My story, a month and a half into NC

[MrElusive]

So the story of my ex-relationship starts like this...

 

It all started when I first laid eyes on her at high school(7ish years ago, the first year when i started high school), she stood out from any other girl I had ever met or spoken to, she glistened like a star in the sky, it was unreal how deeply I had fallen for this girl, everything about her was so unique and blissful. I knew that I had to make my move fast before anyone else could get there first, but as I was so shy back in school I was never able to make conversation with her, just eye contact here and there... Anyway, it was kind of obvious that we had an attraction going for each other but none of us ever admitted it, while in high school she jumped from relationship to relationship which none of those included me and her... Near the second last year of school I had completely forgotten about her, I used to pass her in the corridors but thought nothing of her or how much I used to like her...

 

Fast forward to 2 years later and I had just finished high school and started college, one day I received a private message from her on facebook asking how I was doing and how she had a job offer I may be interested in, a little weird I thought at first but I took no notice of it and we carried on making conversation. So as things led on we got talking more and more, eventually we started meeting up, we'd go out to eat or sometimes she'd come round to my house to watch a movie. Things moved pretty fast and before we knew it we were in a relationship in the space of a few weeks.

 

Fast forward a few weeks later and I receive a phone call from her telling me things were moving a little fast so maybe we should carry on being friends for a little while... I was a little struck back as I thought things were going really smoothly however we weren't in anything too deep so I agreed and told her that was cool by me. Please bare in mind that I've never had a crush on another girl so bad as I had on her. Anyway as time went on we stayed friends and made contact here and there, again, fast forward a few months later and at this point I was still pretty hurting from the break up, I mean, she was THE girl for me, I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her(literally), there wasn't another feeling that came as close to this one. I kind of remember at the time that she seemed like a girl who liked to play mind games, as one minute she'd love me then the next she'd be pretty distant. I also vivdly remember that she used to flirt with other guys on her facebook wall, which one of them turned out to be her new boyfriend, so as you can expect, it hurt me a lot to see she had moved on while here I was still lusting my heart over this girl. This is turn infuriated me and I deleted her off facebook, this led to her calling me up and saying thanks for deleting me off of facebook after which she put the phone down on me, ofcourse this infuriated me even more so I sent a really hurtful text to her later that day, which at the time seemed like a good idea, but I'm not the type of guy to hurt people, infact I don't know what crossed my mind when I sent it, I obviously wasn't thinking about the outcome... She then sent a hurtful text back which in result led to NC for both of us.

 

Fast forward a year later(i know i keep fast forwarding lol but i'm just trying to cut a long story short, sorry!) and I realized how much I missed this girl, how much I actually loved her and how I could of been so stupid to let her go(when blinded by love you forget about the head **** they caused you), so I went on a quest to win her back. 6 months later of me always pestering her to meet up we finally met up for a drink, she used to shrug me off a lot too though, her replies used to be "no thanks" or "i cant today, thanks anyway"... So yeah, we met up for a drink and things went quite well, we bounced conversations and a few jokes back and forth, great I thought. But it wasn't too long before I found out she was already in another relationship.

 

As time went on we'd meet up more and more often, she used to tell me how her current boyfriend would treat her like crap and how he'd say things to really offend her, I didn't really want to get involved but I offered her my advice just as any other friend would, although not once did I tell her to leave him. So a few weeks later she told me that she had feelings for me, which really made me happy as I liked her a LOT, as another few weeks passed by she kind of transitioned out of a relationship with the other guy and into one with me, although at the time it still felt like we were friends, and when the subject of us being in a relationship was brought up she'd go all funny and moody. So one day I pretty much had enough of her head ****ing me and straight out asked her where this was going, she stayed silent which kind of pissed me off so I dropped her off home(we didn't say a word the whole journey home lol). Thinking back now she really did mess with my head, she used to give off all kind of mixed signals, I even confronted her about being confused which she admitted she was but I didn't understand what about? We were both happy when we were with each other, from what I could see we were pretty much deeply in love and couldn't go a day without each other, so what was the big deal? Apparently it was going from friends to a relationship which she wasn't sure about, which I kind of understood but I couldn't see myself staying friends with this girl as I had really STRONG feelings for her, ever since high school, so you can imagine how long I've had to wait only for her to tell me she's not sure if we should be anything more than friends.

