Neveah Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 PLEASE HELP!! Hello all, I'm new to this forum and would appreciate any help at all. My boyfriend of 4 years dumped me 9 months ago, I loved him very much and one day he turned around and said to me that he didn't see a future with me anymore. I was devastated and sufferd pain that I never thought was possible, my heart was broken and I was in a world of pain. During this time a mutual guy friend was there for me. He knows my ex but he is closer to me and we share a lot together. He was the first person there for me when my relationship with my b/f broke down. He was very supportive and helped me through the break up. We and another friend went on holiday together and while on holiday he was such a gentleman and always took care of us. After that I began to develop some feelings for him, he felt the same and so five months ago we decided to date but we agreed to keep it quiet as we had so many mutual friends and also we didnt know what my ex would think. Also, we agreed that it will be short term as he has plans to persue his career overseas this year. As for me, I think I just needed a caring guy at the time to keep me company, selfish it may be but he understood, and he also was just looking for some companionship rather than committment due to his career plans. During the five months, we had the best time, he was so thoughtful, so caring, attentive and affectionate, he was everything compared to my ex who was none of this. I was so happy and he helped me to get over my ex completely. We did break up once for 2 weeks beacuse we thought it got a bit too complicated, but he would tell me he missed me and we went back to dating again. This time it got more intense like we were a full on couple, he wanted to see me all the time, and if he was away, he would call and tell me he was missing me. During this time my feeling for him grew stronger and stronger, and sometimes I felt his feelings for me did grow too. 3 weeks ago, we had a chat as I was feeling a bit insecure and wondered where this was going. He in the ended decided to end it with me, as he began to sense that I was getting more attached and he was afraid of hurting me. He said I needed and deserve to have someone that can give me full committment but he is can't. He also told me that while he's been with me he hasnt been able to push for his career overseas as much as he could have done, and when he does, he felt guilty. I was gutted but I accepted his decision as I didnt want him to feel guilty and I wish for him to be able to fulfill his dreams. I told him that we will always be friends and he did help me through a lot and was always there for me, that I can never forget. He cried when I said this. After the break up, he still continued to call me everyday like we are still dating. He still wanted see me and hang out. I missed him so I agreed. When we see each other we still cuddle but nothing sexual, I could sense that he was trying very hard to control himself. He was sent overseas to work for a few weeks 4 days ago, he called me on the way to the airport and told me that he missed me. I havent heard from him since. I am so confused right now and I miss him a lot. He hasn't contacted me since he left and its not like him. If he was really wanting to break up then why would he still tell me he missed me, cuddle me and hang out like we did? Now he's gone, is he not contacting me on purpose and trying to get over it? Someone please shed some light to this? I think I have fallen for him and it hurts, I dont think I deserve to have my heart broken twice in less than a year. Thank you and any advice is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 It sounds to me like the two of you simply got used to each other out of convenience, because you felt a lack at the time, rather than having a genuine deep interest in each other. You filled that void for each other and now you have the void back. Of course you don't like it, who would. I think that when someone breaks up with you they will usually try to fill it with up with hearts and flowers but bottom line, it is a strong and accurate action that means they just do not see a future with you. Missing you, hugging you, etc., does not change the deeper deal. It hurts but that's all, you just get through it and over it, probably several times before you find your (hopefully) permanent mate. In my opinion, he has now moved on to his future and it is time for you to do the same. Good luck with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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