was hypothetical. Not based on any one person.

 

I saw that. Two separate questions.

 

And thanks Donna. It's lovely isn't it? I LOVE sunflowers!!!

[herenow]

I saw that. Two separate questions.

 

And thanks Donna. It's lovely isn't it? I LOVE sunflowers!!!

 

Great, I would never want you to think I'm being insincere.

[Silly_Girl]

Actually, I don't believe that there's anyone who posts here who doesn't realize that not everyone shares their own personal viewpoint.

 

Firstly, check out gg's post further up. She finds it hard to believe there are those that don't share her views.

 

Secondly it's not the 'knowing' other views exist, it's accepting the fact.

[26pointblue]

I have found that some posters come to this OW forum just to tell OWs that they don't agree with our choices. Aka to stick up for the BS in the situation because they themselves are or were a BS. To me that seems pointless and does create the 'us against them' scenario that Joey mentioned.

 

I get that people don't agree with me or everything I say or do & I don't expect them to. Yet I don't get when their sole purpose is to harrass me just because I'm an OW on an OW board. I wouldn't go on a BS board & pick apart their choices or tell them what I think of the fact that they are a BS over & over & over again. Yet I come to this OW forum & find BS doing just that. It's silly really.

 

For the record . . . I am not here for validation. I think that comes from within, not from posters on an Internet message board [ha ha]. Nor do I expect constant agreement, or clapping, or whatever. I don't mind criticism, advice, honest dialogue, debate, throught-provoking questions, what have you. I don't mind if someone tells me I'm doing the wrong thing or that they don't agree with me (once or twice . . . & then it just becomes really annoying, because I GET that that's their point of view]. But I have found that certain posters are only here to throw mud. At first I thought it was to try to get me to 'change my mind' or 'save the BS' in the situation but really I've determined it's just to make a lot of noise & distraction so that we OWs can't talk about our situation or have a voice. That seems to be the only purpose of some of them, almost troll-like. That is just how it feels to me & what I don't like about this board.

 

That being said, there are many things about this board that I do like. :-) I have met some great posters & have had some good discussions & have received help where I didn't even know I was looking for any! [HINT: I am still waiting for OWoman to talk to me more on my thread. ;-)]

[greengoddess]

No trick, I'm just asking a question that is based on what I think GG is trying to say. Again, I may be wrong and GG should speak for herself if I am.

 

But, my question to you was hypothetical. Not based on any one person.

 

 

You are quite correct. Thank you.

 

Silly girl why would you feel you are being tricked? Tricked how? For what purpose?What would be wrong with saying you are happy with how things turned out but yes it would have been nice if he was not married to begin with.

[Owl]

I have found that some posters come to this OW forum just to tell OWs that they don't agree with our choices. Aka to stick up for the BS in the situation because they themselves are or were a BS. To me that seems pointless and does create the 'us against them' scenario that Joey mentioned.

 

I get that people don't agree with me or everything I say or do & I don't expect them to. Yet I don't get when their sole purpose is to harrass me just because I'm an OW on an OW board. I wouldn't go on a BS board & pick apart their choices or tell them what I think of the fact that they are a BS over & over & over again. Yet I come to this OW forum & find BS doing just that. It's silly really.

 

For the record . . . I am not here for validation. I think that comes from within, not from posters on an Internet message board [ha ha]. Nor do I expect constant agreement, or clapping, or whatever. I don't mind criticism, advice, honest dialogue, debate, throught-provoking questions, what have you. I don't mind if someone tells me I'm doing the wrong thing or that they don't agree with me (once or twice . . . & then it just becomes really annoying, because I GET that that's their point of view]. But I have found that certain posters are only here to throw mud. At first I thought it was to try to get me to 'change my mind' or 'save the BS' in the situation but really I've determined it's just to make a lot of noise & distraction so that we OWs can't talk about our situation or have a voice. That seems to be the only purpose of some of them, almost troll-like. That is just how it feels to me & what I don't like about this board.

 

That being said, there are many things about this board that I do like. :-) I have met some great posters & have had some good discussions & have received help where I didn't even know I was looking for any! [HINT: I am still waiting for OWoman to talk to me more on my thread. ;-)]

 

Either of the above bolded tactics are against the TOS. I'd heartily suggest that when you see that happen, report it and let the moderator deal with the violators appropriately.