 

A few months later and we shared a passionate kiss in my car, it was amazing to say the least, I literally couldn't believe what was happening, it felt like my dream had come true and all the waiting had finally paid off... So the next few months after that were great(the honeymoon period?) we got along so well, we didn't have any trust issues or any other sort of issues at all.

 

She had a rough childhood, she had been kicked out of her house at the age of 16 as she was caught having sex with another guy by her parents, she then had to live in a foster home for a year or two, which by then she was in another relationship with another guy who had apparently set up a plan to bring her and her mother together again which led to her moving back home. She broke up with this guy not too long after she got with me, I'd say it was around a 1-2 month gap. Also please bare in mind that she had an abortion with this guys baby, things broke down in their relationship after that from what she told me anyway.

 

So before getting into a relationship with her, I kind of already knew her past history apart from the abortion stuff - which absolutely broke my heart when she told me about it, I literally didn't know whether to laugh or cry, at the time she told me what I should have done is walked but as I was so blindingly in love I thought it wasn't so much of a big deal and we'd get past it. We eventually introduced one and other to our families, although my parents knew I was in a relationship with her, she never actually told her parents that we were SEEING each other, I was just still a "friend" in their eyes(we had been in a relationship for just over a year and she still never had the decency to tell them I was more than a friend, pretty much says volumes about what she thinks of me)

 

Things just weren't the same after that, trust issues and insecurities were to the avail now, things REALLY broke down, she hardly ever picked up my calls and conversations just weren't there anymore, she used to go through these mood swings very very often which effected me A LOT since I was pretty much always with her, she used to bounce from being in a depressive mood to being in a good mood, most of the time she was in a depressive mood, she used to have these times where she'd randomly start crying to which I'd have to pull my car over or stop whatever it is I'm doing to comfort her, she never used to tell me the reason though, if she did it used to be something that sounded like she had made up on the spot. Her home life is a little bad, her dad is an alcoholic and doesn't really speak to her mum much, but it's nothing that can't be sorted right? I used to give her advice on how to sort things out but she used to snap whenever I gave her advice on the subject to which I stopped bothering. So I'm assuming her random bouts of crying could be because of home life or because she missed her ex? Or maybe both? I don't know, she was never that open with me, she had a lot of insecurities....

 

So a few months later and she kind of got over it although everytime I thought about her having sex with another guy really REALLY hurt me, let alone him planting his seed in her, that absolutely killed me, even when I think about it now it still hurts. So a few months later and things were looking like they were back on track, we went on holiday together, I took her to the zoo, took her to a really expensive restaurant for valentines days, bought her flowers twice(once for valentines and once for apologizing for something I had done, cant remember what but it wasn't that big of a deal, she told me that no one had ever bought her flowers before and began to hug me with great amount of passion) massage treatments, to her favourite bands concert, she took me to the theatre and at this stage we were pretty good, I thought that things were finally looking up for us, so I spent half a grand on a romantic weekend away in a modern apartment for the both of us over the christmas period as a christmas gift for her because I thought she worked so hard(she works with mental patients, which is a damn hard job, she also does overnight shifts). Apparently though I don't know her well enough and that the weekend away was more for me than her, according to her.

 

I previously mentioned that we went on holiday - after our holiday trip abroad she had logged into my email account without my consent as she had a "gut feeling" that something was going on, she found a few messages(text messages that had been backed up to my email account, this wasn't intentional but my phone did it automatically anyway, these were text messages form the time things started to go bad in the relationship, so around 5 months after we got together) of me talking to a few of my friends(girls and boys) swearing at her behind her back, telling them how much I feel like she's playing me about. Anyway this blew up big time and she went NC on me, I rang and texted her constantly telling her how sorry I was and that what I said wasn't the real me, I didn't know what I was thinking at the either. Obviously it was wrong of me to bitch about her behind her back to my friends, yes I realize but I really didn't have anyone else to speak to about my problems apart from my friends, my ex was really bringing me down and I HAD to vent it out otherwise I felt like I was going to go crazy. Eventually we met up and had a big argument then sorted things out.

