tobydog1 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Why do they lie about affairs? Can we dissect this one? Cheers Dx Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Why do they lie about affairs? Can we dissect this one? Cheers Dx Because being honest would make them face a mirror of their own guilt. Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 (edited) Because being honest would make them face a mirror of their own guilt. Simple. That is really an informative explanation. WGW... Can you answer us WHY to the following related "gaslighting" question: Event Dumped wife spots husband in his convertable, top down, with a young lady. Wife is also driving convertable, top down, glasses on (dead on distant vision), and not only see, but drives slowly past as couple turn out of a sub-division. There is a home in this particlar sub-division that happens to be where husband USED to take wife on holidays. This just happened to be Easter day. (Wife has made similar sightings of H with young lady top down during separation.) WGW Can you tell us why Husband would claim to wife "it's not true, you didn't see that." Mind you, this H is "done with his wife" and intent on a divorce. WHY WHY WHY Would this man even attempt to suggest to a highly educated woman that she could not believe what was set before her very eyes, with absolutely no doubt? Edited March 24, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Why do they lie about affairs? Can we dissect this one? Cheers Dx Dear Tobydog, I think WGW nailed it. I hope it's ok I expanded a bit with my personal example which is driving me mad! Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Because if they were honest, that would kill all the fun. The whole purpose of cheating people I affairs is they want to keep it a secret. Unless there's undeniable evidence against them, they're not going to come clean. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 WHY WHY WHY Would this man even attempt to suggest to a highly educated woman that she could not believe what was set before her very eyes, with absolutely no doubt? Sounds like he's just a pathological liar. It has nothing to do with how intelligent you are; if he's gonna lie, he's gonna lie. It's ingrained in him. Link to post Share on other sites
PorkRinds Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Why do they lie about affairs? Can we dissect this one? Cheers Dx They lie because they're liars. It's that simple. Nothing to dissect. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Sounds like he's just a pathological liar. It has nothing to do with how intelligent you are; if he's gonna lie, he's gonna lie. It's ingrained in him. Duh. That really makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I mean I'm not being sarcastic! All of these responses make a heck off a lot sense, don't you agree, Tobydog? Fab Thread! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobydog1 Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 Yas, Yes I agree, but as someone who doesn't lie ( well, maybe about the price of shoes/bags!) I cannot understand why they do. Even when presented with concrete evidence...... I think mine is just ashamed and embarrassed by the old bag..... Mind you, mine has always lied....he thinks if he says 'I've done nothing wrong', then he hasn't. I am sick of thinking about him at the mo..... Dx Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Hang on in there Tobydog! You're better off without him! Hugs:bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobydog1 Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 Hi Wbear, How are you doing? Yes I think maybe I am... And I am ready to look for someone else too! Trouble is there is no-one around! Take care and let me know how you are Dx Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 It's simple; they wish not to get caught. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 It's simple; they wish not to get caught. OK. There are two reasons mine wouldn't want to get caught. 1) The obvious one is the fact we are in a divorce proceeding. It looks like adultry. It could actually be continued adultry that's been going on for years during the marriage. This is not good for the case. 2). He doesn't want me to know there is someone else on the side. (normally he would never expect me, the house mouse, to actually be out and about with my top down). Why would hue even care if I knew or not? If it is the legal answer - then an intelligent person certainly would not let it be seen in public, especially for me to see it as often as I do with as little as I go out. I am always fishing for hope. I hope he is lying because he is upset that I caught with my own two eyes with the young lady. WGW, you reminded me of as statement I made when H prososed 25 years ago. I said, "I love you, and I know I'm marrying a liar." He certainly lived up to lying, chronically - even when the evidence was there in my hand so to speak. Pathological liar is a much more accurate term, however. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 Because being honest would make them face a mirror of their own guilt. Simple. Great great job WGW, you went right to the point. Flawless. Link to post Share on other sites
marky1 Posted March 27, 2011 Share Posted March 27, 2011 My parents got a devorice and my father lie in court. what can be done about him and what will the judge do if he finds out that he lied in court? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobydog1 Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 Yas, your help please... Yesterday he sent me a text saying he was ill and could not have son.. Then he said How is Simon? Simon is a great friend of mine and has helped us a lot these past 6 months. As ex has all but deserted us. So ex is texting about Simon and how he has taken his son sledging and to Bonfire parties etc. He has never mentioned him before. What could this mean? Like you I am clinging to any hope...... Dx Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) Gotta have more data on Simon conduct analysis, which I'm glad to to do, Deb. But I will have to have more intel on name, rank, serial number. In other words, how did you and/or x come to know Simon? Who is he? What does he contribute to your circumstances if anything? Is he related to you? When is the last time you spoke to him? Where did you see him last? Why might, in your own