 

I agree that some people just come to throw mud. And I agree that this is against the TOS.

 

I don't believe that there's a concerted attempt to shut OW/OM down...however I do believe I've seen the opposite attempted on this site.

 

But the bottom line is that if someone violates TOS...report it rather than fight about it.

[greengoddess]

Firstly, check out gg's post further up. She finds it hard to believe there are those that don't share her views.

 

Secondly it's not the 'knowing' other views exist, it's accepting the fact.

 

 

what I meant by that is I just can not imagine anyone not being happier if the person they are in love with was single when they met them. Who would want to purposely fall in love with a married person. That would be insane. I feel most people would prefer that the one they love is fully available to love them back.

[thomasb]

So in other words...we should each post our responses based on our own views, and do our best to provide support to those that come here in the best fashion that we can...and avoid trying to dictate to others what they should or should not post. Right?

 

 

Very good, OWL. Said with much tongue in cheek I'm sure!

[pureinheart]

This thread was a baiting thread by your little group and I refuse to be baited any further into it. I see you already have your little arguments for reporting set up no matter how flimsy they may be. Sad quite sad. Why is it you want to squelch the voices of people who want to help others remove themselves from affairs?

 

No, actually it wasn't, but the same players messed up what could have been a good discussion by using terminology as I have bolded.

[Mimolicious]

I think this thread shows exactly what goes on here. I didn't know that when a person had their own opinion and state of mind was an act of disrecpect. I see a few people that just plainly want to shut the mouths of whoever doesn't belong to their crew. So sad. I am done with this side of LS. It's pointless. Catch 22.

[jthorne]

No, actually it wasn't, but the same players messed up what could have been a good discussion by using terminology as I have bolded.

And you could have chosen to simply ignore it and answer the OP. But instead, you chose to perpetuate the in-fighting by your quote. (Just like I did by answering you, BTW.) So are you not just as guilty?

 

Like I said, the atmosphere on the board is brought on by threads just like this one.

Edited March 24, 2011 by jthorne

[26pointblue]

Either of the above bolded tactics are against the TOS. I'd heartily suggest that when you see that happen, report it and let the moderator deal with the violators appropriately.

 

I agree that some people just come to throw mud. And I agree that this is against the TOS.

 

I don't believe that there's a concerted attempt to shut OW/OM down...however I do believe I've seen the opposite attempted on this site.

 

But the bottom line is that if someone violates TOS...report it rather than fight about it.

 

Okay, thanks for the advice. I don't know if each post is specifically against some kind of TOS, but collectively all the posts by one or two certain posters become just a bunch of 'noise' & not on topic at all. I don't just see it on my thread, but on threads by OWs when there's a BS saying the same thing over & over [basically, 'you're a bad person'] & bringing up the BS instead of focusing on the OW's issue. That drives me crazy & I think it distracts from the point of the forum more than it helps ANYONE... OW or BS.

[Snowflower]

Okay, thanks for the advice. I don't know if each post is specifically against some kind of TOS, but collectively all the posts by one or two certain posters become just a bunch of 'noise' & not on topic at all. I don't just see it on my thread, but on threads by OWs when there's a BS saying the same thing over & over [basically, 'you're a bad person'] & bringing up the BS instead of focusing on the OW's issue. That drives me crazy & I think it distracts from the point of the forum more than it helps ANYONE... OW or BS.

 

I know the types of posts you are talking about. The one-liners and the pot-shots that really don't have anything to do with the subject matter at hand.

 

Those types are annoying. I ignore them and don't even bother to read them because they almost always detract from the main subject of the thread. And they say the same thing repeatedly.

 

I am a fBS. I don't even try to hide this fact. I disagree with any affair (not surprising) because divorce is a relatively simple process in this day and age.

 

However, those one-liners make all BS's look bad. It causes some posters to completely disregard all posts by all BS's because they assume that all BS's feel that way. I can understand this, unfortunately.

 

But then again, everyone has the right to post within the TOS. I would ignore the one-liners. I will sometimes say this on the infidelity forum: take what is helpful and especially ignore the stupid stuff.