 

So just after this new years things got even worse, she used to call me 3 to 4 times a day and so did I, but then it dropped to 2 calls a day to eventually 1... So one day I invited her around to my house for the weekend as my parents were going to be away, she said she'd love to come round. So saturday came and got to cleaning the house, it came up to 6pm and I thought I'd take a little break and check my facebook, logged on to my surprise that she had taken "In a relationship" off her facebook status, now it didn't really bother me until I asked her why(not that I was really bothered that much about it as it's only facebook) she took it off, she replied with "my relatives are being all funny with me" which kind of got me a little drawn back, we were in a relationship for over a year, she had kept her relationship status as "In a relationship with [my name]" for just over a year so surely that's not the real reason? Was it just an excuse to break things to me slowly? Anyway, after she had said that I was a little annoyed at the fact that she had just lied to me, either that or that was a poor excuse, if she really loved me she wouldn't give a **** about what other people think. So I said fine, bye and put the phone down. She didn't ring back nor did I ring her back, I spent pretty much half a day cleaning the house for her and then this?! An hour later I received a text from her saying "I'm going to sleep now, night.", and if I'm honest with you that was the icing on the cake, I broke down in tears and literally wanted to break everything, needless to say I punched a hole in the bathroom door which kind of helped but I was still hurt, things were breaking down before all this happened too and I tried everything in my power from phoning her asking her to sort things out to driving down to her house only for her to tell me shes not coming out to see me. The fact that she never wanted to resolve any of our issues but instead play on them is probably what made me so emotional and depressed.

 

So later that evening I invited a few friends around to get absolutely drunk, I didn't call or text her, until the next morning I received a phone call from her, I picked up and she said "What's your problem?" after that it was pretty much a big argument over the phone. After everything I done for the girl, after all that time I waited and chased her I get this?!?! So after the phone call I sat down and actually thought about the situation, like really deeply thought about where this was going and what she was doing to me, in the end I came to a decision that this CAN'T go on any longer, so I texted her asking to meet up with me to which she replied with something really hateful, so I texted back and told her that I give up and that she should just leave me alone. She texted back saying fine.

 

We were always falling in and out of a relationship, mostly due to her and her mood swings as well as her always starting arguments. 2 and a half months ago we met up for a mcdonalds milkshake, things were going good until another argument brewed up, she told me how she hadn't gotten home until 4am the day before we met up as she was out with a few friends, cool I thought, sounds like she's moved on within the space of a few weeks, but this kind of made me upset so I asked her who she went with(curious to see if she had gotten off with another boy) to which she replied with "I don't need to tell you since we're not together anymore"... Here we go with the mind ****ing again I thought, so I asked her to pull the car over so I could walk back home, she didn't stop the car until we got to mcdonalds, so I told her I was going to ask her for the last time again, to which she replied with the same answer. So I got out the car and began to walk home, she parked up at the side and shouted at me to get into the car and at least let her drop me home, I ignored her and continued walking in my path, I was seriously fed up of it all, I had enough, he constant arguing, her mind ****ing, I couldn't take it anymore. So she parked up and chased me down on the street, told me that she still loved me and that she should have told me that she went with a female friend from the start then none of this would of happened, but deep down she knew what she was doing, she knew what the outcome would be.

 

So we got back into her car and from then on I knew that this was it, there was no going back, she tried telling me how we should be friends for a little while and see how things go, I pretty much nodded my head at everything but I had already made my decision and that was to never speak to her again after that day.

 

A few days later of NC she texted me telling me that staying with me would of been the biggest mistake of her life... this REALLY hurt, so much so that I didn't bother replying. This drove her crazy and she kept calling and texting me, it got to a point where I wanted to pick up to see what she had to say for herself, as I did she told me that she didn't want to argue but still wants us to be friends, I was still pretty hurt but I put my foot down and told her abruptly how I felt and how much she hurt me. That evening I told my friends and family to delete her off of facebook as I was ready to go into NC, I didn't want anything more to do with this girl, I constantly put effort into our relationship, I was always there when she needed me and that's how she repays me? The following day she got upset over the fact I told my friends and family to delete her off of facebook and told me over text that she had faith in us but not anymore. So I replied with "I was angry at the time, can you blame me?", she couldn't see how I was feeling, instead she made it clear that we weren't getting back together, so I accepted that fact and also deleted her off of my facebook. A few weeks of NC and I'd get random phone calls in the middle of the night from her, not saying a word, just ringing me to hear my voice probably? I tried to make conversation but she wasn't making any back. Of course this set me back to day 1 of NC... I got a text from her a few weeks later saying how it was really embarrassing for me to tell her friends that I wasn't ready for marriage(I'm 20 btw) when they had asked me, however I did say that I did want to marry her one day but I don't think right now is such a good time(it was just me being honest)... i was even going to take her egypt for her birthday(this feb just gone, i thought as i was in NC it wouldn't be a good idea to wish her happy birthday, so I didn't), would you do that for someone you didn't love or intend on marrying?