opinion, would your x be interested in your contact with Simon? How did your X find out you were in contact with Simon (did you bait him, or did he find out somehow, and then, spontainiously pose the question to you? What kind of person is Simon? How would you characterize him? Describe him in graphic detail for me. I sence this "Simon" is an important link and/or portion of some sort of explanation. Is it just me sensing something? If I have this intel, and perhaps some more questions, I might be able to speculate. At the very least, I can conduct psychic and/or card reading. While granted this "gift," what I now percieve as somewhat problematic, if not a down right unpleasant experience/aptitude -- once in awhile, it dawns on me, that IT is still there. However, I always prefer to draw upon my intelligence and facts whenever possible. But you cannot dismiss gut. I can tell you NOW, without any knowledge, that IMO, Simon may be some sort of significant factor, I feel it resonating in my bones. Edited March 28, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author tobydog1 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Hi Yas, Thanks!!! Did you mean it about your powers? LOL! Last summer, I played golf a lot and Simon was my partner in some competitions. Nothing else at all. He is also going thro a divorce and now has a girlfriend. A never seemed to mind at all. When I boke down after A left then he was very concerned and helpful, took us out sledging and to the Bonfire and for dinner. All innocent. I have never mentiioned him to A but obviously my son has. Simon is a very sweet and caring guy. I dunno why the ex is suddenly texting about him at all? 6 months later. Simon had nothing to do with the split and has been nothing but helpful to us both. Cheers D How are you doing at the moment? Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) Hi Deb, For me, I find I'm falling deeper and deeper into aghoaphobia. I really avoid the best I can to go out of the house. It is painfully obvious how bad this is getting. I thought the new puppy would liven things up here, and he has. But he presents another can of worms that I'm really not up to right now. My adult dog is having difficulty with the pup, which she now is demonstrating by pissing where ever I like to hang out. I should have listened to the doctors! Any who, Simon. How interesting. But first, I suspect you are NOT following the 180s, and NC or LC. Am I correct? What's the deal with all this texting? Now that the subject has come up, I'd say nothing. Let his imagination draw a scenerio for him. If you spill all the beans, then there is no mystery. I would cease contact now. Or tell me why your texting each other. He's asking cause he's curious. Just like when you ask about someone. The best thing you could do is hang with a pal like Simon. And let curious minds just wonder. So, I've been thinking, if you and I got what we wished for, how could we ever count on them or believe them again, and into the future? Hillary Clinton stayed, even though her husband's very dirty laundry was aired to the world -- her reseasoning, simply, she knew Bill loved her. But a spot light is on that couple to stay together, at least as an image. You and I would always have to wonder, is it going to happen again? Will he leave again? You and I probably could never feel real security with these men. Even if my husband loved or still loves me here are some faxmcts. My H was hiding money. He was obviously planning something. Since the last Court date, Jan. 28, whereafter I. Walked up to him and said, "I Still Want You."he has not made any contact with me. Yes, I shut down his phone numbers, so I would not make an idiot out of myself any longer. If he really wanted to leave a message, it is simple to call from another number. I'M FACING IT. If he wanted any contact with me, he would initiate it. It is very clear he does not want contact with me. Because, if I don't call, or unless I have an issue I need him to respond to immediately, he doesn't call me, period. (why dont you try this test out at home yourself? It's now 2 months for me, no call so far, any business can be done by mail -- so I intend to continue total NC, and detachment). There may be no going back Deb, that is what I am currently facing, and why I am so terribly depressed. Deb, you may have to face this too. I mean, your husband is actually in another residence with another woman. Huge red flag. Even more reason you have to do 180. You have to stop all contact. Maybe it will fizzle out, but maybe not. All you can do is be the classy woman you are and put your best foot forward. When you engage in contact, you are pushing him further away. When he sees you at an emotional low, he finds being around you to be an unpleasant experience. You want all experiences/exchanges to go as perfectly and nicely as possible - so this is the impression of you left in his mind. You feel me? You know all this stuff, right!? Just need a little reminder now and then? Yas PS .......does "A" stand for as_hol_? Edited March 28, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 My ex H, whom I divorced because of his infidelities.... would forget what he was caught doing, or forget he told me the truth about something....and then during the divorce say it never happened. I dont know why, it wasnt as though I was still asking questions or as if I would change my mind. Some of it, I think he convinced himself never happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) Yep! That is the problem with being a chronic, pathological liar. It is really funny how easy it is to confound my husband with just a few clever cross-examanation questions, or a tip-off (and appropriate look of disappointment) that suggests he may have already confessed. I have learned quite a bit with that technique. He has to own up to some misdeads because he sometimes gets caught. Then there's always body language and tells. My husband tell is so easy to read. The tip of his point little tounge runs quickly back and forth along the very inside of his top lip. Like a sneaky little Gioko lizard. When that tounge starts slithering around, something's up. I like what Judge Judy says: "If you tell the truth you don't have to have a good memory." She is probably quoting someone else. Edited March 28, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
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