 

Basically she tried putting a guilt trip on me, telling me that she was always the one that was ready to take things further but I wasn't. I tried to explain to her that I still loved her and that she's completely got the wrong end of the stick but she wasn't having any of it, in the end she said "thanks a lot", ever since her last text I haven't bothered replying back, I don't see a reason why, it's like flogging a dead horse, I try and try and try but we just keep going back to square one. It always seemed to me that her decisions were the decisions of her friends, I once met up with her friends, they told her that I was a very nice boy and she was lucky to have me, she sent me a text later that evening telling me that if her friends like me then so does she, which kind of sounded weird, but I didn't take any notice of it at the time. I was always so nice to her friends, bought them drinks, paid for dinner sometimes and I never uttered a bad word about them, ever, however, apparently, after we broke up they told her to find someone who wants to take a relationship somewhere instead of being with someone who's just "floating around". Again, that hurt me, goes to show being nice gets you no where I suppose.

 

Now it's been about a month and a half into NC and at first it was killing me inside, I used to spend all my time with this girl, made passionate love to her, we did everything together and now all of a sudden everything has changed within a day. Obviously I still love her and it's hurting me inside but what do you guys think? Am I doing the right thing here? My aim is to move on hence NC but I still have that little bit of hope inside of me which I'm fighting to get rid of. She also still has albums of us together on her facebook, does this mean anything? REALLY sorry for the long read but I just wanted to explain things throughly so you guys can understand the situation. Also sorry if none of/parts of it didn't make sense, it was hard trying to remember everything in order.

 

Thanks.

[takemedrunkimhome]

it really does sound like you're putting in all of the effort. she doesn't seem like the type to commit, maybe from the whole foster thing? depression? but to be honest, i think you should let this girl go, she sounds like she has a lot of issues that she needs to fix with herself first, before she can be with anyone. i've had relationships where she's okay one minute and then bam it's like someone she knew was shot. those are the one's that screw with your head and make you feel like you're not good enough. it also sounds like it's hard to please her, that's not any good for you. move on man, move on.

Edited March 24, 2011 by takemedrunkimhome

[MrElusive]

Yep, I know what you mean, it's just really hard to let go...

 

There's so much that I haven't covered either, I'll write it up tomorrow maybe.

 

Thanks for the advice though buddy, appreciate it.

[takemedrunkimhome]

i know what you mean, it's extremely hard.

 

and no problem, write it all down if you need to man. take it easy.

[MrElusive]

Another thing that might be worth mentioning is that her ex was brought up quite often in the period of our relationship, the first time was when we were together and we were having a heart to heart conversation, I asked her if she still missed her ex to which she hesitated to reply with at first and then said "yeah in a good way, i miss the good times kind of way". Another occasion was when we were in my car in the mcdonalds car park and her phone began to ring, surprise surprise it was her ex, she picked up and began to have a conversation with him, from what i could make out he was drunk and kept saying sorry for something, not sure what, he asked her if he was special to her to which she replied with "everyone is special to me"... she was very reluctant to tell him there and then that this isn't the time to talk as well as she's in a relationship with me who she loves dearly... but nope, apparently "everyone is special" to her.

 

Another time that I recall, one that REALLY pissed me off was the time when she was at my house, it was coming up to 1am and she was getting ready to go home, anyway as always I tell her to give me a call when she got home just so I know she was safe. Anyway, she agreed and drove home, it came up to 2am and still not call or text from her, so I called her like 7 times, no answer, texted her 6 times, no reply... now from what i've gathered is that when you're on the phone to someone and you receive a text message or a phone call that's waiting on the other line your phone normally makes a beeping sound, right? Anyway, it was coming up to around 3am and I was getting worried, so I got changed and made my way over to her house, as i approached the end of my road she rang back, I picked up pretty puzzled and asked her if she was okay, she replied with yep she was fine and that she was on the phone, so I kind of had a little go at her and asked her who she was on the phone to with(only asked because i wanted to hear her say her ex, if it was anyone else i wouldn't of cared) she then replied with her ex's name, this really frustrated me so i put the phone down and drove back home. She called back and said she was really sorry but I really didn't care, is it really an effort to tell her EX that my BOYFRIEND is calling and I should really let him know that I got home safe so I'll give you a call back?!

 

The next day I pretty much kept my distant with her, she also wrote a few harsh things to a female friend of mine on my facebook status which was really unfair. So I texted her telling her to do one as I really didn't want to speak to her anymore due to her attitude always being so negative all the time... After I had finished work I headed home and parked up outside my house only to my disbelief that my ex was waiting for me. She had some money that she owed me which was one of the reasons she came to see me, I pretty much walked up to her, took the money, said thanks and walked off towards my house, she stood there and looked like she was about to cry, it hurt me a lot to just walk off like that, but i realized that i had to do it at some point, i had to show her what she had lost by walking. Walked inside my house and I stood there for a minute and thought to myself, I really love this girl so maybe, just maybe we can give it one more shot? So I went back outside and walked up to her, we sat in her car and talked things through, I told her that things were just not working out for us, that she was constantly causing strain on the relationship for no reason. As time went by it seems as though nothing changed, although she did stop talking to her ex for me(i didn't tell her to, although i said it was one thing that annoyed me, however i didn't want her to stop speaking to anyone just because i didn't like them, i wanted her to realize on her own, I pretty much did as I stopped speaking to my exs once I knew I was deeply in love with this girl).

 

I feel like I've been betrayed but I still really miss her.

[lolo1234]

Wow, your ex sounds like a mess. A complete mess. I mean does she have any idea of what she wants out of life?

 

You have to go NC darling. This girl sounds like a trainwreck. And she has put you through such a rollercoaster. I got stressed out just reading about your relationship, I can't imagine having to live it!.

[takemedrunkimhome]

her ex being in the picture is never good, at least from my experiences. me and my ex had so many problems since she tried to keep him in her life. it's just all around bad. she ended up going back to him in the end, it kills me to this day.

 

you said she stopped talking to him, but how can you be sure? she seems a insecure about herself and anyone like that has trouble with relationships.

 

I know you miss her, hell, my ex ripped my heart out and urinated on it, and I still miss her.

 

like lolo said, go NC. she has way too much baggage.

 

it's gonna take you some time to realize that you are better off, but you'll see in time. hang in there.

Edited March 25, 2011 by takemedrunkimhome

[MrElusive]

Thanks for the advice, it means a lot.

 

Staying NC is proving to be a lot harder than I thought it would be though. I'm laying here in bed and I literally can't get her out of my mind, so much so that it's bringing tears to my eyes.

[takemedrunkimhome]

Thanks for the advice, it means a lot.

 

Staying NC is proving to be a lot harder than I thought it would be though. I'm laying here in bed and I literally can't get her out of my mind, so much so that it's bringing tears to my eyes.

 

i feel ya, im at a weak point right now and ive been debating on texting her. even though its so hard not to, im trying to be strong.

[MrElusive]

It sucks.

 

Would very much appreciate it if I got some advice on what to do from other members of the board too, just so I can get some more viewpoints on this. Feeling hopeless at the moment. :/

[VJohnson32]

It sucks.

 

Would very much appreciate it if I got some advice on what to do from other members of the board too, just so I can get some more viewpoints on this. Feeling hopeless at the moment. :/

 

Music helps out, but nothing sad... I love melodeath. Very angry and fast, one minute i get sad and next i want to punch her in the face and piss on her while she is down, . I know, its bad but you have to turn these soft emotions into something you can actually handle and cope.

Anyway, thats how I deal with my emotions ... anger is my best friend.